3 Secrets To Conversation Confidence (Seminar Replay)

So let's dive in. So one other thing is, as we get started, if you have a bunch of stuff going on, see if you can minimize distractions. And even better is get yourself a sheet of paper or open up a file on your phone or a notepad file on your computer and take some notes. Because if you jot some stuff down as you listen, that actually activates a whole different part of your brain and will help you make sure that you're really staying engaged and really involved in the process, because that's where the transformation is going to come in. So grab something to take notes on and let's dive in. So it's three secrets to conversation confidence. We're going to dive into what these three secrets are. Then I'm going to answer some of the questions that people are typing in, and I'll be doing some live Q and A if people are on the line and want to do that. And then I'll be giving away a copy of the confidence code. So you're going to want to stay tuned for that. And we should wrap up here in about an hour total time is the plan. So today you're going to learn a number of things, including how to be more relaxed when you're interacting with people, because that's what conversation confidence is, right? It's to feel comfortable in yourself, to feel relaxed. You're also going to learn why you might freeze up in certain situations or with certain people and how to stop doing that, how to not do that. And you're also going to discover how to always have something to say, how to just be able to be in the moment and be spontaneous and share it with people. And I see some great questions coming in, so I'm going to answer those as well, try to embed those into the presentation, and then we'll get to some of the Q and A as well. So what is the first secret to conversation confidence? I was tempted to go into my story for a second, in case you don't know me, but you know that I was really shy. I was stuck. I didn't know this stuff for many years, and now I really broke through it. So I want to. One last caveat. Sorry. Everything I'm sharing is not coming from a place of like, oh, come on, stupid, just do it this way. I mean, I had to learn this stuff the painful way, the hard way, where I just fumbled. And so no matter where you are, you can break through this. I don't care if you're like, I can't even look. Someone in the eye. Trust me, I've been there. And you can break through this. And so if some of this stuff seems a little advanced for you, don't worry. Take the stuff that's easier and work with that. And. And I'm just saying that I'm a perfect example of how we can all kind of grow in this area. So what is the first one, the first secret to conversation? Confidence. Ready, Drum roll. Assume approval. Assume approval. Write that one down. If you're taking notes. If you're not taking notes, take notes. Assume approval. What do I mean by that? Well, what we're doing when we're feeling nervous or anxious or not confident is we're playing something called the approval game. And what's the approval game? Well, the approval game goes something like this. I want to make sure that you don't disapprove of me. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say the approval game? So what happens is you're nervous around someone, or you're nervous to go talk to someone, or you're nervous before a business meeting, and you are in your body feeling tense. What's happening is you're like, I don't want it to go badly. I don't want to have a bad outcome. And if I were to ask you what is that bad outcome that you're worried about, it's going to be some form of disapproval. Well, I'm going to be giving my presentation, and people are going to raise their eyebrows and have no idea what I'm talking about, or I'm going to freeze when I start talking. And then people are going to look at me like I'm some kind of weirdo, or I'm going to choke up and say something random and weird. And then people are going to. So it's always, I'm going to do something or not do something, and then people are going to have some sort of judgment of me. So the approval game is I have to make sure that everyone approves of me, and no one has any negative judgments of me. Why? Why do we play this? Well, because in our experience, if we imagine someone's having a judgment about us, it hurts. We have all kinds of negative thoughts about ourselves then, like, oh, I'm a loser, I'm no good. Of course they judge me, of course I do suck, so on and so forth, right? So we have this fear of these judgments. And then we start doing what I call the song and dance, which is anything that you do or don't do to try to avoid those Judgments. So for me, for many years, my primary song and dance was just to avoid, like, crazy. If I go talk to that person, they might reject me. So I will avoid that person, whether it's a woman that I was attracted to or someone that I can meet as a friend but I thought they were cooler than I was, or a connection for business. Like, well, that could go badly. So I'll just avoid it. That's the primary song and dance. But there's other stuff too, right? There's kind of being the nice guy. I did this for many years, too. Like, I'll smile a lot, I'll nod. I'll agree with what you're saying. I won't challenge you. I'll try to align with all your viewpoints. Yeah, I like the same stuff as you. Ha. I'm just going to try to mold myself and wrap around this person. And that's another form of the song and dance. Maybe you hold certain things back. You don't reveal parts of yourself. You get real quiet. Whatever it is, there's something you do that's all part of playing the approval game. Do you get what I'm saying right now as I'm talking? Hopefully this isn't totally new to you. Hopefully this is kind of making sense and you're like, oh, I see. I do do that. I do try to get people's approval. I am scared of rejection. Hopefully this isn't new to you. But here I have some news for you. You can't win. You can't win the approval game. It's impossible. Because remember, the point of the game is to not have anyone ever have a judgment about you. Do you know how impossible that is? Do you know what the odds. I mean, it's worse than the lottery because check this out. Do you know how quickly we can speak? And I'm a fast talker and I believe someone can maybe check the stats on this. I think we can speak about 150 words per minute if we're speaking quickly. It was a long time ago that I read these stats, so if you find better ones, let me know. But I think it's about 150 words per minute. Guess how fast we can think. You know, we can think faster than we can speak. So we can think about 250 words per minute. As an estimate, that's dozens of sentences. That's like thought, thought, thought words really fast. And all of that stuff's going along and you want to make sure that nothing in there is negative. And not only that, but are you in complete control of your thoughts and your mind. I mean, I'm not. I mean, haven't you ever had a thought where you're watching someone and you just kind of start judging them in your mind and you don't want to be, and you're like, God, why am I being such a jerk in your head? Right. So we all do that. So not only do I don't have control over my own thoughts, I want to have control over other people's thoughts, every single one of them. The image I like to imagine is like, imagine you're standing in a river and you're, like, trying to catch all the water in your hands as it's flowing by, thousands of gallons flowing by, and you're trying to catch it all in your hand. That's what playing the approval game is like. And you cannot win, and there is no hope there. And I want to dash your hopes about winning the approval game because then it's going to break you open to something else, something more free, something more alive, which is really not playing the game at all. But an intermediate step to not playing the approval game is to assume approval. So what I mean by that is instead of trying to get everyone to like you and doing your song and dance, you want to show up to interactions, assuming that people are already going to want to talk to you. So you assume this person that I'm going to go speak to is going to be excited to talk to me. Because the opposite, the default is, oh, they're going to reject me. They're not going to want to talk to me, they're not going to like me. That's how we enter into the action. But I want you to switch that. And this is a secret to having confidence in all of your conversations. So before you go talk to that person, take a moment and really imagine that they're excited to talk to you, that they want to talk to you, that they're hoping to talk to you. And then when you move into that interaction, you want to start treating them and interacting with them like they're a great friend of yours, like they're someone you know for a long time and think about that. How do you greet a good friend? How do you converse? How are you around someone where you're just totally comfortable? Think about that one person right now in your life where you're just totally relaxed around them. Maybe it's a good buddy, a good friend, a family member, a brother, a sister, someone that you just are comfortable around. How do you act around them? How do you move? How do you use your body? Do you make jokes? Do you not make jokes? Do you observe things? Do you share what's going on in your life? Think about that for a minute because that is you. When you're not playing the game, the approval game, that is you just being you. And you want to bring that to your next interaction with someone. And really, at first you kind of have to act that way around a new person, but you're not really playing any role. I mean, you're just being yourself. Right? But it's weird how we have to kind of like consciously act like ourselves at first and then eventually it's just you being you in all situations. It's like a muscle, you're working it out. So one simple step is to assume that approval. If I knew this person liked me already, I didn't have to do anything to win them over. How would I be? And you want to bring that to your interaction. And this actually is if you're curious about why you freeze up in conversations or interaction, it's because of the approval game. And if this is something that's bothering you and there's one client I'm working with right now who just. That's this big thing. I freeze up. I freeze up. And if you're curious, like what's going on there? Why am I freezing up and how do I break through that? Then you really want to want to pay attention to this approval game thing because here's why. You freeze up. You freeze up because you enter into the interaction and you're playing the approval game. And that means your mind is on hyper alert mode. It's paying attention to everything you could say and do and saying, is this person going to like this or not? Does she want to hear this story or not? Are they going to laugh at my joke or not? Should I share that about me or not? Do they think that I'm disagreeing with them or not? And everything is getting filtered. And you can think about it like on your computer. Have you ever been running too many programs at once? And you try to open up a new program. Like you have 50 windows open and you got Photoshop running and all this stuff. And all of a sudden you try to open up a new program and it's just like grindy slow, frustratingly slow. If you have a Mac, you get that little pinwheel of death. Or if you have a Windows, you get the hourglass going. And it's one of those hourglasses that you know is not going to go away until you reboot, you're like, God damn it. So that is what it's like when you're running this approval game thing, because you're trying to. Everything has to be filtered through this. Is this going to be okay with them? And as a result, you freeze up. And why do you freeze up with certain people? Because there's two reasons why it will happen with certain people. One is you don't know them that well or at all. And so you have no idea what they're going to like or not like. You have nothing to go on. And so it's like, well, are they going to like this joke or not like this joke? And you're like, crap, I don't know. I don't know them. So there's more likelihood to freeze because you don't know how to adapt yourself to please them. And secondly, if the stakes are high, if you're going into it thinking, like, I really, really need this person to like me. Oh, my God, I need her to like me so she goes out with me, oh, my God, I need this person to like me so we can be friends, or so they'll hire me or whatever the situation is. So those are the situations that we freeze up in. And the best way to break out of that is, is to let go of the approval game, to start assuming approval and going into those interactions. And ultimately to really get over the approval game would be to kind of get over the process of. There's