8 Principles of Sanity (And Victory) - Number 1

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're gonna learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. It's good to be with you. I'm. I'm really excited to share what is gonna happen today and over the series of a number of upcoming episodes, some really powerful stuff that's gonna set you up to. To feel. Well, sanity and victory. Those are the two things that I am focusing on right now. I'll explain what that means in a moment and we're going to dive into it. I'm actually going to be sharing my eight principles of sanity and victory over eight episodes, with one episode dedicated to each of these principles and lots of examples and how it applies. Now, I don't know if I'll do eight episodes in a row about this. I might, you know, intersperse some other episodes with other relevant themes, but over the next period of time, I'll be getting to all eight of these. And this is a list that I created for myself to remember sanity and victory and achieve victory again. I'll explain more about that in a minute. Before I do, I want to ask you a favor. No, don't skip ahead, please. The favor is if you're benefiting from this show, you know, as you know, it's absolutely free. I dedicate my time to do this at no cost. And really my main purpose here is to further the mission. And the mission is, was called Operation Mass Liberation. Help as many people as possible. And a year or two ago, I upgraded it to Divine Liberation. You know, what's the difference? Maybe the fuel that I'm using, Mass Liberation had a bit more of a push the cart up the hill. And Divine Liberation is more of a guided grace way of approaching life, which I've been focused on a lot, and how to really reach and impact people while I'm here. And I think there was a phase of my life where, you know, there was career building and wanting to make something and be a success and service contribution. The mission both Were kind of, you know, on top of each other at the same time. And Now I'm almost 43 years old. I am 43 years old at the release of this episode. Oh, my God. You know, so, you know, it depends on how old you are. That could be. That could seem young, medium or old. But to me, I feel very, very spry and powerful. But I'm also very aware of time and limited time and that every day is a gift. We don't really know how much more time we have. And I wonder if I were approaching the hour of my death and I made it because I think so much of our lives, we can be focused on survival. This has got to get to the next thing. And survival could be literally roof over your head, food on a plate. A lot of people, you know, I live in the United States. A lot of people in the United States are not in that place. I know some are, many are, but a large percentage of people have enough food. And if you're in a place where you don't have enough food, then you're. You're man. What, what an amazing thing to be connecting with you and, and you listening to this. And I hope it supports you in creating confidence beyond social confidence, but the confidence to go create circumstances for you and others that solve some of those problems, which I know are big, bigger than us individually. But even if you have enough food on your plate and a roof over your head, you got a car, you got some money, we can still live in survival. Everything can feel like survival. Am I surviving? And that's part of this list for principles of sanity, which I'll get to in just a moment. But for me, I think about when I get to the end of my life, I. I'll have made it right. I survived to the end. Of course, you, you know, you survived to the end and then you die anyway. So, hey, cosmic joke. But I made it to the end, and I don't need any. I'm not going to be more of a somebody, right? I'm not going to have more security, more status like, it's done. The ego's dying as well as the body. So what remains? And when I look back at my life, what feels the most significant? And instantly I think about Candace, my wife and my. And my boys and wanting to, you know, share a life with them and put everything, hold nothing back in that regard. And then it instantly goes from them to obviously my parents and family and people that I love, and then to you, to you listening to this. The people that I get to touch and work with, like, it's that close to what I feel like I'm here to do. It's just one layer out from being a dad and a husband to my closest family members and. And obviously those that, you know, inner circle of friends. And then it's like, man, if it was just that, that would not be. That would be incomplete. There's so much more here, and a big part of that is the mission of divine liberation. So it's a long way of saying, well, one, maybe for you to get to know a little bit more about me and where I'm coming from. But then number two is one thing that can support in that mission is to donate a million dollars to me. No, I'm just kidding. It would be to. It would be for the good of all to give me a million dollars. Have you seen the show the Royal Gemstones? I would highly recommend that. If you haven't, I think you can, like, download them now at some point on YouTube. But Danny McBride, one of the main characters, he's a genius behind Eastbound and Down and Kenny Powers. If these phrases don't make any sense to you, then your life is impoverished and you should go watch these shows. Pretty much the main shows that I've watched in the last handful of years, I try to steer clear of a lot of shows because they're so addictive for me, but that one and the Game of Thrones stuff, you know, because I'm a super nerd. But Danny McBride, royal gemstones, great show. In any case, the real way that you could support this mission. Want to give me a million dollars? I'm all for it. I'm not gonna say no to money coming to me from beautiful, amazing ways, rich donors. That's cool, but you don't