7 Daily Choices That Determine Your DESTINY!

Do you want to feel dramatically more confident in your life? I'm not talking about a little bit more, but radically different. Probably, yes, if you're watching this show. But what if it's not about achieving some major goal or radically changing who you are and being this totally different person? What if it's as small and simple as some daily decisions, some choices that you're making every day without knowing it that that are determining if you create extraordinary confidence in your life or stay stuck, stay anxious, stay not fully being comfortable in who you are? I'm going to say that it is. And in this episode, you're going to learn what those seven daily choices are and how to make the right ones to create a life of unstoppable confidence. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Z. And this is the show for you if you want more confidence and who could not benefit from more confidence. So we're going to talk about little decisions, little choices that you make every day, moment to moment, that set up the stage for an entire life of confidence, a destiny of confidence, and then all the stuff that comes with confidence. Because when you have confidence, you succeed more, you feel better, you, you draw more people to you because you have higher self esteem. So your social life is better, your relationships are better. You can go deeper in those relationships because you have the confidence to be who you are and to share who you are. And of course, you're more successful in your career and your romantic life as well. Confidence is the master skill. It's the key. So what are these daily decisions? I'm going to show them in just a second. If you're enjoying this show, click the subscribe button down below. Get more of these episodes, hit the notification to see them right when they come out so you can watch them and be aware of what's going on. And also I'm going to share in much more depth about these seven choices in my podcast, which if you don't know about, you should definitely check out because those episodes are a lot longer than this show and we're going to go more into depth on these same topics. So it's called Shrink for the Shy Guy. You can check it out. Shrinkforthyguy.com there's also a link below in the description of this video. And if you're a galaxy, that shows for you too. It started out just for men and then I expanded it and everything in there applies to women and to men. And so now I use the word guy and shrink for the shy guy, as my 4 year old son Zaim does, where he just says, guys, guys. That's how he's starting like every other sentence now. And he'll use it for, you know, Candace, men, women, everybody. And sometimes it's just me, it's just one person with him and he'll be like, guys, guys. And then have to tell us something. So that's how I'm using guy these days anyway. What are these seven choices? Well, first of all, you're making choices every day, whether you know it or not. And I'm going to highlight them to you. And when you see that, you're going to realize that that's going to determine the course that you take that day. And over time, the course that you set for the day adds to the week, to the month, to the year, to your ultimate destiny. So the first choice is confront or avoid. There's an issue in your life, there's a problem, there's a challenge, there's something uncomfortable. Do you confront it or do you avoid it? And that could be approaching someone you're attracted to. That could be being more authentic with a friend or in a conversation. That could be being assertive with a boss. Confront or avoid. And if we choose to confront the problem, to move towards the thing to approach, then we will build confidence. Even if that interaction is uncomfortable, even if that one doesn't go well and we have a mistake or make a conflict or don't handle it right, it doesn't matter. That choice to move towards over time will build your confidence and the choice to avoid will diminish your confidence. It will increase your anxiety, it will increase a sense of being less powerful, weaker in your life. So confront or avoid the next choice. And as I share these, I want you to think about what choices do I tend to make on a daily basis. The next choice is to take bold action or to take timid, hesitant action. So even when we're approaching, even when we're confronting something, we have another choice, which is you can approach it with boldness or you can timidness. So when you go walk over to that person you're attracted to, you can be like, hey, how's it going? My name's Aziz. What's your name? Boldness. Nothing crazy. Not the best pickup line in the world, right? Just, here I am. You'd be amazed at how much that works. You don't need crazy pickup lines or timidness, you know, not even walking directly. Just like doing the old circle around, you know, and finally you end up right near them, but not really talking to them. You're kind of next to them and then hovering have, oh, they didn't hear me. Okay, right. Or maybe not that extreme. Maybe you do walk to them but you're kind of like, hey, how's it going? Right. And so timid. And that could be again, being assertive with your boss. You could be bold. Hey, here's what I noticed or here's what's not working. Or this is what I think versus, like that's the energy of