Ask Me Anything - Answers! (Personal Q&A with Dr. Aziz)

Hey everybody, it's Dr. Aziz and this is where I answer all of your questions, all of the questions that you asked for me in the recent video where I asked you to ask me anything that you wanted to about my work, my me, my personal life and anything at all. And I got some great questions and someone on my team compiled them all here so I can go through and read them and answer them. And that's what I'm going to do right now. So this video might be a little long, but it's gonna be awesome and fun. So stay tuned. Here we go. Wisam Good wrote. What's your best book that you read and how has it affected you? That one is interesting. I thought about that one for a little while. There are so many books. I can't just give you one wisaom, but there are a couple. You ready? And write this down for anyone else who wants to know. Some amazing books. One, I'll give you my top five. How about that? Aside from my books, which are like the best but okay. Number one would be Radical Acceptance by Tara Brock. That book is awesome. Number two would be Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. This book probably started it all for me. It's life changing. Just do what the title says and your life will be better forever. Getting real. This one's life changing for relationships. It really taught me a lot. How to be a lot more honest and assertive, especially in romantic relationships. But in All My Relationships by Susan Campbell. I interviewed her for the Shrink for the Shy Guy podcast. She's great. This one's a bit of a doozy. It's called Compassion and Self Hate. Don't let the title scare you. It's really good. It's written by Theodore Rubin. Teddy, as I like to call him, I don't know him, but I call him Teddy. It is probably the most. One of the most in depth psychodynamic books where they teach you like a layer beneath what you think like they reveal your own unconscious mind to you. Powerful stuff. Anything by Theodore Rubin. I highly recommend. I don't know if that was four or five, but those are some books that I highly recommend that changed my life and I hope to do the same for you. Okay, next question. Mao Joe says, what is your advice on building self esteem while having an addiction? Regardless of you answering this question, you should make a video about it. That's a great suggestion. I will. That's a long answer and I will put it in its own separate video. So stay tuned for that about how to build your Self esteem when recovering from an addiction. The ultimate Mario fan. Nice Sigda asks, what was the single most important thing that got you over the nice guy syndrome? Also, how do you feel about embracing tension rather than avoiding it to overcome social awkwardness? Let's go with the first part of that question. The single most important thing. I did this. I'm actually compiling all my ideas right now because I'm writing my next book, which is going to be all about how to not be a nice person. Nice guy or girl person. That's that. That pattern that. That shuts us down and stops us from being ourselves. So I have a lot of ideas, but if there was just one thing, it would be this. You have to be. You have to practice the thing that's scary and uncomfortable, which is to be less nice. So you're gonna do it, and then you're gonna feel like shit afterwards and you're gonna feel guilty or criticize yourself. And then you learn to work with that guilt and see that the guilt is not a sign that you're bad. It's just a sign that you got some faulty beliefs, faulty stories like, I should never say no to anyone or something crazy like that in your inner heights. But. And so the single most important thing, though, is to take the action and to feel uncomfortable afterwards, because if we never take the action, then we just keep reinforcing the story. Oh, I can't do that or else people will leave me. Oh, I can't do that or else I'll be a bad person. And we never just do it and see that we can handle whatever happens. And, man, the more you start doing it, the better you feel, because being an overly nice person is not who you are. That's a pattern that you learned to get approval from others. Stay tuned. That book will probably be coming out in, I don't know, 2017 or whatever. I'm writing it slowly. Oh, also, next question in there for ultimate Mario fan. How do you feel about embracing tension rather than avoiding it to overcome social awkwardness? Yes. I'm not sure I understand that question. I don't know. Embrace the tension. Embrace it. Embrace it, Mario. That's all I got. I'd have to know more. Maybe go to shrinkforthshyguy.com shrinkforthyguy.com and send a longer message through that site or even a voice message through that site. And I can answer on the podcast. Get a little more in depth. I need to know what you're talking about, though. Cool. Okay. Kuka too. That's a good name. Kukatu. Did you know there's a bird named a kakapoo? Kakapoo. We found it in one of my kids books. And he's like, why is it called a kkp, daddy? And I said, well. And his mom had actually a great story as to why it was called a kakapoo anyway, Kuka too. What made you want to be a confidence coach instructor? Because I'm obsessed