want to throw a million dollars my way. What I would request a simple, simple thing to do would be just go to wherever you're listening to this, you know, preferably Apple Podcasts. I think it's just called Podcasts now or Spotify or wherever and give it a. Give it a review, probably five stars, but, you know, whatever you think it deserves. And that would really help me reach more people. Thank you so much for that. Let's talk about now, number one in your eight principles of sanity and victory. You know, big reveal here. I was creating this list, and I only have six that have come to me. I don't want to just fill it up with garbage. I really tuned in to, like, what are the principles that are going to guide me in my life or have been guiding me and that I want to remember. And I only have six so far. I'm trusting by the time I get there. The number that came to me was eight. So I put eight. So maybe we'll see as we get closer. I might change the number, but who cares because that's way down the road. We're start with number one today. So what are these principles? Basically, I started a new journal in Evernote where I do all my notes and things. I had a journal for there called the Council. It was called the Council and it was like me just like thinking of as an inner council where I get to talk to different parts of me and just reflect on my life. And I had a journal over about last year and a half, and I put it into chat GPT and it said summarize the themes and stuff. And I was looking through it and it was interesting and. And I was also like, man, this journal is a place where I come to bitch and talk about how everything sucks, which is fine. It's great to have a journal for that, right? There's nothing wrong with that. Just letting yourself feel the different parts and stuff. But I was like, that's not all my life has been over the last year and a half. And it's just a lot of suffering. I was kind of looking at it. It's like, I'm suffering, I'm suffering. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, but something more is possible. So I created a new journal called the Council 2. And I started it with. So now by the age of 42, and when you hear this, I'll be 43 with there's tons of personal and spiritual growth and working with many, many, many, many humans in my life to see the patterns. I know how to live well and I know how to suffer. Like I see the patterns in clients and in myself. At this point, it's not about knowing, it's about practicing. And so I said, okay, what is it that I need to practice? And then I started to think about these principles. What are the things I need to remember and live by and do every day? And that's where this list was born. I call it the eight Principles of Sanity because to me, that's the suffering can be feel like insanity, right? And I'm just. Whether it's suffering around worry or anxiety or I'm not enough or I'm not gonna have enough, or people don't like me, or I'm the worst human in the world or bad things are gonna happen in my future or people hate me or right isn't. It just feels, we feel crazy, we feel insane. And there's a sanity, there's a peace with like, okay, I'm moving through my life in a way that's going to work, that's not going to be full of self sabotage. That's going to bring me joy, that's going to bring me the results that I want. It's going to help me connect with others. To me, that's, that's sanity. And I added though eight principles of sanity in parentheses and victory. Because these lead to not just feeling better, but thriving in life, crushing it in life. Achieving and being not just getting what you want, doing what you want, but becoming who you're meant to be. I think that's the ultimate victory. Which is something you hear more about in one of the later principles. You excited? Want to hear principle number one? That's what we're going to focus on in today's episode. Principle number one of sanity and victory is. And I'm going to read what the principle is and what the little paragraph that I have written as a reminder for myself. And then I'm going to explain a lot more and give some examples. Are you excited? Are you ready? Here we go. Drum roll. Principle number one is I am the captain of my ship. My suffering isn't in my circumstances, but in how I'm steering. I alone am responsible for my state. This isn't a shame inducing burden, but the doorway to an extraordinary life. The only thing in this universe I have some hope of control over is how I choose to respond to what happens every day. I claim this choice. So let's break this down. Why is this principle number one? Because if you forget this, which trust me, I have, in fact, what led me to writing these principles out this morning was having four days in a row where I felt insane. Now I wasn't, you know, running around, I don't know, throwing my own feces. That's pretty extreme. Example. That's the first thing that came to my mind. But you know, I wasn't throwing tantrums, yelling at people, hitting things, freaking out from the outside. No one. I hung out with some friends. Some friends. One night I spent time with my family. Over the weekend I took my son one on one. We spent some solo time on Mount Hood on this beautiful hike. And inside, though, I was suffering. I was tight. I felt bad, I felt uncomfortable. I wasn't enjoying the moment. It's like I have this beautiful life unfolding around me and everything's wrong and awful to me. That's insane. And so I was in a state where I was in a perspective. When I say state, that means I think Tony Robbins change your state. But I would describe it as your mental and emotional state state. Maybe even so far as your energetic state as well. That's a bigger topic we can get into. But you know, what are you thinking? What are your perspectives in that moment? What's your attitude, your mindset? You probably heard that word. And then there's your emotional state. How