a question coming in. Getting over the process of not approving of yourself. And that's a much deeper issue, you know, approving of yourself. And that's something we get into in the confidence code with the self esteem section. Because self esteem and conversations confidence are so related. But that's the first main secret I want to share about conversation confidence with you. There's a few more that I'm going to jump into now as we get into the second secret, but I want to take just a moment. I see there's a bunch of questions coming in, and I want to see if any of them relate to what I just touched on so I can embed it into our conversation here. Okay. How to not be timid. I'm going to answer that one in a second. Someone said how to not be timid. How can I not be timid? That's from Alan. Alan. I'm going to answer that in just a moment as we get into the second secret to conversation confidence. So stay tuned for that. What age did shyness kick in for you? So I'm going to answer most of these in the Q and A coming up, so stay tuned for that if you want to get your questions answered. Ooh, this one's good. How do I end conversations without it being awkward? I'll be sure to answer that one as well. Someone from Mongolia. How to eliminate fear and procrastination. Okay, so let's dive into the second secret. I'm going to try to answer a few of the questions that have been coming in from the webcast in this section. And again, I will do a more focused Q and A in just a little bit here. And even if the people that are calling in want to actually speak with me, we can do that as well. So the second secret to conversation confidence is. Ready? Turn your filter down. Turn your filter down. So this sort of stems out. I mean, you have to do step one or secret one in order to be able to do secret two, right? This filter is like the computer program that's taken up all your ram. You want to be able to turn that down and not wonder so much how it's going to land. And I know that might seem hard or scary, but you got to dive in. You got to just give it a shot and turn that filter down. So that filter is, are they going to like it or not? And you got to have some filter, right? If you walk up to someone and you have the thought like, wow, I cannot wait to see you walk up to. And maybe if you have the right approach and it's the right moment and you say it in the right way, it could go well, but probably not. If you just. It's the first thing, you open your mouth and say, so you want to have some filter. But usually when one of the problems is our filter is so high. So sometimes people say, hey, Aziz, how do we more relaxed? How do we be more funny in conversation? And I always say, turn your filter down because you're talking to someone right there. You have all the ideas in the world for a conversation inside of you right there. There's no lack in you. There's no problem in you. Your brain's not broken. You're not messed up. Your filter is too high. So what happens is something comes into your mind and you discount it. You say, I can't say that. That's weird. That's boring. That's not interesting enough. That's not funny enough. They won't like it. She won't like that. He won't like this. And you throw it into the rubbish pile instead of just letting it out. And that's what turning the filter. Really Imagine this. Imagine there's like a knob, like an old school knob on a machine or a guitar amp or something. Imagine that knob. And when the filter is turned up to 10, nothing gets through. That's when you're frozen. That's when you're staring wide eyed and waiting and hoping someone's going to say something. Turn it down to six, to five, to four. Now you're in the range where stuff's just getting out. You're just saying stuff. Now if you turn it down to zero or one, you know, could be fun. It's an interesting experiment. I did that experiment. I read Brad Blanton's book called Radical Honesty. It's a fantastic read, very interesting book. If you want to learn more about it, you can go to my podcast, shrinkforthshyguy.com I did an interview with him. You just go to shrinkforthshy guy.com and in the search type in Brad Blanton or Honesty or something. You'll see those episodes. But I did that experiment for a little while as part of my growth where I just said everything, man. I was freaking terrified. Everyone was working at the time at this organization and man, that's a scary place to try it. But I was committed. I was going to do whatever it took. And I remember a good friend of mine said, man, I'm nervous being around you when you're doing this experiment because I have no idea what you're going to say in meetings. I remember him and I had to do these presentations for outreach. We were working at some clinic in Portland State University and it was like these people would come and there's parents and students, potential students, and they were learning more about the school. And we were doing this presentation on all the mental health and other resources that were available to students. And it was so boring, man. And we had to do it for our job. And the slides were already created for us. And so we just went through and read the slides. It was really boring. We had to do it like 20 times in the summer for all these visiting parents and kids. And so I was reading this book, Radical Honesty, and Brad Blanton is like, stop hiding and just start being real. So I was like, I'm going to do it. So we're giving this presentation. There's maybe 20, 30 people in the room, parents, a bunch of college age people. And someone asked a question like, so what about this such and such. And I was like, oh, actually, I don't know. I'm Just reading the slides. Yeah, I didn't even make them. Yeah, yeah, no, this is something we have to do, is hand it down. We actually tried to get out of this presentation, but we had to do it. And everyone just, like, stared at me like, what the hell? But it actually led to some of the most fascinating conversations. Broke everything open. So I'm not saying you have to go that far. That's a zero or a one, but maybe a four or a five. So what do I mean by that? Well, blurt stuff out. That word power is powerful. Blurt. Just blurt something out so something comes to your mind. Just say it. We went up to this place and got a piece of pizza and blah, blah, blah. You're like, oh, pizza. There's this place that I just went to the other day that was really good. They had such and such. It was awesome. Or what's your favorite kind? And you just riff on the word pizza. Say something. Blurt something. It doesn't have to be the right thing or the funny thing or the. Just say something. Blurt it. Blurt something out. Make it a commitment to yourself that in my next interaction, I'm just going to blurt a little bit more out. Just. Just 10% more. I'm just going to turn my filter down just by 10%. And another thing is, notice what you're really curious about. And in case you're wondering, now, we're getting into how to always have something to say, how to be able to keep conversations going, how to be able to keep the flow going. So another thing about turning your filter down is asking yourself, what am I really curious about here? What do I really want to know? What's something that really is important for me to want to know about? Where am I naturally drawn? Because the thing is, curiosity is a beautiful thing and is one of the best kinds of conversations come from when we actually talk about what we're really curious about. Curiosity is like wonder. It is awe, it is interest, it is engagement, it is excitement. And so you want to know, what am I really curious about with this person? And then you want to turn your filter down so you can ask it. Man, I cannot tell you how many terrible conversations I've had in my life, especially when I was really stuck in shyness, where I would just, you know, be trapped with someone having to talk about what I think they wanted to talk about. So they're telling me about their work, and I'm like, huh, yeah, interesting. Yeah, huh. You know? And I was just bored. I didn't Know what was going on or I didn't care. And, and that's torturous. I mean, honestly, I don't know if that's much better than just avoiding the conversation entirely. So you want to be able to find out what am I really curious about? What do I actually want to know? And then turn the filter down to ask it. So someone starts telling you about their work, they're like, yeah, I work as a public relations. I was talking to one guy, he's like, yeah, I did mass scale media and public relations for such and such corporation. Sounded very impressive. And I just smiled. I was like, huh, that sounds really impressive. I actually have no idea what that means. And then he laughed. And then we started talking about it and he started telling me what it was and I was like, oh, interesting. And then, so what actually do you do on Monday morning when you go to work? Help me understand. And I asked him just question after question that I was really curious about. And you can do this for anyone. What are you most curious about? About them. And don't worry about being nosy or asking too many questions. Look, people want to get real. They want you to want to know them. In fact, it's really, they'll feel like super significant and important and excited talking to you. When you can follow your curiosity with them. I call it following your fascination. So that's another really important way to have something to say. You also want to turn your filter down to start sharing more about yourself. Share more of yourself. Don't filter everything out and say, oh, they don't want to hear this. Oh, they don't want to hear that. Oh, that's not very interesting. And so on and so forth. How do you know what people want to hear and don't want to hear? Instead of the default being they don't want to hear this, how about the default is they do want to hear this. Why? Because it's interesting to me. Because it's what's going on in my life. Whether it's the workout you did that morning or the weekend that you had with your friends or your pet. Just tell people, share. Especially if you're excited about it. Because your enthusiasm, your energy, your passion is what resonates with people. Even if they don't have the exact same shared interest as you. Because so often people will not share much about themselves. I had one client I was working with and he had this pattern of he wanted to get further ahead in his company and he was amazingly technically skilled, very capable, but he didn't talk with people much. He didn't network. And so he wasn't really perceived as leadership material because he couldn't really lead people, not because he didn't have the capability, but because he was holding himself back. And so we started working on how to show up differently to work, how to talk to people. And so I had him run through what he would do. He comes in on a Monday and he'd say hi to a few people, avoid as many interactions as possible, and then sit down in his cubicle. And I'm laughing because it's so much what I would do in my life, but in the past. So I was like, when you talk to someone, how does it go? And he'd sort of give me a rundown of the conversation and he was sure nothing about himself. So he'd ask them how they're doing and they say, good, how about you? Good. And they asked him how his weekend was and he'd say, oh, it was great, thanks. Oh, good, didn't do much and that's it. And he gave him nothing to work with, no way to know him. And I asked him, why don't you tell. What did you. What did you actually do? And he tried to pull a nothing stunt on me. He's like, nothing. And I'm like, dude, you didn't do nothing. No one does nothing. Unless you're like a Zen, Zen master in a monastery and you meditated all week. That's still something. So what did you do? He's like, well, I worked out, I went to the gym and oh yeah, what kind of workout did you do? Well, I'm running and I run up some stairs and. Oh, interesting. And I started talking to him about that. And then he was working on some project. He went out to some desert area near his house, really pretty, went for a hike. So I was like, those are phenomenal things to talk about. And so you want to stop discounting yourself. And this is where the self esteem thing comes in too, which is like, look, you matter. Your stories matter, your life matters, who you are matters. People want to know that. And so you want to share that with them and give them what they want. And this is a key part of churning the filter down. So those are some major aspects of turning the filter down, which is the second secret to conversation confidence. We're going to roll right into the third one now, and I see there are even more questions coming in, so thank you for sharing those. I'm going to get to those in just one more second and then we're Going to see here, get to the third secret of conversation, confidence. Let