Ask Me Anything LIVE (Feb 26, 3pm PST) - Dr. Aziz Confidence Coach

Haha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I think, I think it's working. I think it's working. I'm gonna click over here on the other ma jigger. Go live and we will see. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Here we go. I think it's working. Yeah. Turn on the guard. I don't need to guard my own chat from me. Alright. I guess it has to say that. Okay. Thank you for bearing with me. This is my first time using all this little setup. Those of you in the chat, can you share something? Let me open up one more window here. That's gonna help me see all of the magic and then we're gonna get ready to rock. This is gonna be an ask me anything questions that you have about confidence. Looks like it's working. Looks like it's working. Working. I'm gonna be able to see everyone's chat in just a moment here. Where do I go to see that? Hello. All right, there we go. There we go. It's happening. It's happening. Okay, give me one more minute. I'm just gonna get one more window up and I can see all of the things. Then we're gonna rock and roll. I gotta get to my own page. How do I find my own page? There I am. There I am. Okay. Wow. It's working. I did a little tech test earlier in the week and you never know, but here we are. Welcome to ask me anything. It's Friday, February 26th, and I'm excited to be with you. It's actually tripping me out. I'm seeing myself right now, which I don't need to see. I don't need to see me. I'm gonna put something else up on my screen so I'm not looking at myself. It's me delayed on like four different screens. It's confusing as heck. Okay, I'm gonna pull up a screen with your guys's questions. That's what I'm gonna focus on. Okay. All right. Okay, let's dive right in. What I'm here to do today is to answer questions that you have about confidence, about how to be more confident in your life, how to feel more self confidence, how to feel more capable, more belief in yourself, more acceptance of yourself, more readiness, willingness. Enable us to take on challenges in your life. You being more of a badass. That's really what we're focused on. And I have some questions that people have sent in some questions from before. Some questions people are typing in. I encourage you to type in your questions as we're Going. I'm going to prioritize those who can be here live to support you and taking the time to be here. So I'll answer those questions first and then get to some of the ones from earlier that people have sent in. But I'm going to get to a lot of questions for today, and we're going to learn a lot. So. So before I answer questions, I'm gonna get a water and I'm gonna ask you a question before we start. Do you feel lucky? No. No, that's not my question. My question is, are you ready? Are you ready to make a big shift in your life? Are you ready to become curious about the patterns that you're running that cause you suffering? Are you ready to challenge a story that you've been holding onto for 15 years for a sense of safety and security and predictability and control? Are you ready to challenge that or to let it go or to see right through it or. Or to drop it like a hot potato and step into something new? Are you ready to create a brand new life for yourself? Are you ready to upgrade your identity? Are you ready to prioritize something more than safety and security and stability? Something like growth or opportunity or connection or love or purpose or meaning or contribution? Because if the answer to those questions is no, then there's no amount of I could talk till I'm blue in the face. I can answer 500 questions, and it's not going to do anything. And I love YouTube and Facebook and these other platforms, but if you're watching this for entertainment, I'm pretty entertaining. But that's not the purpose. Our goal here is to catalyze something, to ignite courageous confidence, outrageous confidence, expansive authenticity, magical manifestation of your dreams, and really upgrading our way of being in this world. So if you're into that and that's the game that you want to play, then you're in the right place. Okay, so that's the stage we're setting. Here we go. Okay, I'm gonna go through some of the questions here. Looks like you've been hitting the gym, doc. Now we're gonna take most of the time to focus on that. No, no kidding. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You know the secret tight shirts. Just wear a tight shirt. Makes you look stronger. Okay. Appreciate you doing this. Awesome. Glad to be here. Let me start answering some questions. Ron. Ron, my man. Good to see you on here. How to be more playful and carefree. It's a great question. And sometimes people think to be more funny, they need to learn jokes that was me a long time ago. I remember I was like, I need to learn about humor and read books about jokes, which if I think about it now, is kind of funny in itself. Not to say that you can't learn more about jokes. And you know, if you want to be like a stand up comic or something, you could study that. But the average person, you know, to be more playful, to be more funny, to be more carefree is not about a bunch of pre planned material. It's about an energy state. And so the fastest way to become more playful is to be, is to go into a more present, young, maybe even you might call immature energy state. And sometimes people like, oh, that's no, that's not good. Immature is bad. No, everything has its place. Immature is problematic. If you're like at work trying to perform some necessary function and you're like, you know, making stupid sounds. But when you're with a, with, with your kid or, or when you're with your dog or something like that, you know, being immature, being playful is great. And the reason that we're not playful is that there is a restrictive force. Think about the word carefree. What's the opposite of carefree? Full of care. Care of what? Care of what other people think. And actually replace the word care with concern. So when you are overly concerned with what other people think, you cannot be carefree. So where are you overly concerned? Who are you overly concerned about? Is it certain people? Because you'll start to see, oh, I can be playful around my friends but not at work, or I can be playful at work but not in dating. So wherever you see yourself being more serious than you would like to be, that's because you have a lot of care, a lot of concern about those particular people. You follow me. So then the next question would be, what do I feel like I need to be for those people? What role do I think I need to play for those people? The people in dating, people at work, the people, you know, the parents or whatever it is, my family, whatever you feel restricted. Where do I need to, what role do I need to feel like I need to play? And that role will kill your playfulness, your carefreeness. It'll put you in a ball of over caring. The next thing is going to be like, well, what if I didn't play that role? Gasp. Horror. They'll reject me, they'll hate me, they'll ostracize me, they'll fire me, they'll break up with me. Well then I guess your only option is to Be that restricted, restrained, tight, contracted version of you for the rest of your life. Or you can take the risk and you can say, you know what? I'm gonna bring a little bit more me. And just take this risk a little bit at a time. Say, you know what? I'm gonna be 3% more playful, 5% more playful. And you start to look for opportunities. And one of the best places to start is just maybe even before you're around people, before you get there or you're home by yourself. Be playful by yourself. Can you be playful by yourself? Can you make sound effects? Can you do something weird? In fact, can you be playful right now? Can you be silly? Can you be absurd? If you're not willing to be silly, if you don't want to look foolish, then you can't be playful. You know, just ask anyone in my household. I make all kinds of weird sounds all the time. I'll say really strange things. I'll just make up weird phrases. I'll make weird sounds. I will laugh out loud. Someone asked me, did I take a cold shower today? The answer is yes, like I do every day. Sometimes it's full cold, sometimes it's, I end with cold. Today ended with cold. I went for a run, was really cold, and I warmed up in the shower, and then I ended with cold. And when I'm doing the cold, I'll yell out certain phrases that I want to reinforce, and then I'll also laugh maniacally. So you guys want to see that. You guys want to see the laughter, the maniacal laughter. Like