3 Lies That Kill Your Conversation Confidence

Hey, Dr. Aziz here. And I want to share something with you that's going to help you radically shift your confidence in conversations so you can be a lot more comfortable starting conversations with anyone in any setting and knowing what to say and being relaxed in yourself. And what I'm going to share with you today are three of the main lies that you're telling yourself right now that are killing your conversation confidence. And when you're aware of these lies, then you're going to stop believing them. And when you stop believing them, your confidence just starts to emerge before you even have new skills, before you even know what to say, before any of that stuff. Because right now, you can just imagine these lies are just smashing your confidence down. And if you just took them off, took them out of the way, your natural confidence would start to emerge. That's my goal for you today. That's what you're going to get. This is related to a number of questions I've been receiving about the upcoming event. Supremely Confident Conversation master. And. And so I wanted to share some things with you today that are going to help you right now start to master conversations. Okay, so what are these three lies that kill our conversation confidence? The first lie is something that I guarantee that you tell yourself. You might tell yourself that all the time, if not before every conversation. You ready? I don't know what to say. I don't have anything to say. I was going to talk to them, I was going to start the conversation, but I just didn't have anything to say. Or we started talking and I asked a question and they said something, and then I just didn't have anything to say. Have you ever told yourself that? Have you ever told yourself that and then believed it? That's actually a big distinction there because we tell ourselves stuff all the time that is false. Oh, they're late because they don't respect me. Oh, this person's over here. This person's not going to do that. That's not going to work out. This is going to work out. We're just telling ourselves stuff all the time. Sometimes it's true, and sometimes it's complete bullshit. But when we believe that thought, I don't have anything to say, then we're in trouble. Then we've swallowed the lie, and then our confidence is starting to die. Because if you tell yourself, I don't have anything to say, oh, shit, we freeze up. We're nervous. Our mind doesn't produce anything because we're telling ourselves, I don't have anything to say. So the first thing you gotta do is cut this one. You gotta stop believing in this one. That is not true. You, by the virtue by the fact that you're a human, have an endless amount of things to say.

You do.

