100% Willing with Trevor

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about what it takes to create an extraordinary level of confidence, to break through old long standing patterns of self doubt, hesitation, fear, staying in situations that don't serve you, where you're not able to fully be yourself or you're not supported, where you're struggling, whether that's a relationship or a work circumstance or some situation in your life that honestly, if you had more confidence, you wouldn't tolerate. You'd say, you know, enough of this. And we're talking about what it takes to make a shift from living in that confined or restricted way to really living fully as yourself, going for what you want in life, creating deeper relationships, letting go of the old, stepping into the new. And what's even better is instead of me telling you about it, we have some today who can tell you about it from firsthand experience that he's lived is an amazing man. He's a member of a mastermind program that I run called the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind. He's been that program for several years. And the reason I wanted to interview him is because his experience, his progress is truly outstanding. And we have people in this program who make major life changes and completely upgrade their identity from social anxiety and nice and overly pleasing to being bold and authentic and direct and leaders in their lives. And so we have that repeat for a number of members. But something about Trevor is definitely outstanding in his willingness, his speed, his grasping of the material. And I said, you know what, Trevor, I got to interview you because there's a way that you're approaching this program and learning that we all can benefit from. And actually, through this interview, you'll see why the name of this episode is 100% willing. And that gives a clue as to how Trevor is so successful. So let's dive into that interview now. Welcome. This is an interview for Shrink for the Shy Guy that we're also posting on get more confidence YouTube channel. So bonus. And we are here with a special guest, someone who I love spending time with. His name is Trevor Swanson. And Trevor I've had the privilege of doing coaching work with for two years now, just beyond two years. And Trevor is one of the most rapid learning, implementing growing machines I've ever come across. And so just recently I was looking to say, okay, who do I need to interview? And I was like, we need to interview Trevor because there's some way that you show up in your life that that leads to rapid growth. And the growth is in confidence, which is what we're all here to build in and freeing ourselves from self doubt blocks. And so as we go through this conversation here with you, Trevor, I think the audience is going to be able to leave here with more tools and skills to make those rapid changes because that's something I've seen you do above and beyond. So thank you so much for being here with us, Trevor.

Thank you. Absolutely. Very welcome. Thanks for having me. And I'm excited for this.

Yeah. Okay, so I think the best place for people to get a sense of. Before we talk about the how and the get in there, can you give us a little bit of a snapshot of where you were a couple years ago before we met? And then we'll start with that and then I'll ask you about now and then we can talk about how you did that.

Okay, snapshot. A couple years ago. A couple years ago I worked at a fast food restaurant. I worked at Taco Bell. I was a shift manager there and did not enjoy what I did, but I did that because I was trying to build a business at the time. I was reaching out to a bunch of e commerce companies offering Facebook ads, but I was really too afraid to sell. I would set sales appointments and then I cancel them just because I didn't have. I wasn't willing to do that. Meanwhile, like during my everyday life it was a very, very stressful job. A lot of kind of abuse in the workplace, like very, very toxic environment. A lot of the time I was, I mean I'm generally a happy guy, but I think my emotions were definitely a little bit more down at that point in time. Friendships, you know, I had some friends but nothing that I really felt like super energized and inspired by. So yeah, it's a little bit of a snapshot there.

Yeah, appreciate that. Before we get to the now. Yeah, we'll build that up. But a couple questions so you Were working at the. Your shift manager, were you kind of before then, were you sort of like always ambitious, like looking to see what you could do? Were you focused on career and growth and all that, or was it not as much of a focus for you? Where were you at then?

Oh, yeah, I mean, I'd say, like, I don't know, probably from the time I was like 12 or 13, like I was somewhat ambitious. Like I took in high school, I took, you know, all honors classes, all AP classes, graduated with half a college degree. I'd read hundreds of books. I was experimenting with different businesses. I tried doing some advertising online, a bunch of different projects and experiments that I'd done that. However, you know, I had gone to college and so actually a private Christian community college, or not community college, but a private Christian college. And. And I dropped out of there because I was like, this is not what I want to do. I'd read some books on entrepreneurship, wanted to create my own business, so did a bunch of experiments with that. Nothing really took off. I'd done some traveling as well. Like I'd been to Columbia, you know, I traveled actually all throughout South America. I've been to El Salvador, Guatemala, et cetera. But I just wanted to kind of live life on my own terms. I wanted to be a business owner. And then in the meantime, if you don't have a college degree at that time, I just tried to get a job where I could have the ideal schedule because I had the exact hours that I wanted. So then I could also have some time during the week where I'd be able to set up a business. That's kind of a backdrop of ambition there.

Yeah, well, you know, there's a lot of people that. And I see this come up, you know, the way that Trevor and I know each other through the context, mainly working together in the Mastermind program that I run, the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind. And I see this in people everywhere, and I'll even see it in the Mastermind too, that especially as people grow in their confidence in the program, one place they start to utilize that confidence is in work and their career. And they start to explore their options. And one of the options is like, well, hey, maybe I want to start my own thing around my own business or do consulting, or they start to look outside of the set channels in career and professions and. And then there's this like big kind of back and forth drama of like, oh, but it's going to be so hard. And I put all this time into it and I don't know. And, and you sound like, okay, I'm going to work here so I can work, you know, these hours and I can do this other thing on the side. Do you have that resistance to work or you, how do you see like working or working multiple jobs or working long hours or what's your perception of that?