that. It makes the cold shower a lot more fun. Okay, those are some thoughts on how to be more playful. Oh, great question. Brandon says in your podcast you've mentioned a book about people having near death experiences and coming back with a greater sense of love and compassion. Do you recall the name of this book? I don't know if there's a specific one that I mentioned in that podcast about something else. There might have been a. There's another book of a guy who studied near death experiences in totality, and he's got a book about that. I don't know the name of that one offhand. I think about that one, but this one is a specific woman's account named Anita Moorjani. She's awesome. I am on a mission to get her on my podcast. I will. She rejected me about a year ago, but maybe two years ago. But I'm coming, I'm coming back. And because rejection, rejection is either going to crumple you, crush you Defeat you or get you more determined? What do you really want? Are you willing to keep going for it? Are you willing to get creative, resourceful, adaptive, unstoppable, relentless? Then you can create anything that you want in your life. So it's a book called Dying to Be Me and it's about her near death experience. She's dying from cancer, she gets into a hospital, they predict she's going to be dead within the week. And that's not what happens. And I'm not going to tell you anymore, but man, you can get on audible. It's a beautiful story. And it really started to open up some of my consciousness around life and death and after death in ways that have only grown since then. But that was maybe about four years ago that I read it. Okay. How can you say your opinions without being afraid of hurting other people's feelings? It's a great question. There's a lot there. I'm just going to share a few things. One is you are entitled to an opinion or perspective. Every single one of us is. I used to discount, when I was extremely nice, I used to discount my perspective or opinion by saying, well, so and so knows more than I do. So I don't, I don't have an opinion. I can't have an opinion. Or so and so seems more certain than I feel. So I can't have an opinion. And that's bs. Of course you can have an opinion. Of course you can have a perspective now. At the same time, I wouldn't hold onto it too tightly. You know, let ourselves be flexible and adaptable and be wary of identifying your ego and yourself with your opinions and your perspectives because hopefully they can change and upgrade. I believe this, and I've always believed this, and I'll never change what I believe. I'm gonna step away from that. No, thank you. I wanna be flexible, I wanna be adaptive. I wanna use opinions and perspectives like art, you know, like canvas. You create something, you change it, you make something new. Your mind's constantly changing, upgrading, evolving, hopefully. And sometimes you want to share those opinions and that's great. So you're entitled to do that as well. You're entitled to share your perspective and opinion now. But maybe that's going to hurt other people's feelings. The reason I paused on that was like, sometimes the fear is I'm going to share my opinion and perspective and someone's going to disagree with me, someone's not going to like it. You know, that's one area. This one. It sounds like if it's going to hurt someone else's feelings is the opinion about them, right? Because if I'm gonna say my opinion is, you know, McDonald's tastes like garbage, you know, and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm hurt by that. I'd be like, wow, you must really like McDonald's, but you really liking it. Is that gonna be hurt by me saying that? Like, okay, maybe. But usually it's just gonna be like, oh, I disagree. I think McDonald's is the greatest thing in the universe, right? So I don't know why I picked that example, but we're gonna roll with it. So is your opinion about that other person? And there's more nuance to that. And the short answer is, don't stuff it out of a fear of upsetting people. Because sometimes you got to say what needs to be said in your close relationship so they can't grow and they can't deepen. So how do you do that? Well, there's some nuance to this. If you say, you know what I think about you, buddy, it's probably not going to go so well. People get defensive, people get scared. People are afraid of getting, you know, they go into self protection mode. So if you're going to share your perspective or opinion about somebody else, you might say something like, well, first of all, you might want to get really curious instead of saying, you know, what's wrong with you? Is this, say, you know, I noticed that you tend to jump into people's conversations a lot. Have you noticed that? Instead of saying you interrupt all the time and it's terrible, I say, you know, I noticed you jumped into conversations a lot, you tend to interrupt. Is that something you've noticed? And now we can have an exploration of it. So there's so much more to unpack there. But without knowing more, those are the best answers I can get. Give on that. Dr. Z's. When was your breakthrough moment when you realized you can't go back? Oh my gosh. Which one? Which one? It's very hard to ever go back in life. And if you are. I like to think of life as a river. That's just one metaphor. Life can be many things. But when you are not engaging in life, when you're on the sidelines, as it were, as I lived for many years, because you're avoiding things, you're afraid to take risks, you're afraid to put yourself out there. You tell yourself stories of, I can't and it's not possible and people won't like me. Then you're on the sidelines of the river and you're in the mud and your life isn't moving at all, feels like it's terribly slow and it's stuck. And you might have that in one area of your life or all areas of your life, depends on how strong that anxiety is. For me, it was most areas of my life, I felt pretty stuck. Then if you start to step out, you say, you know what? I'm going to go out into my life. And you get out in the river now the current's flowing around your ankles and around your legs, and that's maybe you taking a little bit of risk. That's you speaking up a little bit. At that point, I suppose you could go back. You could go right back to the side. But what I encourage people to do, people that work with me or come to my events or other things, I'm saying, let's get into the center of the river where your feet don't touch anymore, where you don't have total certainty what's going to happen next because you're not just living in the past or in old stories. So when I speak up and I share my opinion, I don't know how you're going to react. When I'm more playful around those people, I don't know if they're going to like it or not. If I'm going to go start that business, I don't know if it's going to work out, if I'm going to change the job, I don't know how that's going to go. If I'm going to ask that person out, I don't know how it's going to go. If I'm going to have that conversation with my spouse that I'm avoiding, I don't know how they're going to react. I don't know, but I want to find out. Now you're flowing. Uh oh, there we go. Ha. I disappeared on my own screen. Uh oh. It says my streaming status is poor. Oh, dear. I hope that improves. Let me scroll down to the bottom of these comments here. Type in the chat. Can you guys see me? Okay, Says it's working. Well, we're gonna keep going. Ah. Oh, no. Where did I go? There we go. Okay, well, I hope this is still coming through. Lagging bad. Huge lag. Oh, dear. All right, that's weird. Well, we're not going to get. The voice is delayed. Okay, well, everybody panic. Dang. Okay, okay, let's see, let's see. There's gonna be a way to fix this. Stream is healthy. Stream got unhealthy. Let's try. Let's try to keep going. Let's go for a few more minutes and see if it catches up. And if it doesn't, then I think we should all run out of the building screaming. That seemed like a good idea. Okay, there's another option, which is to possibly restart the stream, but then I lose all these awesome comments. Okay. I'm gonna keep rolling with it. And if it's tripping you out to see the audio and the video not aligning, then don't look at me. Just listen. Eh, eh. Pretty good solution. And we'll get this sorted out by the next time I do another one of these live streams. Okay, here we go. Is it poor over there, too? Okay, great, great. Here we go. We're just gonna keep going. Yeah. So let's get in the center of the river, and once you get in the center of the river, you can't go back. There's conclusion of that question. All