All I Do Is Win

Welcome to Shrink for the shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today, let's talk about you winning. Winning more, winning way more than you are right now. And not only how is that absolutely possible right now in your life, how that will make you feel better, more energized, more inspired, and ultimately more confident to create the life that you want. So this is gonna be a fun episode, and I have a lot to say about this because currently I'm actually working on a short book about this topic. So I've been giving it a lot of thought, and you're going to get some of the best ideas now before the book even is even fully written. So we're going to talk about winning. We're going to talk about how it's related to confidence, we're going to talk about how to notice those wins, and then we're also going to talk about how to extract the power from within. And you're going to leave this episode hopefully inspired to win more and to see that it's possible. So to start, let me ask you this. How do you feel about winning? Are you pro winning? Are you competitive? When there's a chance to win, do you go for it, give it your all? And the other question I have for you is, where do you feel like you can win? What naturally feels like a win for you? You know, for a lot of people, winning is very specific. You know, there has to be a set game, for example, and if I win at that game, then I can feel like I won. That could be a video game that you play or some game on your phone that could be something with your friends, like whether it's a board game or a physical contest, you know, how fast you could run this or do that or whatever. You know, there's these different ways that you can win. Or maybe it's not even against somebody, but, you know, you set a goal, you set a target. It's if I can do X, Y, or Z, physically or in my business, or hit this target or hit this goal, then I've won. Those are sort of the standard, basic ways that we might feel like we can win, even though we still might not even use that terminology. And it's important, I think, to use the terminology of winning, because otherwise these wins can fly under the radar. I'll talk about that more in just a few minutes. But now let's look at where you can win. My second question for you is, are there a lot of places to win or is it fewer and far between? Is it very limited? Interesting, huh? My third question for you is, how do you feel when you win? Just think about that. It could be something recently, something small. It could be from a long time ago. It could be a big win, you know, some big win, you know, race, or you got a trophy or you graduated from something or whatever. When you win, how do you feel? For the most part, when we win, we feel energized, elated, charged, excited, like, yeah, victory, I've done it, right? It feels great. So how come if winning feels great, we have such a narrow band of when we can win? Isn't that interesting? That's the question that got me thinking about this book also. What got me thinking about it is I was talking about this in my Mastermind program, and I was having people share some of their successes, some of their progress, what I would call wins. And I found that people had a hard time doing it. And I noticed that I historically, had a hard time doing it until I really worked on this stuff. And I said, well, wait a minute, what's going on here? There's this huge potential source of energy that we're not tapping into because we're not acknowledging our wins. So let's change all that. What if you could win every day and feel like you're winning every day and therefore get the juice and the charge from that win? Would you want to do that? Wouldn't that be awesome? I think so. So let's talk about how to actually do that. Well, first things first, we need to expand our definition of a win. We need to give ourselves a much broader choice of what could be a win. So my question for you is, what could be a win if you were to expand your definition from, you know, you beat someone in an online game of some sort. What if you really expanded it and said, you know, what are all the ways I could win? What comes to your mind? And maybe you already know this, maybe you already have some idea of this. You're just not in the habit of doing it regularly, and that's great. But really explore right now in your own experience, what would be a win. I'll give you a few ideas, but I want you to really think about this so you're not just passively listening. You're actually actively engaged with me here because I want you to figure this out for you in your own life. So what would be a win for you? Is there a win from today that you could notice? So here are some really basic things right now. There's probably all kinds of things that you could do in a day that, that support you. Small things to big things. So you have things that you value, things that you're working towards, ways that you want to be. And when you do something that supports you to be that way, to pursue that goal, to make progress towards that thing, isn't that a win? And sometimes we don't see it that way. We say, no, no, no, it's a win. When I get the results, you're only going to get the result once, and that might be months out. So if you want to run a race, or if you want to achieve a monetary goal or a certain number of sales, or you want to find a partner or whatever it is, whatever your goals are, your intentions are, your desires are the things that you want to move around in the circumstances of life to make it more of what you want. That's a long road where you're mostly in the process of that. And so if you do something today that supports you in