I mean, so I think it's certainly changed over time. Like at that time I was working Fridays. Those were 16 hour days. For me it was very, very long. But it's like, okay, this gets me the schedule that I want. And it's like, okay, how can I make this happen? At the time that's like what I viewed as this is the best path forward for me. Then after that kind of next step, I went to work at a car dealership because, you know, at the time I'd been trying to build a business and I was like, okay, my missing skillset here, and I'd read in the book is sales. I got to learn how to sell. So I wanted to go work at that car dealership. I basically had to put all business aside just because that it consumed up a lot of time. I had to work anywhere from 55 to 70 hour weeks. And it's just like that was. I wanted to learn a skill set that would like set me up for the future. So just like, all right, this is worth it. Yeah. At that time it was kind of more money focused and skills focused. I really want to set myself up so I can do what I wanted to do long term.

So yeah, I love that. What I'm hearing there is I'm willing. And this is a question I'll often ask people, are you willing to be uncomfortable now in order to create something extraordinary? And I can see that like you're like, okay, I'm willing to be, you know, whatever. Take learning the skills and putting in the hours because I know this is going to set me up for a skill for the long term. Let's talk about that leap because I didn't know you before you were working as a shift manager. But then I was able to observe as you made that shift from that to the car sales. And.

What.

There was definitely some doubt that came up. That voice that says, don't, you can't whatever tell us a little bit about what was the getting and what was the doubt and how did you, how did you take that leap?

Yeah, so I'd say the number one thing, it was my self esteem. At that time, I had low self esteem. I was willing to put up with abusive relationships and willing to take abuse. And essentially, my work relationships that I had at Taco Bell, like, they were abusive. A lot of people there were addicted to drugs. I worked with a felon. I worked with a lot of people who. They were not emotionally healthy people. And it was one day, I was at the gym, and I remember being on the treadmill. I thought, I value myself more than this. I value myself more than this. And in that moment, I thought, all right, I gotta. I gotta do something. I think it was around that point then I decided to put in a hot seat application to have a coaching session with you. That's like, I want to move past this. I want to go get a job in sales. But, you know, part of me was also terrified of getting fired because I thought. I believed at that time that I wasn't cool enough, emotionally intelligent enough, savvy enough to be able to get a job in sales and succeed. Now, I'd always been kind of like a nice guy, sensitive guy, and I just thought, oh, there's no way I could handle that rejection. So I remember one time, it was at. When I was working at Taco Bell, I met this guy, he worked in car sales, and I asked him, hey, what is it that you do? And he told me that. I said, really? What did it take to learn how to do that? He says, well, it means being able to walk up to 10 people, ask them to buy a car, and having seven of them tell you no. I, um. And so I said, I can do that. If you can do that, test it out. Now, that wasn't, like. Right after that, I thought, oh, I'm going to sign up. But it's just, you know, kind of an idea that I got. And so I didn't think I'd be able to handle that rejection. So the seed.

Yeah, well, that's most human. Like, most people think they can't handle that and avoid. And avoid it. Um, and yet you were drawn to it because you saw that this is a pathway to the future that I want. You know, I don't want to. I don't want to work at a car dealership and selling cars forever, But I want the ability to sell. I want that rejection. Tolerance and capacity.

Yeah. Because I want to be a business owner, and it's like, ultimately, that's what I want. And I'd read in a book the 10 Pillars of Wealth, and he said, Number one skill set you got to learn is sales. So I was like, all right, I'm doing it. Yeah.

I mean, that is definitely true is if you want to run a business, you have to know sales. Even if you're going to outsource it at some point, you have to know it. You have to know that way you can know if your salespeople are good and then ultimately be able. And pretty much most people I know who run businesses, and this might be different if someone's like creating a very large organization from the get go. But most solopreneurs who then maybe turn into business owner, larger business owners, they, they're the best at selling their own. Whatever they, whatever their thing is because, you know, that's how they learned. And so I agree, super valuable skill set. Also super terrifying. I had the same just panicky fear because I had done therapy. I offered therapy as a therapist, but there was no really no sales involved in that. Most people that called you generally wanted to work with me. I mean there's a little bit of. Sometimes someone would drop off, but. And then when I got into the coaching world, it was a lot more like very unknown. When I talked to someone if they were going to work with me or not, even if they really needed or wanted the service, it was just like it just be. It was a whole different ball game. And so I had to talk to a lot of people and I had to hear a lot of no's and it was so freaking uncomfortable. So you, well done taking the, taking the bold action. And then you get to this car dealership. How did you set yourself up to succeed once you've taken the leap, right? You got there. How did you. Did you put thought in how I'm going to show up, what I'm going to do here? What was your game plan going in to really get the most out of it?

