Get Out of Your Own Way w. Alyssa Nobriga

To go to our next level, we have to look at what we're unconsciously afraid of. And our real power is what is this mirroring to me about myself and how do I use this to actually get free?

Like, that gives me chills.

Alyssa, we all say yes to whatever our calling is, and we all have unique and different ways to contribute. And whatever brings us aliveness that feels truthful, we get to honor. And so what became available for you by creating space for yourself?

I shock the crap out of myself. You had described the way that I did business as masculine. Is that accurate? Welcome back to probably one of the best episodes we are ever going to have and have ever had on the show. I'm so thrilled to be able to welcome Alyssa to the yes and Podcast. And as you guys know, the yes and Podcast is all about this permission slip for this new operating system of life in the world of yes and. And how you can have your cake and eat it too, how you can truly enjoy your life. And I'm going to bring you into a conversation that is both really personal as well as includes a lot of the tools that I've used over the past, I guess, three years now to fully embrace this yes and in my life. And I probably wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation with you if it wasn't for this person. So not only do you get to hear the tools, get all the juicy behind the scenes on my life because I'm bringing in my very own coach to share with you, but you also get it straight from the source. So without further ado, Alyssa, I am so happy to welcome you to the yes and Podcast.

What a gift to do this together. I'm so excited.

I was thinking about the introduction and I was like, reading your bio at this point in our relationship is something that, yeah, we're going to put it in the show notes, but I just thought it's one of those things that I'd love to be able to just share a little bit about my journey with you and allow people to really see what you do through how you've impacted my life, if that's all right.

Beautiful. Yeah.

Yeah. So I was a therapist for almost a decade coming into 2021, and I saw your bio that you were a therapist turned coach. And I'm very open on the fact that I said, why do people do that? I mean, we have a license. Like, why be a coach? I had this, I don't know, like, an attitude around, you know, coaching. And it's funny because I've had so many coaches in my life, from being an athlete to being a model, to being in business. And when I saw that and just the way that you confidently stepped forward into the power of coaching, I was attracted. Yeah. This is the first thing coming out of my mouth. I was attracted to you. There you go. And. Yeah. And so then I joined your institute of Coaching mastery, which is your baby. I think I was in your first year. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah. So I got to experience that firsthand and loved it. Absolutely loved spending that year with you. And then apparently there was, you know, some magic there because I've been with you in the Mastermind now for over a year as well. So I'm just, I'm here because there is such magic in the inner and outer work. I think that's part of the.

Yes.

And. And then something I realized through our work was. And, and it's not that I didn't know beforehand, but you had described the way that I did business as masculine. Is that accurate?

Mm.

Mm.

Yeah.

What did you mean by that?

Uh, I think most people are. We learn a template through watching. And so I think most people are like numbers. Like you say, I eat spreadsheets for breakfast. And so hearing that, it's much more about the masculine in the sense of focused, tracking, accountability. You show up, you face your fears. And I think that's really healthy. I think it's really beautiful. I think when we don't have a balanced way of the feminine and masculine, and just to coin that, it's not about gender. We have masculine and feminine within us. So it's like an archetype. But the feminine is more of this, like, I want what they're having, this magnetic, this attractive. So creating clients, you had that down. You know, the business, you had some of that developed and doing some of the work to get out of our own way so that we could attract clients. Not just create, but attract, but that's more. The feminine was going to support you in your full potential, developing your range. Both people just feeling drawn to you and also tracking what works and what doesn't so you can modify and keep moving forward.

That was something that it's like it was working in. In my, in my head, in my head I was like, why? Why change this? Like, it, it was working as far as the masculine. And when we started to talk about it, it was exhausting not to just do it in the masculine, but to not have the balance. Yeah, I guess there's kind of a two part discussion in, in that of how did you manage to have this conversation with somebody as determined as I was that this way was working and why change it as well as like kind of, it was a little bit of waking up. I probably would still be running my business this way because I'm looking at these results and so maybe there's also a conversation. We had worked on this as well. You guys are getting all the behind the scenes of. We had an accountability tracker that I rebelled against and loved at the same time because I was working specifically on recovering from my over developed masculine in business. I sound so clinical right now.

