2 Paths To Social Freedom

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you, I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're gonna learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome. Today's episode of the show. Today we're gonna be talking about two paths to social freedom. Oh, yes. Now, there are probably many paths, but here are two that I want to refine it to in today's episode. And this is just coming out of a Mastermind session that I did last night, and I thought it was very relevant. And I want to share the best stuff with you so that you can go on your journey to social freedom. Now, that's not one singular end destination where you just, like, you get there and you're done forever, but you can achieve greater and greater levels of social freedom. So I'm excited to share this with you, and I want to define what social freedom is and then talk about the two pathways to get there. And as you're listening to this, if you are intrigued about the opportunity for us to work together, and maybe you've been listening to my podcast for a long time. Many people that join the Mastermind have told me, I listened to your podcast or read your books or gone through your YouTube videos for years, and now I'm ready. And that's great. That's great. And there's a part of me inside. It's like years, Years, man. Could we shorten that? Could we dive in sooner? So if you're waiting around and it's been years, you know, maybe we're coming up on 20, 25. Maybe now's the year to shift all this. And if you're interested, just go to drazziz.coM-R-A z I z.com and then click on the coaching tab there and you can learn more about the Mastermind. And you can also apply directly there. And then if it seems like it's a good fit from your application, then I'll reach out and you and I will literally be talking on zoom to find out your situation and help you really make this shift. So if you're drawn, go check that out. And I would love to support you in 2025. So let's talk about what social freedom is, though you probably are. Maybe just have an idea from the term. I like that term. I came up with that term when I was thinking about what is the opposite of social anxiety. And then it also applies to niceness, right? Because there's. I think it referred to it as a cage of niceness. So freedom is the opposite of being in a cage. Right. So social freedom means you get to be who you are around other people. It's the simplest way I can put it. And you can express yourself. You can say what you really think or feel. You can disagree. If you disagree, you can just let yourself express. You can sing. You could share who you are. You know, just last night, I got a text from my wife, and I was finished the Mastermind call, and I was just working at my desk. And, you know, usually on those evenings, Tuesday evenings, she puts the kids to bed, and I got a text from her, and she said, the kids want to redo their stories before bedtime. I noticed that text and I was like, what? Their story? What are you talking about? And she didn't reply, so I was like, okay, whatever. And I went back to work. And then I go to get down there, it's past their bedtime, and they're still awake, and they're like, we stayed up, daddy, so we could read you our stories. And I was like, oh, when she said the kids want to redo their stories, it was voice to text, and it was, the kids want to read you their stories. So anyway, you know, I was late to bed, but I laid in bed with them, and they read me these stories that they. That they had written during their. Their. Their writing practice earlier that evening. Super cute. Anyway, so the younger one reads his story, and then my older son starts to read it, and he gets real nervous and he's like, no, no, I don't want to hear it. I. I can't. It's no good. And he starts to shut down. He doesn't want to share a story, and ultimately found a solution where I read it out loud and so he could just listen to what he'd written. And he felt a little, you know, self conscious in the beginning. And then we all got into it. And I, at the end, I shared with him, you know, sometimes we can focus on, oh, maybe it's not good, or maybe people are not gonna like it, and maybe, maybe so. But what we don't focus on then in that moment is that people might miss out. Like, what if you never shared that story with me and then I never got a chance to read it? And I wouldn't know you. And I wouldn't know, oh, my son can write stories, and I wouldn't get the enjoyment of reading the story. I'm not just talking about him here, talking about you. So that's social freedom to be able to share what you create. Right. That matters too. I. It applies on so many levels. The clothes you wear, how you talk, whether you share your interests, just you being able to fully be yourself around others. Okay, now that sounds great, right? How do we get there? Well, I mean, this whole show is essentially about that. So listen to a lot. Hundreds of other episodes. But let me distill it down into two paths right now. And I'm not gonna get into all the mechanics of creating social freedom. That's its own thing, and, you know, it requires boldness and taking risks and getting on your own side and owning your reality. And a lot of other things I talk about in this show. But today I want to talk about the two paths to get there. And, you know, the short version of how you get there is you practice. You don't just wake up and feel more comfortable doing these things. You must lean into that discomfort. If you've. Unless this is your very first episode of the show, you probably already know that by now, right? So that's not news. But there's two different ways to go about it. And I offered both of these to my client in the Mastermind program last night. I said, okay. She wanted to be more expressive in her life with socially, around friends, around family, you know, super common topic in the. In the Mastermind. Right? How do we shed social anxiety? Inhibition, holding