me actually answer a few of those questions now because there's so many coming in. I feel bad if people are asking all these questions. Let me get a sip of water here. If you're listening, grab a sip of water yourself. Because water makes your brain work. Good. And let's jump into some questions. Here we go. Sam says, how do I end conversations without it being awkward? Well, this is great. So the best way to end conversations is to not wait until you're horribly trapped and pissed off about it. You know what I'm talking about where you stayed like 15 minutes longer than you wanted to. It could have been a four minute conversation and now it's a 20 minute conversation and you're just like, I gotta get the. Get away from me. You want to do it, do it like two or three minutes. If you're not digging it, if you're not enjoying the conversation, if you're trying to ask them questions and they're not giving you anything, if you're sharing about yourself and they're just totally disinterested, then what you're going to want to do is end the conversation. And the best way to do that is just to casually upbeat tones like, hey, it's been great talking to you. Blank, insert name here. I'm going to go do blank. That's the best formula for how to end conversation. Hey, it's been great talking to you, John. I'm going to go check on so and so over there. Or hey, it's been great talking to you. I wanted to go get outside for a minute before we resume our meeting here. Or it's been great talking to you, John. Everyone's name is John. It's been great talking to you, John. I'd like to go step out for a minute or use the restroom or something. I'll catch you guys in a bit. So you just give. It's been great talking to you. I'm going to go do blank. And you don't even have to have a blank. You can just say, look, it's been great talking to you. I'm going to step over here for a minute. I'll catch you soon. I'll catch you later. That's a great one. If you don't have something specific you want to go do. It's been great talking to you, John. I'll catch you later. And then you take action on that. And you're friendly in your tone, but then you're also clear in your body. Language that you're just ending it like you're pulling a band aid off. You're not saying, great, it's been great talking to you, and then stand there kind of awkwardly with your body. No, just say, it's been great talking to you, John. Give him a handshake if that feels right. And then move away. Get out of there. Leave. Go several feet away. And if you're worried about, like, well, what if they see me talking to someone else? That's fine. Look, you can't take care of everyone, everyone's feelings. Then you were friendly and warm, and you ended the interaction. So that is my answer to Sam's question. Lexi said, when I talk to people, I worry a lot about the expressions on my face. I smile too much, and I've been told that I seem inauthentic. Any tips on being more genuine? Well, this would be great. I'd say the first part that I mentioned about assuming approval and really just being how you would be around a good friend is a great way to work on this. I'd say that the smiling too much, Lexi, might be related to your song and dance, because that was mine for a long time. I smiled a lot and I nodded a lot. I used to nod every time everyone was talking to try to make them feel understood. And like, I get you, and please don't be upset with me was behind my smiling and nodding. So what you're going to want to do is experiment with not needing to do anything to take care of them or to get them to like you. What do I want to know about? Am I actually interested in what they're talking about? If I am, then demonstrate that interest. If I'm not, then don't look at that interest and really experiment with what do I actually feel here? And seeing if you can allow yourself to do that. And you're going to be nervous. It's going to be uncomfortable. So this is a process, this is a practice to keep doing this again and again to build up that authenticity, because authenticity is really a practice of courage, I think, to show up each day and say, I'm going to really be who I am in the world. That takes a lot of courage. And most people aren't committed to that. But if you are, you absolutely grow that in yourself. Cool. Okay. Man, there are so many good questions coming in. What age did shyness kick in for me? And someone was asking me that. Mike McHale is asking me that. He says he's had it for as long as he can remember, and it's just gradually gotten worse. So for me, my shyness. And I'd be curious about other people too, what your experiences are. But for me, the shyness kicked in when I was in middle school. That's when I really noticed it. And a lot of people will report that as well. Middle school and high school. And that's when they first start to get their social identity. Am I attractive or not attractive? Funny or not funny? Likable or not likable? And yes, it will get worse, Mikhail, and anyone who's listening, it will get worse unless you take action to shift it. And I know that's not super positive thinking, but it's true. And I want to be honest with you. And no one that I've seen or talked to that's, that's. That's progressed and broken free has not done something. And I know this for myself because I did nothing for many years and had no results. And it. And it got worse because you get older and life keeps passing you by and you feel worse about it and you feel more stuck. And then you come up with all these bullshit stories about why you're stuck and why you're not good enough and why you're broken. And I know that because I lived it. But you must do something to break free. And listening to this is an awesome step. Asking these questions is an awesome step. Investing in yourself, investing in your growth. Get yourself the confidence code or get yourself my book or anyone's book. Just get out there and start doing something with that material. And that's how you're going to break free. Really comes down to two things. Face your fear consistently, daily if you can, weekly otherwise. And changing the way you relate to yourself, being compassionate with yourself. And it will get better. You can break free no matter how long you've had it. Oh, this is a great one. What can I do just before a conversation to train assuming approval? Okay, that is a great question. Who asked that question? Wojtek. I'm sorry, probably pronounced that poorly. Wojtech. But how to train yourself to assume approval? That would be. You want to. A simple thing is to actually imagine for just a second something that helps you realize this person wants to talk to you. So imagine them smiling as you talk to them. Imagine them laughing. This is another thing is you can actually imagine them talking to one of their friends later about you in an excited way. This works especially well for if you want to go talk to a woman, imagine her talking to a friend later about, oh, I met this really cute guy at wherever Blah Blah, blah. So you sort of imagine that you can use the visual element of actually seeing them smiling, seeing them light up. That's a great thing. Another thing is actually to condition yourself, to kind of energize your body. But that's a. I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. That's something you can actually learn and unleash. But I don't want to go down that too far. Do you only counsel men, Michelle? So, Michelle, great question. No, I actually work with women and in the groups that I run, there's women as well. Most of the material I put out is directed towards men and some of their challenges. But the underlying psychology of confidence is the same whether you're a man or a woman. So I work with women as well. Okay, so we're going to jump into the third secret to conversation confidence here because I want to stay on time with our thing. I'm going to answer a few more questions that are coming in from the webinar and then I want to have some time to talk to you over the phone. So let's get into that. I'll go real quick over the third secret here to conversation confidence and ready. So we have what's the number one? Assume approval. What's number two? Turn down your filter. So what's the third secret to conversation confidence? Ready? Repetition. I put that as number three because it's not too sexy and it doesn't have that great of a title. Maybe I should have come up with a better one. It's practice, it's repetition. That's it. And again, I don't want the glitzy stuff for you. I want the stuff that really works. And repetition is what is going to set you free. So anything you learn from this teleseminar, if you do choose to get the confidence code, if you haven't already gotten it, anything you learn in that about a conversation skill or a self esteem boost, repetition is what's going to make it a reality. What you do on a daily basis determines your entire life. So if you want to get more comfortable, say talking in a group, the only way to do that is to repeatedly talk in groups. You want to get more, if you're a guy, you want to get more comfortable talking to women that you're attracted to. The only way to do that is to talk to women that you're attracted to. You want to do better presentations, better public speaking. The only way to do that is public speak a lot. Now this might seem so simple that you kind of eye roll at it, or your mind says, yeah, I already know that. But really slow down for a second, take a deep breath in and say, am I doing it? I might know it intellectually, but am I really doing it on a daily basis? Repeating this skill and do I have some story that tells me that I can't get there? Oh, man, we have all kinds of things, right? Oh, I can't learn that. I'm not the social kind of person. My brother was always the social guy. My sister was always the social one. I'm not. I'm the shy one. Oh, I can't do that. Oh, he's just better than I am. It just comes naturally to him. And we have all these stories. But guess what? If you really wanted to get more comfortable talking to people and you really do you want to master this stuff, I think you do. If you're taking your time out of your day to listen to me and have made it this far, then you're a brother or sister on the path. We're in the same mindset here of, hey, we really want to master this stuff for what it can bring to my life, to my social life, my relationships, my business, my work, my career, my finances. I want to get comfortable here, commit to doing gentle repetition. So if you want to get comfortable talking to people, then, you know, you can learn some of the skills on how to do that in the confidence code. And then you have to go out there and say, okay, I'll have a conversation a day, one conversation a day with a stranger. And if you did that, if you really did, like, you learned the basics of how to do it, and then you did that every day for three weeks, 21 times, you would be in a totally different place with it, I guarantee that. It's just the vast majority of people aren't going to do that. They're going to say, oh, yeah, that sounds great. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll start next month. Yeah, yeah, when I have more time. Or, oh, yeah, I'll do that, but maybe I'll do it never. Or they do it once or twice and they say, yeah, that's cool. That could really work. But I don't feel like it, or I'm busy, whatever. You know, I'm not speaking from a place of superiority here. You know, I'll do the same thing with a meditation routine or whatever. It's like, I'm going to meditate every day, and then I do it for three days and I stop, right? So I'm not perfect. Please do not think that that's the case at all. But what I am saying is if you are really committed to this and you really want to master conversation confidence, then repetition is your way out. Repetition is how you're going to do it. Okay, so someone just said that the voice is cutting in and out. I would encourage you to maybe close the window if you're having that and come back on. Okay, I'm excited to jump in the Q and A here. One thing that I'm going to talk about for just a moment here is if you're not aware of it right now, the new version of the confidence code, confidence code 2.0 just came out. I'm doing the pre release right now which is just for people that are like you who are on my list or know about me directly. And then it's going to be after that it's going to be available for the general public. But you guys get access to it early and at a massive discount when it goes on sale. You during this pre release which goes until two days from now, Wednesday, you can get it for 147 and with a bunch of other stuff. And the reason this program is so powerful and why I'm mentioning it is because it covers exactly what we're talking about, how to master your social skills. And it does that in two ways. We go over self esteem social skills. That's what the entire program is dedicated to. Because if you try to learn just social skills but you have, you know, you're really hard on yourself and you don't like yourself and you're in your treating yourself like crap in your own head, which trust me, I know what that's like because I did that for many years. And it's really hard to learn the social skills or you have a man, I used to do this. I'd have a perfectly fine interaction with someone that I liked, someone that loved me and I believe and I'd be just embarrassed and self critical. Oh, I talk too much. Oh I made a fool of myself. And it was torturous and it had nothing to do with the social interaction because I didn't do anything wrong but it was my self esteem. So this program is the whole first part is dedicated to your self esteem. And the first module is Unlocking self Esteem. Then you learn about self esteem versus self attack. And then you learn about optimal self coaching, how to speak to yourself in your own mind so you're always on your own side. And then in part two in module four we dive into confident body mechanics. Then how to create engaging conversations, how to make friends and deepen your friendships, how to meet women, how to master group conversations, and ultimately how to take your confidence to the next level in all areas of your life. So it's an awesome program. I'd love to see it in there. And during the pre release, you can get it for just $147. So $100 off the price. And you get three bonuses with the program as well. Those bonuses tally up to about $300 worth of stuff. Additional programs. One is called the Self Esteem Blueprint, which is an audio hypnosis that you can listen to each night before you go to sleep that helps ingrain this stuff further. Then there's the seven Tips to Becoming a Conversation Master, which is a video training and an ebook. And then there's three ways to enjoy parties, even if you're shy, and that's audio training and ebooks. So there's just a whole bunch of stuff here. And the reason I'm getting so much is I do not want you to be in the place where I was, where you think, well, I guess this is just who I am. This is my lot in life to be a lonely loser forever. And I'm kind of making light of it. But it's really painful and I know what it's like and I was there for many years, which is why I want to offer so much to you that you just realize that the keys are in your hands and you can take action to shift your life. So go to YourConfidenceCode.com to get your copy today. There's two more days left to get that at the prerelease. YourConfidenceCode.com that is the confidence code. That's how you can master this stuff. And now let's get into you and your questions. So I answered a number of questions from the online thing. Maybe I'll do a few of those in just a moment. But let's see if we can take a call here. So what I'm going to do in a minute is if you'd like to speak to me directly and ask me a question, you can raise your hand and you do that by pressing. You have to be calling in, by the way. So if you're listening on the web, you're just going to have to type your question in. But if you called in, you can ask me a question by hitting star two, Star two will raise your hand and then I can call on you and then I'll unmute you and then you and I can Talk. You can ask me a question, I can respond, and that could be a fun way to do that. I see there's a number of people on, but no one's raising their hand, so that's cool. I'll wait. Hope my system is working. But if you would like to raise your hand, hit star two. And while we're waiting to see if anyone wants to be bold to do that, let's go back to the Q and A that people have typed in. Typing in is the safer way to go, eh? Okay, taking a sip of water here. Let's dive into that. Okay. Oh, great questions. Oh, this one's good. Ken says, aziz, I talk to people on the phone every single day. What's this buttons happening? Someone's calling me directly on my phone. It's my aunt. Oh, you know the worst times to call me? Okay, so Ken says, I talk on the phone every single day and talk to people that I work with every day, but I still don't feel comfortable doing it. So that is a great question, is you're wondering, if repetition is the key, how come I'm doing it all the time and I'm still not comfortable? So, Ken, let me answer that. The question I'd be curious about is what is happening in your mind, how you're holding it, how you're viewing yourself at work, what you're believing about yourself. So if you're uncomfortable talking on the phone, you might have kind of a repetitive idea or belief about yourself, about interacting on the phone. So you might think, jesus, sorry about that. Get away from me. I'm the worst nephew in the world to this one aunt I have. Every time, every time, every time. I rarely talk to her because when we talk, she'll just like Gatling gun, complain at me about her life. And it's like, totally exhausting. And so I set a limit. I interact with her for a few minutes every month or so, and that's about it. But she reaches out to me a lot. So she's bombarding me some of these different ways at the worst time in the world. So what I'm curious, though, Ken, is how you're holding it in your mind if you are thinking to yourself, this phone call is going to go bad. I don't know what I'm doing. Like, are you being hard on yourself? Are you being critical of yourself? If discomfort persists despite repetition. It's an important phrase. So anyone else? I'm sure, Ken, you're not alone with this. If discomfort persists despite all the repetition of the thing you're doing, then you're going to really want to look at how am I holding this in my head? So I'm talking to my colleagues every day. What am I doing when I talk to my colleagues? Am I comfortably sharing? Am I just sharing more about myself or am I holding back? Or am I sharing but then I'm judging the hell out of myself as I do it? That was awkward. That wasn't good. You don't know what you're talking about. You're boring. I mean, if you're saying that stuff to yourself in your head all the time, it doesn't matter how many times you do it. You might be able to do it a little more easily, but you're still going to feel pretty bad. So you're really going to want to work on your self talk and optimal self coaching. That's going to be a really big focus, I think, for you, Ken, and so many people. I'm so glad you asked that question, Ken, because so many people listening can relate to that. I can relate to that too in a lot of areas where I did a lot of repetition. One was actually talking to women in that area and man, I didn't know all this stuff about self compassion and optimal self coaching and I used to just beat the crap out of myself during and afterwards. I honestly didn't even know I was doing it. Sometimes it's not even fully conscious. It's just you feel bad. And that's why when we get into the confidence code in the self esteem modules is you're going to really see what your patterns are. That module tool is called self versus self attack. And my sense, Ken, is that you're doing a lot of self attack. That would be my guess. And I'd be curious to hear more if we could talk over the phone. I see a bunch of callers in and no one has raised their hand. I hope people can do it. How about this just to see if. Oh, hey, we got someone who raised their hand. What's up? All right, let's see if I can use my system here. If I press. Oops. Okay, how do I unmute you? Oh, there we go. It's Natty Perez from Tampa, Florida. Can we hear you, doc? It's me. Yeah. All right, success. This is actually her son. She doesn't actually know I'm doing this, but okay. What's her son's name? What's your name, man? My name is Alex. Alex, awesome. Thanks for joining in today. What is your question for me? Okay, first off, by the way. You're awesome, by the way. Thank you. Okay. Okay, basically, I've been wondering. Okay, basically, I've been wondering, how do I be funny in a conversation without actually messing up? Ooh, that's a great question. So what would messing up. What do you mean by messing up? Like, I say the joke, but then in my mind I'm like, yeah, I don't think that was funny at all. Like, I just want to. I just want to get people laughing. I like to make people laugh. Sure. I know, man. I'm the same way. So let me ask you this. Are there certain situations, like, around some friends or family or someone where you do kind of make people laugh? Well, yeah, the people I. The people I really know. Yeah. From, like, middle school. Yeah. I mean, I make all those people laugh, but I'm talking about the people I've met a couple months ago in high school, freshman year. Yeah, sure. I got you. I got you. So. So you have the experience of hanging out with some good friends and being able to make them laugh. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. So when you're. Do you still hang out with those friends? What, my middle school friends? Yeah, I see them once in a while. Okay, cool. So it's kind of fresh in your mind. So when you're around them, really just take a second and imagine kind of some of their names and thinking of some of the people, and you're just around them. How do you know what to say to make them laugh? Because I know. Because I know them really well, and I know. And I know what they're going to laugh at. So it just kind of. And what is it something you say? Something kind of random? Or do you use a silly voice or do you make a sarcastic remark? Like, how do you usually get them to. To laugh? I say something ra. I say something completely random, and sometimes I use a funny voice while I'm doing it. A little bit of both. Awesome, man. I love it. I love it. So. So you. This is in you, man. You already know how to do this, how to be funny. I can hear it. There's, like, an energy in your voice that's like. It's just part of who you are. And really what's happening is around those new people. You know, you're worried about messing up. You're worried about making a joke or saying. Using a voice or saying something random and them kind of just like stopping and looking at you. Right? Being like, what the hell was that? Or they just ignore me. Just ignore you? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So have you Tried that. And has that happened? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's unpleasant. That's never fun. And so how many times? Like once or many times? Multiple times, actually. Interesting. So funny, because it's like I'm not even there. Yeah. And are they kind of. Is that only when you try to make a joke or is that in general, that's just how you're kind of treated by this particular group, is they sort of ignore you? Sometimes they pay attention to me, sometimes they don't. Yeah. Interesting. So this makes me start thinking about friend group stuff. And like, are these. You know, do you. Do you really admire these people or like, these people? Are you excited to be their friend? Yeah. Yeah. And do you get a little bit. Do you get that energy coming back to you as well? Like they are interested in you and excited about you and want to be your friend? Yeah, it kind of comes and goes. Yeah. Interesting. And you're in high school right now. Yeah. Okay, man. I do. Awesome. This is awesome for you for joining in on this and having the courage to step up and ask these questions and just be looking at your own growth, man. That's well done. So, dude, high school. High school is a battleground and there's all kinds of interesting stuff with clicks and other things that can be happening. And sometimes people exclude others and kind of don't fully want them to be part of the group and stuff. So this could be happening with you here. I don't know. So given the limited information I have, here's what I would suggest, man. I'd say go full out and just make the jokes that come naturally to you. And if people don't. If people don't acknowledge them, you know, then I would say that this might not be your group, these might not be your peeps, because your group of people is going to get you and your sense of humor and they're out there. And you already know that from your middle school crew. So it's just a matter of continuing to be you and doing this and finding the people that really get it and resonate with it and play with you on it. Because that's what humor is, right? It's play. And you want someone who can play back. And so I'd say you don't want to hold back. You don't want to inhibit and say, why? I'm not going to do it because they don't like it. It's like, fuck that, do it. And yeah. And at the same time, if they don't ignore you, then just be like, sometimes what I'll do is I'll push into it a little bit. If I make a joke and no one laughs, I'll say something like, whoa, tough crowd. Or I'll say something like, come on, can I get some pity laughter or something? So I'll poke it a little bit. But still, if you're doing a lot of that and they're not giving you anything, then I'd say, you