You really do. How do I know that? Because you're like, well, no, I don't. I'm a boring person. Well, I'm getting ahead of myself here. But no, I don't have anything else to say. Trust me, Aziz, I really don't have anything to say. I would challenge you on that. I think that's absolutely false. And here's why I know that. Because I know that you have a brain. And I know that our brains are spitting out words and thoughts absolutely non stop. Except when we're sleeping, or except if you're like some sort of Zen meditation master. And you can get yourself into some sort of hyper satori state or something like that. But the average person can't do that. So our minds are chunking away literally non stop. That means there's literally something always going through our minds. Always words, always images, always fucking talking, right? You probably know this because you've had that experience of being up at three in the morning and just telling your brain, dear God, please let me sleep. Just shut up. Right? You've been there. So I know that our brains have an endless capacity. They are idea word statement generators. You have hundreds of thousands of things to say. You're telling yourself that, oh, that's not good enough. Oh, they're not gonna like this. I don't know if they're gonna like this. And sometimes that filtering you're very aware of, like you have something to say and then you filter it. Cause you're like, I don't know. That sounds stupid. I don't know. I don't know if that's relevant. I don't know if they're gonna like it. Then you're very aware of how you do have something to say, but you're filtering it out. But oftentimes this filtering is happening subconsciously. It's not even coming to your awareness because you're filtering it out. Oh, they're not gonna like this. Oh, I don't know about that. Oh. Cause you're so worried about what they're gonna think of you. So just remember it's not that you don't have anything to say, it's that your filter is too high. And stick with me. Cause I'm gonna teach you in a future video how to let that go. How to be a lot more relaxed talking to Anyone. But first, let's get on with these confidence killing lies. So the second lie is people don't want to talk with me. People don't want to talk with me. I was talking with a client recently from one of my groups and he was saying, well, I have a hard time and I tried starting some conversations. He was at this party or mixer or something. I tried starting conversations and it just, people didn't seem like they wanted to talk to me. I just couldn't get much traction. They felt like they're kind of looking for a way to exit the conversation with me. And you might have experienced this. I know I have. It's incredibly frustrating. And so he was getting some advice from the other group members. Try this, keep it light, just, you know, keep talking even if they don't seem that interested. Just, you know, generally good advice. And I said, I'll just call him John. I said, john, do you think that people want to talk to you? Do you think you're worth talking to? And he said, no, I don't. I said, well, that might be 98% of the problem right there. Because if you think people don't want to talk with me, then that you're going to put that out, you're going to get back what you put out. So if you're expecting and sort of energetically saying you don't want to talk to me, no one wants to talk to me, who's gonna want to talk to me? That's what you're gonna get back. People aren't gonna wanna talk to you. So if you do work up the energy you're gonna get not the responses that you want. So that telling yourself people don't wanna talk with me is killing your confidence and you need to turn that around. Of course people wanna talk to me because I'm awesome. Of course they're gonna wanna share, hear what I have to say. Of course they're gonna wanna know what questions they're gonna ask. They're gonna be interesting questions. Of course people are going to want to talk with me. And that is a fundamental shift. That's a self esteem shift. That's also just a decision that you make to stop buying into that story that says people don't want to talk with me. And then the third thing that you're believing that you're buying into that's killing your confidence right now is sort of an extension of that. It's like, well, why don't people want to talk to you? Here's the most common one I hear Because I'm boring. Because I'm a boring person. Have you ever told yourself that? I don't know what to say. I'm so boring. My life's so boring. I don't have anything to talk about because I'm so boring. And every time you do that, it's just like smashing you down further and further. Because boring is like code for shitty person, right? You're boring. It's not like a light insult. It's kind of a heavy hitting thing, right? It's not like, hey, your shirt and pants don't match. That's kind of my. All right. Hey, listen, man, I just got to say, you're the most boring person I've ever been around. That's kind of a strong statement. We're telling ourselves that all the time. You're boring, you're boring, you're boring, I'm boring. And then we show up boring. We limit ourselves. We share in like kind of boring ways because we're afraid. And you got to shed that. You are fascinating. You are interesting. I don't care if you just get up in the morning and play fucking video games all day long. You can still be an interesting human being. In fact, I work with a client back in my back when I was doing clinical psychology work and I was working with a lot more severe stuff. And I was working with a guy who literally didn't leave his house, well, once in a while, but almost never left his house. He was on the computer for 14 hours a day, lot of video games. But you know what? He knew so much information. He was like fascinating to talk to because he knew so many things about the Internet, because he would spend all his days on Wikipedia and watching videos and coming across all this stuff. So even if you don't do anything, you can be fascinating. It's all a mindset. It's all how you show up. And that's what this is all about. It's shifting these things. Of course I have something to say. Of course people are going to want to talk to me. Of course I'm interesting. And if you show up that way, you're going to have an entirely different response. In fact, you're going to find it's way easier just to come up with things to say. Stuff is just going to pour out of you when you're in that state of being connected to your value, to your awesomeness, to what you have to offer. So if this is something that you find useful, if you think shifting your mindsets on a deep level about this could be valuable for you. And then combining that with learning dozens of practical skills, real things you can do moment to moment in the conversations, if you think that could transform your life, then you're absolutely right. And that's why I want to invite you to join me in Portland for my event, the Supremely Confident Conversation Master. It's in March, from March 4 through 6, it's a Friday through a Sunday, it's a three day event, 2016 here in Portland, Oregon. And it's going to be amazing. We're going to go so deep into this that you're going to get this down into your body and then you're going to get a chance to go practice it in the world. And we're going to break it down. We're going to help remove all the fears that are stopping you from just being comfortable talking to people, and then give you a ton of skills on exactly how to do it, what to say, what to say next, how to always come up with things to say. And you're gonna practice it and you're gonna get a chance to work with me directly. And my team is gonna go out with you in the world and help you do this stuff. And this is gonna be the fat, this is gonna be like a battery chamber to help you massively and rapidly master this stuff so you can get back and you can use it in your life. Like, what would you do in your life with a powerful conversation ability, the ability to be supremely confident in conversations? How would that affect your work life right now? Would you connect with colleagues more, with clients more? Would you better at sales as a result of being able to have better conversations? Would you be better at managing or leading people? Would you just be more comfortable talking to some people down the hall? And of course it could impact your dating life, your relationships, your social life. Just think about what it can do in your life to master this. And you know what, like any other skill, this doesn't get better when we ignore it. You don't get in better shape by ignoring your health. You don't get better at the guitar by never picking it up. You don't get better at conversations if you don't practice and master this stuff and learn the tools that are going to help you do it. And most importantly, remove all that garbage, that fear and self doubt that's stopping you because that fear prevents you from learning the skill, right? So if we can remove that fear, you can power through, learn the skill way faster than you think. I mean, way faster than people realize is possible. So I can't wait to see you. I'd love to work with you in person. Just click below to reserve your spot now. Space is limited. We're capping it at 30 and I don't know, probably over half by now or more is filled up. I'm not sure, but it's going to sell out. So you want to claim your spot now, especially during the early bird, which is going for a little bit more here and then it goes back up to the full price. So now is the time to do this. This is the only time that I'm holding this event this year in 2016. So if you want to get this event again, wait until 2017. I know the avoidant part of you might be like, great, I'll put it off for another year. But the part of you that's alive, that has a sense of purpose and wants to do something in the world and wants to enjoy your life, that part doesn't want to wait. That part doesn't want to wait another year because that's a whole other year of your life passing you by with you on the sidelines. So don't make that mistake. Click below. Join us for the event. You won't regret it. It's a life changing experience, a life changing community. People leave feeling inspired and connected and ready to go. So I can't wait to see you at that event until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

