Afraid You've Made A Mistake?

Well, now you've done it, huh? Made that big mistake. Terrible things are going to happen. I told you, you shouldn't have taken that risk. You shouldn't have taken that bold action. Look what happens when you try new things and you put yourself out there and you take a risk in your life. Bad things happen. That's what happen. If you're listening to that, you know what I'm describing? I'm describing the voice in your head that's freaking out right now because you think you made a mistake. So if you're watching this video, I have fantastic news from you. Stick with me to the end and you're going to feel a heck of a lot better about whatever situation that in. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and author of six bestselling books on confidence. And there is a very specific pattern that I've seen in building confidence that trips most people up and stops them from staying in the direction that you are. You might be making some great progress. I see this all the time. I'm helping clients. They're taking more bold action, they're speaking up, they're finding their confidence. And then this happens and everything slows down. What's the this? They feel like they made a mistake. They feel like something terrible is happening and they shouldn't have done it. And then they start to question, they start to regret, and it starts to unravel from there. So what do I mean by. By this mistake? Well, usually what goes before the feeling of mistake is an action is a risk. You did something. You know, I just was speaking with a client recently and he moved to a new city, or someone changes jobs, or you approach that person that you're attracted, or you ask them out, or you invest money in some way, you do something, you're like, you know what, let's go for it in life. Because you maybe watch some of these videos and you realize that confidence is a byproduct of action. What kind of action? Well, bold action that makes us a little uncomfortable. So you did it. So far, so good. You know what happens then? Well, stick. Sometimes it just goes amazingly awesome. You get the date and you get the money and you get the thing and everyone's happy and you're great. And if so, you're probably not watching this video. What else happens is that after the risk, there can usually be some short term discomfort. This is the post action, Doubt storm or freak out. So this client moved to a new city. He's in this new apartment he doesn't know anybody. He was all excited because he'd been building a social confidence. Like, I'm moving to this bigger city and there's gonna be so many people. I'm gonna practice. He visited the city and visited a friend there and was like, this is amazing. And was super into it. And he said he was gon there. So he moves there. He's in this small apartment, and he's just in massive anxiety. I made a huge mistake. I shouldn't be here. And you know what the biggest mistake in this situation is? It's not the action you took. It's the believing that you shouldn't take risks in life and you should just go back and quit and play small. Right? So that's the urge, though, isn't it? Is to retreat. I shouldn't have done this. Ah. And we think that all that anxiety is going to happen before the decision. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. See, what happens is you have these two different parts inside you, right? You have what I call your safety police. The part that's like. Like, oh, don't take risks. We don't want to get hurt in life. And you have another party. That's the captain of your ship that's bold, that's daring, that wants to live this life. And so sometimes the captain of the ship gets in charge. And the more you hang out with me, the more you might find your captain gets in charge. And that voice of the safety police in doubt, well, takes a backseat. So captain is in charge. I'm gonna do this thing. Yeah. And now the voice of doubt might say, no, no, no. And there's that little battle inside. And if we overcome that voice, we say, you know what? No, cast the out. Captain is going that way. We think that that's done. But your safety police never dies away entirely. It doesn't quietly go into that good night. It just lurks down into the shadows. We'll get him. We'll get him, guys. Don't you worry. And then, you know, an hour later or after a rejection or an uncomfortable moment, or you take a risk and it doesn't seem like it's going to go the way that you were hoping or want immediately. And sometimes we need immediate confirmation too, right? Like, I moved to this new city. I need to know. It's great tonight. It's like, well, you've only been there, like a day. I don't know. But it's the wrong choice. We can make the conclusion very quickly and then think that something terrible is happening. What is that, that's the safety police jumping out of the shadows, being like, we got him, let's go. And so the only real mistake you can make right now is to believe that voice of doubt, freak out and change everything. Go back, go back, retreat, go back. And usually people can do this at a. At a significant cost, right? Let's say this guy signed a lease with a new apartment. He could break the lease and freak out. I've seen people leave jobs, they just have a beautiful opportunity start. Or you invest money and it starts to go down, you think it's going to go right up, and it goes down. And instead of holding it, whatever, six months, a year, five years, whatever your original plan was, you're like, I'll freak out, panic, sell, and then you leave. And that's the worst time to do it. It's the worst time to do it. It's to ride out, remember where you started from. And so what I'll often do with people when they're about to take a big risk in their life or just a medium risk from that place of the captain, Write out why you're doing it. What's your plan? What's your time frame? Okay, I'm gonna move this new city. Here's why it's important to me. Here's what I'm excited to create there. I'm gonna do this for six months and test it out or whatever, right? So you have that plan. And now when the doubt storm comes, you can ride that sucker out. And you know what? It might even be a day or an hour, maybe a couple of days or a couple of weeks, depending on how big of a change we're talking about. But in the big scheme of your life, a couple of days or a couple of weeks is probably not that long. And then all of a sudden, boom, you rebound. And that's where people have more confidence than ever before. And their life circumstances have improved more than ever before because they've taken bold action to change things around them. And it's like, wow, if you quit, if you dropped out in that middle trough, you never see what's on the other side. So I hope this serves you in staying moving forward, staying on track, calming the doubt storm freakouts, and getting to their side to create an extraordinary life of confidence for you and all those around you. All right, until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.