with it, that's why. And I'm obsessed with it because of my own extreme lack of confidence for many years. And it made me. It compelled me to want to study it. And then the more I studied it, the more powerful I realized I could become. As my confidence grew, my power grew, my, my self esteem grew and I got kind of hooked. I was like, how far can I take it? So I'm still working on it to this day. And one of the fastest ways to build something and to master is to teach it. And so the more that I help people, every session I have with a client or a group or a weekend that I lead, it reinforces something in me and it keeps. And I keep expanding my own confidence to higher and higher levels. So it's very synergistic and I love it. And that's probably why I do it. It feels like my calling. I would do it, I would study it and be fascinated by it even if I didn't do it for work. So that's usually a good sign that it's worth pursuing. Okay. Silent observer. It's a great name. Are you Pakistani? If yes, can you say something in order? There's actually several questions about my origin. So now is the time to answer it. Drumroll. I am half Pakistani. That's right, half Pakistani, half white American. Euromix. My mom was born in Los Angeles. Her parents are like part German, so she's like half German and half, I don't know, UK or something. My knowledge of my lineage is terrible. And my dad was born in Pakistan and came to the United States when he was 19 and has lived here ever since. And all my relatives on my dad's side are Pakistani. A lot of them live in like the Bay Area, which is near where I grew up. And there's more story there, but that's the general gist of it. Can I say anything in Urdu? Oh man, I used to know. I know one word in Urdu, which is cow. Which is what? Maybe I'm not even pronouncing that right. That's what my grandma, my dad's mom used to say cow means eat. And that's all she wanted us to do was eat her food, which was quite good. So. So I did especially the samosas, dip those in ketchup and eat like 30 of them for my meal. It was awesome. So that's all I got. And I don't speak Urdu, don't speak any other language but English, and I speak that just about okay, I guess. Okay. Evac. This is a lot. Where are you from? I was born in Santa Cruz, California. I lived in California my entire life until I moved to Oregon, which is where I currently live. I moved to Portland, Oregon in 2009. I moved here to do my internship and then residency in clinical psychology. What do you do for a living? Well, I used to be a. Well, I'm still a psychologist, but I used to practice as a psychologist. I trained psychologists in training and had my own private practice where I did therapy with people in Portland, Oregon. Now what I do for a living is coaching and training specifically around confidence. So I've shifted that skill set. I don't do official therapy anymore. I do coaching. I do one on one coaching with people. I have a mastermind group program and I also train. I have a team of coaches that I work with now so we can help even more people. We do live events and also sell books and training programs online. And that is what I do for a living. So. So I guess you could say I'm a confidence coach or confidence expert as a living. Do you have kids? This is all evac, by the way. Getting straight to the point. Yes, I have two kids. I adore them. If I were to edit this video, which I probably won't, I would put pictures of those kids. Maybe I will. Maybe it's worth it for that. They're amazing. I love them. I have Zaim as my older son. He is at the time of this video, almost three and is absolutely freaking adorable. He's talking like crazy and it's the most fun thing in the world to have a conversation with him and just see what he comes up with and how he starts to make sense of the world, including death. That's interesting. He's been asking questions about death recently. And then Arman, which is our baby and he's 10 months old, completely adorable, very white. Which is strange because Candice, my wife, has darker skin too. Somehow we produced a little white baby with green eyes. Who influenced you the most to change yourself. There's a lot there. But I gotta say, Tony Robbins, my biggest hero and mentor, learned a ton from him. I keep going back. I'm going to date with Destiny later this year for the third time. Third time. Been going to his events for 10 years. Absolutely life changing. I've learned from a ton of people. I mean, I don't want to over. I am so grateful to so many people. Counselors, therapists, coaches, trainers, mentors. My wife Candice. But Tony Robbins was the one who really broke open my world in a whole new way. Okay, there we go. Evac. Okay, Moving on. Pro preferred 55. How were you able to overcome the mental obstacle and approach your first girl? Do I remember the first? I mean, I think I occasionally approached women before I started that I could develop confidence, but it would be, like, extremely rare. Like, I have a memory of walking somewhere. I think my freshman year of college was where I was like, in a pack of like eight guys, and somehow one of them knew some woman and she was with some friends. So then our packs kind of merged, and