Yeah, 100%. So in that book I mentioned the 10 pillars of wealth. In there, he shares this little parable of two guys who start at a car dealership. And one of them, he just goes out and he deals with the problem. What is his first problem? I got to get a customer, I got to go talk to somebody. And the whole way through, over like a 30 day time period, the parable goes. He's just always focusing on that next problem. Okay, now I need to learn how to get a script. Now I need to learn how to pitch. Now I need to learn how to handle objections. But it's just get to that point and deal with the problem in front of you. Go talk to as many people as possible. And I kind of gave like this warning parable of this Guy who, oh, I've heard that you got to have a good script first. So then he goes and does a bunch of research before he tries to go out and talk with somebody. He's like, oh, okay, I know. You got to handle objections first. So then he tries to go do a whole bunch of research before he hears an objection. And he's like, okay, I know that sometimes people tell false information about the cars, but then I got to go learn everything about every single car here before I go out and try to sell something. And at the end of the 30 days, the guy who just went out there and took massive action, made tons and tons of mistakes, had people return cars, he ended up selling way more than almost anybody else there. And the manager said, all right, we want to keep you. You're one of our best salesmen. And meanwhile, the other guy, he hadn't really sold anything. So, like, sorry, buddy, we got to let you go. Because he had tried to over prepare. So, like, when I got to that car dealership, I thought, all right, I'm not going to be that.

I'm going to be the first guy.

Yes. I'm being the guy number one here. I'm not going to be the guy who's just like, inside studying stuff all day because it's a waste of time. So my first day there, boom. I go out, I try to talk with every single person that I possibly can. I made a lot of mistakes. It was actually my first two weeks out on the floor. I brought in a lot of different people, you know, because there's a huge parking lot full of cars. And so you try to bring people in to bring them through your process. I. I brought in a lot of people, but I didn't have any skills, so they'd end up walking out. My manager was. He took me off the floor for a week and just like, all right, we gotta get you trained up a bit more. So at that time, you know, I was also reading some books, and I bought this course by Grant Cardone all about selling. And so I just. I sat at the table and I'd read. I went through that every single day. Okay, And I'm starting to learn some of the information. And then I went right back out there and started applying the information that I learned once I'd already been able to talk with a bunch of people. And, yeah, from there, I just kept on learning and learning and learning. And one thing I was known for at the car dealership was I would talk to more people than almost anybody else. Like Almost every single person that entered in the dealership was filtered through me, is like, okay, is this somebody who can buy a car? So it's just. It's talking to as many people as I possibly could. And yeah, there were a lot, a lot, a lot of awkward conversations that I had and lots of mistakes that I made. But it's just, all right, how can I talk to as many people as possible? I got to hit my numbers and I want to learn the skillset and want to make some money.

So, yeah, so what you're describing, as the parable would suggest from the book about how to build wealth is the most effective approach. Right. And if we were to ask anyone listening to this right now what you know, and present them with person A and person B, or present them with what you did versus someone who's like, hiding in the back trying to come up with their ultimate script and not talk to anybody, everyone would probably say, like, oh, yeah, option A, What Trevor did was the way to go. Most people don't do that, though, even if they know hypothetically that that's going to be the most effective, because they don't want those awkward conversations because of the self doubt, because of the judgment, because of the fear. You had those fears, you had those doubts. Do you. Did you do something specifically or how did you just. Because the way you're describing it, it sounds like someone who didn't have those things right. There's. You just kind of are able to operate even though those are there. So tell us a bit more about how do you do that? Are you aware of how you did that?

Yeah. So that was actually, that's kind of an interesting point, just because before I started doing that, I didn't know if I'd be able to or not. Just like, ooh, that doesn't seem like me. I'd always been a little bit shy. And then I showed up and it was just like, all right, it's go time. And part of that too is because, like, you're in an environment where it's like, that is expected of you, that that is the norm is we go do this. So it's kind of like a peer pressure. I'm a competitive guy, so it's like, all right, I gotta beat out those other guys. And, you know, you see other guys go walk up to people. It's like, it's. It's kind of a game that you play, and it's like, nope, I'm talking with more people. I'm gonna beat you. And so I was Kind of like poised, and it's just, all right, we gotta go. But yeah, I felt, you know, a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety. Like, I've shared this before with you, but, like, I woke up with anxiety for months. I wake up with that from my sleep. And I'd feel anxiety before work, before work. And I try to listen to like, one of your videos as I'm walking to work, and I try to set myself up as much, but it's pretty much just like, all right, I'm feeling anxiety. It's all this pressure and uncomfortable feeling swirling in my chest. And it's like, go time. And it's just, you kind of. You're blindfolded, but you just walk forward anyway. And it's just like, all right, we're going to do it. So it's kind of a level of resolve as well as a level of mindfulness. And I remember distinctly saying this too. Like, I, like, as I'd walk out on the lot, as I try to reframe it, it's like, okay, you're in my parking lot right now. Welcome here, welcome here. I'm gonna go talk with you. Welcome to my parking lot. And so just like, instead of me, like interrupting somebody, if they're out looking at a car, just be, you're in my zone right now and I'm gonna say hi to you. I'm gonna help you out here as well as at the time, you know, because there would also be like a lot of, like, criticism inside my mind and I'd try to work with that and I'd say, you know what? I. That was self attack, but I love myself and I'm going to go do this. There's just a whole bunch of different things I was doing. I tried to be mindful throughout it. Okay, I'm feeling this pressure now. Let's go forward. So, yeah, yeah.