are you feeling? Not just the specific emotions, like I'm feeling happy, sad, angry, scared, but also kind of your emotionality. Like am I volatile? Do I have these big swings inside? Am I prone to certain emotions like feeling hurt or interpreting everything as you're doing something to me. Right. So that's your, that's your state. And I alone am responsible for that. But when we're suffering, one of the first things that goes out the window, which is why there's a principle number one, is we totally forget or choose not. Just don't see that I am the captain of my ship. All of a sudden I'm not the captain. Life is happening to me. Things are doing, people are doing things to me and they're making me feel this way. I feel upset because I am sad because I don't have the time, because you may and you might say those things out loud or it might just be in your attitude. And for many people this is so the norm that there is no even new way of seeing. Like this is just how it is. Of course I feel awful because they did this to me and they're just bouncing around their lives and in a state of total reactivity, upset, defensiveness, hurt, taking everything personally. It's everyone else's fault. And if it's not a specific person I can point to, it's kind of life. Life or God or the universe or the cosmos kind of screwed me over. It's unfair. It was my parents, it was my past, it was them. And another way to think about that might be a victim mentality. In fact, this is such a core principle that in my Mastermind program called the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, it's a 12 month program which people actually can renew for a second year if they want into. It's called Mastery. Really powerful transformations in that program. Probably the most amazing thing that I've seen work for people for their life to set them on a new trajectory, who struggle with social anxiety, niceness, fear of what other people think. And in that, there's a training program that comes just with a mastermind called the advanced Guidance System. And it's every week there's a new training and it's designed to go along with this immersive program to help people stay on track and make sure they're really building this lifelong foundation of confidence. And the very first video in that program, I teach the ultimate confidence formula. And one component of the ultimate. I'm not gonna give you the whole formula. Those two top secret. I don't know, I might tell you, I might share the formula with you in the future episodes. But right now we're staying on the eight principles of sanity and victory. But there's an overlap here because one of the things in the ultimate confidence formula is to. Which stands for total ownership of your life, AKA knowing I am the captain of my ship, AKA choosing that I am the captain of my ship. Because if you don't make that choice, if you don't claim that choice, then something much worse claims you. Other people's agenda. Just a life of have to's, you know, you're not being the captain of your ship when your day feels like I have to. And I know, I've been there. I'm sure you've been there. I've talked to people who've been, by all standards, you know, they, they've got the, they got to the end of the rainbow. They sold their company for $40 million. They got into a great relationship. They have a beautiful family. Whatever their, their, you know, whatever you think is going to be, oh, I want to get there, it's gonna be so amazing. And they get there. And maybe it is amazing at first. And then you talk to them a month later, six months later, a year later, and their life could feel like a bunch of have to's. Right? So I got this big company. It's going so great, but I gotta, gotta do this and I have to do that. I gotta get that. I gotta take my kid to soccer practice. I gotta do this, I gotta do that. And they're at odds with their whole day. They're a victim of their own life. They're a victim of their own schedule. They're a victim of time. They're a victim of the emotions of others. Oh, my wife's upset with me. Oh, my parents are the. They're mad. And so I have to. There. We're just a victim. Oh, this employee's giving me a hard time. I gotta let them go. I don't want to Deal with them. I'm a victim of that employee now, whatever it might be. This is the opposite of total ownership. So to create confidence, to live with sanity, and to achieve victory in your life, however you define victory, is remembering the truth, which is, I am the captain of my ship. In fact, you might even want to just say that out loud after me. This is something I guide people through. In my events, my virtual events, people go through this powerful mantra or reclaim it. That's what I'm instilling, is this principle number one. It's so. It's so foundational. Maybe just try it out with me right now. Just repeat after me. I am the captain of my ship. Go ahead. Okay. Did you just kind of listen? Just wait. Like, when's this silence gonna be over? Maybe you're in the gym. I don't know. You don't want to yell out, I am the captain of my ship. Although that could be a good embarrassment inoculation exercise. Maybe you could just mutter it as you're. Is your pumping iron, right? Just say it. If you're in a place where you don't want to shout it out, say it, like forcefully, clearly, silently, in your head. I am the captain of my ship. And if you're around no one, or you're in your car or who cares if someone's around? Just say it out loud. Say it. Like conversation, like, I am the captain of my ship. Okay, great. Now, sometimes when we're in a. I don't know, a negative state, a discouraged state, like some, maybe some. What kicks us off this, by the way, right? It's stuff going bad stuff not going the way that you want. So you get rejected. That's a big one, right? Oh, I'm the captain of my ship. Oh, I got rejected. And then all of a sudden, you know, the boat's shaking the