then we're all walking together, and then I'd strike up a conversation with the woman that I happened to be walking next to. So I did that. And I had that level of ability to have conversations. I'm sure it wasn't very exciting, and I was probably super nice and boring. But the actual first approach came from extreme pain. A decision that I would do whatever it took. Going and getting David Diangelo's program Double youe Dating, and going through that and just listening and studying and saying like, oh, wow, you can actually learn this and you can approach women. And what I got from that program is like, if you don't do this, your life's gonna suck. If you don't handle this area, you're gonna forever feel shitty. And I believe that's true for men and for women. If we don't handle a certain area of our life, big one being dating and relationships, then we're gonna feel bad for a lot of our life. And if we don't handle our health, we're not gonna feel good. If we don't, we can't handle the ability to have a good relationship with people. We're not gonna feel good. If we don't handle our career and the work that we want to do in the world, we're not going to feel good. So we got to master these core areas of life. And I really saw that by going through David d' Angelo's program. And then it just became, I have to do this or else. I have to do this or else. I have to do this or else. And believe Me, I stalled. I mean, long before that. I stalled for years. So I reached a breaking point. And I don't know the first one. I have a couple of my early memories. I don't know which the first one was, but some of them were awkward. Some of them went surprisingly better than I thought. But the key was, like, just to get in there. And I had a ton of crash and burn conversations, which I might share in a video. Here I have my dating Confidence Boot camp coming up in a month, and I'll be sharing a lot of fun stories there of my tales of woe. George Sarnas, do you have a favorite cologne that gives you an extra confidence? I should release my own cologne. It's called Confidence. I used to love Armani colognes like Armani, I think they just call it Code now. Or there used to be Code Black. There used to be a variety. They might have changed some, but I love those. I stopped wearing them because when I. Because I. Because they're made of weird chemicals, basically, all those colognes. And I'd, like, pick up my baby and I'd be like, I don't want him to, like, have this on his face. And it's. I don't think it's very healthy for him. If I don't think it's healthy for him, then why am I putting it on my skin? And so now I just wear, like, hippie oils. Tree oils, if possible. Oh, God. All right, moving right along. Juniper. I have a juniper. Is it juniper or pine? Cedar. Cedar. I have a cedar deodorant they make in Portland, Oregon. Oh, yes. More questions about my deodorant, ask below. Phil Adams, who's your favorite rapper and why? I don't listen to a whole ton of hip hop and rap, but probably early Eminem would be my favorite because it's fun to listen to. It's lyrically fantastic and intricate and entertaining, and I love that attitude of, like, fuck it. I'm just gonna say what I want. I think Immortal Technique is an incredible rapper, too. It's not the kind of thing I can just, like, listen to again and again. It's kind of heavy and like, oh, yeah, the world's fucked up. But Eminem, the early stuff, I haven't listened to a lot of his newer stuff very much, but I'd say that's probably my favorite. It's awesome. Lose yourself. Obviously. That's a good one. Okay. Nuclear Dog. Good name. How long did it take you to go from a shy, insecure guy to a confident guy? Well, it's all been stages, man. It's in different. I'd say, like, when I really threw myself into approaching women, that was the first place that I wanted to learn confidence. That I had some pretty massive progress pretty quickly. Probably within like five months, four or five months had my first real girlfriend. I dated a little, sorta. But those women had approached me. This was the first time, like, I approached an amazing woman that like, blew my mind. And she was into me. It like exploded my brains and other places. But anyway, it was amazing. And that happened pretty quick. But then I, like, after that relationship ended, because I moved, I started to feel insecure again. I don't know. Then it was kind of like I had reached a new level of confidence at a new level of ability. But then I was still nervous to speak up in groups. And then I worked on that, and then I was nervous to deal with authority figures. And then. So every stage of the way, there's been a new challenge. So I don't know when you would say I'm a confident guy. I am confident now in many ways. And then there's still areas that I am, you know, less confident in that I'm working on different ways right now. I'm building a bigger team of people and hiring and learning how to hire and when not to hire and let go and not be the nice guy, but be the boss and all that like, that. I still, I'll have, like a lot of fear around that. I had an interview with someone just last week. Yeah, last week. And like the day of, I was all freaked out and nervous about