3 Ways To Get Invited To Group Activities | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Do you want to get invited to more things? More group activities, more groups of friends hanging out, Maybe a party or a gathering or dinner party or something like that? Do you want to be included? Do you want to be involved? Do you want people reaching out to you, texting you and saying, hey, come join us? If so, watch this video to learn three ways to make that happen. Now. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I am your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And someone who had sucky confidence for many, many years. More than a decade of just intense social anxiety, shyness, self loathing, no relationships, romantic relationships, just one or two friendships that I'd had for most of my life and extremely limited in life. And now everything is transformed. And I'm doing that with so many people from all over the world. And maybe some of you watching have been involved in one of my weekends or in the Mastermind program. And it's incredible because what I took from that is anyone can develop confidence, including you in one area. This is a question I received several times recently. So I wanted to shoot a video about it, which was, how do I get invited to group activities? How do I become a part of a group of friends? And when I had low confidence, I didn't have that. I remember I wanted that I had one or two single friends. Like I could hang out with this person one on one. And some people don't even have that. So if you don't have that, this will help you as well. But you maybe got one friend here and one friend there, but you want like a group of people that's going out and doing things and asking you questions and you want to come join us, that kind of thing. So if you want to be a part of a group, here are three ways to do that. So some of these are going to be easier for you depending upon your level of social fitness. And if you want to massively increase your level of social fitness, then you're going to just build your social skills overall. And so you know that's this is like in order to be able to do some of these things, you might need to get a little stronger socially. But here's the first one, and obviously the most effective one, which is to become the initiator, become the one who invites other people to do stuff, become the one who organizes the thing, hosts the thing, suggests the thing. It's powerful and it works. But you know, it can be scary. Yeah, but what if no one says yes? Oh, man, I'd look terrible. In fact, you know, that's actually what prevented me from creating my own live events for several years. It was kind of like, well, you know, a workshop. A live workshop to do confidence training. Not a social thing, but, well, man, what if I offer it? No one comes? And I thought about it. I was like, well, that's okay. Or just a few people come. I'm like, well, if just a few people come, it'll be awesome. We'll have, like, an incredible experience for them. But then I was like, oh, that's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of what it's going to look like now. I don't even know to who. Some imaginary observer. You didn't have that many people there. You're pathetic. Right? So we have this fear that it's not going to work out, but we got to break through. We got to test the edge of what really happens. Because when you put yourself out there and you take the risk and eventually it clicks. So become the initiator. Invite people. Hey, you know, think of ideas. Think of things that interest you. Oh, there's that movie I want to go see. Hey, you know what? I'm going to invite so and so, so and so and so and so and so and so. Hey, guys, we're getting a group of people together to go see that movie. Now, you might say, but wait, they don't know each other. Okay, that's fine. They get to meet new people. But wait, I'm not that close of friends with so and so and so and so. So they're going to think, how dare you call me and ask me out to this movie. Look, that's just the voice of your fear. That's the voice of your safety police. If you read my book the Art of extraordinary Confidence or watched confidence unleashed program, that's your safety police. That's the voice that tells you all kinds of BS just to keep you in your comfort zone. It's not going to happen. You're inviting me to a movie, man. F you. Like, who's going to do that? What's wrong with that person? It's not going to happen. At most they're going to be like, oh, I don't really a I'm not free, or I don't really know that guy that well, or I'm not that interested. And they'll politely not pick up the phone, not respond to the text, or they'll say, oh, I'm sorry, I can't make it. That's it. And Then you move on. So you become the initiator. And here's the beautiful sort of unexpected gains or kind of something. Even if it doesn't work out, even if someone says no or you don't get people together for your little movie shindig, you being that initiator, what message does that communicate to others? That communicates, I am interested in hanging out. I am social, I'm ready to go, I want to hang out with you. Doesn't it? So even if they can't do it, then now they know, oh, this guy's interested, this guy's interested in that. So that leads us into the second one, which is make your presence known so that other people can invite you. So many other time, and I lived this way for so many years. We're like, not front and center, and there's a group of people who are hanging out because of the shyness, because of the social anxiety, because of the self criticism. We're like, off to the side, hey, how's it go? You know, we're quiet. We don't share. Even if we have things to share. Our filters are super high, so we can say something funny in a moment, but, oh, I don't know if that's good enough. And then we hold it back, right? And that's something I've seen in the people that I work with, especially in the group