No, but I love it. I love it. And I also just want to name that. If somebody has a really strong developed masculine and it's working for them, that's great. This is not for me or anybody else to decide what's right for somebody else. I just know that when we lean too hard on one side, whether you know, the doing it at the being, it doesn't quite feel as full on in terms of tapping into their potential. It does not. You know, I love this quote from a physicist that says it's not just do, do, do. And it's not just bbb, it's do be, do we do. Like that's where we get the dance, that's the energy. And so if somebody is burnt out, if somebody is really identified or finding their worth through what they're achieving or they are chasing the next and the goal, then, then we get feedback. Oh, there's a softer way. I don't have to push harder. It's not about more willpower, it's about getting out of my own way. And so I think for you, based on you saying you are attracted to me, there was something in me that I embodied that you were attracted to. And you've really stepped in and embodied it yourself. And so I think with friends or teachers or coaches or clients, we follow what our yes is and then we discover sometimes later why that was. But you were already open. And I think even for people listening to a podcast like this, there's some level of curiosity to hear a conversation like this.

Yeah, because I, I think for me what was modeled was hard work. And I know that was the same, you know, kind of with your childhood that you've shared with me is like, I wouldn't say necessarily that you have to trade time for money, but that in order to have a lot of money, you have to work hard or in order to be successful, you had to work hard. And being a third generation entrepreneur, this was definitely something that like I had in my DNA of like I knew how to work. That was also the other thing that you saw in me was the potential for me to show up in areas such as my marriage and my parenting in a, I guess a different way. I'm sure that you can put words into it, but it's like business and I want to talk about this because you've, you've also taken your company from 300k to multimillion dollars in a short, relatively short period of time. And it's like I've grown my company but I found up until maybe, you know, I started five years ago, kind of on this significant personal development journey, you can only take your company as far as you're willing to go. And that's been like, honestly, my business was a positive consequence, but like focusing on, on me. And so anywhere you want to go within that, on your growth or even on what I shared with me. Yeah.

A lot of times I don't think people realize that our inner experience is mirrored in our outer results. So don't think that they realize life's a mirror. So if we want to go to our next level in business, we need to do the inner work. That's my biased opinion. So as I feel more confident or good inside of myself, I don't put up with toxic relationships. I make more money, I take more risks. I know that my self worth isn't tied to it, so I can hear the feedback and course correct without getting caught in all the internal drama around it. So there's inner freedom, but then there's also outer freedom. And then we go for the things that we want to experience in life more easily. So part of my work and part of how I think of business as a personal development path or as a path towards awakening, how do I use what's coming up in service to my growth and healing? So anything that contracts us can be used to free us. Fear of failure is a big topic for people. If they have the willingness to meet that fear, they overcome it. And you can meet that somatically with it. Being with the sensations in the body question that you have anything to do with what you do has anything to do with who you are. So starting to unravel it on all different levels helps you feel more present and more productive. And your sense of self isn't so tied with the achievements. But to me it's an inner game. It's the inside and then out. Yes and yeah, absolutely.

I mean that's like really the definition of yes and is That I get to be me and I get to have these results and the, you know, converse is true. I get to have these results and I'm me, you know, and whatever we've gone deep on this, Whatever me actually means in that sense.

Yeah.

You know, I think finding my truth, though, outside of commas and bank accounts and outside of society's definition of a mom, because that was a lot of pressure as well and how to show up in that. And so it's almost like, and I want to know with specifically your growth, like, I found myself unplugging from a lot of the world as I was experiencing it for a long time in order to kind of come back and find my North Star, find my truth, and then take the path forward. And you're right about those relationships, because there's a lot of them that I no longer have.

Yeah. And I remember part in some of our work, to go to our next level, we have to look at what we're unconsciously afraid of to do that. So if I really go for it, will I be seen? And maybe having a subtle fear of being judged or whatever it may be for other people, like, it's good to be aware of what that is so we can consciously take dominion over it and not let it unconsciously hold us back. We've got those sort of competing desires inside. So I think some of your work was around highlighting what was unconsciously holding you back. And then how do you really insource a sense of safety rather than putting it in the commas in the bank account and claiming it within yourself? And it's been so beautiful to witness you flower and blossom over the years and just become more of who you've already been. I experience you in your full potential and you feel very well rounded and very integrated. And I honor the depth of work that you've done. And I know a lot of people are reactive about it. They wait for something, quote, unquote, bad to happen, to look inside versus somebody like you, who's committed to your growth internally and externally, will resolve some of the misunderstandings and then be able to grow exponentially in your business, in your family as a result. It's more easy, it's more elegant, I would say.

Yeah, I resonate with that as far as, like following the flow of it rather than, you know, kind of like kicking down doors and taking names. I'm good at both. And it's taken development and I still have my human moments. And you had shared one of your human moments of, I think, the way that you share it and you can. You can jump in here anytime is that you were sitting in your office, you know, serving private clients with coaching, making 300k, and then who came knocking at your door for an interview?