it. Like, I gotta do the right thing. Oh God, I'm gonna mess everything up. So that's an area that I'm not that confident in, but I will be. So that's a big thing, is I have complete certainty that I can get confident in any area. It's just a matter of repetition and learning the right strategies. Kevin McCool, any advice for me as someone who avoids reading, studying, plus looking for my first job? Well, Kevin McCool, my advice would be to not avoid reading and studying because that is the most valuable thing that you can do. This blows my mind is like, there is a book on fucking everything. How to have better conversations, how to feel the fear and do it Anyway, My book, How to Overcome social Anxiety. And if we read a book and we apply it, our life can transform. Or you take a class or you come to one of my weekends, or you invest in yourself, you say yes to yourself and your life transforms. It's incredible. And once I saw the power of that, I've been hooked since. So I mentioned just a second ago, building a team freaks me out. Well, if you look over there on my bookshelf right over there, those. That corner over there, those are all books about building a business bigger and how to systematize things. And I don't know much about it. So I'm studying it, and then I'm gonna learn it, and then I'm gonna rock it. It's an incredible gift. And nowadays and age, you know, if you can't sit down and read, you got some challenges with reading or attention or anything like that. Get it on audiobook, listen to it, watch some videos about the topic. I mean, there's so many ways we can ingest information, but you got to take that information in and then you got to put that information into practice so it's not just some, like, passive learning. Oh, that sounds cool. But what am I going to do with this? So I would say do that. As far as your job, that's what's gonna set you apart from other people, is you studying and learning. I mean, your. Your schooling, your official schooling is nothing. That's just the beginning. You want to be a lifelong learner. So, I mean, even for me, graduate school, like doctoral training, was just the beginning. I've studied more. Yes, that's probably true. I've studied more, at least equal to or more, since graduate school ended. And even in graduate school, I was studying a ton of stuff that they didn't. I was doing less of what they assigned to me and studying more shit that I thought was more valuable. So, I mean, you gotta. You gotta approach it with fire, man. If there's some block or some obstacle, figure it out so you can study. Usually it's no. There's no real obstacle. It's just people are like, oh, that's hard. I don't want to. And that's a disease of comfort seeking. I talk about that in my new book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. Comfort is killing you. So if you're comfort seeking, you're fucked. And I don't mean that specifically against you, Kevin, but I kind of do. That's for all of us. That's for me, too. When I'm seeking comfort and focusing on that and making that my primary aim, I'm fucked in any way. We gotta shift from comfort to taking bold action and studying. In this case, for you. Infinite, eternal. These are good names. Do you regularly take any medication? SSRI or something? No, I don't take an ssri. I don't take any antidepressants or anything like that. I do take a medication regularly, which is called Enbrel, which I'm on a mission to actually not be taking for very long. I'll explain that in a minute because someone has a freakishly coincidental or synchronous question coming up. So I'll answer what you might be wanting. What is N, bro? What does he take it for? I'll answer in just a moment. Sho Lo Lo Shoshololo. I'm looking at the clock, by the way. If you see me looking up, trying to. I have a few more. A little bit more time to get through all these. So here we go. Hello, Dr. Z's. I have a question regarding how to act around people who put you down jokingly, without making it seem like it got me to the heart, especially in a situation where a number of people are watching. Damn, that's a good one, man. I'm gonna make a note here on this paper, and I'm gonna make a whole video about that because that's key. That happens a lot. What was the other one I was gonna do? We're gonna do the addiction 1. Circle them in highlighter. So I'm gonna answer that in another video, Scum of the Earth. But you want to identify that. Why would you choose that as your. As your name? Very good. So product placement. These are water bottles. I am bold, relentless, determined, unstoppable. It's a mantra I've been using for quite a while, and that's what we give out to people in the mastermind. So if you're thinking about joining the Mastermind, it's a water bottle that's going to turn the tables. Okay, Scum of the Earth, what are your thoughts on NoFAP? So, no FAP. I only. I've heard the phrase, and I know what it means. So for those of you don't. I might not get the exact concept right. My understanding is no. FAP means you refrain from masturbating. I don't think you refrain from sex, do you? No, just masturbating. You refrain from masturbating, and perhaps the benefit would be, I don't know, increased