Dr. Aziz teaches one technique to stop worrying what others think: pause and ask yourself "what do I think?" instead of deferring to them. He traces the habit to low self-esteem and an internalized inner critic that makes you seek external approval.
If you're overly caught up in what they are going to think of you, you have to watch this video. I'm going to share one secret trick that you can use right now in this video and in your life today that's going to help you reclaim a sense of power and freedom and confidence. So you're not always looking like what does that person think? What does that person think? And you'd be amazed how much this is influencing you. Even if it's not right in your face, like this overt fear of what are they going to think? It's in the background. It just makes you a little more self conscious, a little less comfortable in your own skin, a little less boldly yourself. So I cannot wait to share this with you. I'm Dr. Aziz, I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and if you're new to my world, definitely click the subscribe button on this channel so you can watch more of these videos as they come out. This is just one of the many places I am teaching confidence so that you can realize that you can learn confidence. If you want to go further Also check out drz.com, dash R-A Z I Z.com where I go in depth. There's free ebook, video training, mini course, all kinds of free free resources as well as programs and coaching and everything if you want to take that step. So what's the secret trick that you can use? Well, basically when you are afraid of what they are going to think, you're making one major mistake. You are deferring your reality to someone else. You're submitting. You're putting yourself in a one down position to someone else's perspective. You're basically saying I don't know what I'm talking about. But whatever you think is right and that's not just about a worldview or geopolitics or something. I'm talking about what they think of you. So if someone thinks that you're ugly, I guess you're right, I'm ugly. Someone thinks you're not worth their time. Well I guess you're right. I'm not really worth anyone's time. Or on and on. And what's happening there is people are so concerned. But what if someone thinks this? What if someone thinks that I'm ugly? What if someone thinks that I'm not worth their time? What if someone doesn't want to spend time with me? What if someone thinks I'm not competent? What if someone thinks I'm stupid And we get instantly wrapped up in the badness of that potential thought, let alone who knows what. I mean, how many thoughts do people have a minute? Are you going to control all those? But anyway, even still, we react to it like it's a threat. And we don't realize that in order for it to be a threat, you have to be making this mistake which is to defer to their reality. So, so if you think that, then I guess that's how it is. And there's no pausing and saying, wait a minute, wait a minute, what do I think? And that, that's the secret trick. That's what I call reclaiming your authority. Because you're deferring, you're giving authority. Authority means the power to make decisions, the power to control things, the dominance or being in charge. Basically, right? Your boss is an authority, the principal's an authority figure. Right. When you're a kid, your parents are the authority figure. But now as an adult, how old are you now? I talked, I work with clients that are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s. And they're deferring the reality to everyone around them. Younger people, older people, strangers. It's like you. Yeah. No, not you, you over there. Yeah, that person. Yeah. What do you think about me? Because that's more real than what I think. It's just I don't even know you. And so we got to come back to reclaiming your own authority. I know who I am, I know what I'm about. So the real problem here though is not what they think at all. The real problem here is your own self esteem. Because if you say, oh my gosh, but I, I don't know what I think about me. I don't think, I think I am ugly. I think I am not worth people's time. So if they think it too, and I think it, it must be true. And the truth is the issue is not what they think. The issue is what you think and your perceptions of yourself. And if you have a negative encrusted, self critical identity, you're screwed. Now the good news is you can unscrew yourself by changing that. That's not some permanent fixture or hardwired component of your nervous system or your brain. That's just a learned pattern. In fact, that pattern serves a whole function. I talk about this in my book on my own side. If you haven't read it, check it out. It helps you unwire all the reasons why you're so hard on yourself when you attack yourself. But that's the real reason why you're so scared about, they think is because you don't know what you think or what you think is toxic and it's terrible. And it's your own inner negative coach that you've been listening to and feeding for the last 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. And until you change that, you're going to be perpetually afraid of what they think of you. So it's time to change that. It's time to take a stand and reclaim your authority. Not just from out there, but also in here. You got to reclaim authority from that inner critic. Because that inner critic, most people just defer to it, like, oh my, suck, where did that come from? Okay, I agree, because I guess it came from in here, right? It's still just a part of you. It's not reality. There's a whole set of reasons behind that too, which you can learn more about inside of, on my own side, other videos on this channel, or if want to take things a step further, check out my in depth study courses called Confidence University. You can go video by video, training by training, action step by action step to neutralize that critic, reclaim your own power and authority and confidence and then start applying that. We have a social mastery course, a dating mastery course, career acceleration. I think the most important thing to take away from this video is that you are the authority. And if you don't feel like the authority in your life, it's not because you're not, it's because of some misperception. And that's why I'm sharing these resources with you, so that you can change that perception and then change your confidence and change your life. So share down below in the comments, what are you finding most valuable? And until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
