Are You Being Too Nice At Work?

Are you being too nice at work? If so, you're going to notice these specific effects. I'm going to share in this video and also what to do about it. Now this is something I've been studying for over two decades on how to be less nice and more you. I've written numerous books on the subject, and I can't tell you how often the workplace comes up when it comes to being too nice. And sometimes people are aware of it, and sometimes there's these hidden signals that I want to share in this video. So you can exactly know if you're being too nice and then what to do about it. One of the first signs that you're being too nice at work is that you feel just completely overwhelmed by all the stuff on your plate. Now people hear that and they're like, no, I just work in a competitive environment or these are the demands, or this is what I have to do. It's possible that you work at a company, whereas if you were to, the culture is so intense that if you were to do anything other than that, you'd be fired instantly. That's possible. I don't know. I got to tell you, nine out of 10 times when I'm working with clients and I start to explore with them, they're so over committed and stressed because they're afraid of saying no. I mean, even just the idea of saying no is not even an option at first. Like, there's a meeting, it's on my schedule, I have to go. Could you say no to that meeting? Could you negotiate? Could you ask questions? Could you show, shorten it? Could you be on there for part of it? Like there's so many options, but we don't even consider them because it feels mean or wrong or dangerous. People don't say no to bids for working extra, taking something else on, working more into the evening, saying, having a boundary, saying, okay, I can work on this up until 6 and then I'm not available. I'm gonna be with my family. But you can't say that at this company. I don't know. I've seen people start to say that in their company that they thought they were gonna get fired from. And it turns out that those boundaries, what is exactly what was needed? So if you're completely overwhelmed by all the demands on your plate, it might be a sign that you're being too nice at work. Number two, are there people that you're afraid of at work? Think about it. Come on, this is just between you and me. You don't have to tell anybody. I'm not afraid. I'm an adult. Well, deep down you might be afraid. A colleague, a boss, supervisor, someone in, you know, an executive position. Even if you are an executive position. I've heard that kind of. I'm still afraid of the other executives. Or are you afraid of your own employee? Come on, be honest here. No one's going to know you're nervous. And that fear is going to be a sign that you're being too nice almost always. Because then when you're afraid of them, you slip into some sort of people pleasing pattern. I'm going to be real nice with that employee. I don't want to tell them they're doing anything wrong. I'm going to be so overly smiley and laugh when my boss talks. Haha. That was funny. Was that a joke? Should I have laughed at that? Hahaha. Right. And I'm playing it up here, but it might be more subtle than that. Or maybe you just. There's a peer or a colleague or someone you would just directly normally say I think this or not that. You'd just be very clear. And with them you're sort of watching your words. Well, it could be this and maybe, maybe it's that and probably, maybe. I think possibly you're using all these tentative filler words because you're afraid of being direct. So if there's anyone that you're afraid of at work, that's a sign that you're probably being too nice with them. You need more to be more direct with them. Practice being more assertive with them. And then another sign that you're being too nice at work is that you're just afraid to have any direct contact with anyone. Do you ever have any friction at work ever? There's no friction at work ever. You're doing something to avoid friction, which means you're probably not having any direct contact. You're never having a real conversation where you talk about what's really not working or what's upsetting or any of that. You're just playing nice and that's going to erode your confidence. You know, for many years I would use the term nice boss. I had team members I would work with and I was so nice with them. I didn't want to say anything that would upset them. I wanted, I didn't want anyone to have, I want everyone to have confidence and self esteem. So I didn't want to say anything that was direct. And so everything was so effective, affirmative and positive. And that's not bad. But also you need to be able to say, hey, there was a mistake there. What happened? And I deliberate about how to say that. How do I bring up this thing and how do I talk it through with them? And it can be so exhausting. And the encouragement I would have for you to be is to be less nice and just start being more direct at work. Take that risk even if it's just 3%, 5% more real. And now with team members, I'll be like, hey, this, there's a mistake here. What happened? I mean, I'm not saying you piece of garbage, I'm just direct, hey, what happened there? Also something went well. I say, hey, great job on that. But I'm willing to say what needs to be said. I'm willing to highlight that. And look, I was not that way for literally years until I had enough pain from avoiding those conversations that I realized like, look, this is crazy to be this way. I have to be direct or else I'm just going to cause so much suffering. And so if you're suffering at work and you're relating with some of these signs, that's a big invitation. It might seem terrible like oh no, I got this problem. I'm too nice. It's a huge invitation to learn the confidence to be more boldly yourself, more direct, more authentic, less nice and more you. And then everything is going to get so much better. Probably not just in your workplace either. I've seen this that it goes in other areas of life too. So you can start with my books. Not nice and less nice, more you. And you want to take it further, definitely go to my website, draziz.com, d r a z I z.com you can get five steps to unleash your inner confidence. It's a free mini course. And of course if you really want to just put rocket fuel on this and solve this problem once and for all in your life and become a more bold, free, authentic version of you, you can consider my 12 month in depth mastermind program. It's a group coaching program led by me personally that will help you just change all of these patterns and be working with a group of other amazing humans that are on the same journey as you. So you can check that out@draziz.com as well under the coaching tab. Just know that this is not who you are. This is not how it has to be. Change is absolutely possible and I want to support you in that any way that I can. So until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. And I.