desire to go out and meet women or increased chi and power. I don't know. I don't know. I do know that I did have a period when I was single and looking to date that I consciously stopped masturbating. No, I didn't stop masturbating. I stopped using porn. So I was like, if I Want to masturbate? I can just, like, close my eyes. And I can't just, like, close my eyes and think of porn, because that's weird. I have to close my eyes and, like, imagine a woman that I'd been with in the past or, like, think about a woman that I know that maybe I want to date or something and, like, have some little fantasy in my head. And I actually ended up masturbating a lot less than when porn was just, like, on my screen. So I did that primarily because, I don't know, it just seemed like it was kind of a crutch, and I'd use it when I felt lonely, and then afterwards, I'd feel like I'm still lonely, but now I feel kind of. And it just didn't feel that good to me, so I stopped. And I don't have a strong opinion on it. I mean, if it works for you, it feels like it's enhancing your life and it gives you some sense of control and power and whatever, then great. I mean, porn is a fascinating topic. Might be doing more videos on that. So I'm gonna leave that one for a separate topic. But that's my initial thoughts on NoFap. It's a terrible name. It just sounds gross by the. No fap. No fap. Fapping. This is jerking off sounds better. This is fapping. Ugh. Anyway, are you Pakistani? I already answered that one from Javiera. I mean, your videos are amazing. Thank you, Javier. Appreciate that. Okay. Hey, Aziz, since you're from the wellness business, I wanted to ask you something. I'm a patient with ankylosing spondylitis. That's what I was diagnosed with too. That's why I take the Enbrel. Ah. Open loop is closed. It's all coming first. Full circle. So for the last 10 years, this is Sumia again. I have been suffering from this disease. I lost my mobility entirely in 2016. In the last 10 years, I made a good effort to know and accept myself. Now I want to teach people to embrace themselves with their talents and challenges. Could you please tell me if my physical challenge is going to affect my brand? And if I have to record a video, I have to do it lying on my bed. Thanks in advance. Okay, so the short answer to that question is no, it's not going to affect your brand. You should check out a guy named Shawn Stevenson. Sean Stephenson. S E A N. Stevenson. Stephenson. Check him out. Now just, like, pause this. Or check it out after this video. He's awesome and he's got A lot of physical challenges and he's amazing and I've learned a ton from him and I've actually been to his event and interviewed him for my summit that's coming out eventually. So he's an amazing guy and I. So, you know, that's not, you know, you got to make it part of your message though, right? It's like, look, I'm dealing with this and you know, here's how I handle it. And people look at that and they're like, oh shit. If you can handle that, then I can handle the challenges in my life. And it's inspiring. So I'd encourage you to do it and get started. Fascinating side note though. How are you immobilized? Why are you immobilized? So not to go down the rabbit hole, but maybe a little. I would highly recommend checking out John Sarno. John Sarno, M.D. and his books, particularly the Mind Body Prescription. The Mind Body Prescription. You can also check out his book Healing Back Pain. They're incredibly fascinating. I've used his approach to eliminate neck pain, chronic shoulder pain, and like back pain in my upper back that prevented me from doing like push ups or working out anyway, repetitive stress. I used to have tons of wrist pain and plantar fasciitis in my foot as well as a host of other knee and other stuff. So I healed like dozens of things using his method. I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis when I was 15, started having chronic pain. I've had that chronic pain for the last 18 years and taken a medication for the last 12 years called Enbrel, which is a gnarly medication. I mean, gnarly in the sense that like, who knows what the fuck it's. It's doing some crazy stuff in your tumor necrosis factor account or something like that. So I've recently am going through John Sarno's work again focusing specifically on the ankylosing spondylitis because I believe that it can. That it is also emotion. I think, I believe autoimmune conditions are emotionally sourced and the tons of back pain and other problems are actually due to repressed emotion. So I encourage you to check that out. I don't know what the solution is for you. It may not change anything, but it also might totally change your world as it has for me. And I'm still taking the Enbro medication, but I anticipate that very soon I will not be Lynn Mello. Thanks for this open Q and A. How does a guy stop being soft? Is confidence supposed to feel relaxed or tense at times. I think by soft you mean maybe not assertive and too nice and kind of, okay, whatever you want. So the way to do that is to fucking get angry and be like, I'm not gonna take this shit anymore. I'm sick and tired of being a passive buoy that gets just tossed around by the current. I