Dr. Aziz breaks down five concrete moves to become more likable: drop the story that you're not, physically approach people, show warmth through eye contact and curiosity, balance questions with personal stories, and be playful. Likability comes from confidence and the feeling you create in others, not how you look.
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Here are five ways that you can become way more likable today. This isn't something you have to build over months and years and having great travel stories, having gone around the world to impress people, you can actually become way more likable right now, exactly as you are. Exactly. With the experiences you've had, exactly how you look. And you're gonna find some great news in this video, which is that the way you look isn't a big factor in how likable you are, how attractive you are, and how many friends you can have or even dating opportunities in your life. All of that actually comes from your conf, how you show up, your energy, and most importantly, the feelings that you create in other people when they're around you. Because regardless of what you look like, if people feel good when they're around you, they want more. If people feel excited or attracted around you, they're going to want more of other things. And so you can create that right now. And I'm going to share how in this video. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and objectively, very likable, as everyone will tell you. No. But I went from a place in my life where I don't think I was that likable and to where I generally would say I am pretty likable, pretty affable. A lot of people seem to like me. I have more opportunities for friendship, connection than I have space for in my life. And that's a high quality problem. And I want that for you. So let's dive right into it. How do you become more likable? And look, a lot of this stuff is not really complex. Don't make it super complex. Just do these things and you'll become more likable, number one. And this is the most important thing. Just throw out the story that you're not likable. That's the biggest obstacles. People are constantly reinforcing this. Oh, I'm not like this. Oh, they're funnier than I am. Oh, I'm not as smart as that person. Oh, look how charming he is. Oh, I'm such a nah, nah, nah. And when you do that, your energy just totally collapses and gets real heavy. And that doesn't bring people up, doesn't make people want to be around you, kind of become a bit of a downer or it slips out in these kind of pessimistic comments or critical comments or bitching about life and other people not attractive. I'm not saying you can't have Things you're frustrated about or be authentic or share things that are bothering you. But that's very different. This is more like a cynical, bitter attitude that can happen because you think that you're not likable. You think that life has done you wrong or something like that. And that does not attract anyone. So it's time to set aside that victim approach and to take total ownership for your life and say, hey, the way I show up, I determine what happens to me in my life. And the first thing I'm going to do is realize that I'm actually quite likable. It's a. Well, no, no, no, I'm not. No, no, no, no, no. That's your old identity. It's trying to cling on, trying to hold on for dear life and strangle you. And you've just been fused with your inner critic and you see yourself through a garbage perspective that's called low self esteem and leads to low confidence. So instead just adopt a blank slate. I don't know, let's find out. I bet I'm more likable than I thought though. Or go all the way and just go out on a limb and say, I bet I'm actually quite likable. Alright, so adopt that identity shift, or at least open to the possibility of it first. And then take a bunch of new actions and see what you get back. Okay, Number two is move towards, like literally physically move towards people. As well as texting people, emailing people, calling people. Does anyone call anymore? I don't know. You know, sending them audios, that's more efficient, right? Anyway, just putting yourself out there, as you might say, not in some blood, blasting it on social media. You don't have to do that, but I mean directly with people. So there's those colleagues that you've been avoiding at work. You go interact with them or you message them on Slack. How's it going? How's your day going? You're like, why would I just say that to them? To connect with people. It makes you more likable. I see this all the time. So you get to an environment and you're kind of like, whether it's a, you know, group or a conference or anything. Okay, what do I do here? Be the person that walks over to somebody else who's standing like that and say, hey, how's it going? I'm Aziz. What's your name? Oh, cool. What brings you here? It doesn't have to be a fancy, brilliant conversation starter. You're approaching people, it helps them feel welcome. It also sets you up in a role of like, oh, this person's the authority here, or this person is the leader here because they're coming towards me. And you'd be amazed at how many people, even if they don't look anxious, kind of waiting around. You want to know a big clue, Everyone who's doing this on their phone instead of interacting with people, especially in a social situation, I mean, come on, what are they doing? They're just scrolling through some garbage because they're anxious and they're like, I need a shield. Oh, my God, I look awkward. I'm doing something. I got business, stocks, stuff. I know. Just walk over to them. Be the one who approaches people. Okay, Number three is, and this is about when you're approaching people, just in general interactions is being warm. So that one's a little. Can be a little vague, like, how do you measure warmth? But basically there is a interest and a curiosity towards other people. I think that often conveys the warmth that I'm talking about, about versus cold. So let's say you're talking to me and I am like, I'm looking away. I don't ask any questions. I'm just kind of. I seem disinterested. That's the opposite of warmth. That