So many good strategies you just hit on there. It reminds me, there was a man number of years ago now, we were doing an in person event and it was around conversation, confidence, and we were having them go out into the general Portland area and just go talk to random people. And. And everyone, you know, everyone was very uncomfortable before. We're going to do this exercise and he. They buddied up with a partner and he was walking down the street with his partner. And he'd been to the. He'd been to a. He's in the mastermind. He'd been to a couple events. So now he was kind of a bit of a bit of a baller and so he's telling this newer person event. He's like, you see this street? I am the king of this street. All these people are my loyal subjects, and I will greet them warmly. And so he just, like, walked on the street like he owned it. And the guy was with him, like, remembered it, like, years later. He was just like, that was amazing. You know, so the power of watching other people, the power of the environment and the culture of like, this is okay to do. You're a lot, you know, let's go do this. The healthy competition. But one thing that's really standing out that you didn't say. But I'm putting two things together, because earlier you were talking about have been ambitious. Like, there's a theme here from age 12 or before of like, I want an outcome. I'm willing to be uncomfortable to get the outcome. Like, so when you're describing this stuff, the anxiety, the pressure, it's like, it's basically, it's. You're, you're. It's going to happen. You're just trying to figure out how to work with the discomfort and the fears along the way. It's not like, well, if it's really uncomfortable, I'm not going to do it. It's kind of like, no, we're doing this. I'm here. Like, we're doing it. So let me figure out a mental strategy or a reframe or a mindfulness. Like, I'm going to do something. And that's a huge distinction that I don't think people. When I see people that are growing, their growth rate is slowed because they have kind of like a. And I don't know how many points you want to put on it, but if it's like, okay, I'll go up to 30 discomfort points, but if it's beyond that, I'm not doing it. And there's just like a hard no in there. Whereas you, you're like, okay, that's 70 discomfort points. Holy cow. All right, well, what, like, let me figure out how to work with this. But we want the outcome. So whether it's 30 discomforts or 70 or 100, like, we're. Let's figure it out. And I feel like that's definitely the mark of highly successful people and entrepreneurs. Is there their willingness to do what you're doing?

Yeah, I mean, I think that's the word right there is willingness. Because it's like, I wasn't feeling like a real strong, all right, happy. All right, we're going to go do this. It's Just like, this is uncomfortable right now. It's go time, and you go do it anyway.

Yeah, yeah. Beautiful, man. That's inspiring. Okay, so you followed the. I love how I didn't know about that book, the Ten Pillars of Wealth, and, like, the parallels, because you did that. That's how you showed up at that car dealership. And you did have similar results. So after how many months it was. I don't know, you can remind us, like, what. What were your results there from. From showing up that way?

Yeah. So this was. Let's see, what would that be? After basically, my second full month on the floor, I sold half a million dollars worth of cars. And that felt really, really, really good to me. I'd never done anything like that before. I made the biggest paycheck I'd ever made. And I was also just like, I can do this. Wow. I can actually do this because the first month I sold some cars, it wasn't a ton. I was just like, oh, I hope those cars, that wasn't just the fluke. Then the second month, it's like, whoa, okay, I can actually do this. I can actually be good at this.

Wait, so just for people that know context, half a million in the second month, where did that put you in terms of relation to what other people were selling? Was that medium, low end, high end?

It kind of depends on the month. This was a while ago, so I think that was probably like the top third, top quarter. Probably top quarter, Maybe even top fifth, just that month.

Wow. Do you think that you. Was it purely volume and willingness to just go in at a faster rate, or do you think that also something about social connection, emotional intelligence that actually also helped you with that?

I mean. I mean, so I think certainly a lot of kind of social connection helps. Like, I'm. I'm an honest guy. Like, I'm authentic. I'll have my personality out. I can be charming. I'll be joking. I'll just be having a good time. And it's like, my goal when I was with people is like, all right, how can I help you? How can I really help you find what you're looking for? Yeah, I think there's a level of sincerity that gets communicated as well as. So car dealership, My humor was just able to come out. I'd be joking. I'd be playing around. We're just having a good time. And it's just like, I think people really liked me, and so. Oh, okay. I trust this guy. Yeah, this is what I'm looking for. Okay, cool. Let's get it. So I had a better success rate than a lot of other people out there.

Oh, that's great. That's fun, man. It's fun. And you know, I don't know what the range is. I know when it comes to getting a car, I basically am like, I'm here to buy a car and buy a car today. Like, I don't know if a lot of people are more like they're going to dink around, but I'm like, I'm not going to take all the time to come down here. You guys got what I want. Like, let's do this. Did you find that was the case or is it a lot of like people that are like, I'm here but get away from me?

Yeah, I mean, I loved it when that was the case. Like when you get somebody, they know what they want. It's like, okay, that's a lay down sale right there. That was easy. That is not everybody. A lot of people, if they're going to buy a car, it's going to be within the next couple of weeks. They got their eye on a couple of different options and then so in which case, you know, they might have a test drive scheduled somewhere else. My job is then to take all those people and get them to buy a car off our lot today. Because there certainly were people like that. But that is not everyone at all.

Yeah, maybe that's my own style.

Like, let's just like when I bought a car, that's what I did.

It's like, okay, it's the high, high D. Decide, high decisiveness right there. You just like, let's go, let's. Okay. It's amazing. I mean, that's fast in terms of two months, right? I mean, I'm sure there's people that try in the first month, don't sell anything and then burn out. So you definitely took that first parable, first character in the parable trajectory. How did other people in the car. How did other people. Salespeople.

Observe.

Did they make comments about your progress or you or what was the response? You got curious.