Deepak Chopra's crew? Yeah. So I'm here just doing my own thing, kind of hiding as a therapist and a coach. And I knew that the work was profound and I was safe. I felt safe doing it in my office where no one could see. And I wasn't really seeking to grow my business or be seen in any way. So when I'd given somebody a session when I was in Bali, actually, and she was so blown away that she's like, I want to share this with the world, and my path is always to follow the things that I'm scared of because I'm committed to freedom. And so when she let me know that she was going to do this show on Deepak Chopra, his YouTube show, and I was going to be one of the expert coaches to have two random people come into my office and I coach them, I was paralyzed. And this is why I love coaching, because for me, a real healing is a change of behavior. And so if I'm hiding or if there's some part of me that I say I want something but I'm not taking action on it, the action is going to evoke and bring forward any of the stuff that is unconscious or I haven't been able to see. So she gave me a proposal. Actually, I'm also funny. It's going to happen this week, but it's different inside of me as well. I'm going to be coaching somebody for a documentary from Grey's Anatomy. And so it's easier to say yes because there's less fear caught up in it now. But at the time, years ago, I was paralyzed. So they're setting up in my office downstairs, and I'm upstairs in my daughter's room with, like, pink wallpaper. And I'm just, like, trying to be with my human experience, so paralyzed in shame and fear and thinking that I needed to perform to, you know, be seen in a certain way, to feel safe, essentially. And these two strangers come in. And while I'm upstairs, I just coached myself in the same way that I would have coached them to face the thing that I was scared of with presence as a sensation, not a story. And I really felt not good enough. That was my core wound. I didn't feel successful enough, I didn't feel whatever enough. And so by being willing to drop into this sensation, Again, not a story of not good enough just to feel it, to breathe into it. I got my hand on my belly and my heart laying on my daughter's floor and I start to get more intimate with that. And it's resolving moment by moment. And not only did I feel more present and so grateful that it transformed. And I almost felt like if this were an iceberg, I just chipped off a huge part of it and I felt more present. And I wanted to offer that to the two clients that were in my office. And I did. But it was of service. It wasn't of trying to be seen. I think if I was trying to be seen, my mind would have gotten in the way. And they were beautiful, profound sessions. And I knew it didn't have anything to do with me, but I was really focused on what could I give rather than what could I get because I had just met my core fear and embraced it. It no longer had power over me. And so that's some of the work where we get out of our own way by doing it and we put ourselves in situations that could evoke it. Some people are more risk adverse than others, but that evoke it so that we have this internal freedom and can grow in the ways that we're called to.

Yeah, and, and that's the story, what you had said of like dropping into the sensation versus the story. It's probably one of the most profound things, despite the fact that I have a master's degree in psychology. Like, and it's funny because Byron, Katie hits different when you're a therapist versus when you're a coach. For me, this is my, you know, biased opinion and my experience is because I'm able to see, step out of that box of being a therapist and really step into like therapeutic work and realize that almost every success and stress that we have in our life is based on a story. It's just a program that we're running. And, and that's like, that is some of your life's work is the fact that, I mean it's, it's interesting in the. And I've said this about Mel Robbins, it's the simple stuff. And so when people are like, well, what is you've gotten out of the now two and a half, three years? Well, I've realized that I'm living in a story and I also get to be the author.

That's right. And that nobody gives you something.

Right.

So something like these things are already living inside of us. So if we use the analogy of a house, somebody knocks at the door and our anger or whatever opens the door. So we take personal responsibility for whatever shows up. And as we do that, we can heal it or clear it at the root so that somebody could knock. And that trigger doesn't. There's no one home, it's already cleared. Life doesn't provoke us in the same ways. And as we clean house, then you're just focused on the present moment, experience versus having a drawer of unresolved past. Stuff that also gets opened on top of which makes it harder to navigate in the world. And so I think a lot of people since COVID I think, have been just been waking up to their trauma, even if it's small t trauma, all the coping mechanisms and all the things that they've been suppressing. And as they look at it and they heal it and they resolve it, they're like, oh, I have so much more energy, so much more space to create what is true for me now, but not based on my conditioning. So the idea that it is based on a perspective, it's a story, but also that what I'm experiencing is mine. And as I take personal responsibility for that, then I focus on what's the pattern that somebody triggers rather than the person. Because if we focus on the person, we can get lost in trying to manage them or change them. And our real power is what is this mirroring to me about myself and how do I use this to actually get free? So if it's with an employee, if it's giving a talk on stage, if it's negotiating a different rate, as we learn to find peace and freedom inside of ourselves, those external things are much easier.