right, let's move to the next question. Oh, my gosh. There's so many good ones. People are asking if there's going to be a replay or going to upload it. Yeah, I think the way this stuff works is it automatically stores the replay into the platforms. So you're good. Okay. We had a great question from where was he? Some. Matt. Matt Pinnell, by the way, congratulations. Matt just joined. Total social freedom. Excited to have you on board for that. How do I know I'm making progress with my anxiety? I usually gauge it on how anxious I'm feeling. Is that effective? Great question. And no super common, super natural thing to do. I used to do this all the time, and then I saw clients do this all the time, which is, you know, there's this thing I want to do. Any area of your life, speaking up, being more assertive, dating, whatever the thing is. Right. And then you gauge on how well it's going by how little anxiety you feel. So if you feel a lot of anxiety before speaking up, then, oh, my gosh, that's a problem. I guess I'm not growing. I guess I'm not doing it right. And if you don't feel that much anxiety, then great things are going well. Right. And so what you. What we want to start to do is shift away from that, because over time, the trend line might go down in your anxiety through repetition, but it can fluctuate. And then. And then we can feel a sense of success or failure just to pace the amount of feeling and I would want to focus on how do I want to show up, how do I want to be, what kinds of actions do I want to be able to take? And almost taking the attitude like, it doesn't matter if I'm scared. That's why I say, do what scares you until fear has no power to stop you. So if I'm scared, okay. But I'm going to keep doing it, and I'm just going to trust that it's meaningful to do this thing. The result is meaningful for me, for others, for the company, for my love life, for my family, whatever it is. So it's meaningful. So I'm going to do it. And yeah, I'll be scared sometimes, and other times I won't, and that's not going to stop me. So our goal to try to. Instead of trying to minimize fear, our goal should be able to maximize our capability and our output and our actions and the impact that we can make. And another thing I'll say about this, though, sometimes people are like, oh, okay, I guess I'll just do it scared for the rest of my life. But here's the thing. Two things about reducing fear, about any activity that you want to reduce. So if you're. If you want to know how to be less scared of doing things, lean in. This is going to be important. So one massive repetition, baby. Massive repetition. The biggest mistake a lot of people make is they. They do it once in a while. Oh, my gosh. I asked two people out, and I was anxious. Yeah, you got to ask like 200 people out. They said, that's ridiculous. Well, most people won't do that. And most people will be terrified of that their whole lives. Beck. What was his name? Andrew Beck? Arthur Beck? Alfred Beck, something. Becky was one of the founders of cognitive therapy. Now it's gonna trip me out. I don't remember his name. Anyway, he had a fear of dating, and he went around and he asked. I believe the number is a hundred women out in one day. Just to get over that fear. So, you know, if you want something extraordinary, be willing. It didn't take that long. He would just sit down next to him, be like, hi, I'm whatever his name was. I'm Andrew. You know, what's your name? Okay. You want to go out with me on Saturday? No. Okay, see you later. Boom. It took like five seconds. He wasn't trying to get a bunch of dates. He was trying to get a bunch of exposure. So. And I did this kind of stuff. I didn't ask a hundred women out In a day. But I would go downtown in Santa Barbara. I'd walk around. I talk to 10 women in a day. I forced myself to ask three or four of them out. A lot of them said, no, that's okay. It's like, so massive repetition. You want to speak up. You want to be able to do public speaking. Find dozens of opportunities to speak up as rapidly as possible. And don't wait. Say, well, it's Covid times. I can't speak up anywhere. Like, do it on zoom. Speak up in your work meetings. Like, we. We go into the challenge. If you really want to be free, that's what you'll do. You go into it repeatedly. Okay, that's one. But sometimes I hear this from people, like, I'm doing it tons and tons and tons of these, and I'm still not exper. I'm still terrified. It's still going awful. Every time I say, okay, then what's happening is you're running a certain pattern again and again and again every time you do it. So if every time I were to go, I noticed this with public speaking for myself, I would feel really anxious before public speaking and then feel a lot of shame afterwards. And I just did a ton of repetition, and I still felt that. I said, what's going on? I realized I said, well, there's a pattern that I'm running. My pattern was when I was speaking, I would find the person in the room who looked the least interested, probably looking at their phone or whatever. And then I would say, oh, my gosh, this person. I'm so boring. I should be entertaining this person, Even if it wasn't like, I'm, like, delivering material. I'm not there to entertain people. But I still was like, oh, my gosh, this person's gotta like me. They don't like me if they're not paying attention. And I'd spent all my energy and focus trying to get that one person to look at me while I was talking. Is that a terrible recipe? Is that a terrible formula? Yeah. So if you run a terrible formula every time you're taking the bold action, the fear might not extinguish. So you got to combine that with upgrading your approach, upgrading your formula. Okay, I'm getting fired up. Here we go. 1991. He's asking about some of the programs we have. Okay. What are the difference between all your courses? Oh, my God. Well, here we go. It seems impossible to ascertain the difference. For instance, you have a supremely confident conversation master, ultimate confidence breakthrough in the dating Booth, those are. So the lies are. You're talking about live events. We have live events. The Mastermind program. Okay. Some of those are old website Update Con Promise Confidence University. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Basically, if you want to go further, the thing that I would recommend would be an immersion event. We have one coming up in two weeks called Supremely Confident Conversation Master. That one's gonna be a powerful, like, if you want to grow rapidly, immerse yourself. That's what I learned. I don't know, 12, 15, 18 years ago. If you want to go rapidly, immerse yourself. And I've been doing it consistently ever since. I've been to two week long immersion events, three week long immersion events in the last four months. That's just what I do. I go to a number of those every year. I just got back when it was a whole week long. Right. And it's like I immersed myself in an environment. And the teacher I was with just a week ago, for a week, his name is Donnie Epstein. He's awesome. And I, like, studied some of his material, watched some of his YouTube stuff, and I was kind of like, ah, I kind of get it. And I don't know what the hell he's talking about. And then I spent a week with him and I was like, oh, I get it. I get it, like, profoundly. And it's shifting my life in beautiful ways. So that's what I'd encourage you to do. In fact, we have the super Early Bird going. Depends on if you're watching the replay of this, but it's going through March 1st, and then the. Sorry, the early bird. The early bird ends March 1. So it's a couple of days. You get your ticket for 50, 60% off, something like that. So go check it out. It's three days. And yeah, it's an investment. That's $400 for a weekend. Yeah, it's. Right now the early bird is 197 for the regular ticket and 397 for the VIP. And yeah, you know how much I spent for the last immersion that I went to $9,000. I spent 800 for the first Tony Robbins thing I went to. And I didn't have the money. I invested 10,000. I mean, I invested a lot in my growth. So I don't know where you're at. Everyone's different places financially. But for me, the most important thing I can spend my money on, hands down, is my own growth or the growth of those that I love. And when Candace and I sit around fantasizing what we want to do with money. It's like we're going to bring this person to this event with us and we're going to do that for that person and help everyone grow. Because that's just what to me, that's the most, you know, I could buy a thing, I could have a car or