I read his book and I knew I needed to do it and I was trying to do it, but I was subscribed to his email chain and I got his email saying, hey, free phone conference. And I'm like, you know what? What's it gonna hurt? It's free. So I signed up for it, had a great conversation with him. He really enlightened me. And I'm like, he invited me to go to his class. Unstoppable confidence. And I'm like, this is the stepping stone. This is what I need to be me to get the confidence I need. Incredible. I just, you know, a whole different view on things. I can go someplace and do something I would have never done before. It's just, it's awesome. You can sit there and read late at night and be like, yeah, I'm gonna do this tomorrow and you don't do it. But if you're there in a group of people that all are saying the same thing and are saying, you know, let's do this. It just empowers you, and you just get out and you do it, and it's just. It feels awesome. Everybody's different. If you can read the book and do it, that's great. But to be here, it's just so much more powerful. I mean, like I said, I read the book six months ago, and, yeah, I made small steps. But until I'm here in this moment with him, with the group, with the support system, I mean, literally, in three days, I've transformed, you know, it's just incredible. Yes, man. I mean, this is awesome. Thank you so much. It's. It's just been. I don't know, it's just been awestrucking. It's just fantastic. Really jarred me.

Go do it. Go do it. I know he's in Portland. You're probably somewhere in the east coast or Hawaii. Who knows? But I'm telling you, it is worth it. Personally, for myself, I was really skeptical about coming here. You know, flew from Los Angeles, investing all my time, money. I don't know if it's going to work. There's parties back home waiting for me, friends wanting to hang out with me this weekend. But now that I'm here, now that I'm almost done with this weekend, intensive training, I said, well, you know, it's Sunday now, and I'm not the same person as I was when I was Friday. I have, like, this whole settlement mentality. I just feel like I am unstoppable. I can do anything. The world's mine. It's really. It's awesome. I just want to tell Dr. Aziz, Man, I love what you do. I love the fact that you are just really willing to help people to make this world a better place, more lovable, more confident. Just really bring out the full potential in people. Because, you know, when I first met you, I was really small. You know, my boss hated me. My dad thought that I was a failure. I thought that no girls, no woman's ever going to want to date me. But now, you know, I'm starting my own business. I got my own patent. I'm just really looking for aggressive. I want to do business with Walmart, Costco, and I have multiple women, you know, different numbers, wanting to just date me and just hang out with me. My dad thinks I'm an awesome person. Just over this past one year, I've shifted dramatically. And I just want to thank you, Dr. Aziz, for just bringing the full potential in me.

And thank you the fact that I know now that I create My own social anxiety, and it's not something that is genetic or is just something wrong with me. I think you have really helped me to learn that I can either do social anxiety. It's kind of a choice that I make subconsciously, or not do it. I think that's the most important thing I've learned. Yeah. That you weren't out there just to try to make a buck off me or. And now after the weekend, I realize that you really are even more honest and caring than I thought you were before I met you. Dr. Aziz has been a great help to me. I think that out of all the coaches and doctors and psychologists and the therapists that I've talked to, he's one person who really understands social anxiety because he himself had social anxiety and still has it to some level. So I think that makes him. It differentiates him from everybody else I've talked to who claims to be an expert on it. And I don't think you can be an expert on social anxiety unless you've actually had social anxiety. So it made me feel like we were almost on the same level and that I could really relate to him in terms of him understanding what social anxiety is. And I've never spoken to anybody before who understands social anxiety as well as he does. For the last 20 years, I didn't want to take off my dark glasses because I was afraid that people would see the tension that I hold in my body and it's reflected in my eyes. So I was always scared to take off my glasses. I never wanted to go out in public without them on. But thanks to Dr. Aziz, I have come a long way with that, and I now am able to hold a conversation with a man or a woman and keep eye contact, and I feel comfortable doing so. And it feels so good to be able to take off my dark glasses and be able to look people in the eye and have a normal conversation. You won't be able to tell from the videos that you see of Dr. Aziz online or from his podcasts, but until you meet him in person, that he's almost a guru of relaxation and relaxation techniques and meditation and ways to calm your anxiety. And that's one of the things that I think I'll take from this weekend and use for the rest of my.