program. As they progress, their filters go down and they just say a lot more stuff and. And they're a lot funnier. They're kind of surprised. Like, wow, people really laugh a lot. When I share my things that I think are funny and I'm not surprised, I'm like, yeah, because you are funny. It's just you had the filter up too high. So you got to make your presence known. What does that mean? That means if there's a group conversation, putting your two cents in, asking people questions, going out of your way to be a little bit more social. So if you're the kind of guy who at work goes to your little office, your cubicle, and just headphones in and don't talk to me and doesn't interact with anyone, you're probably not going to get invited to too many things because you're sending off the signal. Think about what messages you're sending to other people. Forget about this. Like, I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough. That's all bs. It's all story. The truth is, if you put out the right signals, you'll get the responses that you want. Doesn't matter what your nose looks like or how big your left toe is, or whatever insecurities we got, right? It's what signal am I putting out? Because we're like, oh, my left toes jacked up. I better not let anyone get to know me. So we send the signal, don't get to know me. If we send the signal, get to know me, that's not going to involve going straight to your cubicle. That's going to involve on your way to your office, be like, hey, how's it going? Maybe you do the point. Like, probably don't do the point. I don't know, feel it out. But, you know, hey, how's it going? Or what's up? Or starting some conversations. And again, if that's like, oh, my God, how do I do that? You have to learn this skill. It won't just come to you if you don't know it by now. I didn't know it. I had to learn it. And I have a program called the Confidence Code, which I mentioned earlier, which I think is one of the best ways to learn it rapidly. Gives you everything you need to know to just start doing it. And you don't have to sit down and read a bunch of books or something like that. Just get the program, go through it, and you know exactly what to do, because then you can start practicing it. Make your presence known. And. And guess what? People will start inviting you to things because they know you're there and they like you because they start to interact with you. The third key piece. And I used to not include stuff like this, but over the last couple years, I became a lot less nice, a lot more honest, and a lot more direct because I found that it really helps people and serves them. The third thing is eliminate weirdness. You gotta eliminate weirdness. So some people that I've worked with, they have habits or patterns that they don't know that they're doing, but they're doing them. And they might come from a lack of experience or they've avoided certain situations for their whole lives or whatever. And it comes out as, like, weirdness. So one example is a client who, whenever he would share something, he would laugh right after he shared it kind of inappropriately. And it was not inappropriate in the sense that it's like you're laughing at a funeral, but inappropriate in a sense. It just didn't fit. Like. So he'd say a regular statement like, oh, I'm wearing a gray shirt. You know, yeah, my hair is black. Yeah, it is a pretty warm day out there. You know, like after all kinds of statements. And if he was nervous, boop. It would go up, right? So that is what I would fall into the category of weirdness. Because it's not like, enough where someone's like, get away from me. I'm never gonna hang out with you again. But it is sort of like, that's a little weird. And it just kind of calls a little bit of attention. Maybe not terrible, but if you have a couple of those things, you know, or here's another weirdness is because we're scared, because we're anxious, we don't make our presence known. So maybe we'll do like the weird hover thing where there's like a group of three or four people talking and we kind of stand nearby like this just sort of a, you know, vague, potentially serial killer look on our face, right? And it's just little awkward. They're kind of like, does he want to be part of the group? Right? Or any other little things. And, you know, if you got a close friend or a family member and you really are serious about working on this, you can ask for some feedback, say, hey, listen, you know, I want to improve my social life. I want to make more deep friendships, deep connections. And so I'm working on it, working on my confidence and my social abilities. And I'm curious if. Do you see me do anything? Maybe you can think of it right now or maybe the next time we're out, you can kind of just pay attention. Do you see anything that I do that is just kind of. Maybe I'm not aware of it, but it's a little awkward or a little weird or strange because I don't want to be doing anything that's off putting to people without me knowing it. And, man, you get feedback like that, you might learn something really quick. And that's a whole other can of worms. If you're like, I couldn't tell anyone that I'm working on this stuff. Why not? Why not? What's the shame in saying, I am looking to improve myself and get better and connect better and be more socially skilled, more confident, more charming. I mean, I don't know who wouldn't want that stuff? So let me know like and subscribe if you enjoy this video. We got more coming out weekly and share below. In your comments, what have you found works for you? I don't have all the answers. There's probably millions of ways to get engaged and have people. So share like, specific examples so people reading the comments. We can all support and learn from each other because YouTube is freaking amazing, isn't it? I mean, this is for free, and you get to just learn and grow. So it's awesome to be with you and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.