something, a fancy car, or I could feel more energized, more powerful, more confident, more alive, better relationships, better success, better, you know, business, better everything. To me, it's a no brainer to invest in myself. So Confidence University is an in depth program. That's a great place to start if you want to go step by step by step and get the guidance from a home study course. And then the Mastermind program is a year long immersion. If you want to just completely change everything and invest for a year of your time, your energy, your focus, that's a huge experience. I talk more about that at the event too. Okay. Those are the comments about the lag. Maybe it's still happening. It's good now. Ah, See, problems just solve themselves in life when you ignore them. What religion do I follow? That's a fun one. Choose your own adventure. I suppose I was raised as a Muslim, kind of. I don't think my, my family, my nuclear family, my dad and mom were like super, you know, adhering to it. So I go to like the EID ceremonies twice a year and there's kind of more of a cultural religion than it was like a spiritual religion. Right? It's kind of this is the culture that we follow, this is the food that we eat, this is the places that we go and that kind of thing. I didn't have like a spiritual experience. I was an atheist actually. When I started having chronic pain when I was 15, I shut down in my heart and I didn't even really have a connection with anything bigger. But I, whatever could have been there was shut down. I was like, I'm alone, you know, it's God's fault. And I just shut down, became an atheist. And then seven, six, seven years later, I was 21. I had a mentor named Marcelino, who I'm forever grateful for. I think I want to get him on my podcast if I can. Amazing man. But he was just like really into all kinds of things. He introduced me to Burning man, he introduced me to Santo Daime religion. And he also took me on a journey at a lighthouse near Santa Barbara with some antheogenic medicines and psilocybin. And that was a profound experience for me. And I had a Sense of, like, I tapped into, you know, universal energy, the. The force that is interconnecting all things at once. And there's no way to describe it, but I just, like, felt it. All of a sudden I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I don't. I know nothing. And that. That catalyzed a, what, 17 year, endless fascination. And here's the fascinating thing about spirituality is, you know, I started with, like, I want to learn confidence. I started with, I want to get a girlfriend. That's where I started when I was 21. Like, enough of this, enough of this. I got to get. I got to get a girlfriend. And so I did, and I started to practice this stuff and the stuff I talked about in Santa Barbara. And then it became, wow, I want to be more confident public speaking. And then I want to be more confident talking to anybody. Social confidence. And then I want to have the confidence to have a relationship, and then I want to have the confidence to start a business, and then I want to have the confidence to lead a team. And it's progressively growing. But what I discovered was, if you're as obsessed with confidence as I am, you start to reach a level where there's a ceiling on how confident I can be about me, and you start to discover that, like, there's a greater source of confidence. And then you start to crack into, like, spiritual confidence. You know, how do you have a sense of faith in life? How do you have a sense of a philosophy that life is happening for you, not against you, not to you? How do you access higher states of gratitude and love and magic and wonder and awe? Awe. How do you find a deeper sense of purpose beyond just getting the things that you want? To me, the blur between psychology and spirituality fell away. The distinction, I should say, fell away. I'm a fan of Taoism. I love all the religions I listen to sermons, Muslim sermons, Christian sermons. I love all that stuff. Okay, that's a big room. Too much depth. I'm sorry. Maybe next time I'll do this in a closet. How long should you look at someone when they're not looking to get their attention? There's a lot of ways to interpret that question. Maybe you could get their attention in a different way. Hey, how's it going? What you up to? Instead of just, like, mad, dogging them from the corner, hanging by the bar, putting out the vibe, you could give them some hair flips. Depends. Stream is healthy again. Boom. Well done. Eye contact tips, please. Oh, man, this is great. We do a lot of exercises in the supremely confident Conversation Master event. By the way, if you're coming to that event, if you already had a ticket, put it in the chat, say yes or I'm coming or something. I'm excited to be with you in those three days. But we're going to do a lot of exercises around because there's only a certain amount of teaching about and talking about eye contact that I can tell you. And then there's the doing and we're going to do it. You might say, can you really do that online? Yes, we can. We have. We've experienced with this. I've done this. I've created this. There's a way to break through. Because here's the thing about eye contact. There's a way to like, okay, I'm going to come up with a perfect eye contact strategy. I'm going to hold eye contact for 3.6 seconds and then I'm going to look away for two and we'll come back and that's the right. And now you're all in your head and really, what's going on? When we're afraid to make eye contact, we're having challenges. Eye contact, problems with eye contact, there's just a couple major things that are happening. One is some level of shame. When you feel shame, it's hard to make eye contact with people. And you might be experiencing some level, high or low level of shame, of toxic, persistent shame that makes it hard to make eye contact with a lot of people. Or when you're around someone that you think is powerful or better than you or more attractive than you or something, you feel shame, you feel not enough, you feel less than. And it's hard to make eye contact with that person. So the real problem is not an eye contact strategy. It's not eye contact tips. The real problem is your core confidence in your sense of self and who you are and the value that you add into the world. Which is why anytime, and we do this the whole day, first day of conversation Master is like, you can't learn tips and tricks without that core confidence. Otherwise, it's just like a bunch of piecemeal strategies that you're trying to fake and you can't do them very well. Whereas if you get that solid confidence, like, of course people want to be my friend, of course people want to talk to me. Of course I add value. Of course I'm lovable. Of course, when you get into that state, you can just look at someone in the eye. And then the next thing I would say about eye contact Is the reason we have hard time with it if it's not. Shame is fear of connection, fear of intimacy, fear of being seen and known. I have a fear that when you look at me, you're going to, like, see into me emotionally, energetically. You're going to kind of peer into my soul and there's shame still. Right? Like, I don't want you to see there. I don't want to. I don't feel connected. That's kind of. The shame is still the root of that one too. And so we're kind of distant and removed. And what we got to do is we gotta. We gotta burn through that. So we're gonna give you some exercises at the event again. So if you want to do this on your own, I mean, literally, it's gonna be like practicing holding eye contact longer than you probably ever have. So if you want to get a buddy to do this with, put a timer on and hold eye contact for two minutes and don't say anything. And you might say, that's ridiculous and stupid. I'm not gonna do that. Well, okay. How much do you want freedom? Because that was my motto from the very beginning. I didn't have a word for it at the time or a phrase for it, a pithy phrase, but now I do. And the motto is whatever works and whatever it takes. That's been my motto for years. That's what the motto I bring to any challenge I'm facing in life, Any next level of growth, any place that I want more confidence, whatever works, whenever it takes. So find someone, buddy up and look at him for two minutes. And if you want a structured environment where you can practice that, then consider coming to the event, too. Speaking of that. One second. I'm going to pull this up right here. For those of you who want. I just posted it in the chat if you want to get the early bird for the event. Okay. All