Are You Afraid To Ask For What You Want?

Are you too nice to ask for what you want? Do you think that if you ask for what you want, maybe it's going to upset the other person? Maybe they're going to say yes and not want to. Maybe they're going to be irritated by you asking. Maybe you don't even really know how they're going to react. You just feel bad for wanting something. Maybe even as that desire starts to arise, you start to feel like you want something. There's a voice in your head that says, oh, that's how that dismissing voice always starts. At least in my head. Maybe it's the same for you, right? It goes, oh, and then whatever it says after that is going to be some dampening, dismissing, pushing away whatever that desire is. Maybe it says, you don't need that. Why do you really. Why do you need so much? And maybe it goes even further. It makes you feel guilty or bad for wanting that thing. Oh, you're so high needs or high maintenance, or you're always needing something different. What's wrong with you is the message of that voice. And so what happens? Well, you might not even be aware of what you want. You might just be like, I don't know. I do this all the time. When I ask clients, well, what do you want in this situation? Whether it's a work conflict they need to resolve or something with a colleague or a decision they need to make in their career or in their personal life, their relationship, their love life, their something, a family member, whatever it is, they're having a challenge, having a conflict, something's not working for them. And I say, okay. And I hear the situation and I say, well, what do you want in this situation? How do you want things to go? And sometimes they're like, I don't know, I don't know. Now here's the thing. They do know. You know, I know we know inside of there. You know how I know this? Because I have little kids. They're four and six years old, and little kids know what they want. Give me that thing. No, give me this thing. I want more of this. Give me more of that. Get that rid of that. In fact, you have to teach them to say please and to ask because they're not just like bossing everyone around all the time. So you have that inside of you right now. The problem is not that you don't know what you want. The problem is that you've had listened to that voice that says, don't want that, don't ask, don't need, don't have These desires. And as a result, you become disconnected from yourself. You don't hear yourself, you're alienated from yourself. And let's change that right now. Let's fix that. So let's just start. The first step to asking for what you want, which helps you get a lot more of what you want, starts with knowing what to ask for. And then you could look at the how to do it and when to do it and all that stuff. But if you're disconnected, you don't know. So let's get reconnected right now, like in this very moment. I want you to think about a situation in your life, or maybe even just keep it really broad and just ask yourself right now, what do I want? Just try it. Maybe there's a certain situation, your love life, your work life, or just keep it really broad, what do I want? Just ask yourself that question right now. And before maybe answers come to you. But even as the answers come notice, you might start to feel uncomfortable just asking that question. Maybe it feels bad or selfish or wrong. And guess what? Congratulations, you are noticing something very important. Because if you ask yourself, what do I want? And then you feel bad, do you think you're going to do that? Often generally not. We tend to not do things that make us feel bad. So as a result, you might not ask yourself, what do I want? So let's start by doing that. Make a practice of that. That's my invitation for you and is to just ask yourself that question. In my book, not nice, I call it the MVP question. The million dollar question. What do I want? What do I want? So right now you could ask yourself that question in a work meeting. You're saying, I don't like the way this is going right now. You say that in your mind. You say, well, what do I want? Where do I want to steer this thing? Maybe you're not that satisfied with a social connection or a date or something like that. Say, well, what did I want there? You know what you're doing? You're starting to build a bridge. You're starting to communicate to yourself instead of, oh, stop wanting things, you little meh. Instead of that, you're starting to get curious and actually tend to you and be like, what do I want? You know what that says? That says what I want matters. What I need matters. This is important. This is important because I am the one who's going to care the most. I got to be my biggest advocate in life. Look, other people are going to love you. Other people are going to care about you. But at the end of the day, you are the one who's got your finger on the pulse. You are the one who's inside of your own body. You're the one who's living your own life. And so you gotta be able to advocate for that. You'll be able to ask for what you want, and other people aren't gonna know what you want. And this leads to all kinds of problems in your social life, in your love life and relationships, because you're disconnected. You're not getting what you want, you're not asking for what you want. And then what starts to bubble up? That's right, resentment. But a nice person doesn't feel resentment, so you keep that resentment down. And then what starts to happen? Well, all kinds of unpleasant symptoms. Anxiety, depression, physical pain. I mean, you name it. There's a lot that comes from suppress. So let's stop suppressing. Let's start asking. And the first thing you want to ask, even before you open your mouth, to ask for someone else, what you want. Start by asking yourself, what do I want? What do I want? What do I want? And then the next step is to actually ask for what you want. In the next video, I'll teach you how to do that. So share down below. What are you getting from this? What are you finding most valuable? Please share in the comments. I love reading those. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.