am gonna be the captain of my ship. I'm gonna guide myself to my ultimate destiny. And I'm not gonna do that by being a people pleasing, spineless, nice person. I need to step the fuck up. And I'm gonna challenge all the stuff I was taught about how it's bad and it's wrong and I'm gonna find my own way. You gotta get angry to do that. You gotta be fed up. And that's what helps you challenge that softness. And you gotta be willing to be messy, man. Maybe make some conversations that are uncomfortable or get into an argument or do it wrong, but just start practicing, start doing it. And so, yes, confidence at times is very relaxed. I don't need anything. I feel fine. I like who I am doing good. That kind of confidence. And sometimes it's tense, like a healthy tension, like, let's fucking do this. I'm bold. I am unstoppable. I am relentless. I am determined. Let's go. And that there's a power, that there's a tension in that sometimes that's the confidence that you need. So sometimes you need one, sometimes you need the other. And the second one is definitely going to help you in stepping up from being soft. What was the turning point in your life? This is from paku97. What was the turning point in your life regarding confidence? I would say it was when I worked up the courage. Finally, finally, finally, after six weeks of going to a class at UC Santa Barbara, there's a woman who was beautiful and amazing. Her name was Alexis. And we were partnered together in the first week of class in a lab, they just partnered. And I'm talking to this beautiful woman. This is fun. I had a great time. I chatted with her about, about like, you know, the chemistry or whatever we were doing. And then, so I knew her name, we knew each other. And then in the bigger lecture class, that was every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Every time I'd look around, oh, there she is. Oh, there she is. But I wouldn't go talk to her. And a couple of times I'd be like, I'm gonna do it today. And I wouldn't, and I wouldn't. And six weeks went by three times a week, six weeks. That's 18 opportunities. I didn't do any of them. And then I finally did. And guess what? She said yes. Hot damn. It was. It was amazing. And we went on a date. We saw Finding Nemo, which is what came out at the time, the Pixar movie. We got stoned in the parking lot and it was her idea. I was like, this chick is so cool. She told me about lucid dreaming when we were in line for the movie, which I'd never even heard of. It's a fascinating thing if you've never heard of it. It blew my mind. I ended up doing tons of lucid dreaming after that. She just opened up a whole side of my experience. It was amazing. And I fell in love. And then she was leaving, I think a week later to go to Italy for the summer for like two months. So I was head over heels. I was into her. She left. I was like super bummed and crushed. I think we had one more date and I don't know if I didn't have her contact or what, but I didn't. We didn't get in touch, but it was like three months later. I was somewhere in Santa Barbara and I ran into her and I was like, oh my God, you know, this is gonna be great. And I invited her out. We went on, you know, a walk. And I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. And then like the next day or two days later, I called her and it was like something had just switched, man. She was just kind of like, meh, meh. And I was so confused because I was like, man, I thought we had something, right? Is that just all in my head? And I was just fucking so down about it. And I remember there's more to that story. There was another woman after that. Same thing happened. Not the exact she didn't go to Italy, but, you know, the same thing into her. Had a great date, then not interested. And it was the second one and that was in like a three month period. And I was like, what gives, man? I'm working up the courage to do this, to talk to them. And then we go on a date and I'm being myself and I'm being funny and it seems like it's going well and they're just not fucking interested. And I got so angry and so like depressed and thought there was no way out. And then I got home and I talk about this in my ebook, by the way, the one on my website, socialconfidencecenter.com go there to get it. Five steps to unleash youh Inner Confidence. It's fantastic and it's for free. But I go home and I get inside and it's dark in my apartment. I share it with my roommate, but it doesn't seem like he's there. And I go to like the kitchen and get something, some food or whatever, and I go to my room to play fucking Warcraft 3, which is a phenomenal game and I loved it, but it was like, ugh, so just let me bury my woes in Warcraft and. And then I hear that he's home because I hear him talking through the wall. I could hear him talking to his girlfriend at the time. And he always had a girlfriend. Fucking Chris always had a girlfriend. And I could hear her laughing and I could hear him talking. And I was just like, it just hurt so bad that something snapped and I was like, fuck this. I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna figure this out. And I didn't know it at the time, but it's called Level 5 commitment. When