right. All right, let me switch over to the other place here that's still going. Comments. Okay, let me see. Can I see the comments over here? How come I can only see, like, two of them? Okay, well, I guess I'm gonna be looking at those comments later. Okay, let me answer a few questions that people emailed in before Dr. Z's. My biggest problem is consistency. I do meditation and journaling every day, so I keep confidence top of mind. I also try to do comfort zone challenges regularly, but then after a couple of months, I lose motivation and energy. I get tired of my habits and just feel like slacking off. What's Your best tips for being consistent and staying motivated. You lack discipline. No. So I think this is pretty common with any habit, whether it's a physical thing or a confidence thing or anything is we have some fire and the juice starts to wear away. So some tips on that one would be to keep a specific habit contained to a certain period of time. Like a 30 day challenge. For the next 30 days, I'm gonna blank, right? And then you just do it. And then what happens is you get to switch it after 30 days to something different so it doesn't get stagnant. Because sometimes the excitement or the energies around doing the new thing, but then you just keep doing the same thing again and again. It doesn't have the same. Same juice. So switch it up. Another thing would be to link the behavior or the habit or the action to something that really is meaningful for you, that really juices you. So it's not just like, I should do this, it's like, what does this bring to my life? Why do I want this and stay associated to that? So, you know, and is it possible? Can you think long term and short term? Why do I want to do this for the short term benefit, and why do I want to do this for the long term benefit? So short term, so I've been doing cold showers for a long time. Short term benefit of doing the cold shower is no matter what state I go into that thing, when I come out, I'm more expansive, more energized. I'll instantly feel better. That's short term, long term. Why I do it consistently is because I've linked this to discomfort tolerance, which is one of the most powerful skills you can master. I talk about in my book, not nice. And being willing and able to go into discomfort on purpose opens up all kinds of doors in your life. And this is a physical training of that and a mental, emotional conditioning of that every single day. And so I've linked that to freedom, to expansiveness, to liberation. So I want to keep doing it. So can you link those discomfort tolerance or the comfort zone challenges to something bigger? And if you want to get even more fuel, link it to something bigger beyond you. So if it's like, if I do this challenge, then I'm gonna get a girlfriend, like, that could be enough for me. That was at the beginning, but if you could link it to like, wow, if I could do this challenge, actually it wasn't enough. After a little while. The reason I started continuing to approach women and practice my confidence and stuff was like, this isn't just about getting a girlfriend, it soon became this is about freedom. This is about me being able to say what I want, do what I want, be who I want, no matter who is around, and being free from that fear and that crushing, oppressive strangulation of what they're going to think of me. I want to break free of that. Can you feel the fuel there? That's endless fuel. And that fuel has lasted to today. I still love to liberate myself and others. So can you link it to something that lasts? Link it to something really meaningful that's your values or who you want to be or how you want to help people. You can do all those things now. You got like perpetual rocket fuel. Okay. Kelsey says she's super excited for the event. Yes. Yeah, it's gonna be so fun. Like if you've never been to one of these online immersions, it's so much happens, you will be. That's such a transforming environment. You may say, well, I'm on a computer screen. I'm not there. Like, no, here's the thing though. You got to commit to like be there. Not just like, I'm gonna watch it on my phone while I'm doing something else. Like no, no, like be there on the screen and stationary and engaged. And you will absolutely be immersed in a powerful experience. And what I do with this event and all my events is they're immersive and they're experiential. So we're gonna do a lot. We're not just gonna talk about stuff. I want you to feel and be different by the end of it. By the end of the first day. Really? Okay. Okay. Oh, this is a great one. What's the difference between I want this person to laugh at my jokes and I want to bring value by making this person laugh. Since in both cases you're pressuring yourself to make her laugh. Yeah, yeah. What if I don't need to make anyone do anything? What if I want to be playful? What if. Okay, this is a powerful thing when it comes to humor. The most powerful way to be funny is to be self amusing. Be delighted, be amused by yourself. And that kind of gets a bad rap, you know, the person who thinks their own jokes are funny and no one else does. Yes. You could take that too far. You could be totally disconnected. But if you're in rapport in your connection and you're amusing yourself and. But not like, you know, hahaha, I'm mocking all of you people, they're not gonna, you know, but if you're like you're amused and you're inviting them to join you in that. Like what I'm doing right now, I'll laugh at my own things that I say. I'm amusing myself and I'm inviting you to join me in being amused. And I don't know, I can't see you. Maybe you're mean, mugging the screen. Like, why is this guy being playful? Shut up and be serious. I thought you're a doctor, you know, like, okay, that's okay. But I don't need you to do anything. The second I need you to laugh or I need you to smile or I need you to like me, I'm putting this energetic pressure upon you that you're going to feel and want to get away from. And so our goal is to emit energy and humor and who we are and let it go wherever it goes. It's like the sun, it just emits its light. The sun's not like flower. Are you growing? Are you growing? Am I doing a good enough job? Am I a worthy star? Or should I just collapse into a dwarf? I'm nothing. I knew it. Those other stars are better. What are some of the huge one? Have you seen Betelgeuse? That thing's like 10 million times bigger than me. I'm pathetic, right? No, the sun is just doing its thing and you and I are no different than that. We might think we are because we have this whole personality and this thing that we got to defend and our ego and all that stuff. But underneath, we're the same life force as that. We're just here to emit, to share, to be, to create, to contribute, to grow things around us by just shining who we are. Okay, let's check some of the email questions. Okay. Prabhat, my man, you typed in you're here live and you emailed the question. These are long ones though, so let me see if I can. Okay. When I face. He's from India. Welcome man. Good to have you here. When I face a rich person, a boss, a senior, a beautiful educated girl, I start feeling low self esteem, fear, feeling inferiority, uneasy. Why do I feel like that somewhere? It's in my subconscious defense mechanism automatically. Low self esteem. Okay. There's a lot there. How do I be more confident on people that I think are better than me? Is what I'm guessing with this question. So the answer to that is not a one liner. The answer to that is transformation. Transformation of your identity. How you see yourself, who you believe you are in the world, your identity Is made up of how you see yourself and how you imagine others see you. So when you feel low self esteem around these other people, you're imagining that they see you as less than you see yourself as less than you see yourself as low on the worthiness of humans totem pole. And the solution is to transform your identity so you see yourself higher on that totem pole. So how do we do that? Well, the five steps ebook that I have on my website, drzeez.com, that's going to be great steps to guide you through that. But some of those are to change the way that you treat yourself and talk to yourself. You probably have a very toxic inner coach that is constantly reinforcing the story. I suck, I'm a loser. I'm less than them. They won't like me. I'm no good. Even when you're not around them, it's probably going on all the time. I call that fire your toxic inner coach. It's one of the first steps in the ebook. And if you don't have it, by the way, go to drz.com and just