back, fear of what other people are gonna think, fear of upsetting others, fear of guilt, fear of. Fear of. Fear of, fear of, Fear of. And just. Just be you. Right. So how do we do it? Well, she knows the practices, she knows the tools. You probably know the practices. You know the tools. So then what's the thing? What's the tipping point? What's missing? What can we do? And I said, well, there's two ways to go about it, and you get to decide which path you want to take. One path is the 3% path. And the 3% path goes like this this week or this next, you know, family gathering that I go to, or this next day at work, or this. This date that I'm going to go on, or this next experience I'm going to intentionally, I'M going to bring my focus to being 3% more real, 3% more authentic, 3% more expressive, 3% more sharing versus holding back, 3% more bold. Whatever the word is that you want to use, it helps remind you that your goal going into this is to lean into that edge. Just a little bit though. I mean, if you think about 3%'s a really small amount, that might just be one sentence difference in an entire conversation. That may be one moment where you ask for something where normally you would hold back. There might be one moment where, you know, you share a bit more of an authentic reaction. So someone shares something that you don't, you know, totally agree with, you're not totally into. And instead of nodding your head and saying, uh huh, tell me more, your face kind of, you're like, what? Really? I don't know, what about this? Maybe that's more than 3%. I don't know. I'm already, you know, sort of demonstrating what I might do in a situation. Like I remember I have a. I had a friend over not that long ago and we were hanging out and he was sharing about the Carnivore diet, which you've probably heard of. And if you haven't, just go, go on a YouTube, you'll find a lot about it. And look, I've done all kinds of crazy stuff in my life and I'm not against anything, categorically opposed to it. In fact, when I had chronic pain, I'm not even gonna go into all the stories of things I would try. Cause I was so desperate. So I'm not close to everything in just super shut down to. I'm pretty open minded, I guess I would say it that way. And, and yet I just had a lot of questions and I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on a second here. I mean, you're going into super ketosis, right? You know, and ugh, that sounds really uncomfortable. I just said stuff like that. And this might sound like no big deal and you might do the exact same thing, but there was a time in my life where I wouldn't, I just, I'd be so worried about offending him or I don't want him to think that I think it's a bad idea or whatever. And I don't even know if I think it's a bad idea. I just know that I wouldn't want to do it. It sounds pretty miserable. I like meat sometimes, but man, I had a phase in my life where I was vegan, but now I do eat meat. Not every day and not tons of it. But I certainly wouldn't want to only eat, like, beef and bacon. My God. In any case, there's just a freedom to say those things. And the friendship doesn't end. It's not like he wants to stop hanging out with me. We can just have different opinions about things. That's one form of social freedom. So you get to create that and you cultivate that. Now, 3%, even though it might not sound like much, it's very manageable. It's very doable. But guess what? 3% each week, that compounds quickly, right? And if you want to find out about that stuff, just look at, you know, any compounding calculator online, and it accumulates quickly, right? So think about it every time you take the action. So it could be every week. It could be a couple times a week, but let's just say it's once a week. You do that, well, that's going to add up in a month. You're going to be in a significantly different place. Just one month. And that could be a great process. Now, that is a perfect path. You know, that's the perfect path for you because it sounds manageable. You can like, okay, I can wrap my head around that. I can do that. And I've had times in my life and I've worked with clients who are at this time in their life where they're like, oh, God, I just. I'm so confined by this cage. I'm fed up. I gotta change this. I can't just go through this 3% thing. And I'm like, ooh, okay, all right, speak my language. So the other path is just freaking jump off the dock into the water or into the pool, whatever metaphor you want to imagine. I like to imagine a dock and a lake with trees around it, because that's pretty. But you're jumping in, you're diving in. And what does that look like? That looks like, okay, I'm not going to dance around 3% a little bit here. I'm going to say a little bit more. It's like, eff it. I'm just going to say what I think. I'm just going to drop this Persona of the good girl, the nice guy. That's not even me. It's just a safety strategy that I run to try to maintain approval and avoid abandonment. Like, forget that. By the way, we stopped making these episodes explicit. So if you're wondering why I'm saying f that and forget that, that's why, but hang out with me elsewhere, and it's I will. I will drop the real F bomb. I just. I want to so bad right now. But we decided to make the show, and you kind of have to categorize it entirely as explicit or not, so I don't know. Is it still categorized as explicit, though? You tell me. If you're listening to this on Spotify or. Or itunes or Apple podcasts or whatever. Maybe once it was categorized that way. It's forever categorized that way. But we're not. I've cleaned up my act in any case. F that. F that, you know, Persona and just trying to manage, micromanage everyone's feelings, you could tell which path I would choose, and I do choose because it frustrates the hell out of me. