A Way More Powerful You

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about power. That's right, you and a way more powerful you. And today's going to be a deep dive into power. What I mean when I say that word, power. And how you can bring more of it into your life, removing any of the obstacles that you have that stop you from feeling powerful socially in relationships, in life and work and business. And how to install a sense of power so that you can use that to get what you want done in life and to attract the people that you want to you. So this is going to be an action packed episode. I'm excited to dive in with you. To go deeper into the show, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com shrinkforthshyguy.com there's show notes there. You can also get access to my ebook there Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. That book is awesome and it's entirely free. And it's a deep, specific look at the five steps that I would guide people through to help them transform their confidence in their lives. So let's look at power. First of all, when I say that more powerful you, what do you think of what's the first thing that comes to mind? Does it sound good? Does it sound appealing? Does it have sort of a negative connotation like oh, power, oppression, greedy. Or maybe it's vague. Maybe you have no idea what that means. Like oh, power. Like he man, there's no sense of what I mean. So let me explain a little bit and then we'll see if you're drawn to it or if there's some buttons that it pushes. Basically, I'm not talking about the power over, say, to be the head of a company or a politician who influences a lot of people in that way. Like sort of sanctioned power. That's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about two kinds of power. First and foremost is personal power. And that's a sense that you are a powerful person. It's related to the other kind of power, which is like what I call get shit done power. I talk about this in my book the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. Get shit done power. That's your ability to make stuff happen in the world. Whether it's, you know, you want to have a relationship with someone, so you go pursue that person and talk to them. Or you want to be more effective in your work, in your business. Or maybe you eventually want to create your own business and have that entrepreneurial confidence. That's get shit done power. That's what I mean by power. So when you think of that being a more powerful person, and when I talk about personal power, there's something around social power, too. And if you've ever watched any of my videos or gotten into some of my programs, I talk a lot about social power. And this is a sense of I can do what I want. I can say what I want. I can speak my mind and be assertive. I can share what I really think here. And I am. You know, there's a sense of, like, I am equal to others. I'm not. Oh, man, you're better than me. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, don't be upset with me. That's sort of a lack of power. But that's what I mean. When I talk about personal power, I'm talking about social power. Feeling equal to others, powerful, able to go after what you want, get shit done power, able to create what you want in life. So when I'm talking about those kinds of power and a way more powerful you, how do you feel right now in this moment as you're listening to me? Do you feel excited? Do you want more of that in your life? Do you feel nervous? A little hesitant, a little unsure, maybe a little anxious? You know, there's a lot of fears around power. And I actually cover these in my book. In fact, this is such a valuable list, I'm gonna read that for you right now. Hang on one sec. I'm gonna grab a copy of my book, which is over here on a table, and I'm gonna read the top reasons that we're afraid of power. In fact, you know what would be better? Let's take a quick break, and we'll be right back. In just a moment, I'm gonna share the top reasons we're afraid of power. The reasons we block power, the reasons we keep our power low on purpose. As crazy as that sounds, some part of us wants to feel less than others. Wants to feel, you know, she's too good for me, she's out of my league. He's better than I am. I shouldn't ask him for a favor or a question or I shouldn't speak up in this meeting. When we sell ourselves short, there's a part of us that wants to keep our power low. And I'm gonna share that list in Just a minute as to why during this break. Think about that for you though, why might you want to keep your power low on purpose or part of you might want to do that? As crazy as it sounds, there's reasons. So stay tuned. I'll share mine in just one moment. I want you to think about that during the break and I'll talk to you in just one second.

Dr. Aziza's most popular training program, Confidence Unleashed, is helping men from all over the world transform their confidence levels. Here is an email from a recent thanks so much for your program, Dr. Aziz. Here is a story about a recent job interview I had before going through Confidence Unleashed, I had a long history of avoiding social events I thought of as threatening. I have this internal coach that tells me I'm not good enough to pull it off. You'll step into a fearful situation that is beyond your capability. You'll make a complete fool of yourself. Just accept it, my friend. You're where you are now because you're not meant to be any higher. I became visibly smaller physically, shrinking in my seat over breakfast. So I applied what you teach and distanced myself from this internal voice. I said to myself, I, Anthony, will now get farther down the road than I would if I took the advice of that BS coach. As my job interview drew closer, I grew increasingly more petrified as my negative coach came back and fed on my doubts. Images from Confidence Unleashed reminded me that my future self will be more confident so long as I do something now to make it so. Forget the end result. Just do what the person I really want to be would do if he was now facing the situation. I made the negative coach sound ridiculous and feel ridiculous. I viewed my negative coach as a whiny imposter and owned myself for the good person I really am. The journey was tough and seemingly immense, but I faced my fear instead of running away and completed the day by experiencing pure euphoria. Warmest regards, Anthony. Go to www.confidenceunleashednow.com to learn more.