type in your email and you'll get the ebook right away. Another one in there is do what scares you. Because we don't just transform by like talking nice to ourself and then hiding in the closet. You have to change the way you treat yourself and then go take bold action. And so start small. There's the gradual exposure approach where you, you know, if, wow, talking to that person is just overwhelming to me. They're so powerful, they're so rich, or they're so beautiful. Okay, we'll start with someone who's like less intimidating and go be a little bolder with them. Look to look to build up to that over a couple of months. Right? But, but don't. It doesn't like, oh my gosh, I've had this problem for 20 years, so it's gonna take me 20 years. No, couple of months. But not overnight. Right. It's in between. It can be more rapid than you think. But you got to get into that motion, got to get in the habit. You got to take that action. And then over time, you're gonna raise your confidence, raise your perception of yourself, raise your self esteem by treating yourself better. What is the story that you most repeatedly tell yourself about why you're not enough? I'm not just asking you that probably. I'm asking everyone. Candace shows up as me. I've seen she says, hey, baby Aziz. That's how I talk to myself. You guys want to know Good self talk. That's what I say to myself. I say, hey, baby, you're looking good. Heart. No. I've seen a few comments here about anxiety showing up in the body dysfunction. It's great. I'm going to get to that in a second. So. But that's a very powerful question for us all to ask ourselves. What is the story that you most consistently tell yourself about why you're not enough, about why you're unlikable or not as valuable as those people? And then what comes up? Is it the most dominant cultural stories of where you live? I'm not rich enough, I'm not thinking thin enough, I'm not muscular enough, I'm not funny enough, I'm not confident enough. I'm not. I'm too hairy, I don't have enough hair. I'm too short, I'm too timid, whatever it is. And then the next question would be, is, why are you continuing to defend that story? Why do you keep doing it? The answer might be, well, because if I tell myself I'm too timid, then I'll beat myself enough and feel terrible enough that I'll become bold. What? You know, it's like I want my kid to be more confident, so I'm going to tell him he's a loser every day. Some solid parenting advice, right? No, we know that doesn't work. So why become really curious about that? No one can save you from that story. No one can eradicate it for you, not even me. Only you can liberate yourself. And it starts with becoming really curious and inquiring and saying, huh, I wonder what's going on there. I can give you some clues from my own experience and working with lots of clients on this. I talk about this in my book, the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. The primary reason we have the story is because when we believe that story, it prevents us from taking action. Our safety police locks us into a place of stability, certainty, safety, security, not taking risks. And so as much as we hate it, as much as we want things to be different, we don't want things to be different more than we want that security. That's why I started this whole call. If you haven't watched this video from the very beginning, like, we're here to learn. Are you ready? Are you ready to let go of some of those old things that kept you stable and safe to get something new and create something new? Okay, some comments about anxiety showing body dysfunctions. What does that mean? Like they have body anxiety or they're having pain. It looks like my stream quality has gone into the crapper again. But I'm going to keep going on this one, and we'll figure out the tech next time. Oh, gosh, Rebecca, my heart. Why can't I stop being boring when I'm around people? Okay, okay, all right, all right. We're gonna. We're gonna improve that question. That's. That's what we would call a low quality question, right? If we insert a low quality input into this computer, it's gonna output a bad answer. Why am I such a loser? You're gonna get some bad answers because this, because that. It's all gonna keep you stuck. Why can't I stop being boring when around people is going to perpetually lock you into being boring? So boring can come in another ways. And look, I'm. You guys got to come to the event, the conversation master event, because we're going to talk a lot about how to be more interesting and engaging in conversations. So boring can come from a couple of things. One, you can be boring when your filters are up too high. You actually have a lot to say. You're actually a very interesting person, but your filters come up. So when you're around a best friend or you're with your dog, or you're just kind of open and free and playful, and all of a sudden you get around certain people and you're like, well, I don't know if they're gonna like that. So I'm just gonna be really quiet and really boring. Another reason we're boring is because we're afraid to take up space. And so instead of telling you an interesting story about my weekend, you say, how are you doing? How was your weekend? I say, good. It makes me kind of boring. Instead of saying, oh, it was great. I did this, I did that. Makes me know, here, let me come into my world. I'm gonna share about. No, I don't want to share about me. They're not going to think it's interesting. So we keep perpetuating that story. I'm not interesting. And then. So we act like we're not interesting. I'll tell more stories about this at the event. But there was. There was a guy that I worked with. He was like, ah, nothing much happened today. And it turns out what happened that day was absolutely fascinating, and I'll share more. And I pulled it out of him. And I was like, why didn't you start with that? And he's like, oh, that's just a normal work day for me. I was like, well, yeah, lead with that. So you're probably having your filters up too high. And the last thing I'll say is sometimes we come bored is boring. So sometimes we're not that interested in others and then they're not that interested in us. It's like this cycle. Conversations are actually not less about what you say and your stories and your all that stuff. It's way more. Conversations are an energy exchange and they feed off of attention and you being expressive. Those are the two forces that drive a conversation and make it engaging, memorable, fun, interesting. And so if you have a problem giving your attention to other people and when we have a lot of social anxiety, we're actually terrible at giving our attention to others. We become extremely self absorbed. Are they going to think about me? What are they going to think about me? Are they going to like this? I don't know about that. Oh my gosh, am I coming across okay? What am I going to say next? We're also very judgmental when we're anxious. They're doing that. I don't know about that person. Why do they think this? Are people respecting me? That person's not disrespectful, whatever. And then we're our attention. Remember the sun example shining its light. It's diminished by 50, 60, 80%. And so people feel less attended to by us and they're less interested in us. The cycle gets broken. Okay, let's talk about pain. Oh my God, there's so many good questions. Okay, let me just say we're gonna do another one of these real soon. I don't even know, maybe even next week. And this is really. There's so much good stuff here. Maybe in a couple weeks. I don't know. Physical pain. Yes, the vast majority of physical pain, reoccurring pain, chronic pain, even things that you think of as injuries, not structural in origin, they're emotional. The dysfunctions appear as physical ailments. So excessive niceness can lead to stomach problems, back problems, throat problems, jaw problems, tinnitus, ringing in your ears, foot problems, shoulder, frozen shoulder. All these things. Excessive fear can lead to those same things. You might say, well, what kind of fear? I'm not like living in a war zone. No, the chronic hyper arousal of your autonomic nervous system. The fight or flight or freeze or. Please, system is running at all hyperdrive. And there's never a relief, there's never a relax. And so it builds and it builds and it starts to create chronic tension in your body. And that can create some of the most obscenely painful symptoms. And I know this from firsthand. I started having intense chronic pain when I was 15 years old. I took a medication to manage it for almost 16 years. And it wasn't