timid, hesitant. And again that choice. If you choose bold in life, I have this banner that we put out at my live events. In life, boldness is rewarded. Cowardice is ignored. And that's true. Boldness is always rewarded in life. Maybe not in the short term. Again, your boss might get upset with you, that person might reject you. But in the long term, that kind of action, bold action is rewarded because it leads to better results in the aggregate in the long term and, and it builds your sense of personal power and self esteem and confidence which will serve you in the long term. So that's the second choice. Take bold action or a timid hesitant action. The third choice. Follow through or falter. Follow through or falter. This one is especially important when it comes to the commitments you make to yourself and to others, but especially the ones you make to yourself. I'm going to do this, I'm going to follow through on that. I'm going to. What are you committing or committing to? Whether it's something as simple as a certain morning routine for yourself or a more complex thing like I'm going to finish this project. I'm going to put this many hours into this project. So you have a choice. Am I going to follow through or am I going to falter? And I got a fun chance to observe this in myself because I made a commitment a little while back to construct the ultimate morning routine for myself. And one component of that routine, it's the, the most uncomfortable component of it of all the. I do a lot of different things in there. It's about an hour and a half of self care. But one of them is a 10 minute as cold as my shower will go. Shower and still like right before I'm going in, there's like, I don't want to, not today. Can I do a little shorter today? Resistance, resistance, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's there every day. Some days more, some days less. But here's the thing. I know that I'm, I'm gonna do it. I'M committed to doing it. There's no negotiation. So that part, it's not like it has sway over me anymore, but it still tries. It's like just come on. And then of course, a couple minutes into it though, it's like I'm not. And then, then it's like, oh, this is starting to be really helpful. And then at the end, ten minutes later, boom. I feel like so alive. It's so immediately awesome and reinforcing. But follow through or falter. You have that choice. You have that choice and you ought to pay attention to what choice am I making? Because often we make the choice to falter. Not today, no. And whether it's that shower example, but that applies to am I going to follow through on. I said I was going to have that conversation with that person. I said I was going to approach that woman I was really attracted to. I said I was going to call that guy that I know he's interested in me and I want to pursue something with him. I said I was going to do it to myself. And then do you follow through or you falter? Because if you follow through consistently on the commitments you make to yourself, your confidence will skyrocket over time because you'll have trust in yourself. You'll know that your word means something to yourself. And so you just naturally have higher self esteem. But you also are able. If you follow through on the hard stuff, then you're also creating something in your life. You're benefiting, you're building towards something. Same thing with following through on a commitment for a work project or a task. I'm going to work on Blank project for an hour a day. And if you follow, you have a choice. Do I follow through? When I'm working, I'm going to stay focused. I'm not going to dick around on the Internet and open up random websites. I'm going to focus for an hour. Maybe I'll even turn my Internet off. Check out Cal Newport's book Deep Work if you want to learn more about that. That's a really good one. But you know, do you follow through or do you falter? And again, these choices are happening, you know, during a work block of an hour. You could follow through on staying focused on it or falter dozens of times. So there's always an opportunity to make the right choice. Follow through the third, no, fourth choice is prepare or procrastinate. Prepare or procrastinate. One more time. Prepare or procrastinate. Say it with me. Prepare or procrastinate. So when it comes to something that's bigger in our lives, that. That can be overwhelming or scary. We have a choice. Am I going to. You know, this is kind of like a confront or avoid, because procrastination is a form of avoidance. But this is a very specific kind of confrontation. Whereas you prepare, you know, so I'm overwhelmed by, like, my accounting and finances and taxes. Oh, okay, well, let me prepare. I'm overwhelmed by that presentation. Oh, is it going to go well? Prepare. I'm overwhelmed by that assertive conversation I need to have. Prepare. I'm scared of the date. Prepare. You can prepare for all kinds of things. You can mentally rehearse it. You can come up with ideas. You can write stuff down. You're going to prepare or are you going to procrastinate? The next big idea for this one, for the seven daily, you can hear, Brian Johnson is influencing me. If you don't know Brian Johnson, you should check him out. He's got Optimize Me is his site. I've learned a ton from him about a lot of stuff, but particularly