you say to yourself, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. That's why we have a banner at my live events that says, whatever works. Whatever. Whatever takes. Whatever works. Whatever it takes. Whatever works. That's my motto. So that's when I started searching online. That's when I found a program on how to meet women and dating. And then I read the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and my whole fucking world transformed. And it was awesome. Do you work with women and do you offer private coaching sessions? Yes and yes, I do one on one coaching. It's pretty limited at this point. I limit it to about six clients just because I'm also running a mastermind program, which right now the limit for that is 20 people and write and teach and do these videos and podcasts and live events. And so I have a pretty full schedule. But I do offer private coaching and Interestingly enough, like 60% of my private clients are women. The mastermind program is more men than women, mostly men. There's a couple women in it, but the one on one is a lot of women. And I'm going to be doing a lot more teaching specifically around stuff for women. A lot of these videos, even though I talk about stuff that's related to men, I mean, the confidence core confidence stuff is the same men and for women. So that answers that question. Wow, we're going 35 minutes. If you're still with me, you're awesome. We have another chunk of questions here. I'm going to start powering through. What's something in your past that you either failed at or were embarrassed by? Like a kid in sixth grade said something to you, for example, that replays in your mind to this day. To this day and what happened? What steps did you take or that you recommend for those replaying memories? Or what I like to call pain loops. That is a great question, patsyketsy. I'm gonna circle that with my orange highlighter and we're gonna answer that in its own video, how to stop the pain loops. It's a good name. Kudos to you for coming up with it. Now, in terms of an embarrassing moment, there is no embarrassing moment that I would still think about that still replay in my head from years ago because I've learned that embarrassment is a good thing, that embarrassment inoculation heals us. And the more you become a lot more liberated around embarrassment, the stuff doesn't just stick anymore. So I had those embarrassing moments for my life, but I don't feel any emotional charge. I can remember walking up to different women in different circumstances and being horribly rejected and feeling utterly mortified and rejected, but I don't feel anything about it right now. And there's moments where I remember when I was a little kid, I played in a talent show. I think I was like second grade or something, or third grade. And I played Fur Elise. Fur Elise. Fur Elise. Is that Mozart? I don't know. Anyway, I played that on a little keyboard and for like the whole school. And I think I did pretty awesome. I don't think I knew the whole song either. I think it was just like that first part again and again. But I did that. Rocked it. And then as I was walking, like off the front stage area, there was like a chord and I like tripped over the cord and fell on the stage and everyone laughed. I felt so embarrassed. I was like, ooo. But see, I don't. It's funny now. There's nothing that still stings or sticks. And if it is, it's a sign that I got some work to do to release and heal it. Yeah. Okay. Malachi Barrett. When I talk to people, I go bright red and I'm easily embarrassed. How do I stop this? That's another. These are great questions. I'm gonna. I'm gonna create a series of Q and A videos over the next couple weeks where I'm gonna answer that one too. Gummy bolts. Gummyboltz. Do you have any hobbies you like to do on your free time, man, yes. But I have two kids and I run my own business so some of the things have shifted. So hobby now like writing. I love writing books. That's kind of like. It's sort of. It's work but I don't. I enjoy it a ton. So right now I'm working on another book. So that's a hobby. That's fun. Spent a lot of time with my family. When I'm not working. That's kind of who I'm hanging out with is my two kids and my wife. I love them, they're amazing. And it's not really a hobby though. I used to have a ton more hobbies. But when you have kids, especially little kids, babies, free time disappears. But I used to love and I still love it and I will go back to playing it. I'm sure. Magic the Gathering is freakin awesome. I love it. Yes. I started playing it as a kid and I still played it. I mean I was playing in tournaments both online and in person. Here in Portland they have a place called Guardian Games which I call the Nerd Dungeon. And you go there on a Friday night. They put the magic tournament on Friday night. Like they know those guys have nothing to do. And yes, it's all guys. There's like one girl there maybe and it's like 50 sweaty, smelly, enclosed area dudes. Like. And you know, I'm like, I know this much, you know, I know how to play the game and I like study it to master and I study. People are good and I emulate them so I can win. But I don't know, like these guys like research