Yeah, I mean, so like when you're there. So actually my interview, the guy had warned me about this. He said, you don't want to be one of the people that stands around the water cooler. That stands around the water cooler bitching. And you definitely, you know like what that scene is like when you're in that environment. So it's just most part I don't really talk with them because like you got to be out There and selling. And then the people that you end up associating with or other people, it's like they're kind of at your level that. That same level of. Kind of go get. Yeah. A lot of people are like, wow, well done. Well done. You get a lot of praise from management and leadership and then some of your coworkers, you know, because a lot of, like, there's a very, very high turnover rate in the car industry. And it's like a lot of the kind of more senior sales members there, they wouldn't really even talk to you for the first few months because they think, oh, this guy might be gone. But as I started working there more and more, I started to build relationships with all of them just because you gain people's respect and they like you. So. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. How long did you end up working there?

That was like 10 months, I think.

10 months. Okay. So did you stay at the level you were at after month two, or did you progress or what was your.

I mean, so shortly after that, it became winter, so I live in frozen tundra half the year in Minnesota. So sales definitely go down during that time period. But then come spring, I think it was like February and then March, my numbers started picking way, way back up again. Yeah, my last month there, I sold more than I'd ever done. And you could also tell too much. My skills have definitely, definitely improved and kind of my smoothness and suaveness and being able to take people through my process. So, yeah.

Wow. Congratulations, man. That's epic achievement. Really fun to kind of walk through more of those details. And there's just so many lessons in there because, you know, obviously someone listening might. You might not want to be an entrepreneur or not be a salesperson, but it's. This is applies to everything. This applies to making friends. Like, how many people are you willing to talk to? How many conversations are you willing to have dating? How many people are you willing to talk to? Are you willing to go on dates even if you're not sure if it's going to be the love of your life? Like, are you willing to take risks in your career, even if you work for someone else in a company? It's. This stuff is the. Is like there's a willingness to go in. I mean, I'm thinking of the title of this episode. It's got to be around something with willingness because that's how you're showing up. So, okay, you've done that. You've built this sales skill. They probably want you to Stay at this car dealership forever. They're like, well, you live here.

But.

You get your eye on the future vision. So what was that next step for you after that?

Yeah, so at the time, the whole purpose of working at the car dealership was to learn to sell was not to get a career there. It was, okay, I want to have this skillset, I want to learn how to sell. And at that time, it's like my learning curve had really, really, really started going down. Life's just getting a little bit better here and there. I was like, okay, I feel like I got this. I pretty much have learned what I, what I came here to learn. And I'd wanted to move back to Medellin, Colombia, because I've been there before. And so I was like, okay, I want to be able to pick back up and build my own business. So ended up leaving there and then trying to start selling websites. Cause I'd taken a course on how to do that. So once I left there, I started doing that. Started cold calling, got a lot of lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of no's. But then I started having some successes. So I ended up selling several websites. Meanwhile, I was also working like a part time sales job on the side just to be able to bring in some income. But yeah, that was kind of where I was at at that point.

Wow.

Wow.

So continuing the entrepreneurial streak and now that you have this skill set of sales, you're working at a part time sales job and are you just like kind of now that you got sales, you're just successfully selling at this other job too?

At the other job? Yeah, it took me, it was probably like a month or two. But yeah. And I started, you know, kind of being at the top of all my numbers there. So. Wow.

That I can imagine that the companies that hire you are pleased to get that. Okay, so. And I know that along the way, and this is another interesting thing is when you show up and you're willing, there are more opportunities arise that than just what you go carve out for yourself. Because somewhere along the way there was also an opportunity to then go work for another company. Right. Like in the digital ad space or digital marketing space.

Correct. Yep.

And so how did that come about?

Yeah, so that came about. I had been. So I truly believe this came about as a result of kind of the whole journey, you know, that I've been on and just a higher level of confidence, willing to say what I think and just like really, really speak my mind, you know. Cause I've got a. I was texting one of my cousins back and forth. Cause she was making some YouTube videos and she was asking for my feedback. And I just gave it to her exactly as I thought it. I thought it was really, really useful feedback. I mean, I didn't hold back, I didn't pull my punches. And I think she respected that. And then afterwards, after a couple of texts, she sent me those job application because like one of her best friends, you know, owns this digital marketing company. As we said, hey, I think you should apply to this at least. Like go, go see what it's about. So I ended up checking that out. I thought, all right, I'll just have an interview, just kind of see what the company's about, see if it's something that I'd be curious about. So, yeah, ended up doing that, having an interview, and I had a second interview. And all right, I'm hired just because I thought this would be a great way to really learn more about digital marketing and to get in that space and just kind of learn how an agency runs to also just learn the ins and outs of digital marketing. Because I was able to learn a ton about SEO, a ton about websites, a lot more about Google advertising and Facebook advertising. It's one thing that kind of sold me. In the interview. This guy said, like, you're going to be able to meet with like presidents of companies, CEOs, business owners from companies of all different sizes. And I was like, okay, I like the sound of that. That sounded really cool. So, yeah, part of that is like, okay, I like kind of the significance that I get from that. And another part was just like, what can I learn from these people? And so while I was there, it was really, really cool because I'd be able to learn about how this company functions, how it works, you know, okay, what is. What are they currently doing for marketing? How are they currently making money? How are they currently getting customers? What's the structure of their company? Then I'd be able to come in as the expert and give them advice on exactly what to do with one of our digital marketing solutions that we'd have. And so I thought, all right, that'd be a really, really cool opportunity. So I ended up taking that. And yeah, going down that route.