know, keep hanging out with them, but start looking for, you know, just be open to chatting with new people and there's lots of different groups and find the people that you can make laugh and that make you laugh too. All right, I got you. Awesome, man. Well, keep up the great work and thanks for your question. Yeah, thanks, doc. All right, take care, man. All right, High school. I don't know where everyone's at in their lives, but that can be a fun, terrible time. Okay, so let's get to some of the other questions that people have been typing in. Okay, so Sarah says, I really appreciate what you're doing. I feel that it's really limiting when you always and only say to meet women and you're. That aspect of your talk to men, it would be easy to include or men because it would be helpful for any sex. I've heard that many times and it feels one sided. Thanks for all your offerings. Up the good work. Cool. Sarah, thank you for that feedback. And I can. I think you're. You're right. I mean, absolutely. This stuff applies to. You want to go talk to that attractive guy, whether you're a woman listening or you're a gay man listening, and you want to, you know, have the courage to be yourself and put that out there and speak to the men that you're interested in. This stuff absolutely applies. And I will throw in some more of those going over and talking to the woman or man that you're attracted to to help it feel more inclusive. So thanks for that feedback. Hey, Atif, how would you use social skills to get popular and attract girls in school? Yeah. What other reason would you learn social skills for other than to get ladies or men? If you're a woman listening and be popular. So what I would say to that is actually, you don't have to play the game of I got to try to be popular and look popular and make sure everyone likes me and be this and be that. I'd say the people who are the most boldly themselves are the ones who hold the power and ultimately could become popular. But that's not your outcome. Your outcome is like Look, I'm going to be myself. And what you want to do is you don't want to inhibit who you interact with and how you interact with people. So I'd say to do that, start developing your social comfort by interacting with everyone in school. And this can go for if you're at work or if you're at a different stage in your life, start interacting with everyone. Let's say whether you're in school, because that's what his question is about, or you're in a company, it's the same thing. Interact with everybody. Don't just be like, well, these are my three people in my cubicle, or these people are in my class, these are in my clicks. So I'm going to do that. Get out there and say, I'm going to talk to everyone. So, hey, how's it going? So and so. And don't say, wow, that person, they're the jock. I can't talk to them. Don't buy into that. So just treat them like an equal. Hey, what's up? And they could ignore you or make fun of you or laugh at you, but you don't buy into it. And you just interact with everyone. And if you're at work in a company, I worked with one client who was wanting to develop his reach and leadership, and I asked him about a guy that he really admired in his company. He's like, yeah, that guy knows everybody and he talks to everybody. I was like, well, how does he do it? Well, he just goes over to them and asks them questions. And so he started doing that as well. We worked on his confidence to help him to get over the blocks to doing that. And then he started interacting with people. And you can really become popular not by like impressing people or showing off, but just by getting to know people, remembering people's names, asking them a question, hey, how's it going? How's your weekend? How's your kid? Whatever it is. And that's a powerful way to start building your connections and your popularity. But also, if you're interested in how it applies to being attractive to the opposite sex, is you develop what's called social proof, which is you show like, hey, I'm a likable person, I'm a cool person. A lot of people like me and want to talk to me, not because I'm better than anyone, but because I'm interested in people. And other people notice that. Women notice that. Or men. Men notice that too. So everyone can notice that. And you can start to be more attracted to people. As well. So let's refresh. So there's just so many questions coming in and we're gone for an hour now. So I don't have anything for a bit now in my calendar. So I'm just going to keep rocking and rolling and I know we're going over the hour, so let me officially kind of say a few closing words and then I'm just going to keep answering questions. So I'm here to rock and roll as long as people want to do that. So the closing words are you have the power to transform your confidence. Don't believe any story in your mind that says you can't, that you're broken, that you've had it for too long, that it's in your genes, that you didn't get the right upbringing, that you missed your chance, that you have this disorder or that disorder. Don't believe any of that. It's a muscle, it's a skill. You can develop it. And the three things that are going to help you do that are the secrets that we covered today. One is assume approval. Stop playing the approval game. You can't win. So instead of trying to get everyone to like you, show up more as yourself and start putting yourself out there, turn the filter down. As number two, that would be to blurt, make those jokes, go for it. What am I really curious about? And ask the person and then share more of yourself. Just turning that filter down. Instead of assuming people don't want to hear it, assume that people do want to hear it. And the third secret is repetition. You've got to be putting yourself out there again and again and again. And to really tag on the Ken's question there, if you're doing a lot of repetition and you're still feeling really uncomfortable, then you've got to look at how you talk to yourself. And that's where the confidence code comes in, is really helping you with the self esteem and optimal self coaching. So those are the ways that you can do that. And oh, let me give away a copy of the confidence code now. And then I'm going to ask those questions because we're right at the end of the hour. So how are we going to do this? We've got to give away a copy of the confidence code. And you know what? I think I already know who gets the copy. It is. He's gone. All right, Matt, he's gone. He was the guy who had the courage to call and ask the question. So let's do this. I'm going to pick someone at random and we're going to do this in the old, most random way possible of just flicking my finger up and down the screen and see where I end up. And the person is. Tarek T A R E K. Get your email address. You ask a question earlier. You're the one that said my voice is cutting out. If you're still on the line, I have your email and I will email you about getting your free copy of the confidence code. There we go. And let's see here if people are still on the line. How many people do we have? A lot of people still hanging on. So how about this? I'm going to answer some more questions and I'm also going to give out a second copy of the confidence code. So that's the second one, so stay tuned if you want to get a copy. And here's a tip. I can't see your email address unless you ask me a question via the web or if you've called in, I'll pick one of the people who's called in as well, because you can't do that. So let me pick a second copy here of the confidence code to give away. If you'd like a copy of the confidence code and you are called in, then press star two to raise your hand. And the first person who raises their hand presses star two on the phone there will get themselves a copy of the confidence code. Okay. Wow, look at all those people put their hands up. So the first person is cell phoneut all right, I'm going to unmute you and we're going to talk for just a second so I can get get you here. So you are unmuted, your Number starts with 385. Your name doesn't show up, but it's cell phone. Ut so go ahead and just say, hello, you called in. It's me, Tom. Tom. All right, Tom, Yes. Congratulations. That's great to talk to you. And you had a question too, right? Oh, man, thanks. Yeah. I just want to say, firstly, thank you for holding this teleseminar. I think it's very instructive with a lot of good information that we can apply, and I'm grateful to be able to be a part of this. So thank you for doing that. I appreciate it. Yes. So the question I had was, so how can we shift the relationship that we have or some techniques from a toxic relationship where we're kind of just like, you know, unkind to ourselves to one that's more of like a compassionate kind of like a, you know, somebody that's there for like. Like a good friend type of relationship with yourself versus, like a toxic kind of relationship. What are some techniques that you would recommend for that? Sure. That is a great question, Tom. And there's so many different things I could say to that. I love your question because it is probably the most important question that any of us can ask is how to change my relationship to myself. Because when it's toxic, life sucks. I mean, to put it bluntly, it doesn't matter if you have money or a great job or a girlfriend or people that like you, you know, look at, like, Kurt Cobain or someone who just. You have. The world adores you and. And if you. If you're having a real toxic relationship with yourself, nothing else matters. So thank you for the question. I'd say first and foremost, the most important thing you can do is to become aware when your critic is attacking you. Yeah, that is the most important thing that we can do is to be able to distinguish, like, oh, I'm attacking myself right now, and not just go about our day, not just use our cell phone or distract ourselves or feel bad and try to ignore it, watch tv, is to slow down and say, whoa. Whoa. And a great clue when to do that is you start to feel bad. You just feel bad, you feel down, you feel embarrassed, your body doesn't feel good, your chest, your heart, something doesn't feel right. So then you want to say, okay, I'm attacking myself. And then you want to slow down and just take a deep breath in and feel your body for a second and say, okay, what is the. What is the critic, you know, going off about? What is it saying? What does it want from me? And you really want to slow down and listen. And it might say something like. Like, I don't know, I'd imagine you've done what's something that you're. When you've done something like that, Tom, what's something your critic might say to you? Sure. Yeah, Great question. You know, a lot of the things that I've noticed actually wrote something down earlier today regarding that is, I won't be able to do this. This is going to take forever. That's in reference to trying to achieve a goal. And that's automatically. I got discouraged and was grateful that I was able to identify that. What the inner critic said so I can challenge what it is. So, yeah, so that's one of the common ones. Especially when I'm trying to do something, even like maybe facing a fear or approaching a girl or something of that nature. I won't be able to do this. I'm not good enough or I won't be able to do this. This is going to take forever. So, you know, something like that. Sure. And, you know, as you start to do this work more and more. Tom, you know, Tom and I had a conversation a little while back, and I really got a sense of him, and he's a really bright guy and he's really studied this a lot. And as you do this work more, you know, if you're listening, you're like, I don't know. I don't know what it says. Then just start to really pay attention. And you'll hear things like Thomas sharing. And what you'll notice is that the. When you, when you believe the story, you'll feel a certain way. So, for example, if I. If I believe that, it's going to take forever and Jesus, I'm never going to get this. Like, how would I naturally feel? Like, how do you feel when you believe that story? Just like, discouraged and just like, now, what's the point? You know, I'm not going to do it. Might as well not do it. Yeah, totally. Right. Discouraged, kind of down. Hopeless. Yeah. Despair, all that stuff. Right. So. And it's. And it's really compelling. And here's the thing is we. The pain we feel is directly related to how much we are buying that thought. And that's all we're doing, is we're buying. It's just something that goes through our mind. And we have a. We have an inner predictor that is terrible and terrible at predicting stuff, you know, and one way to relate to it is to start relating to your inner predictor as like a. Like a scared kid. So let's say I'm walking down a hall in my house. My kid's too young. He's like a little over a year. But in a couple years, I'll be walking down the hall with him and