A short motivational talk by Dr. Aziz using a cactus metaphor to explore when people become "prickly" (defensive, judgmental, or internally reactive) in relationships. He teaches "total ownership"—taking responsibility for one’s feelings, interpretations, and communication—to reduce reactivity and improve conversations. The talk closes with encouragement to accept one’s whole self (both prickly and soft parts).
Are you prickly like a cactus? Welcome to your weekly confidence boost. It is a gorgeous summer day. And look at this here. You see that? That's a, that's one prickly cactus garden. And that is my question for you. Are you prickly like a cactus? You might say, no, I'm not. I'm. How dare you. I'm loving, I'm warm, I'm. I'm a good, sweet man or woman. So maybe a different question would be, when do you get prickly like a cactus? When do you get prickly? And what is prickly like for you? Do you judge people? Do you get defensive? Do you know, a lot of people that I work with, they're nice as can be on the outside. They maybe never express upset or very rarely. And then when they get prickly, it's all in their head. There's like a big storm inside, like, ah. And they're fighting with this person, whether it's their boyfriend, their girlfriend, their husband, their wife, their boss, their employee, their friend, their parent, somebody in their life. And they're just fighting with them. You said this and I would say this. And they're very, very prickly. But no one ever sees those prickles. A lot of times people close to you see the prickles. You don't show it with your extended friends or family, but with your lover, you get prickly. And so when do you get prickly? What is prickly like for you? And here's the most important question. When you get prickly, who do you blame it on? Come on, be honest. Who do you blame it on? Do you blame it on the person you're prickly with? Well, I'm only prickly because she said this. Well, I'm only angry because he did that or didn't do this or did this or that or that. Maybe, maybe. Is it possible that you may be prickly and then find the thing to blame? You ever done that? I mean, here's an obvious example. You ever been hungover? You're being hung over and then you wake up and all the things that normally don't bother you, bother you. You're like, oh, why is the coffee maker so loud with its dripping sound. Why is that toaster so loud? Turn. Oh, Jesus. Right? And we know it's an obvious example. We're like, oh, yeah, it's because I'm hungover, I. Because of me, I. But then when a normal day to day, we're just like, oh, I'm angry because they didn't put the dishes away in the way that they said they would, whatever it is. So my invitation for you is, you know, to really experience the highest levels of confidence, we need to develop something called total ownership. And this is one of the core teachings that I have across my programs, including my Mastermind program. I have a whole month dedicated to it. It's called total ownership, which means no matter what's happening, I am responsible. I am responsible for how I'm relating to it, what I'm making it mean, how I'm reacting, the patterns I have of reactivity to it, and I'm responsible to communicate. So even if I do want to talk about the thing that's bothering me, even if there is something that didn't work that I need to address in the relationship, I'm responsible to work my own experience inside first before I come in there, you know, kick down the door and be like, here's why I'm angry because of you. Because how well is that conversation going to go versus, hey, I noticed that I'm feeling irritated. And in that state, I find things to be irritated about. Wow. And maybe you can address that and shift how you're feeling. And all of a sudden, the thing that was bothering you doesn't bother you anymore. How great would that be? Or maybe something is bothering you, but you shifted now. So when you approach the person, you're a lot more curious. Hey, I know that we talked about getting that thing done by Friday, and you said you would, and it didn't happen. And I wanted to find out what was going on there. Very different conversation than, like you said. You get this to me on Friday and you didn't, you liar. You always do this. You're a bad person. That's your energy communicating that. How well is that gonna go? So, key recap here. When do you get prickly? How do you relate to those prickles? Are you gonna take total ownership for guess what? You're a cactus and so am I. You're also the beautiful flowers on the cactus. You're also that soft grass and those fuzzy flowers over there, those little fuzzy things on top. You're all of it. We're all all of it. So just own it. Sometimes I get prickly. Great. Now we can accept that. We can start to work with it. Better not get so defensive or pretend like it's not happening. Especially for those nice people. You. You know who you are. I lived many, many years as a super nice person. It's like, no, I never get upset. I never get prickly. Fantastic. So thanks for being with me. Enjoy this summer. Enjoy the glorious sunshine. I'll see you for next boost. Until then, you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
