Dr. Aziz argues that an internal critic sabotages both enjoyment and achievement. He urges you to notice that voice and counter it, asking the simple question: are you actually on your own side? His book On My Own Side comes February 25, 2020.
February 25, 2020
On My Own Side
I want to ask you one question that I think determines your happiness, fulfillment and confidence. More than anything else in the world, more than money, more than relationship success, more than the love that you receive and the adulation, more than the accolades, more than your achievements, more than your physical body, more than your appearance, more than anything. What is that question? Are you on your own side? Are you on your own side? That's my question for you. Because when you're not, it does not matter what you achieve, what you experience, what people love you, what you have going for you in your life. If you're not on your own side, it will turn to dust in your mouth. You won't be able to taste the pleasure of a beautiful conversation, of a lover's kiss. You won't even be able to enjoy being with a beautiful child in a beautiful moment. You got a sunset, you got your kids, you got your beloved, you got the money, you got the car. You got everything your heart desires. And you can feel pain because you're not on your own side. So I believe because we all want ultimately confidence, self esteem, self worth, happiness, enjoyment, fulfillment. That's really what we really want underneath all the achievement, right? We want both. We want to achieve, we want to feel great. And what's blocking us from that is not being on our own sides. So what does that mean to be on your own side? Well, just take a moment to really think about that term, on my own side. Well, when you're not on your own side, that means you're against yourself. And that's exactly what happens. We have a part inside of our mind, our inner critic, that turns against us, that starts to observe us from the outside and make commentary and judgment on you about what you're not doing right. Well, you didn't get that done. Just think, you know, you finished an amazing day of work. You put your guts into it, your heart into it. You produced, you created, you took risks, you got results, you really put in your time. And at the end of the day, that critics like wasn't enough. Yeah, you did A, B and C, but you didn't do D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P. Come on, you got to do more, right? You can have an amazing conversation with a lover, with your spouse, deep moment of connection. And meanwhile your critic's like, eh, this person doesn't really care about what you're saying. Ah, they're going to leave you. Ah, you're not that interesting. Your stories are kind of boring. And all of a sudden you're feeling just kind of disengaged, deflated, right? I mean, we can get real granular here. What about you're with that lover, you're with your spouse, you guys are about to start making love and then that critic's like, you're not gonna be able to get aroused. Something bad's gonna happen. Or they're not really enjoying this. You don't really know. You're not really good enough. You're not a good lover. Like these things can just creep into any of our best moments of our lives and take the satisfaction away. Is any of what I'm saying resonating with you? Are you on your own side? That's a question that I want you to be asking yourself regularly throughout the day. Am I on my own side? This is something I'm so absolutely passionate about spreading to every single human in the world that I wrote a book about this. It's called On My Own side. And it's about transforming that inner self critic and doubt into permanent self worth and confidence. I'm super excited. The book is coming out at the end of this month, February 25, 2020, and I'll be sharing more updates as it gets closer to that. But for now, I want you to ask that life changing question, am I on my own side? Now a follow up, probably even better question after you've asked that first one is how can I be more on my own side right now? Because once you identify that you're not, you've got to get back on. Because just seeing it is the first step. But that's not the only step. And there's so much I want to share about this with you over the next few weeks. And in the book about how to understand this process, get control of it. Because most people I talk to, unfortunately the critic controls them, even if they're aware of the critic, which they're often not. They're aware of this much the tip of the iceberg, which we'll talk about in the next video. But they don't feel like they have control over it. So like, yeah, my critic tells me I'm a loser or I'm ugly, or I'm fat, or I'm not smart enough or I'm not good enough to do that or I can't achieve and it's all gonna go wrong and people aren't gonna like me. Yeah, my critic says that, but I don't know what to do about it. I can't turn that sucker off. Now. That's the problem, isn't it? If that voice is in there and it is influencing you, it's either a trusted advisor that you're like, what's that? No one's gonna like me and I shouldn't try. Okay, Right. That's a problem. Or it's just driving the bus and you've just given control. You're like, okay, you know what? You're right. Who am I? I'm not gonna try. And now that part's just steering your life. And if that part's steering your life, you're suffering. If that part is nagging at you, you're suffering. So we got to shift this. We got to end this to get on our own sides, which is going to allow us to feel our best and achieve our most. So share down in the comments below. What are you seeing about this on my own side topic? Are you there? How can you be there? What can you do to be more on your own side? I can't wait to hear and talk with you more about this over the next few weeks. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are, to be on your own side and to know that you're awesome.