he'll say, dad, don't open that door. I'll say, why not? Say there's a monster in that closet. And you know what I don't want to do is I don't want to say. I don't want to get into a fight with him. Your critic is that little kid. You want to say, shut up. You're wrong. They're stupid. How dare you say that to me. You're not going to treat your kid that way. And at the same time, you're not going to say, oh, really? Oh, crap. Okay, let's get out of here. You're not going to take him so seriously. You just say, okay, okay, so you're scared there's a monster in there. Well, let's. Let's see here. Let's see what we can do. How about you stand behind me and I'll protect you and let's open the door real slow and see what's there. And so you want to treat it with kind of compassion, take care of it. At the same time, though, you don't want to do what it says to do. Yeah, I agree. And you know, that's a typical response. I like how you said that in response to the inner critic, which says, you know, like, for example, I won't be able to do this, probably, ah, you're just not good enough. You can't do it. Da, da, da, da. Instead of just. It's kind of like you're not on your side and you want to. I guess from what I'm understanding, you should be on your side, work together. So. Yeah, I really like that. And just to connect with that question, when we are able to challenge that inner critic, I won't be able to do this and come up to a way to which we come up with a new idea or belief, like to the point like, yeah, I can, you know, I can do this or something along that nature. How long do you think that it would take for that new belief to set in and be more like of a, you know, replacement of the old belief or the new belief is. Has a stronger pull. Like, what are some. Yeah, that's a great question. I really like what you're asking. It makes a lot of sense to me. And I think that the key is we don't have to have the new belief in order to take the action. Okay. And that's a key distinction is you don't even, in a way your mind says you're not good enough. They're not going to like you. You are, you're great, they're going to love you. Really, neither one means much. I mean, it's just stuff happening in our heads. What really is important is, you know, the action that I'm able to take. Am I able to talk to those people? Am I able to reveal myself? Am I able to ask questions? And so what we want to really focus on is how do I really want to be in the world? And if you want to be bold and authentic and connect, then you find it in yourself to do that and to let your mind have its commentary either way. And so what we don't want to get hung up on is, okay, first I have to believe that I'm really lovable and everyone's going to like me. Then. Then I'll go do it more. You really want to just really take that analogy of the kid who says, don't open the closet door. There's a monster. Yeah. You know, you don't have to. You don't have to believe that there's no monster before you open the door. Yeah, you just want to open the door. Okay, let's take a look. Let's find out. And then just keep doing it. And you want to open that door. And the answer to the question of how long before you really are relaxed and don't think there's a monster back there is indeterminate. It's a. It's a combination of how frequently you do it. It's a combination of your background. It's a combination of how quickly you just get it. It's a combination of other personal work you do, like meditation and other things to help free yourself from your grips of your mind and other things. So I can't give a number on that. But the key is just to keep doing it. And it can be fun along the way. It can be exciting and exhilarating, and there's really no clear endpoint to the journey. So thank you so much for your question, Tom, and we'll be in touch about your free copy of the new version of the Confidence code. I have your name down there, and we will go from there. Thanks so much, Tom. Wonderful. Thank you, Aziz. Thank you. Sure. Okay, so let's get to a few more questions. We'll keep rocking and rolling here. Add a little more time with that button there. There we go. Okay, so Q and A, more questions that have came in, and we have some people that raised their hand, so we already have given out also. I see that. Nadi, you're still on the line, my man. You were the first person to ask a question. You raised your hand. You were the bold one. So you're going to get a copy of the Confidence code as well. That's three that we're giving out. So we got Tom, we got Tarik, who Tarek, who asked a question. I'm going to have your email address. So I'll reach out to you if you. And Nadia, I have your phone number. And let me. Natty, if you're still there, let me put you on the line real quick. I'm going to unmute you. Nadia, are you there? Actually, you're Alex, right? Yeah, Alex. Okay. The number I have for you is the one that starts with 881-3. The phone number? Yeah. And does that. That number works if I were to call you privately afterwards to get your details to get you hooked up with the program? Well, to be honest, there's these. I don't really have a cell phone. This is just my house phone number. Oh, okay. I want to get some contact information. Okay, here's the thing. So email me. Email supportsocialconfidencecenter.com oh, yeah. You've been sending me videos and emails already. Okay, so you're on my list. Yeah. So here's the thing, though. I don't want you to have to give your email address out unless you're comfortable. I don't think anyone is going to do anything with it. You want to just tell me what your email is real quick? Yeah, sure. Why not? If anyone wants to email Alex and tell him he's awesome, do so. Go for it, guys. Okay. My email address is alexperez917mail.com okay, my man. I will give you some information with how to access the new version of the confidence code. All right? Oh, oh. Can I ask one more question? Shoot. Okay, so, yeah, basically. Basically your repetition rule, your repetition rule. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I'm in high school and I can. I can do this multiple times, but I kind of want to do it. I kind of just. Just don't want to do it in high school. I just. I just want to do it so that I can go out with friends. But the thing is, I'm not really allowed to go out because my parents are overprotective of me. They think I'm going to do something stupid. So am I just limited in high school or do I. Or do I, like, get my parents to. Or do I get, like, my parents to do? I convince my parents to, like, let me go out, but no matter how many times I convince them, they're just going to say no. Sure. Well, that's a great question. I'm going to give a short answer here because I want to make sure that what I can say can apply to everyone. But the answer I would say is there's certain stuff you can practice in high school that might not be as high ticket. I'm curious, why would you not want to practice this stuff where you go to school? No, it's not that. It's not that I don't want to practice it. It's just that I got to focus on class. I got to focus on not being late. I have a short time at lunch. I do want to practice it at school. I practice it sometimes, but I just. But I just want to practice it more. I just want to, like, be. I just want to get myself. I just want to get myself out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it, man. I love the enthusiasm. Yeah. So my parents, they're just scared to put me out there, I guess. Sure. Unleash Alice unleashed, man. Look out what can happen. Yeah. So this is the. An annoying phase in life where you're not fully in control of your own destiny yet because you're not, you know, technically emancipated. But, you know, so your workaround is, I'd say, and I'm so glad actually, you asked the second question because. And I'm just going to put you back on a measure and answer the question and I'll send you the information about the code. So thanks for asking that. So one thing is, what I hear, what Alex is saying is we all have kind of a reason as to why we can't practice this stuff now. And you might have it as like, well, I don't want to do it at work because I see the same people every day or I don't have time between my classes and other things. And I'd say, look, I don't know what you have in mind about practice, but we're talking really short. Make eye contact and say hi to five people as you walk to your class. No extra time. Park your car when you get to your work or whatever place, park your car three minutes away and greet people as you walk to your building. So don't make it this big thing that you gotta, like, schedule in for six weeks and an hour a day. No, no, just moments, minutes, seconds. Because that's where the repetition is going to happen. That's where the shift's going to occur. Now, in terms of how to deal with your folks, that's a bigger conversation. I'd say the art of influence, though, if you really want to influence your parents, is not by trying to convince them, but by asking them questions. What are you concerned about? What are you worried might happen to me? And don't even try to convince them. Don't say, that's ridiculous. I'm not going to do that. Just say, oh, so you're worried that I'm not going to come home on time. You're worried that I'm going to do drugs. You're worried that I'm going to get injured. Oh, interesting. And just reflect back what you hear and it's sort of a longer term strategy, but you want to get curious about what their concerns are and see if you can help put them at ease. Is there a way that I could show to you that I would be safe? Would you be open to or willing to experiment with me going out once and seeing how it goes? But you're not going to be able to convince them until you've really heard their fears. And sometimes people's parents are just super rigid. Super. Usually parents that are overprotective are terrified of their kids getting older and of losing them. They're terrified of something happening to their kids, whether it's death or injury or going into the wrong crowd or drugs or whatever it is, they're terrified of that and they can't handle. What you really want to do is find out what their fears are, try to help calm them and in other ways, if all else fails, rules are meant to be broken. That's all I'll say about that. Okay, so message from my lovely wife Candice. She says, you are so sweet. I love and adore you. Well, that's Booyah. Just a little side note here. If you're a man who's wanting a partner or a woman who's wanting a partner, wanting a girlfriend, wanting a boyfriend and you're feeling like there's something wrong with you or you're messed up or you just can't do it, that's just a thought. That's an idea like I was talking about with Tom just a moment ago. And I know the pain of that because I was there for a long time. And you might say, look, I have evidence as to why it can't work out for me. Or I've been trying for so long and I just want to say I really know the place that you're at because I was there. And I really honestly believe that was broken some undefinable way. And. But it's not. It's just simple skills and rules and things to learn about how to be with people. And, you know, I just had to learn some basic stuff about how to be more authentic and more honest and set limits and say no and know who I was and you can learn all that stuff. And I have an incredible relationship with just the most amazing woman in the world. So wherever you're at, you can have that too. When you really commit to studying this stuff and mastering it. Okay, so we're still rocking and rolling here. We still have a lot of people on the line. Look at you guys hanging on. Let me answer More questions. I don't have anything until about another 20 minutes from now, so I might just keep going because I'm enjoying interacting with you all. And we'll just go from there. I've given out three copies of the confidence code so far. May give out one more before we're done today. And if you want to get yourself a copy, pre release goes on for the next two days and then we are going up. One other thing I want to mention is I'm creating a group right now, filling it as we speak. It's going to be limited to six people and we're going to go super deep on this. And if you want to learn more about that, I'm doing interviews over the next few weeks. It starts up in the beginning of March, so just about three weeks or so from now. And you can go to YourConfidenceCode.com group to find out more about that YourConfidenceCode.com group and you can learn more about it. You can apply there. It's pretty exclusive, only going to be taking six people for it, but I thought I'd mention it if you're really interested in like, hey, how do I really master this stuff? The best way is to get with me and five other people and work on this. It's a six month group, it's going to be awesome. Just thought I'd mention that. But