habits, discipline, willpower, really good stuff. But he categorizes everything into big ideas. And so I have the seven daily choices. And I just instantly said the next big idea because I hear him say that so much because I'm listening to him all the time. So anyway, shout out to Brian. He's awesome. Check him out. Optimize me. Optimize me. But the next choice, which I guess is also a big idea, is to speak up or hold back. Now, again, this is another form of confront or avoid. But speak up or hold back. It's a very specific kind. In any scenario, if we have the courage to speak up, we will feel better. And if we hold back, we will feel worse. And this applies to every area in your romantic relationship. If you speak up about an issue that's bothering you, you guys will feel better. You'll get to the other side of it faster. And if you hold back, you'll start to build distance and resentment. Same thing goes for any relationship. A work relationship, a friendship, a relationship with you and an employee, or you and an employer, right? If you don't, if you hold back, it will start to create this tension, this resentment. And it's either going to. You're just going to stuff it down and get stomach problems or back problems or whatever problems your body wants to manifest, or it'll explode out in a way you can't control, or you can speak up. And also, there's not just a confrontation kind of speaking up, just more you. So maybe the way that you. So for example, when I used to really struggle in helping people is when I was doing traditional psychotherapy and even some of my early coaching, I learned some models of psychotherapy that were very passive. You know, my job as a therapist is just supposed to. Tell me more. You're supposed to do that for like an hour. And I was like, I can't do this. Like, that's like, this is terrible. Like, I have all these ideas and all these strategies, you know, and again, that's a certain kind of therapy. And that works for some people, not for me. Not as either the therapist or the client or the patient. Like, I've tried them both. And what I realized is my role is less of a. That that total, expansive, supportive, just listening presence. And actually, as a teacher is a guide, is to listen enough to hear what. Pinpoint and diagnose the real issue and say, great, here's the real issue. Let's look at that. What's going on there? Here's some ideas, here's some strategies. Let's try this out right now. It's very active. And so I would leave sessions back in therapy, and then even in my early coaching days where I would feel, like, drained and ugh. And the problem was I was not speaking up. So speaking up doesn't mean a confrontation. It just means you expressing you as you need to be expressed as who you are and what you share and what you do. The next choice, number six, is a huge one. It's so huge, I have it tattooed on my arm. It's surrender or choose to be in victim mode. Resistance. And so in anything in life, there's something that's unwanted occurs. It's a feeling inside of you that arises. I'm feeling anxious all of a sudden. I'm feeling pain in my heart or sad or pessimistic. All of a sudden, you know, one of my kids is doing something like that I don't want them to do. He's like throwing water on the floor as a hypothetical. I could find a lot of little things like that, you know, this person that wanted to go out with me, or I thought wanted to go out with me now is not responding to me. This person that I thought wanted to hire me is now not showing up as a client. Maybe they're not going to want to work with me after all. Like all these things that can happen in our life, someone is upset with me, whatever that we can react to, and then have a strong sense of resistance. To. They shouldn't have done that. It shouldn't be this way. They shouldn't be upset with me. He should have said yes, she should have said no. And that's our internal reaction. And I call it victim mode resistance. Because when we're resisting like that, we're in a victim mode. If you really tune into the energy of it, even if you don't express it outwardly, the inward energy is, like, very pouty. It's like, she should have said, I don't like that. No, what's wrong with them? And you're blaming them in your head. Maybe you're blaming yourself. Or you can choose to surrender in that moment. That's what I have tattooed on my arm. Thank you. I surrender. So the thank you is to remind me, like, to receive whatever is occurring and know that there's something good in it for me. There is some reason that this is to my best benefit and that there's some order, that everything is unfolding exactly as it should. So thank you. And the essentialness of gratitude, not just gratitude for the things that are going well and easy, and that's important to really nourish and build too, but gratitude for everything, gratitude for life. And then the next line is, I surrender. Which is the key to opening to that. I surrender. And something I've been experimenting with is the idea of immediate, total and immediate surrender. So I've known about surrender for a long time. David Hawkins book, Letting Go. Pull out another book here, Letting Go, the Pathway to Surrender. Really good book about this topic, and I've been applying it for a long time. But. But what I found is that something would happen that I didn't like, and I'd be all