moving towards that and creating the life of that, isn't that a win? You know, for example, so if you are doing something with your fitness or your health, and there's a million ways you could win today, maybe it's something to do with your diet, maybe you ate a healthy smoothie this morning. Boom. That's a win. Maybe you worked out in some way, that's a win. Maybe you're trying to grow in some aspect and you are reading a book about a certain topic that you've avoided for a while. You're like, you know what? Okay, fine, I'm gonna study this. Cracking open that book or listening to it on your audible for 30 minutes on your drive to work, that's a win. Do you see how these things are wins because they move you closer toward the life that you want to being the person that you want to, creating the results that you want. Does that make sense? So now that we've expanded the definition in that way, can you think of A win for yourself from today. Now, there's a couple interesting things that I've seen that come up for people. One is they're like, meh, well, yeah, sure, I drank a smoothie this morning, but I do that every morning. I've done that for years. Okay, why is it not a win anymore? Because it's easier because you've done it consistently. Wouldn't it be. Isn't it more of a win because you've done it consistently? Because any goal that you're trying to achieve is going to require some consistent practices, not just you do it once in a while. So, wow, I'm consistently doing this. That's even more of a win. So what are you doing to discount those wins? That's the second question I wanted to look at overall with us. The first one is like, what are the wins? And hopefully you're able to start to come up with some right now and just notice how it feels. Because there's several aspects to this. One is identifying the wins, being able to acknowledge them. But then two is being able to actually extract the sense of positive feelings and energy from the win. Because so often we can acknowledge the win. Well, first of all, we cannot. We can just go through our lives and not acknowledge anything and just focus on what's not going right, what we're not doing, where we're falling short. And how does that feel? That's right. Fantastic. And so we're changing that by saying, actually, let me focus on my wins more. So we can. We can say, oh, I guess I did that, or, oh, yeah, that was a win, or I could do this. But there might just be a phase where that just feels like lip service. It doesn't really feel true, doesn't feel authentic. It's like, ah, those aren't real wins. I'm just saying that's a win. But how can we actually change the way it feels so you can really extract the goodies from that win and get the charge. Here's the thing. The reason we don't do that is because we have a habit of running off of dirty fuel. And the dirty fuel that we run off of is inadequacy, insufficiency, scarcity, and inferiority. That's a fantastic soup. Just put that into your engine and see what happens. Right? And so it's like, I'm not enough. I didn't do enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not as good as that person. Ugh, I feel so bad. All right, now I'm hungry to go make it happen and it kind of sort of works, you know, from a place of fear of being not enough, or fear of lack or embarrassment or shame, you kind of motivate yourself to do stuff, to try to keep up to other people. But it's a pretty dirty fuel. It's going to gunk up your engine quite a bit. You're not going to feel great. So how do you upgrade that? How about a better kind of fuel? Let me give you an example. Let's say someone is trying to get more fit and they look in the mirror and they say, ugh, geez, I'm just not there yet. I'm fat. Ugh, I got to get out today and go for a long walk. Okay, maybe that worked. I guess they're sort of, you know, they're gonna go for a walk at least. Maybe, maybe not. But even if they did, their fuel is poor. They feel bad inside. They don't feel like they're winning. They feel like they're losing until they've hit that goal of losing 5, 10, whatever, however many pounds they think they need to lose. So they're basically losing 99 days out of 100. And then maybe on the hundredth day they win when they hit that target. Or you could say, well, no, no, I'm only winning if the scale is going down. Or whatever your thing is. Right. I'm picking an example that's fairly common for people to relate to. But actually, what if you could be winning every step of the way and say, you know, man, I went for a that walk yesterday, that was awesome, well done me. I want to do it again tomorrow. Right? So you could use your previous wins as a fuel source. Now here's the thing that you have to do in order to give yourself that fuel. You have to be able to define the win independent of the outcome. Because if you win, it's only a win if it goes the way that I want, then it's never going to be enough. Not everything's gonna go the way you want. Take the win and make it based upon your choice, your action, your decisions. So I made that cold call. I reached out to those three people to see if they want to talk with me about real estate or whatever your things are in business. I opened those emails that I didn't wanna open. Whatever the stuff is that you lean into that discomfort edge in work or in other areas of your life, I reached out to those three people on the dating site. That is the win. That's what you acknowledge, not how many people responded to Your reaching out, you might say, well, no, that was a loss because I reached out to three people and I got no responses. But what if you said, hey, I reached out to three people, That's a win. I'm taking