Yeah. Yes. And you know that that piece, one of the things that we've talked about is that peace and it's okay to want more. And so I think about how content, happy, and dialed in you were having the private practice of coaching. And then to look at ICM and look at, I'm going to use the word empire that you are building, have built and continue to grow. You didn't do that from a place of need.

That's right. I've never felt more spiritual energy and support for anything I've ever done in my life. And it was a calling. And I think there's a difference, especially for entrepreneurs, to know the difference when something. And it's okay if there's some shadow in it, because I think there's a divine design within desire that as we say yes to what the desire is, anything that's unresolved or unconscious gets Presented so we can clear it. And as we clear it with this one project or entrepreneurial goal and we go to the root, it no longer projects onto the next person or situation or job.

I think it's also helpful, like you said as an entrepreneur, and I think it's helpful for entrepreneurs A to know that it's okay to desire more and B, to kind of quiet the noise, to hear that calling and answer that calling.

Yeah. When we have a desire, I think oftentimes there's something that's deeply. It's a yes for us, it's a calling, something that we're excited to create and innovate and serve and expand around. And then sometimes there's some shadow in it where we want to be seen, where we're egoically looking to be inflated in a way so we create safety. It's unconscious. It's not bad, just unconscious. Knowing the difference between the two, really my experience is when I feel whole, when I've met those parts of me without judging them, without identifying with them, they start to feel welcomed inside of me. And then the purity of the entrepreneurship or the even my company it's coming from, or even in that Deepak Chopra series I wanted to give, I wasn't looking to get anymore. Because if we're really looking to get something on the material realm to fill us in a non material way, it's never going to happen. And so doing the inner work to feel a sense of wholeness and then still move forward is beautiful. And if even if there's some shadow work around our goals, life will present us opportunities and situations to see it and then resolve it and get free if we choose to use it that way. So with pouring into my certification program, I really was like, that felt like legacy work. It felt like this was my love letter back to help elevate the coaching industry. But also I didn't hold anything back. I gave everything because I knew this was one of the best ways I can make an impact. And, and that felt vulnerable to my ego at a certain point. And I was like, this is what I'm here for. And as I gave, that felt so nourishing, especially receiving so much, not only watching you guys flower, but hearing so much of your transformational stories and your clients. That ripple effect that fed me more than any fear would have wanted me to hold back anything that I had shared. And so I think yes, using the desires that we have in service to our healing. But then once we've healed, we really do just want to be of service. We want to give it back. We want to make greater impact.

I'm smiling because I just had this vision of, at this point, it's over. Let's say a thousand coaches that have gone through ICM and I. Using my caseload is probably. Or my workload is probably not the best example. But let's say for an average coach having 10 clients at a time, so let's say that's 20 clients a year. And so you're talking about 20,000 lives that have been impacted by you answering that knock and answering that call. And that's just this year, like, that gives me chills. Alyssa.

Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. And we all say yes to whatever our calling is. We all have unique and different ways to contribute. And whatever brings us aliveness that feels truthful, we get to honor. And it doesn't have to be pushing hard. It doesn't, you know, and to be totally transparent, as I was saying yes to this calling, I gave myself a year to build it out. I figured that would be enough time because I had coached other people that I love and respect that have done certification programs. And I saw the behind the scenes, it's kind of like being a parent. Like, you see the behind the scenes of what it takes. And so I gave myself a year. And I have a high bar for excellence. And so it still took a lot out of me. And I'm a generator in human design, but I felt so much life force energy pouring into this. So I felt used in the best way at night after working a long day. And I also. Entrepreneurship will grow us and stretch our capacity and help us discover ourselves in ways that we wouldn't. So is parenting. Wouldn't have known before that. And yet who we embody and what we can handle as a result of that, just kind of like a rubber band stretches the capacity. Even when you let it go, it holds more space. And then we get to use those gifts in service.

Yeah. There's people, individuals, souls that will listen to this. And they say, I know I'm meant for more. I just don't know where to start. This is probably something you get a lot. What is your response?

The calling for more to me is an inner job first. So even the sense of, like, there's something more or I want more, it's within the dimension of our being. So when we're identified as a small self, as an egoic self, it's going to feel limited. That's why I think it's normal for people to feel not good enough or like something's not quite right. Even if they hit all the external measurements of success.

We need to redefine normal, if that's normal.