Hey, welcome back. So I have this list. The 10 common fears of Power. It's from my book the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm going to read it to you right now. Here's one if I am powerful and successful, it is somehow taking from others who are less so. If I'm my full powerful self, I will be disliked, ridiculed, and condemned. If I boldly speak up and pursue what I want, I'll be persecuted or killed. Others will see my power as arrogance, dislike me. Others will feel jealous of Me and dislike me. Power is oppressive. By being powerful, I am marginalizing and oppressing others. If I am powerful, people will see me as power hungry or greedy and dislike me. If I am powerful, people will see me as a threat and want to fight me or keep me down. If I am my full powerful self, I won't be able to work at my job and they'll fire me for being too much. Power is bad. Wanting more power is bad. So what did you notice about that list? I'm gonna throw this book down right now. When you heard that, do you relate to any of those? Some or more of those stand out to you as like, oh, yeah, I do think or feel that or fear that on some level. And did you notice a theme across many of those? And a lot of those were drawn from my own experience and fears of power. But also hundreds of people that I've had conversations with clients finding out what is it that people are afraid of? Because confidence and power go hand in hand, don't they? When you think of a confident person, you imagine yourself as a confident person, don't you? Imagine yourself more powerful, more able to say what you want, do what you want, dress how you want, work where you want, achieve what you want, have the relationships that you want. So we want it. But then there's all these fears that hold us back. And you notice the theme across a lot of the fears is some version of A, that's gonna make me a bad person, or B, people are gonna dislike me. And maybe both. Maybe I'm a, you know, they dislike me because I'm a bad person. That's usually what's underneath a lot of these fears. It's kind of like stepping up and being bigger. A more powerful you is a bigger you, and that doesn't mean you are, you know, having to yell and just pound on the table and get control of the meeting and kind of be this tyrant sort of power. But you're not hiding under the radar, you know, in the meeting, instead of being the guy who's got your head down and just like, don't look at me. Oh, shit, I hope no one calls on me. You're the guy who's like, hey, I want to share this opinion. You know, one of the guys in my mastermind group, he's made some awesome progress. He used to be that guy with head down in the meetings, and he's done a ton of work. He came to the Conversation Master Weekend and really got some powerful key distinctions for him and he started to come back to his office and just talk to everyone. In fact, there was one person, it was a big, big company, so not everyone knows each other. And he was chatting them up at some, you know, break room or whatever. And the person was like, oh, so are you new here? And he's like, no, I've been here for like, you know, he's been here for a long time. Right. But because he was being so outgoing. And then just recently he had an experience where he spoke up in a meeting. And there was a number of people that were in the boss and everyone in the meeting wanted to do Plan X. And he was like, man, Plan X is a bad idea. I think he's gonna have this problem and that problem. And he said that. He said, here's how I see it differently. And you know, his boss said, no, we're gonna stick to Plan X. But that's powerful. That is powerful to step up and speak that and share that. And some people are gonna like it, some people are gonna not. I think that's the kind of thing that if you do it respectfully, that's noticed. And that's a leadership move. That's a high power move. That's a high confidence move. So we want those things. But the fear is that people are gonna dislike us. People are gonna. There's gonna be some consequence of being bigger like that. Now, what do you think that is for you? What is the fear for you? I write a list there. We came up with some ideas. But what stops you from being bigger, bolder, more powerful, more outspoken, more willing to say what you want to say, do what you want to do, and go get shit done that you want to get done. What is the fear that stops you? Good, noticing that, thinking about that, reflecting on that. Because the more awareness you can get, the more you're going to be able to shift it, the more you're no longer going to be. Because if we don't have any awareness of it, then we just kind of follow what the story says. Don't do that. Bad things are going to happen. And then we just say, okay, I'm not going to do that. Bad things are going to happen. And we don't slow down and really question it, really examine it, really look at it. And when you do, you can start to see through the cracks. So let's talk about activating more power, more social power, more personal power, more get shit done power. How can you do that in your life? What would you like to. If you had 10 times the power, what would you do? How Would you show up differently? How would you move differently? In fact, I want to guide you through a process that is super powerful. A powerful process about power that's very powerful. Now we're going to take a quick break and then I want to guide you through this process. So get some water, go to the bathroom so you can just fully dive in for like six, seven minutes here. When we get back from the break, without any distractions, I think you're going to find this extremely valuable. So we'll take a quick break. Stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

What are people saying about Dr. Aziza's program, the Confidence Code? Here's what Ernesto Garcia from Los Angeles, California recently emailed. The Confidence Code is an amazing program. There is nothing out there with this much value. Everything is covered inside the walls of self esteem and confidence. I have not yet finished the program and I can see my results. I am way more confident than I was before I started the program. Right off the bat, I knew how great this was. After starting the first video, I highly recommend this to anybody. Schedule the videos, take notes, be consistent and take action. You will see results if you apply these lessons to your day to day life. This has and is changing my life for the better. It's something I can always come back to and gain more results from. To radically boost your self esteem, master your social skills and skyrocket your confidence, go to yourconfidencecodenow.com okay.