until I discovered all this stuff that I got completely off all the medication and eradicated the chronic pain. And it still comes back here and there, But I know what's going on when it's occurring now. So, man, that's a rabbit hole. If you're not a fan, if you're not listening to my podcast, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com absolutely free. Hundreds of episodes, and in there, there's a number of them. There's probably five or six that deal with pain. My story's about it. Me interviewing people that have changed my life. Coaches, authors, other things. So if you experience back pain, ongoing pains, man, man, freedom is possible, and it is so amazing. And also, look, if in your city or in your area, there's someone who practices network, a chiropractor who practices network spinal or network care, it's a very different kind of care. They don't align you and kind of structurally do anything to you. They're basically awakening your body's natural healing mechanisms and triggering that relaxation response. It's the gentlest touches in the world. Sometimes not even touching you, and it will shift you over a period of time. I've been working one of those guys for about seven months. His name is Ian Chambers. He's amazing. I just interviewed him for my podcast, which is coming out, I think, in a week or two. And then the guy, Donny Epstein, that I was doing the week long with is the founder of that. And that guy's amazing. You want to check out his stuff, too. I have a neck injury which limits my mobility, and I'm wondering if I should go get a job to work or go see a physical therapist until I'm ready to go back to work. I don't pay. My insurance does. I would question again, everything here. This is not medical advice. I should have started this. I should have started this thing with this. Everything I'm saying here is not psychological advice. We're not here to treat any sort of psychiatric condition or offer any guidance or treatment. And this is not medical advice. This is a dude on the Internet saying some stuff. So you are fully responsible for your own life, your own choices, and whatever you take what I'm saying here as, this is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Now, having said that, I would become really curious. For me, I'll become really Curious about the injury in my neck. What kind of injury? How long ago? People will have a thing that says, I hurt myself when I was playing football. And you said, great. When did you hurt yourself? When I was in high school. And they're 40 years old. So this injury has lasted 25 years. Well, it comes and it goes. That's your first warning. It comes and it goes. Look, if you tore your meniscus, if you effed yourself up playing a sport, it wouldn't come and go. You would just be in pain. If you broke your arm, it's like, well, the pain comes and it goes. No, it's there until it heals. Most pain is a focal point for us to discharge all of that emotional energy. I could go on for this for like 19 hours around this. I'm going to limit it that. But I would become really curious about that injury and start to get really curious. Am I. Are you perfectionistic? Are you overly nice? Where are you not speaking your truth? What are you avoiding? What is the message in the pain? If it was saying, I don't like something in my life right now, what would it be saying? If it's saying something needs to be different right now, what is it saying? Is it saying you have too much stability, too much control, too much avoidance in your life? Is it saying you need to speak up in a new way? I don't know. Those are some questions. Okay. Oh, my gosh. I have an appointment at 4, but I'm gonna stay a little bit later. Let me message that person and tell them I'm gonna be a few minutes late because I'm rocking with you guys. So we're gonna stay a little bit longer. If you're wondering how much longer we're gonna go. Okay, there we go. I got about 10 more minutes, y', all. So we're gonna keep rocking and rolling. I'll just talk twice as fast. Okay. Russ, I'm really looking forward to the live event this afternoon. My question for you is about self compassion and eliminating the dirty fuel of negative self talk. As I've been practicing self kindness over self judgment, there are often times when my mind creates messages of self doubt and negative thoughts which have become a barrier for me to move forward. What advice would you give me to help me move forward in a positive way? Yeah. Okay, so he's talking about dirty fuel. I talk about this in my book on my own side. Your fuel is how you motivate yourself. And if you say like, come on, you loser, go do it, maybe you'll Go do it. But that's dirty fuel, right? It's mucking up your engine, it doesn't feel very good versus something that's more kind, more supportive, probably how you treat someone in your life that you love. So he's asking, how do I use more of that better fuel? And I notice I kind of go into self doubt and negative thoughts sometimes. Self doubt and negative thoughts are not even a fuel. They're an anti fuel. They're a barrier designed to prevent you from taking action. So dirty fuel would be like, come on, you got to be more, what's wrong with you? That's dirty fuel. Clean fuel would be like, I got this or you got this or I'm awesome or I'm inspired or I want to help these people today. Right? That's clean fuel, optimal fuel. And then the other thing though, doubt and self judgment and self criticism and negative thoughts might not be fuel at all. I can't do this. I'm not enough people aren't going to like me. It's not going to work out. I'm a loser. That's not fuel. That's like an anchor. That's the safety police. That part is designed to prevent you from taking the action. So if you were to answer that question, I saw that was a question earlier, how do you deal with doubt? So the key thing is to name it for what it is. Ah, this is the safety police. This is the part of me that's trying to downsize my life to keep me totally safe, totally away from risk and uncertainty. Once you've named it, you start to have more power. The second thing is to say the stories of the safety police are not true. They're a propaganda campaign to keep me from taking action and making change. They're there to preserve the status quo. So you start to not instantly buy into them. The next thing to do is to challenge what the safety police says you can't do. So the question to ask yourself then is to say, if I could do it, what would I do if I didn't? If I thought I was plenty enough, what would I do if I thought, you know, the voice is like, you're ugly, you know you're not good enough. Say if I was, if I was good enough and I was beautiful, what would I do? And what that unlocks for you is the behavior to do is the action to take. And if you can't do that, it feels too out of your reach. Pick a lesser action. In the same vein, one other thought about the negative stuff is sometimes I like to talk about like this, I talk about this a lot in my mastermind group. It's just a channel on the remote. So this is like this controls light switch in my office. Like if I press on, on channel four, I will, I will turn on certain feature that could be your negative thinking and your self doubt. Boom. I'm on channel four. There it is. I can hear it now. I'm not enough and I'm a loser. We tend to turn on Channel 4 when our energy level is low. When we're in a low emotional state, we're less resourceful state. And so one of the best things you can do is say ah, I'm on channel four. That's a signal not to go into channel four content and be like, okay, I guess I gotta fix everything in my life. And I guess I am terrible and I guess it's awful. And you get in the hypnotic trance. No, it's a signal to say, whoa, I'm on channel four. That's a signal that I need to elevate my energy. I need to. What resource am I low on right now? Do I need sleep? Do I need some food? Do I need to talk to a friend? Do I need to get outside and breathe some fresh air? Let me focus on elevating my emotional state, my energetic state. There's no solution from here. If you're in a super doubtful state. There's no solution of courage in there. You got it. You got to shift where you're at and then the answer will come to you. Okay. Donna. I'm from Australia. Welcome from Australia. I love how people from all over the world are watching. This is so fun. My 15 year old nephew is socially very shy. He can't make eye contact when talking to people. Any tips on guiding him would be greatly appreciated. Yeah, I mean, dude, turn him onto this, this YouTube channel. Can you just send him