Yeah. And so this sense for more, I think it's a deeper inquiry, It's a deeper inquiry into the nature of who we are. That's my biased opinion. And so even my core wound of not feeling good enough, there was truth in not feeling good enough. My egoic self wasn't enough. And so that's then the blessing and the line and the through line to discover, well, what else is there? What else is here prior to that story of me. And so I always like to talk about things from an essence level and an ego level. So from an essence level, that desire for more comes from the more that you already are, comes from the fullness of your being. And it requires us to get still to discover that for ourselves in whatever religion, spiritual practices that people align with. And then on the ego level, my experience is when somebody is like, there's something more, we can follow the clues. I like to start with getting clear on what is it that they value? What are your top five values? And so this becomes like a North Star and a roadmap. So for me, my values are connection, truth, service, love and growth. And so I take those values and I do a life assessment. How do I show up with those values in my health and wellness, in my finances, with my family and my career? Because I know I moved my business in 2017, I moved my business online to do a course. I had a client who almost had an eight figure business, or she did but didn't sustain. And I saw her with one course moved eight figures and I was coaching her and I was like, oh, I can do that. She did it, I can do it. So I moved my business online and I was working a lot more and I wasn't as fulfilled. And I realized because my values weren't infused in this new way, this business model, I needed more connection. I like watching my clients grow, I like seeing, I like being in the experience. But she's more entrepreneurial in the sense where I would say more of a coach. And I'm good at entrepreneurship. She's an entrepreneur, but didn't need that connection. So when I looked at, I wanted to see my clients growth, I wanted more of that connection. I pivoted my business to include also masterminds while doing an online course, Evergreen, so that I could have that going and I could also get fulfilled in a different way. So even with clients who if they're not going to the gym or say for anybody listening, you want to go to the gym and you're not going, what are your top five values? And can you infuse them into that goal, into maybe doing group fitness for connection, for example? So to me, I think again, there's a divine design within desire. So when we start focusing on what is it, that's a yes for me in my body, what's my truth? And as I keep saying yes to that, it will continue to reveal. But most people have their design in a way that already lights them up, but they're less aware of it. And so they can do something like a joy journal where they just pay attention to every night, tracking what brought them joy that day. And as they do it for a week, they will start seeing what are those themes? What are those qualities or values? And then how do they infuse them into those different areas of their life? But again, it's less in my experience. It's less in what I do and more in how I do it. Sometimes people can get confused. Now, I am not designed to be an accountant. I know that that work would not be fulfilling for me. But if people are sensed, sometimes they'll say my life isn't. Doesn't feel purposeful, or my job's not giving me my purpose. I would invite people to start living those values in your current situation, in your family, in your job where you are. And not only as you pattern that, you start to become more alive. And you may have discovered it wasn't really about the job, it was just about how you were being in it. Or even if you do change jobs, you enjoy the process more by bringing those values in the short term.

Yeah.

And so I think that want for more is sacred. I think that there's intelligence in it if we lean into it.

And it's really incredible to create that sacred space. And I didn't have an intention of getting certified as a coach. It wasn't something that I needed at that time. I had a really successful business and didn't have the certifications. No one in corporate wanted icf, or at least they hadn't asked me for it. I can only tell you my experience. However, the question that I asked myself and that for those of you listening, I want you to ask yourself, is what would be possible if I carved out three hours a week towards my personal development? It ended up being a little bit more than three hours. However, that was the question that I asked when I signed up for the Institute for Coaching Mastery was Starting at, basically, I think, the end of January all the way to December. What would be possible in my life for my growth, for my healing, if I carved out three to five hours a week towards my personal development, towards creating that sacred space to step into? And really, the content in the course is incredible. It's really the space, though, because even if I just two times every single piece of that content and showed up on the calls, it was the creating of the space in order to really allow that. And that's what I see. A lot of individuals that want the change, but they're not creating the space. They're almost running two operating systems at the same time.

And so what. What became available for you by creating space for yourself?

I shocked the crap out of myself. I did. I did. Yeah. I mean, in my company, you know this. But last year, I took the year off. I completely stepped out of the company, and my team took over, and I found out how little I was actually needed. Which, you know, that's something as an entrepreneur that is sometimes difficult, is because you build a really expensive job instead of building a company. And I also just found out who I was. My core wound for, for those of you listening and I know Alyssa knows, is I don't want to disappoint anybody. It's really important for me to not feel like I'm disappointing, mainly my parents or my family. You know, I don't necessarily know if, like, there's somebody on the street that I mind if I'm disappointed, if they disappoint me. However, since it's a core wound, it probably would. And I think that in that run for the external, I had forgot what my definition of disappointment was for myself and really, that relationship with myself. And so that's really what it provided for me, was to really get to know and get to this really solid truth. And it sounds like such a short path, but I'm sure that I took all of the side trips and visited the world's giant rubber band ball and all of that. But what I really found out is it's impossible for me to disappoint anybody, including myself. And that was. So you talk about the iceberg. I mean, I feel like I resurrected the entire Titanic. That was a lot. Yeah. Thank you for asking that question.