Life.

Are the ways that he's shown me to keep my body and mind relaxed. One moment from this weekend that really stands out and is really funny is that we did a social experiment with these three beautiful girls, and the experiment was for them to basically Stare into my eyes for 30 seconds. And I did it with all three of the girls. And then afterwards, they all wanted my phone number. And they have been calling me probably ten times since, since then. So I'll remember that There are many ways to reduce your anxiety, but if you want to reduce it a lot very quickly, I think the weekend intensive is the best way to go. When I was in Orlando, I worked with a therapist. We did 30 sessions at $100 a piece, so that was $3,000. And I'll be very honest with you, in the last two days with Dr. Aziz, I have learned more and become more confident and more aware of myself than I did in the three months working with my therapist. When Dr. Aziz first told me how much the weekend was going to cost, I was kind of taken aback and wasn't really sure if I could put that much money into it. But now, after the weekend is over, I realized that with the confidence I have now, I could easily make that money back in a few months or maybe even a few weeks, because now I feel comfortable enough to talk to people that I can sell more, I can start my own business. I can get a better job. I can do so many things to recuperate that money. I think that the confidence that I've gained this weekend is worth every bit of the money that I pay Dr. Aziz and even more. I've tried many different therapists and psychologists over the years, and I can tell you that none of them brings the value to me that Dr. Aziz has brought.

I feel good. Like, this whole weekend really, really kind of boosted my mood. Being around the guys, seeing their enthusiasm, excitement, how much progress they made. It was really just uplifting to me on a personal level. And, you know, it's hard not to feel good with all of the, like, high fives and the hugging. And so, yeah, I feel pretty good. And now I can proudly look back from present day and really recognize how far I've come where that's no big thing at all. Like, it registers as, like, a zero on the nervousness scale. So people now, when I tell people, like, I used to be really shy, a lot of people who just met me are, like, genuinely surprised. They're like, really? You don't seem shy to me. And I'm like, yeah, exactly. I look forward to seeing the progress I continue to make, and hopefully I'll keep on working with Aziz and he'll notice it in me as well. For someone who's considering working with Dr. Aziz or interacting with him, I would say definitely do it. It's one of the best decisions you'll make if you're in kind of that, that position where you really feel stuck and alone. If you reach out to him, it'll change the trip, like the trajectory of your life. I did that at like 25 and it's, It's been like a defining moment in like, who I am as a person. Yeah, I just can't. I literally, as we see, can't put into words enough how strongly I recommend, like, talking with Aziz. He's amazing. I am constantly, like in awe of like, his work. The first weekend was great. This weekend, second weekend was even better. Best therapist I ever had. I mean, he's just an amazing guy who's passionate about helping, helping people. And he will, if you work with him and put everything you have into it, he will do the same and the results will be just unbelievable.

You know, I think my favorite part really is hearing Aziz's own stories about what his experience with this work has been like. He's just full of these anecdotes of, you know, like putting a personal touch, a personal spin on what he's teaching about that allows each individual in the workshop to really connect and say, oh, I see myself in that. Such a natural speaker, such a natural entertainer. Being somebody who is instantly trustworthy. You will never find somebody more honest and personal and trustworthy to guide you along a path of personal freedom than Aziz. It's effective. And also one thing that I was really pleasantly surprised about was how fun it was. It sounds kind of, kind of heavy, the subject matter, it's like, oh, going into it, like, alright, is this how I want to. You know, this will probably be good for me, but maybe not an enjoyable way to spend my time on a Saturday, but I found it really funny. He's like this great stand up comedian too. So it's like, oh, I'm learning stuff and I'm just having a really good time.