you want to jump in on that, by all means do that. So. Question from Joe. Joe, Dr. Aziz, what is the key to staying motivated on the pursuit of self improvement? That's a great question. I'd be curious about what demotivates you? Typically the biggest demotivator is this is not going to work. We feel discouraged, we have a setback and then we kind of think this is not going to work. What's the point? Or maybe we think, geez, this is just too hard. You know, sometimes we put yourself out there and you get rejected and then you think, man, I don't want to do this anymore. And my response to that, Joe, would be, you know, I think it happens to all of us. And I have that I'll try to do something or I'll have an interaction with someone or I'll get rejected a number of times. And at the end of the day I'm just like, ugh, God, why am I doing this? I just give up. And you know, it used to last a lot longer. Now by the next morning, I'm usually back on the horse. But we got to work with that discouraged feeling. And one way to do that is to know this. And I learned this from a really awesome teacher of mine named Elliot Geller, who was just in the 60s, super wise counselors, worked with thousands of men. But he said regression is inevitable. And so regression is just a fancy word for going backwards. Progress is to move forward, regress is to move backwards. Regression is inevitable. You can't avoid it. Inevitable, it's going to happen. And so to regress is to go backwards. That means you go backwards and you're, you know, you, you, you're feeling more confident and then you feel less confident. You go back, you're feeling more resilient, like, who cares what people think of me? And then all of a sudden you get really hung up on it. You can't stop thinking about this person who didn't like you for, you know, think about it for a week and you're regressing during that time. Or you're really assertive and say what you want in a situation and then the next time you're really quiet and you hold yourself back and you shut yourself down, you're regressing in those moments. And that's okay. Regression is inevitable. I used to beat the crap out of myself for regressing. Oh, why am I doing this? What's wrong with me? I suck. And that just makes it worse. You want to really know that it's inevitable and you just want to be patient with yourself. Yeah, all right, I'm regressing. That's okay. It's not permanent. That's the second thing is you want to realize that it's inevitable, but it's also not permanent. It's not going to last forever. This rejection is not going to hurt me forever. This setback, this stuck point is not going to exist forever. And then you want to realize that you can use it, you can use that setback to dig deeper into, why does this matter for me? Why am I going to, why is this who I am? To get back on the horse and to keep doing this? Because of why? Because it's going to get me to here and you want to think about where it's going to get you to. You want to think about, you know, for me, I'll try to be putting something together or I'll have a conversation with someone, or I'll get some email from someone that says, like, you suck, I don't like you. Or something will happen and it'll just poke me and then I'll just fall back into, wait a minute, this is what I'm here to do. This is who I am, this is what I'm going to do. And it doesn't matter how people respond. And that could be for you, for your work, that could be for your relationships, that could be for how you want to show up. So look, I made some jokes. People didn't like it. You feel discouraged, you feel setback. Then you just say, you know, this is what I'm here to do. This is who I am. And you kind of find that resolve and your strength in yourself that's independent of how people respond. And you can use that setback to remind you of what's most important to you in your life, and then you can proceed from there. But be patient with yourself. It might be a day or a couple days before you really jump in. And the final thing I'll say about it, though, I think the best response to setback, Massive action. Massive action. You know, from the simplest things, I'm typing a document or I'm doing something. Sometimes I've recorded a video, an hour worth of spend, and I found the mic wasn't on. Or you type an entire huge amount of document and then your computer freezes and you lose everything you wrote. I spend zero minutes lamenting it. I say, damn it. And then I instantly re record the whole thing or instantly write the whole thing. Because the longer you stay in that space of like, oh, I suck. Oh man, that terrible that that happened, the more you suffer. So you can just immediately. That's more of a productivity thing, but you can use it for setbacks as well. So that is a long answer to your question, Joe, but I hope it gave you some stuff to think about. Okay, so someone's asking more about the group. And let me just say one thing about the group. So the group is not for everyone. The group is going to be very selective. There's only going to be six people. And it's going to be a big investment of your time, your money, your energy. If you're not ready for something like that, I'd encourage you to get the confidence code. That's going to be a smaller investment. The group is going to be a bigger investment of US$497 per month is what the group is. And that's going to be for the six months. So each month it's 497. You can also do a pay all at once and save one month's worth. So that's 24.85, I believe. So it's a big investment. It's not for everyone, but it's just for the select few of you who are like, hey, I'm ready to really get this handled in my life. And by all means, then go to YourConfidenceCode.com group and join in or apply and find out more about that YourConfidenceCode.com group. But if not, if that's not for you, then stick with the confidence code. And if you're like, hey, I got someone that just said, hey, I don't have any money to get any of this stuff, you know, that's fine. Go to shrinkforthyguy.com shrinkforthyguy.com and if you're a girl or a gal or a woman, go there too. And I know it's targeted towards men and so on and so forth, but the material in there is 100% applicable to wherever you're at. So if you want to get help for free, you can do that as well. Okay, let's answer more questions. Wow, so many people still hanging on. Okay, I'm going to take a sip of water. I'm just going on. My throat's a little dry right now. I'd encourage you to take a sip of water yourself. In fact, maybe if you're sitting, stand up for a second and stretch. Yes, you. That's right. Yes, you. Stand up for a second, put your hands above your head and just stretch. Take a deep breath in, Shake your body out a little bit, and let's keep. Rocking and rolling. Oh, that's a great question. I had a guy who said, I got your program Confidence Unleashed. I love it. It's great, considering getting the confidence code. This is Jan from Austria, John, and I want to know, how is the confidence code different than confidence unleashed? That's a great question. A few people asking me that. So the confidence, Confidence Unleashed, you can think of it like lighter fluid or rocket fuel. It is entirely designed to help you generate the courage, the power, the energy to just blast through whatever inner obstacle you have. Whatever BS story like, it's never going to work out. People aren't going to like me. Just the this. Think of it as like raw power to break through those obstacles. That's the primary focus of that program. And there's some strategy about conversation and compassion and stuff, but really it's mainly like a thrusting force to help you get the courage to build that power in yourself and that social power and that social confidence. Now, confidence unleashed goes really deep into you and you and how you talk to yourself, how you heal that relationship so it's not so toxic how you Love yourself more, how you optimally coach yourself. And it goes super in depth into the strategy of social skills. How to start conversation, how to move and hold your body in a way that communicates confidence, how to carry on in a group, how to be the center of attention, how to deepen friendships, how to create satisfying relationships. Think about it much more about the strategy. So instead of the fuel, it's the nuances of how to do it. So it goes way more in depth into the social skills and the self esteem than confidence Unleashed does. That would be my short answer to that question. Okay, let me take a moment here to review some of these questions. Okay, great. I got the response from Tarek, who's into the free version. I will email you. I have your email address, Tarek. So I'll email you about access details. And Alex Perez if you're still on the phone and Tom, if you guys are still listening, I will get you the information about how to get your copy of the confidence code. There's another question about Confidence code versus Confidence Unleashed. So hopefully I answered those. Okay, Elizabeth said, how do you deal with silences in a conversation when your mind goes blank and you can't think of anything to say? It's a great question, Elizabeth. I actually answered that a bit earlier. I don't know if you caught the part about assume approval and turning your filter down. Turning your filter down is going to be the best way to do that. But I'm going to kind of answer that again because I'm going to smush it with another question from Allen that says, how can I not be awkward? And sometimes we think those two are the same, right? Like being awkward and being silent, like kind of interchangeable. It's like, oh, that conversation was so awkward. Why was it awkward? Because I was so silent or they were so silent. So let's answer it again because sometimes we kind of have to hear it from a different way or have a different perspective on it. But awkwardness is, is really just discomfort. You know, it's a different word. But oh, that was so awkward. That just means I'm feeling uncomfortable. That's what awkward is. And if you can feel more comfortable than awkward disappears. And you know, the beauty of it is you don't have to take on awkward, you don't have to take on discomfort ever. And, and this is really where it gets fun. And this is kind of a. So let's see here. That awkwardness comes from you taking responsibility to have to make everything smooth. But do you really, if you're Jumping in and you're sharing something, you're asking a question, and they're not giving you much to work with. Why is it you who are being awkward or not somehow living up? Maybe you're taking it too personally. Maybe you're personalizing it. Maybe there's something going on with them. Maybe they're closed off, maybe they're really nervous, maybe they're holding back. Maybe they're too in their heads and so what you want to do is you want to focus on, look, let me just ask questions that I'm curious about and blurt things out that I want to share. Another little tidbit on how to do that. If you're to answer Elizabeth's about, like, the silences and what to say, experiment with what I call loose association. So loose association is just a fancy way of saying, say the random shit that pops into your head. But I like, you know, psychology, so I like to use fancy terms for things. Well, what else am I going to do with this doctor title? I got to come up with fancy term loose association. So someone says, the other day I was at the bank. How are you doing? Oh, good. I just got back from the bank, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So pick one word or one phrase. They said bank. Now the bank. What are the first three things that you think of right now? Do this with me if you're still listening. The first three things you think of when I say the bank, first three things come to your mind. For me, I imagine this, like, Wells Fargo bank, where I've been once, kind of a weird, random one that I went to once. I imagine the name Wells Fargo and then I think of some big building in New York. Those are the first three images, things that come to my mind. So what can you do with that information? Well, you can. Wells Fargo is a kind of a bank, right? So you can ask them, where is their bank? Who's their bank? That's a more serious route, more playful, a random route. You could say, oh, are you in a big tower? Was it the top of a big high rise? So you can take the association, man. That was the first example that came to my mind. And that's a pretty boring conversation. You may want to listen for another phrase. Oh, this is a great teaching point. So if they say several things in a sentence, they say, yeah, I went to the bank. The line was really long and it took forever. So maybe you don't want to go with bank, because that's boring. But maybe long lines, talk about long lines so you can Whatever it is, pick the one thing in what they said that might seem somewhat interesting to you, loose