Welcome back. So let me guide you through this process to help you activate, find your power and use it more in your life. So now that we've raised some awareness around some of the stories you have about why you shouldn't be powerful, why it's bad, and if you want to go much deeper into that, check out my book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. You'll learn a ton more about that. But let's do this right now. So go ahead and put anything notes that you're taking down. If you're driving, you can still do this. It's optimal if you're not. But just don't do it with your eyes open. But for those of you who can close your eyes for a minute, but make sure you're standing up and take a deep breath in and let it out. I'd like you to remember a time in your life where you already did feel powerful. A moment where you felt fully powerful, fully capable, you could do it, you could get things done. Nothing was going to stand in your way. You just got shit done. You felt fully powerful. In your body that could be physically powerful, like you just did some sporting event or a game or competition. That could be, like, mentally or psychologically powerful, like you just crushed it in something, you won at something. Or you were going into something with total determination, finding that power right now, going back to that time. And it could be from a month ago, a week ago, five years ago, 10 years ago. It doesn't matter. A time in your life where you felt fully powerful. When you have that moment now, the first one that comes to mind is usually the best one. Just say yes out loud. Good. I know that might feel a little strange, just you and me here, but just trust me with this. Do it. Good. Now go back to that time. Go right back to that time now. As if you're going out of your body, floating right back to that time, floating back into your body and seeing with your eyes closed, seeing what you saw when you were feeling fully powerful, hearing what you heard, noticing who was around you, standing the way that you stand when you're feeling fully powerful. Breathing the way that you breathe. Good. Now, what are the kind of the things that you would say to yourself when you're fully powerful, when you're fully in charge? Maybe it's. I got this. Maybe nothing's gonna stand in my way.

Maybe.

Bring it on. I don't know what it is for you, but it's different for each person. And you wanna find your language that captures that sense of power. Maybe it's just. Yes. Now, when you have that thing in your mind, it's one of those phrases. Just try saying it actually out loud with a little bit of intensity. I got this. Yes. For me, it's. I'm the man. Right. It makes me smile, makes me feel good. So whatever it is for you, saying that out loud right now. Good. Saying it again with more force, more intensity. Good. I know it's ridiculous. And this is how you do it. You know that fear of being ridiculous, the fear of people not liking. Oh, my God, who would judge me? That is a lack of power. Because complete social power is. I don't give a shit. Because if this is gonna be valuable for me and the people that matter to me in my life and maybe the greater world at large, then who gives a shit if it's a little strange or it's a little weird or someone has some. Oh, what's he doing? I'm gonna judge that. Fuck it. Who cares? Own it. If you're worried about what a stranger thinks about something as small as this, that's A serious lack of power. And we want to activate more of that power. That's what I'm all about. Helping people do and helping myself do is reach higher and higher levels of this social power, this social freedom, this confidence. Good. Now, from this place, open your eyes and just walk around the room that you're in or outside or wherever you are. And if you're in the car, just sitting fully upright, breathing deep and just owning it in your body, moving with this full sense of power and confidence in yourself, nodding your head like, yes, I am a badass. Now, from this place, from this state, what is it that you want to do? With more power in your body, more power in yourself, what are you committed to? What are you going to decide? How are you going to show up? Think about the different areas in your life. Maybe it's at work, in your business. Maybe it's your love life, your relationship, your dating life, how you want to approach someone that you find attractive. From this place of power, what do you feel? What do you notice? What do you think? Good. Good. Own this feeling. Get familiar with it. This is you closer to the real you. This is you closer to the source. All this power that you want is inside of you right now. It's just a matter of activating in your body, in your mind, and your focus, and then taking action from that place. And speaking of that, that brings us to your action step.

Time for action.

Your action step for today is to from this place of power, take action. Decide on something that you're gonna do. Are you gonna do it today, maybe tomorrow? But it's a move that you would do if you had five times the power, ten times the power, a bigger move, a bolder move, maybe even something that scares you. Most likely it would be because that's where the edge of life is. That's where our growth is. That's where excitement and a sense of aliveness comes. Is that edge right between what we desire and what we want and how we want to grow and we're called to do. And then fear. Fear of doing it, fear of failing, fear of making mistakes. But right in that razor's edge there of what we want and what scares us, that's where everything opens up. If we're willing to be powerful, to step up, stand tall, and just take action and go for it. Every time we decide not to, we lose energy, we lose power. I don't want that for you. So go through this process again. Re, listen to this. If you need to find that place, decide, take action. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.