Be ready and open immediately. Face any hesitation before coming and just be present with the here and now in the very moment that they step into the door. I liked the terrifying game that involved going to an edge and pushing an edge. It was scary for me and my heart was racing and I was just feeling a lot of energy and intensity which could be felt as fear, but it could also be felt as excitement. And it felt like both of those things to me. So I was, yeah, it was scary and exhilarating as well. And it felt empowering to say some things which was an edge for me that I wanted to do. The anchoring technique that we learned was especially potent for me, and it's something I've worked with in the past as well, some extent. But to really build up the energy of confidence and love and centeredness, that was really palpable. I could really feel the energy shift for myself, and then to anchor it in a particular motion, it felt like a powerful thing to do. And I imagine I'll take it and use it. I would say if you're feeling. Feeling scared, you should come, or if you're feeling uncertain, you should come. Or if you're feeling doubt, it would be a good idea to come because that's probably some form of resistance. And innerly, you feel drawn to it because you know that there's an edge there and because you also sense intuitively that there's some way that you can be liberated that you currently are not. So I would encourage you to take those steps because it's worth it. And I feel like I've been given some really, really good tools today, and Aziz is just a really fantastic teacher and fantastic presence.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what the people were going to be like. I didn't know what I was going to have to do. And all these scary thoughts came into my mind that, you know, everything I can imagine. And something kept telling me, you need to do this because this makes you grow. This makes you get the results that you're looking for. You learn from everybody. It's amazing you're not here by yourself. It's like this one collective body working together, and it's all the same purpose. You don't feel alone at all. It's hard to describe. It's hard to put words into it, but you just feel a calming relief because you're not fighting something. You surrender to it. It's really strange that I. How much I need the support and I didn't know it and how much that supportive feeling just naturally makes me contribute and speak up because it feels safe and it feels just this freedom. I don't have to, you know, monitor everything I say or do because everyone in the room is supportive and they're not accept. I mean, they are accepting me, and it makes me accept myself and makes me feel free. I just feel better about myself. I feel more energy, more clear, more optimistic. I feel lighter. I feel like I'm not trapped in my head. I just think you're an amazing guy. This program that you put together, it's fantastic because you're such A great guy, but you've lived this and you're not just someone who is using the information to create a program. Your information comes from actually feeling it and then learning how to get past it. And so it's a really authentic program because you're one of the dudes that was here, you know, that used to be here and you've climbed up out of it. So there's a lot of respect that goes to you for that and trust.

I think I had some intention to change and intention to kind of get a handle on this area of my life. But also I think I had some resistance in terms of how possible that would be for me to do it. You know, I've tried a lot of different things in the past. A lot of personal development work, which has been great, but I think a lot of that's been intellectual. I've done a lot of work in my life and this is the closest I've ever felt to another group of people. And I spent many years in different groups for personal development community groups. And I have never been able to look across a room and see myself in another person as much as that was the case here. And it really felt like a real brotherhood to be here amongst just awesome guys that are on their own path. But we also share kind of a lot of commonalities as far as how I feel now versus when I started. I feel like I have a greater ability to just connect with people. It doesn't have to be go into a conversation of how, you know, I started as a child and got to where I am, but just to be able to look someone in the eye and feel a little bit more comfortable about that. The investment of the money and the time. I think, you know, there's investing to attend and go to this workshop and the flights and the hotels and all of that. And that's real, right? Money's big deal. But also I think there's a cost of not going and I think there's a cost of the way that I was living my life and how I was not being able to feel into my heart and connect with people and feel that I'm okay and that everything's going to be okay. You know, there's a cost to that and I was paying for it every day, you know, to a point where I had to take time off of work because just going in to deal with people on a day to day basis was excruciating to me. Literally terrifying to do a job every single day. That brought terror to me. I Believe. There's a native proverb I heard many years ago of what I hear, I tend to forget. What I see, I tend to remember. But what I do, I truly understand. And you can't do that behind a computer screen.

You.

You can't do that reading a book. You can put certain things into action, and I think that's great. But the group is a microcosm and it's an incubator. So being in the group with other people that you can relate with and see yourself in, one, helps me be more compassionate with myself, and two, it gives me a truer sense of what's possible because I can see people I relate with, doing. Doing things that scare me. So that was a big deal. And also just the support and the love. I mean, it's truly. I feel a real sense of love for the men in that room. I wasn't sure about.

You.

You know, I wasn't sure if you were saying all the right things. I wanted to hear, you know, just a great marketer until we had that phone call and I realized that although it was supposed to be a five minute question and answer about another program, that you were invested in uncovering what was up for me and you were willing to put in the time to actually find out what's going on here. And can I serve this person? Can I really see this as someone that can benefit from what I have to offer? And you were curious about me and I felt your interest in me and your care in me and also your belief and confidence that I could have what I want even if I was at a place where I couldn't truly visualize it from where I was. So thank you. And I'm looking forward to being on this path with you and all the other brothers that I shared this space with and the wonderful coaches and assistants that you have, like Ben, who is just a remarkable human being. And I love you.

Yeah, I wish I can come for another weekend. And it's in my top priorities to do that. And even no matter the cost is I will find a way to do it. Like with Dr. Aziz, he simplified so I could relate, could understand what he's saying. So that's. I didn't have any doubt because everything he says makes sense, makes sense. I went. Then when I did the confidence code, I decided to try it. I did the confidence code. I did experience change. I am more confident than before and I will grow more.