Yes. And so, you know, another skill set to learn along the way. Something that again, you'll have forever. Right. You can learn the nature of marketing. Right. Which is sort of there's the marketing, then there's the sales, and then you recently concluded there. So tell us about the chapter that you're on now.

Yeah, absolutely. So I had. So I'd taken this course on Google advertising because I was like, okay, I want to start selling Google advertising because I'd sold some websites. But problem is that really didn't solve anybody's problem just because it didn't have anybody coming to their websites. I was like, all right, I want to learn how to do Google Ads. So I taken this course on that. And. And then the guy who teaches the course, he ended up reaching out to me because he liked me, he respected me, and I said, all right, I want to be able to create a partnership with you. And so we were able to do that. And so now I'm kind of partners with him. And so now I'm kind of getting new opportunities sent my way to be able to handle Google Ads. And at the same time that I'm doing this now, I also have a coaching that I'm starting because really, this is about five, six years ago, I decided, you know what, long term, what do I really want to do with my life? What is most meaningful to me? It's not digital marketing. It's not sales. It's nothing like that. I think those are all necessary business skills. But it's. I want to be a coach. Like, I truly want to help people because I decided that I had gone out to the mountains and I had just on the mountainside, I just sat there and I thought what would really be a meaningful life for me? And I decided, well, you know, I've made some like, massive progress in my life and I love doing that work. I love reading these books and kind of doing this progress myself to make changes in my life. I'd love to be able to help do that with others in the limited experience that at hand. I found that really enjoyable. So I decided I really wanted to do that. So this is actually a couple. About a month ago, maybe a little bit more, I signed up for this course on how to become a coach. And so I am currently going through that right now. I had a class earlier today. I am doing classes every single day on how to become a coach. I coach every day and learning that skillset right now. So that is really ultimately the direction that I am doing right now and what I am doing and moving forward to in the future. So. So.

Yes. Wow, man. Well, and you are, you know, that's been a long road to, you know, and you are set up with, I mean, key skills. Right? Because most people find clients online, it's possible to not but you know, having digital marketing awareness, very helpful for a coaching business. And then, of course, being able to sell and help enroll people and making that decision to work with you, I mean, those are. You have the key skill sets, and so now you get to. You're stepping into that. And, you know, depending on what kind of coaching you're doing, it might not involve sales or marketing in any way whatsoever. You know, you're not doing like consulting for that stuff. But still, the. Those skills are so valuable that they can, you can provide even additional value from what you've learned from all that to potential clients, even if you're helping them with personal. I find that, like, most of what I focus with people on is the personal side of things. Maybe even at work, it's like, how do I talk to this person and how do I have confidence in myself? But still, there'll be moments where someone's talking about something in business or marketing or something, and I'm like, oh, I have like a lot of knowledge that I've learned around that, and I just know that you're going to bring that too. You know, we focused a lot on your career, and I think that's just one place. But from what I've seen, you approach other areas of your life in the same way. You know, like whether it's your social life, dating and relationships, which is like, okay, what is the most effective, My, my guess, my sense of the most effective path to get there. Okay, let me, let me take the path. And, and here we go. And so. That piece. Let's see if there's anything else that we can draw for people listening. Let's say you had a client that you're coaching and they're like, okay, Trevor, I get that. I get that it makes sense to do this stuff. It's so uncomfortable. It's so hard. I just can't go talk to a million people at the car dealership like you. I just can't go approach a lot of people. I just can't, you know, have that direct conversation with a friend. It's just, you know, I just can't. You say, had a client who is in that place, well, how would you, what would you say to them? Or how would you advise them?

Absolutely. So, I mean, first I'd really want to find out, like, what is, what do they want? Like, what is their motivation? Like, what is it that they really want? What's that thing they want? Why are they going after it? Finding out what they really don't want, you know, trying to Pull out some motivation and then asking them what. What they can't do. Like, okay, if that's too much, you can't go talk to a million people. What can you do?

A million is a lot. That's going to cost you a lot of days.