associate to it, and then just blurt out something about one of the things that you thought of during that association. Does that make sense? I hope that's useful for you about how to work with silences. Okay, someone else wants a free copy of the Confidence Code. We're going to be wrapping up the call in just a few minutes here, and let's say that I'm going to be giving out one more free copy, so stay tuned for that. That will be a total of four. I only intended to give out one, but I just love people's enthusiasm, and I want to make sure that people rock it. Okay, so. Let's see here a few more questions. Let me try to pick something that's really going to speak to. I know a lot of people are wondering about. Ooh, this is a great one. Aziz, how do you further your relationships with people after your initial conversation? That is great because I've been talking a lot about those initial conversations and how to be more comfortable. But how do you deepen a relationship? That's really important, right? Depending upon what your personality is like and who you want to be. To me, I'm not interested in having a million conversations with a million different people. It's a skill that I learned how to do. But my preference is to have deeper conversations with people I really get to know. Creating awesome friendships, ongoing relationships, that's what I really love. So that's a great question, Hassan, who asked that one? So what I would say to that is once you're having that initial conversation and you're enjoying it, you're having a great connection with them. Don't be afraid to just escalate it. Put yourself out there. You know, everything is a risk, isn't it? Starting that first conversation is a risk. Approaching that person you're attracted to to see if they want to talk to you. That's a risk. Talking to your boss directly is a risk. Applying for that job is a risk. And same thing. Escalating a relationship is a risk. And you just got to do it, though. You just got to take the risk. And I talk about this in the Confidence code. There's a whole section about identifying your current relationships, your friendships, and if they're satisfying to you and if you're not satisfied, how to upgrade your friend group, how to really love and relish the people you spend your time with. So how to do that? I'll give you a little tidbit that's from the program on how to do that. That is, you just want to take the risk to set something up. And I personally like to throw in some authentic expression of liking them because it just feels good. So I'm talking to someone, I'm having a great conversation and I'll say something like, hey, this is fun, man, I love talking to you. Let's do this again. Let's hang out. Give me your email or your number. Now you don't have to throw that in. You can just say, what's your email? But I love to express my enthusiasm. And think about this. If you're talking to someone and they give some indication like, hey, I really like talking to you, or you're really fun to talk to or you're great, you're funny, doesn't that feel good? Now if you say no, you got to get the confidence code because there's something about your self esteem, right? You can't take in a compliment. But if you really are truly enjoying the moment and someone says, I enjoy talking to you, that feels good in your heart. And look, even people who aren't shy or anxious or working on their confidence, everyone on some level likes to be liked. It's human. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be appreciated for who they are, no matter how confident they seem. So you want to express that to them, hey, it's been great talking to you. I love this. Let's hang out. What's your email? And maybe if there's something that you reference, like you both, like movies or a certain kind of movie, you'd be like, dude, I love hanging out with you. We should go watch such and such. When it comes out, let's hang out. Give me your number, get their phone number, get their email. Something better than phone number is probably best, right? You can text them, you can phone them. And then once you did that, follow and be a little persistent. People are busy. Sometimes people are. We reach out to someone, ah, forget it. You know, we feel rejected. They don't really like me. Well, screw them anyway. And you know, you don't need to burn your bridges. Just people are busy, you got to kind of insert yourself into their life. So if you really like someone, follow up with them, Text them again. You know, not 30 times in a day, but wait a few days and say, hey, how about this? Let's do that. You free this weekend? What's going on? Give them a call. And you know, if you try three or four, three times, I don't know, maybe four times. And they're not giving you anything, then just move on. But you want to be persistent. You don't want to take one slow or no response. I mean, I've had people that reach out to me that I want to hang out with and something slips through the tracks or I look at their text and I don't respond and I forget about it. Doesn't mean I don't like them. So you got to be persistent because people are busy. So that's my 2 cents on how to escalate a relationship and create something awesome. So let's see here. You got just a few more minutes left. Oh, great question. So what's the difference between confidence code version 1.0 and version 2.0? That's from Arif. That is a great question. So man, what's the best way to describe that? I'd say 10x10 times better. I mean, I learned so much in the two years between the two versions of the program. I mean, just hundreds of people that I talked to and worked with really. And one of the main thing is I wanted to dial it in and refine it so it's way more direct and clear, the material. So in the original Confidence code, there was just one video on Social skills, about an hour. So it covered the nine elements of social mastery, a lot of good stuff, but it was really limited on each thing and kind of touched on everything briefly. And this one is like the entire half of the program. I mean we got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 modules on how to do that in this program. So it's my aunt, she's still calling me. Damn, she's persistent. Maybe she's trying to get in on the tele class. Aziz, how to get your nephew who ignores you, how to get your nephew to ignore you, to like you more. Stop complaining. So there's five modules on Social skills and each module is about an hour of video. So it's like five times the content. And the content is way more like specifically refined to be usable, to be actionable. It's broken up into about 15 minute videos. So it's really digestible. Some of the feedback I got from the first version of the Confidence code was that it was a little rambly. So I wanted to make sure that it was not rambly. So it's much more refined and dialed in. And I should say about the Confidence code is everyone, you get a 30 day money back guarantee because I don't want something you to get if it's not going to be what's right for you. So if you get yourself a copy of the program and if it doesn't quite work for you or doesn't wow you, then just send me an email, no questions asked, supportsocialconfidencecenter.com and we'll refund it right away. So I want it to be something that's really going to work for you, but the short answer is it's like 90% new content and way more in depth. Reif, that would answer that question. Someone wrote in how to get your nephew to stop ignoring you. Okay. Appreciate that. Hassan. That was awesome. Oh, this is great. So I've used your techniques. This is RJ Palm Springs. I use your techniques and they work. But once I approach and I get the phone number and we both have interest. Sounds so far so good. I seem to talk myself out of calling. Days go by and now it feels like it's too late to call or text. It's most likely a rejection or self esteem issue. Any suggestion? I think you're right on rj. Sounds like a rejection or self esteem issue. Probably a fear of rejection. They're not going to want to talk to me. And then that comes. That stems from a low sense of personal value or worth. There's a section in the confidence code all about how to own your strengths and know your awesomeness. So that could help with that. Know it's not too late. Call that person. Text that person. Do it right now. Just do it. Don't. That's just another story. It's too late. It's just another version of you talking yourself out of it. And I'm curious to know how you talked yourself out of it right away. It's too early. They're not going to want to hear from me. They are not going to remember me anyway, whatever it is. I would say make a commitment to yourself the next time you text this person or call them. And then the next time you get someone's number, commit to reach out to them within two days or three days. Pick a number, let's say make it three. Say I'm going to reach out to this person no matter what my mind says. My mind could say they're not going to want to talk to me, that I'm not good enough, that I'm stupid, whatever. Half again, A dozen other different things your mind could say. Just, just commit to take the action because the mind's just going to say all kinds of random stuff to try to protect you from putting yourself out there. And the key is to just put yourself out there. Okay. Someone Says past my bedtime. Okay, we're getting close. Man 153. I got something at 2, so I'm going to need to wrap this up here. So many good questions. I wish I could answer them all. I'm going to do another one of these before too long. Maybe a couple of three weeks. I'll do another seminar. So by all means you can interact with me then and we can keep in touch. Go to shrinkforthshyguy.com to listen to podcast episodes. There's dozens of those. I think the 50th episode is coming out pretty soon. You can go to my YouTube channel, get more Confidence to watch dozens of videos about this stuff. And of course, if you want to really invest, go to Confidence. Unleash your confidence code. I should say YourConfidenceCode.com to get your copy of that program. Now, there's about two more days before the pre release. It ends Wednesday at midnight. Wednesday, February 18, at midnight at Pacific time. So adjust to your time zone. You should see a countdown timer when you go to yourconfidencecode.com. so let's wrap up with one more free Confidence Code giveaway to the lucky participants who've held out this long. Up and down, up and down, random scan. Okay. Okay. The lucky winner is. Let's see, does he have his email address there? Where did it go? I just saw that. Yep. Okay. It's Mike from New York. I don't have a last name. All lowercase. Mike. I have your email address here, which I'm not going to read out just in case you don't want me. It starts with cha though. So I got you down as the fourth winner of the Confidence Code. So let me make sure I wrote that down right so I can get that to you. So I'll send you and the other three winners, all four of you guys, if you're still on the phone here, you're going to get an email from me with information how to access the program for everyone else. No matter where you are in the world, you get instant access to this program. There's no DVDs, there's no hard copies anymore. It's all digital, all instant access. As long as you have a net, you can get it. So get in on that. And thanks so much for joining me today for sharing your questions. I appreciate you guys openness, your willingness to learn and this is really fun. You can break free of this. I used to not be able to talk in front of people. I used to be terrified to talk in front of people. And now, you know, before this call, I was like, excito nervous. And you can get to that place, too, where it's like, well, I'm nervous. I don't know what's going to happen here. But there's an excitement to it. And you can feel that before a conversation. You can feel that before talking to a woman that you're interested in or a man that you're interested in. If you're a woman looking for men, you know, whatever it is, you can have that energy. So there's still some. There's energy there, right? It's not like I'm flatlined around it because I'm freaking alive. And there's always energy around uncertainty, but it doesn't have to be fear and doesn't have to be dread. And you can break free of this stuff. So I look forward to speaking with you more in the future in whatever form that takes place. And I'll put a recording of this up, too, in case you missed some parts of it and you want to hear the whole thing. That recording should be up live, maybe by tomorrow. And I respect you for listening to this. I mean, 95% of people would never invest this time in themselves to grow. So. You rock. And I look forward to speaking with you in some format in the future until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know that you're awesome. All right, we'll talk soon, guys. Take care of.