Dr. Aziz outlines four steps to stop being overly nice: decide to change, list what being less nice looks like, take small actions from that list, and sit with the discomfort that comes up. The steps are simple but the internal resistance is real.
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Do you want to know how to be less nice and more assertive, more direct, more authentic, more boldly you. Well, you're going to discover the four steps to doing exactly that in this video. And if you want to take things further, I'll share at the end of this video about online virtual live event that I'm leading personally. It's going to be three days of immersion. You can join. If you're watching this video, then you obviously have the Internet and you can join from anywhere in the world. We have people joining from every continent, I guess not at Antarctica, but all the major continents in the world, major countries, people of all different all over the world. So I would love to share this experience with you. I'll share more details. You can also click down in the description below to find out about Not Nice Live. It's coming up soon and we have the super early bird ticket sales on right now and they're just about to be ending, so check that out. But let's talk about the four steps to be less nice and more. You ready? Okay. Step number one is. Sounds simple, but it is a key step which is to decide to be less nice. It might kind of be like, yeah, no, does he's. Of course you got to decide that to change anything. But I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who might even say, oh, I'm too nice or I know there's a problem with it, but that's kind of like the person who's smoking the cigarettes and they say, don't do what I'm doing, son. I'm going to quit one day, you know, Ah, so bad of me. I'll take another one though, right? They're addicted and many people are addicted to these habits of niceness. And so they have not made the decision that says, you know what, I gotta do something different. I gotta be something different. That's one of the first things we're doing at this virtual event together is getting that sense of I am ready to change this now into your nervous system so it becomes a no brainer and it's just easy to take that next step. That's the first step. You got to decide to be less nice. Number two is you got to clear on what that looks like for you. And the best recommendation I have for this is to make a list. If I was totally free from the fear of someone judging me as not nice or bad or wrong or guilty or any of that, if I was totally free, if I didn't care what other People thought about me and I just gave myself complete permission to do what I want to go after, what I want to be, who I want to be 100% more me, 100% authentic, 100% unapologetically myself. Here's what I would do and you make that list. And some of it might be dramatic, some of it might not be dramatic. I remember I did this a number of times over the years. And I remember one time I did this, this is a number of years ago, and I said I would email my email list a lot more. That might sound like a, that's a big deal. And it was because I was scared of these people on my email list. The social confidence coach is like, ugh, people, humans on the list, they're going to judge me, right? Why? Because it's kind of like, you know, you know, if I'm talking to someone face to face or even a group of people live or on a video, I can feel them, I can interact with them, right? When I'm just sharing out to the email list in the void, I just imagine judgment coming back at me. I said, wow, I'm being a nice guy. I'm scared here. You know what? Okay, add that to the list. I didn't like it. My ego didn't like seeing that, but it was true. Right? So you're going to discover things as you make this list. Wow. Here's all the ways that I'm holding myself back. Here's all the ways that I'm hiding. So make that list. This is what I would do if I did not care about what other people thought of me. Okay? Step number three is to do the things on your list. And again, this might sound like a no brainer, theoretically, strategically, but in actual practice it can be really uncomfortable. You might have already experienced that, you might have been stuck on that. You might have had a challenge with that. And that's the purpose behind the virtual event is for us to come together virtually all over the world and like get this in your nervous system that it's okay to be this way and then take massive action together over those three days. This isn't some theoretical exploration. This is a real deep dive in actually doing it. So take the actions, maybe not all at once, but one bit at a time. 5%, 3%, little incremental victories and all of a sudden you start to lean into that edge of being less comfortable and familiar and nice and being more raw, real edgy in you a little bit at a time. Step number four, that's the Fun one, that's to work through all the stuff that comes up as you're doing the actions. Oh, there's stuff that comes up, you know, your own inner critic, like, oh, you're so bad for doing that. Why? Because you're defying how you were told that you're supposed to be, to be a nice person. And if you're a nice person, you're a good person. So you're going to bump up against that inner sense of like, oh, I'm being a bad human. I shouldn't have told that person, no, oh, I'm so bad. I shouldn't have been assertive with that person. Oh, they didn't like that. Oh, I'm so bad. Right? Or maybe even someone tells you, hey, why are you being all selfish all of a sudden? And you're like, oh, I am. And that's especially why you need a community, why you need a group of people that are coming together to challenge this so you can come back into that room on the second day of the event and say, you know what? This is what I did and I'm feeling bad for it. And you get that new community that's like, hey, actually, it's good for you to say what you want. It's good for you to be assertive. It's good for you to go. It's good to prioritize you sometimes. And that sounds like blasphemy in the old value system that you lived in maybe your whole life. So step four is to work through the discomfort. And then guess what? Repeat step number one, you decide to be less nice. Two, you write out what you would do if you were less nice. Three, you do some of it. Four, you work through the discomfort. Repeat again and again and again. Each time you become more and more and more and more powerful, more and more confident, more and more you. So again, if you want support in doing this, if you want to make this inevitable, come join me. Now is the time. If you're watching this right when the video came out, Super Early Bird is happening. I believe it's ending today or tomorrow. You can click down below in the description to get all the details for the event. Even if the super early bird is over and you're catching us during the earlier bird or the full ticket price, 100% worth it. We have people signing up at all tiers and if you missed the first one, don't miss out. We're doing this event once this year and I don't even know if we're going to do it. Again next year. We're going to run it. This is the first time we're doing it, so now is the time. Your future self is not going to want to wait. I'll do that later. Like. No, now. Now. Let's go. Let's make a radical change in your life now. And I can't wait to be on that journey with you. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Sa.