Exactly. But it's really funny about finding out, though, like, what can you do? Like, you teach the concept, like, those, like, value or action ladders or whatever. It's like, okay, if, you know, going and walking up to, you know, a random stranger and trying to sell them something, if that gives you a lot of anxiety, like 8 out of 10, okay, not start with that. Maybe just walk by and try to make eye contact with somebody. It's like, okay, how much anxiety does that give you? And it's like, on a scale of 1 to 10, is that manageable? And just try to, like, bit by bit by bit by bit, kind of get to be able to do those actions that you want. Like, this is something I recently did in my life, you know, because an area of my life that I'd neglected is dating. And so I had found myself, all right, I want to go talk to women. I've been at this event on a day, and it's like, all right, there were two attractive women there, and I wasn't. Fear stopped me. I wasn't able to go talk with them after that. I was like, screw this. I am figuring out this area of my life, and I've been through your content. So I knew what to go. I knew what to go do. So right after that, I made a beeline to the mall, and I went to the mall, and I just. I went out and I did a bunch of friendly greetings. I just said hi to a bunch of random strangers. And, like, because I'd avoided doing that, I thought, you know what? I'm above that. I don't got to do this. But I went out and did that. I'm like, all right, I'm going to build up to talking with women I'm attracted to. So I went and did that. And then a couple days later, I started doing just drive by compliments. Because, you know, that's kind of a next step up where you're interacting with somebody and you're telling them something that you like about them. So it's a little bit more intimate, a little bit more vulnerable. And so it's like, that's kind of that next step. And then, you know, after that, I had a coaching session with you, and it's like, okay, what's the next Step for that. Now I'm actually going to go talk with, you know, beautiful woman. So the day after I had my coaching session with you, I walked up to two women I found attractive. I told them, you know what, I just want to let you know I think you're really pretty. And so for me, it's like, boom, okay, I did that. And then it was a couple of days after that, I was at the beach and I was like, I was walking back from the woods and I saw these two ladies sunbathing in bikinis. I thought, oh, okay, I want to go say hi to them. And so I was. That one really got my anxiety up. I had actually, I went. I went to my car, went in there, turned my car. I was like, no, I'm just going to take off. Like, screw it. No. What would the most confident version of Trevor do right now? And in there, I turned, turned my car off, walked over to them and had a little conversation. Anyway, I was nervous. That was not the best interaction. But, you know, I still, I'm very, very, very glad I did it. And I walked away just kind of with a strut. My step, just like, I got my swagger now. I just did that. Like, that was awesome. And so, yeah, and like, that builds up from not being able to talk with women at. At that event. Boom. Now a couple weeks later, I'm talking with women. And since then, because that was very, very recent, like in the last week, what I've been doing is pretty much anytime I see an attractive woman, I walk up and talk to her. Like now, you know, I go to the gym. That's probably the most. That's the place in my life where I see the most women that I'm attracted to now. It's pretty much every single time, oh, I go up and I talk with her. Like yesterday I talked with this lady and, you know, I had probably one of the longest interactions. Then at the end, you could tell, all right, that's a closed door right there. She wasn't interested, so I just took off. But I feel amazing because, like, I am living honestly, honestly and truthfully and expressing, you know, my desire and just creating connections with people. So. But it's step by step by step by step.

Yes. Man. I love how when you have that moment where you didn't do it, you know, the fear was too. It was the 8 out of 10 or the 10 out of 10 or whatever, and you're just like, you know, it sounds like you didn't flip it into self attack and like, Oh, I suck. Or hopelessness. It was kind of like, all right, that's it. It's like time to get in shape. And you took it as a, as a motivator rather than as a. Some sign of incapability or unworthiness or something like that.

Yeah. And you know, like, that's a recent concept I was learning more about is like, okay, if you're feeling anxiety, what can you do with that? You can turn that into impulsivity and you can go overeat or, you know, you can go binge watch something. You can go into this worry cycle or guilt or whatever, or you can use courage and go do that thing that you know is right. And it's like, that is a way to kind of deal with that. Okay, felt anxiety there. All right, what's that courage thing? For me that was going to the bar, I felt anger. Like, I was actually at that event. I was angry. I was like, I was angry at myself that I didn't do it. And it's like, okay, I'm not just going to sit with that and get depressed. It's like, okay, I'm going to use assertiveness right now and I'm going to go talk with people. And so it's just like being proactive with it and actually utilizing it and going and getting what I want and moving closer to that goal. Even though I couldn't do my ultimate goal, it's like, what's the small step of that? I can just get a little bit closer to it.

Yeah, that's. I love that. And what's really fun about the story of seeing the two women on the beach and, and the fear of it, and then that I've definitely been there where I like walk away and then I'm like, no, you gotta. And sometimes those, those go back moments are like, really? There was a. You know, they're. They're flaming wreckages. I remember there was a woman that I went on a date with and I just didn't feel any strong polarity or anything. You know, it was sweet, but it was. There was no, like, oh, it's on. So we. But then she, like, did things that were sort of, you know, she like invited me. We went for a walk. It was in San Francisco in the summer. And she invited me like back to her apartment to like, you know, just like have some water or something. I don't know. So it was kind of like these.

Not.

It wasn't a totally closed door, but it wasn't. Didn't feel like it was on, so I just didn't feel the vibe. So I didn't, like, move. I didn't progress anything. And then I was walking down the.

Stairs of her house.

It's kind of like, okay, see you later. And I was like, wait, she invited you into our place? Like, am I just scared? And so I'm not reading the signals or. Because, you know, at that point, I had a, you know, I don't know, handful of years of experience of dating under my belt, but I was still, like, in my. You know, back in my. I had most of my life practice, like, being so shy, assuming she's not into me, missing all the signals, assuming there never could be a signal, all that. So I was kind of like, you know what? I gotta. The new version of me. What were the most confident for? The most confident version of me would have, like, found out for sure, not just assumed. So I was, like, halfway down the stairs, and I'm like, all right, fuck it, we're going back. So I turn back up the stairs, walk up the stairs to where she was still in the kitchen. And then, like, oh, there. I forget what I said. Some little line. And then, like, I went in for the kiss, and she was like, whoa. Like, pulled back and gave me the cheek.

I was like.

And. And it was awkward. And I don't. I wouldn't say I walked away with a strut in my step, but I walked away, like, feeling better than if I had just not tried. And I heard this again and again from clients is like, the rejection might seem bad, but it actually feels better to go for it boldly and get rejected than to not go for it at all. For me, at that stage in the game. And so I just love that story of, like, you know, it's like these two parts, right? And the part that retreats. And once you've retreated, it doesn't mean you have to. You can change it at any time. And then when you do that, like, walking down, talking to these women, like, you know, it's just a moment in time. It's not like an epic. What people might call an epic adventure, but your life feels adventurous when you're doing the thing that makes your heart pound in a given day, whether that's in dating, whether that's in something at your workplace, it's like a willingness of courage. And so courage not only gets you more of what you want in life, which is a great benefit, it also makes you feel more alive regardless of the outcome. So that's really loud and clear in your stories. Man, Yeah.