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm. I never. I'm never too nice, and I'm above it all, and I'm beyond all that. I mean, I'm radically different than I was. But niceness has a way of creeping back in. In fact, in my book, less nice, more you. I talk about the gentle current, where if you're not on it, if you're not paying attention, if you're not swimming against that current, you're going to slowly settle back into niceness, avoiding direct conversations, avoiding conflict. And I do that. I'm going to call myself out. I absolutely do that. So I have a practice of noticing it, but when I catch it, and sometimes I catch it right away, and a lot of things, I just say them freely, but, you know, there's that gentle current. So if it settles, you know, I'm a little less. You know, Candice and I, my wife and I are not fully just sharing. You know, there's a little bit of holding back, a little bit of avoiding or remember, you know, professional relationships or my personal relationships, I'll notice it. And sometimes it's just a little slip and an easy course. Correct. And sometimes I'm like, dang, it slipped further than I, man. Real, man, I'm being so nice here. What am I doing? And as soon as I catch it, though, forget that 3% thing. I'm like, all right, let's just say what needs to be said. Let's have the direct conversation right now. And I built up the muscle that I. It's just. It's like more of a remembering now than it is of having to train and learn it, and is it safe to do it? And am I okay? Am I a bad person? I'm like, no, I know. I know all that stuff. And it's just a Matter of doing it. But to get there first, you just. You have to just take the leap. And the first times that you do it is the freakiest jumping in. I remember when I first did this, it was like, this is gonna end everything. People are gonna leave me. My relationships are gonna be over. I'm gonna get fired. It's gonna be. It's gonna fall over. And you know what? It might seem like you're gonna die. And guess what? There is gonna be a death. Now, the good news is it's no. You're not physically gonna die, and not all your relationships are gonna die. What's gonna die is the false version of you who pretends like the things don't bother them, who doesn't say when you're angry or show whatever, and you just stuff it all in your guts and you're quiet and you're cold in your anger. Let your anger be hot sometimes and just say, I don't like that, and watch what happens. You gotta take that risk. Because the faster you can take that risk, the more you're gonna see, oh, it's okay. I'm allowed to be me. And until you take that risk, you never see that. And that's. And you don't have to do it all at once. You can do the 3% because you just proved that to yourself again and again. And one's not better than another. It's not like, oh, faster is better. It's more macho. Whatever. No, it's not necessarily better for you. I don't know what's better for you. You know, it's going to be better for you. You can test them out. The fast one. That jump off the dock might be too destabilizing to your nervous system. Might freak you out too much. It's kind of like your risk tolerance. You know, we all have a risk tolerance in life. Whether it's socially. In this case, the risk is kind of being different or actually more authentically you, but different than how you've been. But, you know, we have risk tolerance and how much change you want to take on in your life, how many things you can manage at once. Financial risk. There's all these risk tolerances that we have, and we don't totally know what they are until we cross a threshold, and then we're like, whoa, whoa, I'm kind of freaking out inside. And then we want to hang out at that edge, I think, for a while. You don't have to go further, like a savage beast. Just hang out at that edge. Let your Body, your nervous system, your mind, your psychology, your identity, upgrade to handle that and then you can expand again. So it's a choose your own adventure here, as are all things in life. And speaking of choosing your own adventure, let's talk about choosing your action. Time for action. Action, action. You probably know what's coming with your action step today, right? It's going to be to choose one of these methods. Now, there's other paths. You want to choose the 1% rule, the 2% approach, the 17%, I don't care whatever, but just lean in on some level to being more fully yourself and do it and set it as an intention. Like if you're going to do like the. I'm going to just fully jump off the dock and go in and just fully be myself. Say, I'm going to do that for the next 10 days so it's not this indefinite terrifying expanse. I'm gonna do that for the next week. And if it's the 3% approach, say, okay, I'm gonna do this 3% and get clear on where is it gonna be in your dating life? Is it gonna be at work? Is it gonna be socially? Is it gonna be everywhere? Okay, maybe that's a lot though, for the 3% approach. Now you're entering more into the jump off the dock approach. So you get to decide, right? You get to kind of set it up however you want. But the key here is to set something up and then go implement it. And if you listen to this and you've heard a lot of action steps on this show and you kind of sort of do them and it's two steps forward, two steps back. Then again, I'm going to invite you to explore, you know, more. Explore more options. I have the Mastermind program. I'm also bringing back. It's been a couple years, but this is an outstanding program. We're renovating it, revamping it, relaunching it. It's called total social freedom. And that's not even. It's not even available right now, but it will be soon. Looking for early 2025. So, you know, there's many ways. There's many ways to, to get your support, get support here to get you to this place of more social freedom. So if you're drawn, definitely check out my website, reach out to me and until what you speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. We'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy. With Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.