That's beautiful. How did you get there? Because I'm imagining people are hearing. They're like, wait, how did you do that?

You know, I think the number one thing for me was to stop living in that story. And that came from simply blocking that time on my calendar and opening myself up for what was next. And for those of you listening, I mean, I fought Alyssa on a lot of feedback. Like, I. It's ironic because I. I don't think I'm the. Or I didn't. I don't think previously I was the most coachable person in the world, which I think that happens when you receive success, or at least like this facade of. Of success.

And it's working to some degree, so it's precious. You're holding on.

Yeah, I'm like it. But you. It's almost like I didn't even know any better. I wasn't awake, only I was operating out of like a 3% Wake State. And then through a lot of what we did, it's like the more you woke me up, the more I was like, well, damn, I don't actually like this, you know, because it's more work to do and you kind of just keep falling down, you know, the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland, that's. No pun intended.

But.

And when you hit the bottom, you're like, actually, life as I was living it is not true at all. And I get to determine if I even want to crawl out of this rabbit hole or how I want to look at this life and it becomes non linear. And so, I mean, for those of you listening, it probably sounds like I'm high at this point. However, I promise you, I'm sober. And you know, how you get there is that you start to give yourself space and you ask powerful questions. Is my biased opinion. And we talked about this with my mom's car accident and my car accident, and you don't even know that, like two days after my mom's car accident, somebody hit me in a parking lot. And I sat there behind the wheel of my car and was like, what in the ever loving. Oh, wait, no. Like, this is. This isn't a true story. I get to choose how I show up. And so I get to question that. Like this powerful question of if this is happening for me, because I know it is, then what is the lesson here?

Yeah, you know, so I hear that you became more aware of what this core lens that you were viewing life through, defining what you want your life to be. Right. You know, I heard you say, like, looking at what societies told you versus what you are claiming you want it to be, and then also questioning that lens and then the moment that the old story would kick in to kind of press mute or pause to just further take dominion and choice over how am I going to frame this inside myself.

Yeah.

And get your power back as a result.

Yeah. What are my choices and what am I choosing? You know, and that's something that's really powerful. I've started to ask my kids that. But it's a really powerful question for us as adults.

That's right.

Because if you are listening to this and you're like, I'm struggling. You're choosing struggling in what ways are you choosing struggling? In what ways is that, you know, true? And that may be difficult to hear as it was for me, you know, and that's why I say, like, I fought a lot of the feedback that you gave me throughout our program because it was like in our time together, even in the mastermind. And I'll give the listeners one quick example about the accountability tracker. I had a conversation with you actually in the office that you're in, and I said, I don't know why you would make an accountability tracker. It's like I'm trying to recover from business and it's like giving, you know, coke to an addict. And you looked at me very softly and said, we do. You have to do it. And I'm like, well, it's assigned. It's like, what if the assignment isn't to do it and to be with yourself? Or the other really powerful thing we came up with is what if you made your own metrics in the accountability tracker?

And I do, just for people hearing, I do think sometimes it's helpful to remove yourself from a person or a situation for a short period of time to heal or recover, and then integrating it back from a new lens at some point when they're ready, so that they choose how to integrate those, whatever the things are in society, their parents or, you know, accountability tracker or whatnot, in a more conscious way. So they're not free from it, but they're free to experience that. They're free to integrate it all the way. And so, you know, I do, again, there's a place for self care that looks like removal. And then if, when the time is right to integrate back into society with a stronger inner reserve and resource. And you did that, you know, the first six months was like attending to yourself and doing some of the healing work around being so good at the game and like rocking business, which is great, but then just finding how can I set it up without myself? And then the next six months reintegrating. Let me look at this accountability tracker and define it for myself and show up for what's true and healthy for me now.

And it goes back to that space. You know, it's. Life has really slowed down when you give yourself that permission. We live in such. And this could not be your experience, but we live in such a reactive society. And so I've just found that, like, you know, somebody will ask me a question, and it's not uncommon for me to, like, close my eyes and sink into it for a second. And I used to just feel so, so obligated to, like, know the answer or come up with the answer. And it's funny because I two times, like, everything from Marco Polo to podcasts and all of that kind of stuff, and I found that, like, I'll listen to it at one time, speed or half speed, and just hear something differently. And so for. For me, in that masculine, it's. It's the space, like, it's. All of me is welcome, and it's the space that I'm allowed to take up and I don't have to move so quickly. You know, I don't feel like I have hot feet anymore. Like, I feel like I can walk down the beach and comfort.