waves, right? Because there's forces beyond our awareness, maybe even beyond our control, that influence the ship. That's why I use the metaphor of a captain of my ship. You are the captain of that ship. That doesn't mean you control the ocean or the winds or other boats. And so you go ask someone out, or you try to make a sale, or you talk to somebody, or you see if someone wants to network with you. You go for a job interview, one of the thousand other ways we might take a risk or engage with people in life, small or big. You don't control whether they say yes or no right now, you might get better or worse at achieving an influence, let's say. But you still don't control. No matter how great you get at mastering the seven principles of influence, which is a different series, which I'm not gonna do, but, you know, you can't control it. And then also, here's the kicker. You might not control the emotional waves inside. Now, I said I am responsible for my state. That doesn't mean I totally control. Means I am responsible to navigate, to choose how I respond. Sometimes someone says no to you, and boom, you got this, like, big wave coming through you. Oh, I feel so awful. I feel discouraged. I feel angry, I feel sad. I feel worthless. I feel like I did something wrong. My mind's going crazy, right? You're not. You're not responsible. Being responsible doesn't mean you. You don't have that wave. I'm supposed to be on, like, a placid ocean, right? That's a delusional captain. He was like, the wave is coming, and he's like, what's wrong? I. I should. I shouldn't have waves. Okay, now you're in resistance, which we're gonna get to in a. In a future principle. Because that's. That's gonna be a big problem in life if you're fighting. Everything's coming your way. So we don't control the wave. Boom. This wave of emotion arises, but how am I gonna respond to this? And often when the wave arises, our awareness, our remembering of choice that I'm the captain somehow disappears, right? Because it's painful or it's scary or something. Our frontal cortex goes offline, and our limbic emotional brain just starts running the show. And we're like, the captain's running around. I like. I love the metaphor of a captain because you can visualize that, right? You can see the captain of a ship. I like to imagine yielden times, like. Like a galley, a master and commander type of era. Not your, you know, barge captain transporting Temu or Amazon products across the ocean to sell to people, right? No, but more like the olden times. Got a little bit more passion and glamour to it, doesn't it? Anyway, so that captain, you can vision whatever kind of captain you want. I'm the captain of a barge. We go forward. There are no storms anymore. We dodge them. No, this is the olden times. You don't know what's coming, right? And then you. Here comes a wave. And the captain starts. Could run around like, I don't know what's going on. It's not fair. Or come back like, whoa, okay, here's a wave. What are we gonna do? Right? And Just that moment of awareness that that's the choice that I'm talking about. Because if we don't remember that, then what happens is the wave comes on or the adverse circumstance happens, we feel bad. And then we have this like, glimmer of a memory of like, oh, yeah, I'm the captain of my ship. Oh, but this sucks. And I feel bad. Oh, and then we attack ourselves. You should be the captain of your ship. You should take responsibility. You should do. And it doesn't work. We don't actually. We're not empowered at that moment. We're just feeling bad. And then we're attacking ourselves for feeling bad. So you don't reclaim being the captain of your ship by beating yourself. You gotta find compassion. You gotta find some sort of spaciousness or acceptance or allowing or something that helps you come back to, okay, I am the captain of my ship. I am responsible. So that's why in the little description that I read at the beginning about this is this isn't a shame inducing burden, right? Because that we don't want it to be like, I should be the captain of my ship, but I'm not. And I suck for not being. No, it's. This isn't about piling more on. It's the doorway to an extraordinary life. No one, you don't have to be the captain. No one's gonna say you're bad for not doing it. It's just you suffer more. It's more insane. Because then I'm reliant entirely on you and what you do and what you think. And I'm reliant on the weather, and I'm reliant on the political climate. I'm relying on the economy. And I'm reliant on what my parents think. And I'm reliant on the emotional state of those close to me. And I'm reliant on if a client likes me or not or if a random person on the Internet comments on a freaking video. Right? How insane, right? So this isn't about have to. This is a get to. This is a choice. This is returning to sanity. So let's talk about how you can apply this in your life. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step for today is going to be to choose to recite this to yourself. I am the captain of my ship. Just once a day, can you repeat this phrase? Or if you don't like the phrase, I'm the captain of my ship. Maybe I'm responsible for my life. Or I'm taking total ownership of my life, something like that. That helps you remember this because you claim it once when you listen to this episode, you're like, yeah, I'm all fired up. Let's do this. And then it's like a week later and something bad happens or challenging happens. It goes out the window. Right? We have to claim this. That's why the last sentence in my description there was every day I claim this choice, and that's my invitation for you to join me in this process. Every day I claim this choice. Awesome. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are, to know on a deep level that you are the captain of your ship and that you're awesome and talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.