action to create the life that I want. You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? Reach out to three more. Do you see that? That is such an important point if you just get nothing from this episode, but that it can change the course of your life. If you say, wow, there's those three people that I reached out to. And this could be for dating, for prospecting, for whatever it is that you want to do in your life. And I focus on that being the win instead of what was the positive response I got. I didn't get a positive response today. That's a loss. Now, the next day, where is your energy? Where is your motivation? Where is your sense of winning? Well, I'm not winning because I clearly lost now. But here's the thing. Whether it's dating or prospecting or sales or finding investors or whatever it is, are you going to get instant, immediate positive results and feedback from everyone? No. We all know this. We all know this intellectually, but emotionally we're expecting it. And we emotionally feel like we're losing until we retrain ourselves. And that's what this is all about. It's about retraining how you see yourself, how you see action, and what you see as a win. So make the action the win, not the result. Now, when you do that and you bring your focus to the actions, that's the first part. And I really acknowledge the wins. So I'm going to ask you one more time. Then we're going to go to the second part of unlocking the energy from the winds. But right now, can you think of a win from just this last day? And if you already thought of one earlier in this episode, great. Think of another one. What's another win from today? Awesome. Are you noticing that now? How does it feel? Are you letting it in more? Good. Let's expand on that even more. So let's make this even more real by giving ourselves even more of that gift by unlocking more of the energy. I like to think of these winds as like little treasure chests, and there's treasure inside Treze. My son Arman is four, and his tongue is still making sounds and making all the words in the same way that other people says them. So he says so many words in the most adorable ways. And one of them is treasure. He calls it Tresya and he's like, look, I found Treza. And he loves Treza. And Tresa is like anything he can find on the ground, like plastic bits, glass. He thinks glass is treasure. He's a huge fan of broken pieces of glass. We went to the beach not that long ago, and he was out of his mind because there was treasure everywhere. Not trash, fortunately, but it was like, you know, shell bits, sand dollar bits, seaweed bits, crab bits, everything. Just treasure everywhere. He's got this little shirt, and he's got this huge amount of debris in the front of his shirt that he's kind of turning into a bowl and walking down the beach getting all this treasure. So it's a treasure chest. And we got to figure out how to unlock this treasure. The wind is the treasure chest. You gotta unlock it. And what's inside is energy that boost that high, that sense of, yes, I wanna do this again. So how do we do that? Well, first and foremost, you stop all the discounting and dismissing and bullshit that keeps you running that same old insufficiency, inadequacy pattern we were talking about earlier. If you just stop that all of a sudden, you might start acknowledging it a hell of a lot more. The second thing is to really focus on it, give it your attention, because what we give our attention to expands in our consciousness. It becomes more real. So, for example, if you're really into a certain sport, let's say you're really into baseball. I got a friend who's really into baseball. I could care less about baseball. I don't even watch baseball. I don't even know what's going on with baseball. He loves it. He loves the teams, he knows what their stats are, he knows some of the major players and all what's going on. And he'll have a game on in the background and. And watch it, I guess, daily, because there's like 7,000 baseball games per season. So for him, baseball is very real. There's real people, it matters, it's significant. It's a big thing in his consciousness. And for me, can you see how baseball takes up like zero? Maybe it's like one fraction of a percent. Because I'm like, I know it exists. And maybe I'd know when the World Series is. I don't even know when is the World Series. Is it in. March? Baseball fans are shaking their heads like, ah, how could you not? This is so real, right? So what you focus your energy on becomes more real. And if you're focusing on what you didn't do, how it's inadequate how you didn't get those responses that you wanted. That becomes more real. So take a moment now and focus your energy so that win that you thought of earlier, I want you to focus on that win right now and give it your attention, give it your energy. I'm gonna ask you a few questions to help you do that. Okay? First one. So first of all, you got that win, right? Great. And if you don't have one, think of one from today. Force yourself. They're there. You know those treasure chests that are the winds? They're like all over the ground. It's just a matter of picking them up. You're just walking right by them every day. So pause, pick one up, one of those little treasures and open it up and answer these questions. The first one is, why is that a win? Why is the win that you picked, why is that a win? Just see whatever comes to you. There's no right answer to this stuff. It's about evoking a feeling. It's about accessing the goodies within. Why is that a win? Second question. What did you do to help create this. This win? What did you do? What was your part in this? Great. And what about this