So, yeah, sometimes we get into this, like, hypervigilance, the unconscious. Bigger, better, faster, more. And we don't even know we're doing it because other people are so entranced. And so it's a rebellious act to slow down. You know, most people are scared to slow down because they're afraid of what they'd be faced with if they did. But with the right tools and the right community and the right training, ironically, the very thing that they're scared of is the key to what they deeply desire. That's the very thing that will free them. Right? So even I just got off ICM coaching call, and we were talking about the paradox of transformation. And it's like, if you want connection, ironically, it's through embracing loneliness. If you want confidence, it's through embracing insecurity. So it's like the opposite of what we would think. And most people haven't learned how to be with emotions or do somatic work. And so hopefully this work starts getting out there in a bigger way. When I was becoming a therapist, probably similar to you, it's like, why doesn't everybody else know this? And even what I've discovered within my own personal development, it was like, why isn't this mainstream? And so just to give people a quick hack, if you are still with Bunny on what she was sharing of, like, that if you're stuck with something, that means some part of you is holding on, you know, and Sometimes the conscious mind, which is only responsible for 95% of our. Sorry, it's only responsible for 5% of our choices, our behaviors.

Okay, the student over here was like.

Wait, wait, yeah, yeah, me. It's 5%. The conscious mind is only responsible for the 5%. So 95% is really our unconscious, which means that if we slow down, especially with the deeper work, that's when we have greater insights. And anytime we're stuck with something, there's an unconscious payoff for it. So maybe the pattern was to leave to create safety when you were a kid, but because you were so young and you couldn't physically leave, you energetically or emotionally took off. And so you created that pattern unconsciously. That's still playing out in your relationships, in your job, where you just leave either physically or you check out mentally. And so as you bring consciousness and presence to those patterns, you would get curious with, how is this trying to support me? Right, because it's not done ill intent. It's really through a compassionate lens where things transform. And so when you bring and lean in with curiosity and compassion, or at least innocence, you start to reveal how those things served you. And then once you see that, you can upgrade the patterns. But the moment you judge it, the moment you're identified with it, you're stuck with it. And so it's great to know that, because then it's like, oh, if I want to be free of this, I accept it, and I don't identify with it. But I don't mean acceptance as complacent. I mean acceptance as this is what it is. If I try to say no to it, I've already lost because I can't change the past. And I have more energy to then be proactive to create a different future. So internal acceptance, external behavior change, if somebody wants that. And so just being really compassionate with ourselves for whatever condition we've created in our life and then bring curiosity into it, it starts to reveal the very things that we've been challenged with, start to reveal greater insight and wisdom. Like, how is this trying to serve me?

Is this.

How is this protecting me? And is it still working?

It's so beautiful. It really is. And we could have this conversation forever. And so I want to be mindful of your time, the audience time, and I want to ask you what your definition or what your version of yes and is. But I wanted to share something with you, an update, and with our audiences as well. So what you were just sharing about, as far as, like, identifying and judging it, there's something that happened that was very personal. Last mastermind, in the aspect that actually it happened during our icm, was that we started a fertility journey. And I'm sharing this so that you guys can, you know, follow along on this. What I would call and what you've called this. High engagement, low attachment.

Yes. Surrendered action.

Oh, my gosh. When you're talking about fertility, it is one of the most difficult things. And I'm coming full circle here. We're talking about our masculine and our feminine because my masculine couldn't throw enough money or energy at it to fix it. And it sounds funny to be going through a coaching certification and, you know, be sharing about my miscarriage, but it happened in October, and I had to end up having surgery and having a dnc. And Alyssa had invited me on the call to be seen because my wound of disappointment. I mean, we had baby shower invites, we had family. Everybody in ICM, you're talking like, 250, 300 students knew that this baby was coming. So I felt like I disappointed everybody. And so then, you know, Steve got deployed. We were pregnant again, and I miscarried again in February of last year. And then my masculine was really unhappy because he's gone. And I don't think it would have been approved if I had gotten pregnant while Steve was deployed. So in that. And then I was talking to Lindsay at the beginning of the Mastermind and was like, what's one of your goals? And I was like, I, I, I want to get pregnant. And it was funny because it was a very. I shared with you. It was like a very masculine, like, I need this. And then we miscarried just the beginning of this year, like, coming home from the Hawaii retreat. And it's strange to say, but I had such peace, like you were talking about with. With ICM and with a coaching certification, it. And I'd shared with you. I lost a pregnancy, not a baby. It's like something had shifted in me where I was like, this isn't a loss. This is like a timeline thing. It's hard. It's kind of hard to put it into words.