the cards ahead of time and they're like oh yes, the chromulus nimbus is by far the rarest one in the deck and I love it. So I want to go back and I'll definitely do more of that probably online. I don't know in like a year ish. When things kind of open up after our second little guy is more of a toddler. I love ping pong. I love foosball. I love anything competitive. Man. Fucking love the competition. I love getting engrossed in it. Those table games, ping pong and foosball particularly. I kind of suck at pool. Yeah, I'm sure I have other hobbies. I used to love to read. I love going to electronic music shows, love festivals like Burning man, etc. Also that's gonna happen more in another year or so. That's a short rundown. Carrie and Tough. How old are you and where are you from? I already answered where I'm from right now at the recording this video. I'm 33. I'll turn 34 on November 12th. I was born on November 12th, 1982, in Santa Cruz, California. You do a great job and are so passionate about. About it. I guess these. What makes you so passionate about it? Probably already answered that, right? It's like that pain that I felt. I love to learn. So these are my. These are my values for work. I have them right there on my desk. So I see them every day. Fun, fascination, freedom and force for good, or force for God. But so fun is like, I want to have fun with what I'm doing. And I do have fun a lot during the day. I love my work fascination. I find learning and reading and studying fascinating. Obviously, that's why I do it all the time. So it's fascinating. I get to learn. The more I learn, the better I get. What an amazing job. Freedom. I feel passionate about having a sense of freedom, like being my own boss and making my own hours and all that stuff, and working with who I want to work with and force for good. That's part of the passion too, is, you know, we don't know. There's no assigned purpose, right? Like, we're just born and everyone's like, hey, here's some rules that we follow now. You know, do some shit and then die. That's all we do. That's like, what life is, as far as we know. Everything else is, like, loaded in. Like, we decide what it is. And maybe you take something that someone taught you from a religion growing up, maybe you take some philosophy. Maybe you just do what your dad or your mom says. I don't know. But we all have to decide. And for me, I decided many years ago that I want to be a force for good on this planet. Why? Because. Why not? I mean, why not try to, like, make a positive impact and help be a force for good and heal? I mean, I'm going to be living anyway and I'm going to be working anyway. So why not align that to something that feels like I feel really good about what I'm doing and like, I, you know, leave the world better. Like, I want to have an impact that goes beyond my death. That's why I love books and other things. I mean, she's dead. Susan Jeffers is dead, and she's helping millions of people. I just recommended this book again in one of my mastermind groups, and a couple guys reread that or read it for the first time and it's helping them. And she's dead. So I want to have that impact, that force for good. Why? Because it's cool. Why not? Who is your best teacher? Sorry for all the questions. I'm rather nosy apologizing for asking questions. When I ask you to ask questions. Nice syndrome, perhaps. Who is your best teacher? I mentioned this earlier. Tony Robbins, mentor and teacher. This is a great question. I've already answered it, but I'm going to ask. I'm going to read the question because it's awesome. Fadi Hachem says, what is your nationality? Half Pakistani, half white American. Can you come to Lebanon? I love that people get requests, a lot of things. Can I come to Lebanon? Can I come to the East Coast, United States? Can I come to Europe right now? No. I'm not traveling anywhere to do events or anything because I have two little kids. So I have all the events here and people can come here. So that's how I'm doing it. But who knows? Maybe later on I'll travel a ton. Although that doesn't sound super appealing. So I probably won't do that. Okay. That is actually all the time I have for today. There are a few more questions that I want to answer, but it's time to dinner time. Time to go hang out with my family. I made a hard stop here today, so I'm gonna do it one minute past the hour and I'm gonna go hang out with the kids and my wife for a little bit. So I'll record another shorter Q and A answer with the remaining questions. If you didn't get to your questions, stay tuned for that one. And also stay tuned for the ones that I mentioned that I was gonna do, a longer answer to those. Those videos. So until we speak again, thank you so much for being with me. It feels fun to share this stuff and to connect with you. And as always, keep answering your questions or any questions you have about videos you want me to make, things you want me to answer. This is a great way to stay in touch and support each other. And if you are liking this and appreciating this, you know, subscribe below and and share this with with more people because the world could benefit from more confidence. All right, talk to you soon.