win energizes or excites you? Fantastic. And if you were to celebrate this win, how would you do it? Just imagine it. Imagine celebrating the win. Would it be a fist pump? Would it be one of those? Yes. Can you give yourself a high five? Can you get someone else to give you a high five? Can you share the win? Here's my next question for you. Who do you want to share this win with? Do you have anyone in your life where you can share wins, or do you have the old habit of not sharing any of those wins because you don't want to brag? You don't want to be egotistical, you don't want to be. I guess basically, I was going to say a bragger, but that's just bragging. That's the biggest one. Keep it down. You want to be humble. I don't even notice that. Yeah, right. And it's like, why not just celebrate? Celebrate the wins. This doesn't mean you have to say that you're better than everybody. Rub people's face in it. You just share it matter of factly. Oh, this was exciting. This was awesome. I really enjoyed this. This was awesome. So what does it feel like right now? Those are just a few questions to get your mind going about this. Can you feel more access to that? Can you breathe into that now that's the mind. Let's work with the emotional a little bit. What is the feeling of a win on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is like, yeah, I feel. This feels like a full win. This feels great. Where are you one to ten? One is like I feel nothing. There's just a whole lot of nothing. I'm still losing, I'm still a loser. So how much is it winning do you feel like is happening right now? And what could you do to increase that? What could you do to expand that? And as I say that, I'm literally like opening my chest and opening my arms a little bit, bringing my shoulder blades back together, making sure my head is upright. I'm literally opening my body. Maybe you want to take a full deep breath in. How can you open to this win more? How can you give yourself this gift of winning and not be such a stingy jerk? Say, you know what, there's two ways to play this. I could feel like I'm losing all the time or I could feel like I'm winning all the time. I know which one's going to give me more energy, juice, power, stamina, consistency and motivation. So in some ways it's a no brainer. Which one do you want to pick? And then are you committed? Are you committed to really practicing this? Because that's the other part of this. This is a reconditioning thing and we'll get to that in the action step. This is not just a one time thing. I want you to have the experience of it one time right now. But then we got to follow up with some sort of practice or this just goes by the wayside. We have these old habits that we've conditioned in over years and to change them we have to retrain ourselves. We have to retrain our focus, our nervous system, our emotional set point, everything. So the question I have for you is, do you want more of this? Would this benefit you in your life? Do you think it's going to support you to create the results that you want in your life? The answer is yes. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about how to do this. Let's put this into action right now. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step is to do something really simple. It's really simple, it's really easy. It only takes, I'm going to say 30 seconds a day, but you could probably get it down to 10 or 15 seconds a day. So before I share what that is, let me see if you're on board with this. I'M going to suggest something that's going to take you 15 seconds a day, maybe 30 tops if you're slow. Would that be worth it to feel a significant boost in your confidence, your motivation and your energy to create the life that you want? Would it be worth it? And if your answer is no, dude or dudette. What are you like the. Are you like running six companies and president of the world and just buried in high drama, high profile litigation? Like, are you just the most stressed out person in the world? You don't have that kind of time? Or is it like, is it sort of a lethargy or a laziness or like a resistance to putting in effort into something? Or maybe you're right with me. Maybe you're like, yeah, that sounds like great idea. I could totally do that. Well, wherever you're at, I'm going to encourage you to play this little game. And so here's the game over the next 30 days. So whatever. Look at your date right now. What's the date? Okay, between now and the next 30 days, I'm going to record one win a day. You could do it in a journal, you could do it in a file on your phone, you could do it in a file on your computer. It doesn't matter. One, just one win a day. So you're gonna be searching for that win. You're write it down. You can't just do it in your head. You gotta write it down. That's the game. Once a day for 30 days. And of course, if you have more wins, you want to write more. Fantastic. But just one a day. And just notice what that does to your psychology, to your energy, to your focus, and see how that unfolds. I'm gonna share a lot more about this in a lot more depth in a book that'll probably be coming out. My goal is end of 2020 is when that thing will be released. But I wanted to some thoughts and some ideas and some ability to implement this even right now. And of course we can go even further with that in the book. So question I have for you is, are you going to play? Are you going to do the challenge? Do the game? Fantastic. Let me know how it goes. Until we speak again, we have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon. Foreign. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social capital confidencecenter.com.