like a video? I mean he's 15. The kids, you know, they're all. He's like YouTube, that's for old people. I'm on Tick Tock. I don't know, whatever. But you know, give him, send him a YouTube video of mine. Maybe get him into the my website, have him download the ebook, turn them onto my podcast, Buy him as a gift. The solution to social anxiety. My first book, like can you give him some resource? Because once he starts to get a taste, I mean that book could be really powerful. The solution to social anxiety. He might really like that. Because you know, getting plugged in to this kind of resource is really going to be what's going to transform his life. And maybe the way you deliver the resource might be helpful too. So if you go to him and say, hey, I, you know, I experience. Instead of being like, listen, I know, I noticed that you're a shy loser. Read this book. Like, no, just being like, hey, you know, I noticed that sometimes I'm shy or I feel anxious. And I found this guy, he's got some great material. Maybe you'd like it. It's really helping me. Right, because now there's connection there. Now you're together. As opposed to like saying you need to do this because you got a problem. Right. So, yeah, that's how I do it. By the way, I encourage that for everyone here. Don't keep me a secret. Share. If you benefited from something I'm teaching, please share with other people. Share my YouTube channel or the podcast or other things. I'm on a mission here. It's called Operation Mass Liberation and it's to reach as many people as I can, to find all those people who think I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, this will never work for me. Who are trapped in the cage of social anxiety and self doubt so they can break free and become more bold and free and outrageously confident and expressive. That's what I want. And I want to do that with enough people that we actually transform the culture all over the world where people can make eye contact, they can feel equal, they can love who they are, they can connect deeper and have more authentic, better relationships. That's what I want. So if you want to support in that and create this movement together here, then share with other people. Shy loser. That's me. That's all of us, baby. All of us got a shy loser in there. We just gotta love that part up because you. We all have a shy loser in there. And we all have a badass force of nature who can just fucking rip open the roof. We all got all those parts inside of us. We got a playful part, we got an expressive part. We got a bold part. We got a timid part. We got an overly sensitive part. We got a tender part. We got a loser part. We got a winner part. The question is, which one's driving the bus most of the time? Who's in your crew? Who do you go to? What channel do you go on? Okay, I got five more minutes here. How do you deal with anxiety between dates and wondering if they still like you and worrying that you'll screw up the next date? Ah, yes. So what can Happen is you can have a great experience on a date. And if you're having a good experience on a date, what's going on? Well, you're out of your head. You're not focused on yourself. You're focused on the other person. You're enamored with them. You think they're beautiful or they're sexy or they're smart or they're interesting. Maybe all four. And you're engaged and you're enjoying it. And you know, if it's going well, then they're probably enjoying you too, right? And remember I said earlier, conversations are not about what you say and the stories you tell and the content. And there's a little bit. It's a tiny piece. The vast purpose and experience of a conversation is an energetic exchange of attention and expressiveness. I am me doing this dance that I do as a human, and I'm giving energy to you because I'm interested in you. And you're doing the same. And we feed off it and it feels great. And you have a fantastic day. And you're like, yes, I feel awesome. You're charged up. You're in a high energy state. Then you leave. And then your mind says, that felt really good. I want that again. Because that's what our mind does. If something's good, we want to do it again. And then our mind says, that was really good, I want to do it again. How can I control to make sure that I get to do it again? And then we're screwed. Because now it goes out of love, connection, growth, interest, exchanging connection. And it goes into, how do I control? How do I control this person? How do I make them mine? How do I text just the right thing in just the right way so that she's helpless and has to respond to me? And there's a whole disturbing industry online about that. You know the exact one thing to do to mind control that person into wanting to be with you. And that's just people are too scared to be real and vulnerable and put yourself out there 100% and say, this is what I got. This is who I am. Do you want more? And yes, you're not in control. You don't know. And so when your mind is grasping at it, say, yeah, my mind wants to control the situation. You're also probably going into a more familiar energy state where it's like anxious, intense, and you were kind of expansive for a while with that person. And you go back in and I'd say, okay, great, I'm in this. I'm on channel two, which is the contracted channel. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to focus on expanding my energy, being who I am, focusing on what I'm engaged in. My life and fully living right now. My life is not dependent upon that person's approval. Yes, that energy exchange felt great and I sure hope there's more. And you know what? If not with them, there's someone else. Because a lot of the anxiety comes from a story of. But that person, the exchange of energy and their attention is the greatest thing in the universe. And if it's not them, no one else can, no one else will work. And that's not true. That's absolutely not true. It's a story of scarcity. There's an abundance of love available. You can feel love from that person, from other people, from the universe, from the sun, from life, from family, from a pet. They're not the source. What if you're the source? Okay, man, I don't want to go, but I'd be keeping this other person waiting for 15 minutes. And so we're going to be concluding this. We're gonna, we're gonna leave the party while it's still hot. That's what we do. And I'll be doing more of these. So if you're not on my email list, go to draziz.com and get on there. You'll get the ebook as well. Five steps to unleash your inner confidence. And you'll also be aware when I'm going to do these things and if you are not signed up for Supremely confident Conversation Master. I'm going to recommend it one more time. The Early Bird. Now is the time to do it because the Early Bird special is going for just three more days until March 1st and then it goes up to the full price where the full price is 497 for the ticket. Early bird is 197. So you're saving like 60%. So now would be the time to do it. I mean right now it's available from everywhere. You can do it as long as you have. If you're watching this, you have the Internet, you can join. Why not? Why not just take a leap, take a bet on you and say, yeah, I'm gonna change this stuff. I'm gonna hang out with this guy as he's for three days and this amazing group of people that are coming together and I'm gonna see what happens. And if you come in open minded, without expectations, without, you know, and letting, being willing to let go of some of those stories that you've had. And with a little bit of courage, man, so much can change for you. And if you've been like studying this stuff, like listening to my books or podcasts or reading things and studying and studying and studying and studying, and you're improving a little bit, but you're still feeling mostly low self esteem and low confidence, like, you can change this. You can transform this. That's what the game that I'm playing is, identity transformation. Where you're no longer seeing yourself as a shy person or a shy loser or low confidence. Like you're seeing yourself as bold, as expressive, as free, as alive, as desirable, as capable, as lovable. And then the beauty of it is then you can really expand to what you're really here to do and share what you're really here to give and connect in the ways you're really meant to connect. And life can just get better and better and better. That's what I want for you. So we will connect again. Thank you so much for being with me. You guys are awesome. Until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. All right, I'll talk to you soon.