Short YouTube-style talk by Dr. Aziz outlining three hallmark signs of being 'too nice': (1) not speaking up when situations bother you, (2) relying on others' reactions to validate your worth, and (3) failing to regularly ask yourself 'What do I want?' (presented as the book's 'MVP' question). The aim is to help listeners become more self-directed and assertive.
These are the three hallmark signs that you are being too nice. Number one, you don't speak up when something is not working for you. The person's going on too long. They're taking up time in the meeting. My wife recently just had a blood draw, and the person, like, couldn't get the vein, and they just kept on poking and poking and poking. You don't say, hey, listen. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Stop. This doesn't work for me. That's a sign that you're being too nice. Number two is you're looking to others to see if you're okay. So if someone's smiling and nodding, then you're like, well, I guess my conversation is interesting. I guess I'm worth talking to, so I'll keep talking. And if they look a little conf. They're not nodding and smiling a bunch, you're like, well, I guess I suck. It's looking to others to determine your reality, and that doesn't work. It's too nice. It's not grounded in you. And number three is you don't ask yourself this question several times a day, which is the MVP question of my book. Not nice, which is, what do I want? If you're not checking in with what do I want? What feels right for me? How do I want to steer several times a day, then you're being too nice.
