Dr. Aziz identifies five signs you're too nice: needing approval, always putting others first, feeling responsible for their emotions, avoiding conflict, and valuing their opinions over your own. Each pattern costs you something real.
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How do you know if you're too nice? Well, I have five signs or symptoms I want to share in this video that will give you crystal clarity if you're being too nice. And then you know whether you would benefit from tightening that up a little bit and finding your way to being less nice and more you, more authentic, more bold, more expressive and ultimately more alive. Because when you're being too nice, you're usually suppressing and hiding and pushing down and big portions of you in all different aspects or relationships of your life. And so we want to help you break free of that. I'm going to share more in this video exactly how you can break free. But let's first take a look at these five signs and see which ones you relate to. So signs that you're being way too nice. Sign number one is that you feel a strong need for the approval of others. And if someone disapproves of you, it's very uncomfortable. Now, there's degrees of this, right? You know, maybe at first it's like the innermost people. So if your spouse or your friend or, you know, your lover or a sibling or someone really close to you is upset with you, it becomes intolerable. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you're anxious, you're stressed, and you're replaying it a thousand times in your mind. If your niceness is extreme, it goes even further out to where that colleague, your boss, someone who's on a peripheral in your community, out to even potentially strangers, or a client that you barely met or a customer that you barely talk to, or someone that you just passed in some setting. Oh my gosh, do they like me? Oh, no. What if they don't like me? It seems like they're upset with me and you're sick in your stomach and you're worried about it and you can't put it down and you feel like you're not safe because to the nice person, anyone being upset with me means I'm not safe, means I'm not okay? So do you feel that strong need for people to like you? That's sign number one, that you're being too nice. Sign number two, that you're being too nice is that you generally, almost always put other people first. Now that might sound like a selfless thing to do, a noble thing to do, a virtuous thing to do, a spiritual thing to do. And while it is a virtue or maybe even a sign of maturity to sometimes be putting other people first to say, you know, it's not comfortable for me, But I can see how this is for the greater good. This is good for my kids, or this is good for that person. And you can do that by choice. However, if that is a compulsive habit and you always have to put other people first and the idea of putting yourself first makes you feel bad and guilty and wrong, then it's not really a choice. You're doing it out of compulsion, and that is a sign that you're being too nice. A third sign that you're being too nice is that you feel overly responsible for everybody and all of their feelings. I got to make sure I take care of everybody. You know, this kind of falls into the realm a lot of these, into the realm of what people might call codependent, which is a whole other concept I'm not going to get into here. But basically, it can be summed up in this sentence. I'm okay if you're okay. I'm not okay if you're not okay. So if you feel upset, I can't feel good. I can't feel relaxed. I got to feel nervous and scared and freaked out. I got to fix your feelings. I got to make sure everyone is okay and no one is upset with me and everything's. Everything's okay. Or I got to make sure you don't feel sad. I got to make sure you don't feel disappointed. And you can see where this could be problematic, because what if me authentically saying what I want leads to you feeling sad? Hey, Aziz, do you want to come spend time with me over the weekend? I have other plans. Or there's other things I'd rather do, but let's meet, you know, the weekend after. And now you're sad. Oh, no. I shouldn't have said no. If you're really nice, you wouldn't say no. You'd say, okay, I'd love to. And if you're really, really nice, like I was, I would anticipate that you're going to ask me, and I'd ask you ahead of time as if it was my idea. Whoa. That's some next level of brilliant niceness, huh? Do you relate to that one? We're going to talk about how to shred all this in just a minute, by the way. But that's number three. You're overly responsible for people's feelings. Number four sign that you are too nice is you rarely or maybe even never express your upset directly to anybody. So you smile. You try to talk yourself out of it. You say, I need to Be more patient. I need to be more forgiving. This shouldn't bother me so much. I'm too sensitive. You have a thousand and one rational realizations why you shouldn't be upset and why certainly you should not express that upset. Certainly not to the person directly. What's behind that? A phobia of conflict. Just an overwhelming terror of direct contact with other humans. Because you imagine there's direct contact in your scene, especially when you're upset, that's horrible and bad and wrong from your nice person conditioning. And so I'm just gonna pretend like it's not there and it'll be all smooth on the outside. Meanwhile, the relationship is eroding. Secretly underneath your self respect and self esteem is eroding. And honestly your soul is eroding because you're not being real. You're not being you. You're pretending you're playing a role of a nice forgiving person. But that's not real. And but what that is is that's a sign that you are being too nice. All right, what is the fifth sign that you're being too nice? The fifth sign that you're being too nice is you habit you others opinions and perspectives more than your own. So if you perceive something, I guess I have to see it that way too. And this could go from big to little stuff. You think that that person's worthwhile and smart. Well, I guess I should too. I can't disagree with you. You think that movie is great. Well, I can't disagree with that. You think I'm not attractive. Well, I guess you're right. And so now my own sense of my own reality and what I think and feel about myself, my own identity is determined by you and what you think and what you feel and what you perceive. And that. That's a very disempowering place to be, isn't it? So which of these five signs or symptoms do you relate to most? Are you taking way too much responsibility for people's feelings? Are you terrified to express your upset directly and you don't and you're suppressing it? Are you constantly trying to make sure that no one is ever uncomfortable around you? Are you trying to make sure everyone approves of you and you're kind of doing the dance and doing the approval seeking everywhere you go? Which ones do you relate to most? And look, that's just five. There are 15 of these major symptoms and I want to share them with you. In fact, I have an upcoming three day immersion online live event called Not Nice Live, where We're going to be going in depth into all five of these and all 15 of the major signs that you're being too nice, and more importantly, how to resolve every single one of them so that you leave that event. Owning your reality, owning your perspective, being able to speak up directly, being able to have direct contact with people, not being so afraid of someone having a feeling around you and not needing anyone to approve of you. Does that sound good? Does that sound liberating? This is the place to do it. Maybe you've watched my videos for many years. Maybe you have listened to my podcast. Maybe read my book. Not Nice, Not Nice. Live is gonna be the place where it's all gonna come together. I invite you to join me. It happens. Just so that right now, if you're watching this right as this video came out that we are doing the Super Early Bird Special for the event, you can click down below in the description to get access to the tickets right now at the Super Early Bird price, which is an amazing opportunity and find out all the detail the event. I cannot wait to share those three days with you. If you're ready to go further, this is the time. Now is the time to do it. So thanks for being with me. Share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable and if you're coming to the event and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