I like that. For me, I view it as, like, it's living at your edge. All right, so in this area of your life, that's my edge right now. Like, that's where that. That's where the area of discomfort is. But on the other side, it's like that thing that you want. It's like, all right, where's the edge? Where am I at? What am I going to do?

Yeah, yeah.

It's.

It's an interesting feeling at the edge. It's like, I'm sure, you know, whether someone's into skiing, snowboarding, biking, skateboarding, surfing something where you're, like, riding something and you're going, like, faster than your mind says you can. You're just kind of like something, something, because you know that if you're going that speed and you do fall, it's going to hurt a lot more than if you're, like, you know, on the back, leaning back and trying not to do it. But there's this a little bit out of control feeling or a lot out of control. And. And if in your mind is like, this is too fast. This is too much. I'm going to, you know, cheese grate my legs or whatever. And yet. Yet something else kicks in, like, beyond the mind, Your body knows, your subconscious knows, the divine intelligence knows, like, something that we don't get access to when we're holding back in that way. And so there's a way that I've seen you jump into your life repeatedly in all these areas, dating being the most recent one, where you're just like, yeah, let's. Like, people say, like, I think it's like, getting ahead of your. It's like the skis, like, you're just, like, leaning out ahead of them, and then boom. And then you figure it out, and you might fall, but you get back up. And then you are able to. And then eventually, you know, you're. There's this exhilarating feeling of moving through your life or skiing down the mountain in a way that's beyond whatever your stories of what you thought you could do.

Yeah, there's definitely an aliveness to it. Like, you just feel alive when you're doing that. When you're being vulnerable, you're saying that thing that you want to say, and you're just being truthful and honest and just, all right, what is me? How do I want to express myself? Yeah, you feel alive. I like that.

Yeah, man. Absolutely. Well, heck, I just feel more alive being around you, man. I'm sure people listening do as Well, I know you're in the process of getting everything set up with your coaching. I, you know, I'd say that the best. You know, someone wants to work with you. I'm sure people. More and more people will. At some point. We're going to. We'll probably go back to the show notes at some point when we have a site for you and. And we can put that in, too. So if someone's listening to this later, go to shrink for the shy guy.com shrinkforthshy guy.com and just look up this episode. Trevor's name will be in the title. So you can just do a search and put Trevor T R E V o r if I. It'll pull up this interview and then we'll have the. When you got your site and everything up and running so someone can find you and learn more. You also have a YouTube channel, build better Habits. Is that what it's called?

Get better Habits.

Get better Habits, Yeah.

Who wants to build them?

You just want to get them. I learned that from one of my mentors in marketing. It was like, don't say, like, build it. Just say get it. Because that's what people want.

They just.

They want the thing. They don't want to be building it.

So now get it.

Trevor, is there any last thought, words, wisdom, anything you'd want to share to someone who's on the same path as us, both of us? I see you as a brother on the same path. A tremendous amount of respect and admiration for you. Anything at all that. That you think would be useful for people to know as we conclude today?

Yeah, I guess my parting thought is, like, be the leader of your life. And, like, what does that mean? So, like, what do you really want in your career? It's like kind of taking proactive action at that. What do you want for your social life? That's another area of my life we didn't touch. But it's just like, go create the social life you want. If you want to have more friends, it's like, go put yourself out there. Go join groups where it's like, okay, I've shared interests with these people and I'll be open to people dating. It's. You got to take the action. You got to be proactive. It's like, go do that. That means being the leader and going first and just doing it if you really want it, to take ownership of that. I think that is my main kind of final summarization of everything. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you want? Be the leader of your life. And go create it. And that's true. And you are a powerful creator and I'm so excited, man. I just feel like there's so. You're just getting started. You're just. I mean, it's. It's been. It's been a mini long, many year journey. And that's. That's so true. So I cannot wait to see all that unfolds for you and how many people you touch and have and will continue to. To help with your coaching. I think that call that you feel is, feels, looks from my perspective, spot on for one of your purposes here on this planet and what you have to offer. So, a pleasure to. To know you and of course, a pleasure to talk with you today, man. Thank you so much for sharing and until we meet again and thanks for listening to this episode. Until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks, Trevor.

Thank you.

That brings us to the end of the interview. Not quite the end of the show though, because there's one other thing we got to end with which, as you know, hopefully by now is action. Time for action.

Action.

Action. Here's your action step for today. It's quite simple, quite broad. After listening to Trevor, he's inspiring, isn't he? So what are you inspired to do now? After hearing how he's approached his life and continues to show up, what are you inspired to do? Is there something. Maybe it's a big change. You know, he's made a lot of big changes in his life. Maybe it's a small change. Maybe it's a tweak, maybe it's a decision. Maybe it's something. But if you listen to this episode and you say, wow, good for him, you go for it, buddy. And then you go look at yourself and you're like, well, I don't know about. For me, I mean, that sounds uncomfortable. So one way to think about it is if you were 100% willing, what might you do? There's your action step for today. I look forward to more. Thank you for being with me. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit.

From what you've just heard, please let.

Them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence. Go to socialconfidencecenter.com.

Sam.