Dr. Aziz shares three ways to build self-compassion: apply the lover test to your self-talk, ask yourself daily how much you're on your own side, and stop tying your worth to appearance or approval. Practice these to strengthen confidence and change how you treat yourself.
What are three ways that you can be way more compassionate with yourself right now? And why would you want to in the first place, right? Why would you want to be more compassionate with yourself? Well, because the alternative is insanity. Beating yourself up, criticizing yourself, hating yourself, judging yourself, that is not serving you. Look, one of the biggest myths that people believe is that I'm going to beat myself into confidence, I'm going to beat myself into achieving that goal. I'm to going, I'm going to berate myself into becoming the kind of person that I want to be in the world. It's madness. It doesn't work. How long have you been trying that? And you might say, well, it does sort of work. Okay, sorta, well, I don't know. Meth sorta works for a while to give you energy and self esteem, right? But what is the cost? What is the effect long term? What is the effect of self hatred long term? And really, truly, is it actually working? You know, think about this. Let's say you want to be in a relationship and you're telling yourself, I'm ugly, I'm a loser, I got to get better, I got to get whatever in order to, then I'll be worthy of that. How likely is that going to be to draw a person into your life? How much are you going to be able to like, maybe that person's already in your life and you sabotage it. So we got to get on our own side. We need to develop our self compassion not only to feel better moment to moment, but to actually create the life that we want. So how do we do that? Here are three powerful strategies that I use with myself and clients. I'm a mastermind program at live events and with you right now, these things work. First, it's called a lover test. A lover test. So when you're talking to yourself and you're noticing the way you're treating yourself, ask yourself this question, would I want a lover or a girlfriend or boyfriend or a spouse to treat me that way? And just imagine that like, you know, let's say you pick at yourself when you look in the mirror and you're like, I don't like that. And just imagine that you were looking in the mirror, you got out of the shower or whatever and then your lover was there standing there next to you and just looking in the mirror and being like, yeah, ew, that's really gross. And that, ugh, that fat there is, that's, that's not quite good enough yet. You need to get better there and then your face oh, your hair looks terrible today. Like, seriously, what kind of relationship would that be? That would be an abusive relationship, a verbally abusive relationship. And that was happening all the time, right? And that is the relationship that many of us are in with ourselves. We just don't call it that, we call it normal because we've done it for a long time. It's not normal, it's bizarro. It's fucked up and we need to stop that. So run it through the lover test and if that's what you're getting and it's like, oh my God, I wouldn't want someone to talk to me that way, they wouldn't be my lover for long, then that's a sign that you need to change it. How would I want a lover to talk to me? Someone who loves me, how would I want them to talk to me? And then you consciously start to talk to yourself, literally in that same way. The second thing are the two key questions. These are life changing questions, especially if you ask them every day. The first question is, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much am I being on my own side right now? One to ten, How Omos. Omos. On my own side am I being right now? And just see, is it 1, is it a low, is it a 5, is it a 10? And then the next question is, how could I be more on my own side right now? And then just see what comes up. Maybe you get an idea like, oh, wow, maybe taking a break would help me maybe change the way I talk to myself right now. Maybe, you know, I've been avoiding doing that task and binge watching something on my phone. And actually an act of being on my own side and self love, self compassion would be to go face the activity and get it over with and do it. So there's an infinite number of answers to that second question. And you'll discover in this moment, what's the next thing I could do to get more on my own side. So those are the two power questions. And the third way to increase your self compassion and really find your way to unconditional self compassion, unconditional self love, unconditional self worth is to unhook your self worth from anything out there. I mean, it's so easy for us to get our worth hooked into like our performance on something or the way we look in a certain way or even we can hook our worth to other people's approval, right? So if that person approves of me now, I'm worthy. If they don't, I'm terrible, right? So as long as our worth is just hooked on to all these things, man, it's a roller coaster. So to really find your way back to yourself, notice when you're suffering and you're feeling low or insecure and say what is my worth hooked to what is? And I call this in my book that I'm writing, almost value equivalent. What's your value equivalent? What equals your worth? Is it your appearance? Is it that person's approval? Is it a certain dollar amount that you're earning a year? And unhook your worth from that because if it's hooked, you're on a perpetual roller coaster. So Those are the three tips to unconditional self compassion. 1. Run what you're saying to your own self through the lover test. Is this what I would want a lover to say to me? 2. Ask the life changing questions regularly. Question number one is a scale of 1 to 10. How much am I on my own side? Number two what would being on my own side look like right now? And then question number three or tip number three is to unhook your self worth from anything out there and really bring it back in. And I am worthy no matter what. You're worthy no matter what. The more you can really tune into that, the freer you're going to be. So thanks for being with me today. Share below what you're learning, what you're finding most valuable. Keep watching these videos. The more you watch, the more you learn. There's a few suggestions to keep going with these so you can stay in this because the more you get this stuff, the more confident you're going to be and the better your life's going to be. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