Yeah.

But I released the attachment around it. Like the, the masculine doing became. Yeah, we still invested in fertility treatments. We still, you know, took the supplements. But it wasn't out of a need. It was out of a. I was stoked to be able to be in the best shape of my life and be healthy and all of that. And what's funny about that is that my mom is a Chinese zodiac. Year of the Rabbit. My daughter is. And I am, ironically enough. And this year is the year of the rabbit. And so I had this awareness when we miscarried. It's not going to happen. Like, I'm not going to have another rabbit. And like, for those of us listening, I'm 35, so it's not like I'm going to wait 12 years to have another baby. And so Steve left for his deployment. He's going to be gone till May. And I get to tell you something and our audience something that Steve doesn't know. You want to guess where I'm at with my goal?

You're having a baby.

I'm having a baby. How you get to know.

Wow.

Wow. I think that the magic of high engagement, low attachment, you know, and how.

You are with your goals and how you are with yourself through them. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah.

It changes the game.

Yeah.

How beautiful. I honor you for your willingness to not just know it conceptually, but to just embody it and to have the questions to say, can I absolutely know that this should or shouldn't be happening? And to soften your heart around it and to surrender into what is like, what a gift. What a gift. And to bring a baby in from this place, it's a whole nother, whole nother experience.

I know. I couldn't wait to tell you. And I knew we had our call in this timing, but I think it's also really sacred and hilarious that our podcast audience and that find out before finding out. I mean, obviously the man has some kind of idea because he was involved in the process, but it was literally. And to make it even more special, it's a California baby. So the weekend that I came out to go to Disneyland, of all places, that was something else that we were talking about is adding more play into your life.

That's right.

And doing that for my little one, the inner child inside me that thought, that was afraid of disappointment and it's just. There's no coincidences. And what a beautiful long term lesson of, you know, just opening yourself up. And I just want to thank you seriously, from the bottom of my everything for creating this space and for loving me and supporting me as well as just sharing with our audience. Yeah.

So beautiful. It's such an honor to be with you and to see you.

Yes. It feels interesting to ask what your. Your yes and is after that, but I'm. I'm going to say yes and yeah, yeah.

My yes and is. And I've known this since I was a little girl. And so My whole life has operated on this. It's yes to doing deep work, knowing myself in a deep way and living a modern day life. So my it's not about going in a monastery and being removed from society. It's not about being so lost in the rabbit race, rabbit hole race of achieving and being in so caught and identified in humanity. It's yes and yes being clear and true and yes being engaged and grounded in the world.

It's so beautiful. It is so beautiful. And I appreciate how many Rabbit Hole references this short podcast and rabbit trails and I've never had that before. So thank you for sharing that with me. And I know that I'm going to put everything in the show notes as far as because there's going to be a ton of people interested in the Institute for Coaching Mastery whether you're a coach or whether you're just interested in creating that sacred space for yourself for that year container that we were talking about. I know what I would recommend, and I probably will recommend. But how would you recommend people continue this conversation with you?

They can go to alyssanobriga.com and they can also go to Instagram. I'm very active there. I'm always happy to support and engage and serve people any way that I can. And just so people have a sense of icm, the Institute for Coaching Mastery, really, we do deep work within your own, within yourself. You learn how to masterfully and competently facilitate others, whether that be people that you're leading in business or you're a coach or a therapist or whatever your job is, and then also to start or scale your business. We look at business as a personal development path, so it's held in those.

Three things and it's a beautiful process to go through and I'm so grateful that you brought it to the world and shared just a glimmer of your life's work. I know you say it's your life's work and I've also been in your sphere to know that you are far from done, my love. Yes, thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for sharing. And for those of us or those of you that took us with you in your car on your walk on your workout, we want to thank you for listening and taking us on the go and a part of your your lives. If you found the show helpful, which how could you not have found this episode absolutely life transformational, please hit the follow and subscribe button. It does wonders for the show and so many people can find the yes and podcast from you, being able to share what you learned on Instagram. You can Tag me @bunnyhas6legs, and that's the number six. Or you can tag alyssa@alyssanabriga on Instagram. And like she said, she's very active there. So if you have any thoughts, feedback, questions from the show, questions about the Institute for Coaching Mastery, please direct them to either of us. And I'm happy to share more about my experience. And you can also just drop us a simple note about how this show impacted you and how it landed. And we would love to hear from you. I'm Bunny Young, and I'll see you on the next episode.