would be aloof or cold. And then people, they don't feel you're not that likable when you're aloof and cold. Now you might be freaked out and anxious and want to connect and be like, what do I say next? What do I say next? And you look aloof and cold. Well, that's social anxiety. And there's tons of videos on this channel to help you with that. The key here is to move forwards and then be warm. So that's maintaining eye contact, being open, asking questions and sharing, which is getting into future points. But key there is warmth. And if you're still not quite sure with that one, just think about, how are you when you're relaxed? How are you around someone that you love? How are you around a pet? I know that might seem strange because when you get to your dog, you're like, goo goo boo goo, goo goo boo goo. And you're not going to go say that to someone that you want to go date until maybe later in the bedroom, maybe, I don't know, whatever your thing is. But it's not the language that you say to your dog, it's the energy, right? You're so warm with your dog and they're looking back at you and they're so warm with You. And guess what? You like your. And one of the reasons you like your dog is because every time you walk in the door, even if you just literally went out to your car and back, they're like, what's up? And they're so warm. They're moving towards you. Look, they're practice, study your dog and do everything they do except for the butt smelling and the poop eating and the rolling and dead things. But other than that, do everything your dog does and you'll be way more likable. Okay, number four, and this is an extension of warm, but it's ask questions and share freely. Like, this is how we convey, I'm interested in you and I want to connect with you. If you skip one, then it sort of falls apart. If you only ask questions, it can feel a little bit like an interview or worse than interrogation. There's no connection with anything you just said. So you ask them about their family and they tell you about their kids and you're just like, so where do you go? And then what do you do? And then this and then where do you work and whatever. And people are like, I don't like this. So you're asking questions but you want to connect on what they said. So that's where you share freely. Oh, you took your kids to the mountains. That's great. I like to go to the mountains too. What do you like to do out there? See? Oh, look. Let me share a story of one time. I was in the mountains. Now if you flip to the other side and you don't ask any questions, you're like, let me tell you about what I did. Let me tell you my interests. Let me tell you about how awesome I am. Let me tell you about me. Again, that gets imbalanced. So it's a mixture and people fall off on either side. They either only ask questions. This is especially good for nice people, or people with social anxiety. They just keep the conversation on the other person, never reveal a thing and they think, oh great, that person's going to feel like I was so interested in them. They're going to feel so connected with me a little bit. That might work in like a short interaction, but if you spend a little bit of time with someone, eventually they're going to actually not feel as attracted as if you're as likable because they don't actually feel or know you because you're not revealing it. So give people something to work with and reveal who you are. That's how you become more likable. Number five. Is be playful. You probably tell them in these videos. That's what makes me so likable, right? I'm playful for a couple different reasons. One, to be more likable, but two, because it's more fun. Life is way more fun if you're playful. It's so dreary and boring if it's just serious work all the time and everything you do. And people can bring this seriousness to everything, not just their work but their family time, being with their kids, just even getting tasks done around the house like this grim determination to get it done. And I've lived that way and it sucks. So I try to come back to playfulness. Now. There's one distinction on playfulness, which is playfulness for its own sake. Because that's how you like to live. You like to have a little more levity in your life and versus playfulness to be pleasing. Almost like a clown. So you make a joke and you're like, haha, think it's funny? You like me now, huh? Right? And you're so just look at, are you looking for that person to see how they're responding to your jokes? Are you trying to make a lot of jokes? You trying so hard to be funny. Just take a step back, even forget about being around other people. Just be more playful in your own life. As you're going through and observing your day, can you think of strange things or funny things? Can you make, can you crack yourself up when you're alone? Can you find opportunities when you're in interacting with someone just to throw something out there? Usually true playfulness is coming from within. It takes a little bit of risk. You don't exactly know how they're going to respond, but most of the time it works out great. So if you do these things and you practice them, you will be more likable. You'll have more friends, you'll have more opportunities for friendships, you'll have better dating opportunities and experiences. Colleagues are going to like you more and you become more of a leader, more of that hub in your social life. And the biggest obstacle is just telling yourself I'm not likable. Because then you won't do any of the other four. So share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable. And if you want to take things to a whole nother level, go to the Confidence Universe university dot com. There's four courses that come with that university and one of them is called Social Mastery. We go way more in depth on being likable, practicing these skills, having stellar conversations with brand new people and also going deeper, creating friendships, upgrading your social life so much more. So go to the Confidence University to learn all about that until we speak again. You have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome and.