tormented about it, and I'd be fighting it, and I'd be like, oh, wait, wait, I need to surrender. Okay, let me work on surrendering. And I'd work on it and spend time doing it. And then eventually I would. And time would help, maybe the next day, or I'd sleep on it, or a couple days would pass, or I'd have a conversation about it and be able to let it go. And then I started to think, well, that's a lot of suffering. And I know at the end I'm just going to surrender anyway, so what about, like, immediate surrender? So I wrote that down in my journal. One day I was struggling about something. I was like, immediate surrender. And I instantly was like, ah, that feels better. Yeah, I could just do it right now. And then a little bit later, I said, wait a minute. What about just total surrender? Because you can surrender a little bit. Like I guess that's okay that that happened sorta. Or there's just total surrender. So then I wrote down total and immediate surrender and just that phrase started to be helpful. Total and immediate surrender, huh? And I was like, what would it be like to operate through life where every day there's unexpected things, every day there's little problems that arise, right? I was just got on the phone with a client yesterday and I was like, hey, how's it going? He's like, in the moment, I'm a little stressed. I'm like, why? He said, well, I just about an hour ago found out I lost my wallet. And I was like, oh, is it lost or misplaced? Because I've done that before, it's lost and it turns out it's like under some shit in my closet. And I'm like, ah, I already cancelled my cards. So now I try to wait, you know, for a few days, but he's like, no, I got a notification that my card was being charged somewhere else, so I, you know, need to cancel the card. And I was like, well, how are you doing with that? And he's like, I just tell myself like, I don't have time for this shit. He's frustrated about it. And that kind of stuff happens, right? That's a bigger nuisance. But there's stuff out of nowhere like you think you're going to work on a project and all of a sudden the Internet is intermittent or you have this meeting and then all of a sudden that person can't show or needs to reschedule or whatever. So you think life's going to go one way and then there's a problem, there's a situation that occurs and then we fight it. What would it be like to be in total, complete surrender, Total and immediate? I should say surrender to those things as they occur. Now the idea is that it doesn't mean that you quit or say, oh, okay, whatever, I have no reaction to that whatsoever. It's that you flow with it. So it's like, oh, they're not available. Oh, they're canceling. Okay, total and immediate surrender. Like no resistance to that. Okay, now what am I going to do? And what I found this as I'm experimenting with it more is what happens is there's this fire inside or pain inside or squeezing inside or anger inside or something inside. And the pathway to total and immediate surrender is going to be to be able to just like let that go, to relax inside. So Maybe I'll do a whole other video about total and immediate surrender. But in any moment you have a choice to surrender or go into victim mode. Resistance. The seventh choice is trust or fear. Any moment you can trust. Maybe I should say trust or doubt would be better for that one because fear is pretty broad. Doubt's a very specific kind. Trust or doubt. Trust or doubt. So in that moment, it's like, am I going to pursue this? Am I going to take this risk? Am I going to step into the unknown? Well, yeah, you have a choice in that moment to trust. I trust that it's going to work out. I trust this is going to happen. Or I can live in doubt, say, no, it's not going to work. Never going to work. Never going to work. Nope, nope, can't happen. And if you make that choice to doubt every day instead of trust, then your confidence will not grow. So our list is confront or avoid. Take bold action or take timid action. Follow through or falter. Prepare or procrastinate. Speak up or hold back. Surrender or victim mode. Resist, trust or fear. Now, here's one last cool thing when, which I want you to see, because I did this right after I made this list. I said, wait a minute, wait a minute, this is cool. What if you eliminate the second half of the list and just look at the first words in each thing or the first phrase in each one? And could that be a shortcut to just remind yourself each day what to do to create extraordinary levels of confidence over the course of days, weeks, months and years and ultimately get to the destiny that you want for yourself in your relationship, in your career, in your self, confidence in your social life. See what that would look like. Confront the issue. Take bold action. Follow through. Prepare, speak up. Surrender, Trust. What if you just read that list to yourself in the morning or several times a day and then use that to guide your choices, your behavior. Just bringing that in front of your consciousness, in your mind will help you make better decisions. And the more you live by these, the better your life will be. So let me know what you're learning. Let me know what you're going to apply, how it works for you. Let's all rise together let's all share and grow okay till we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.