Be Your Most Confident Self Now

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome today's episode of the show. Today we're going to talk about how you can be the most confident version of you right now. I know this is something that you might be working on or working towards or practicing by listening to this show, by maybe reading some of my books or learning other things and applying them. And, you know, you're on this path to becoming a freer, bolder, more confident version of you. And in this episode, I really want to open your mind up to a new perspective in which, yes, you are working on it, yes, you are moving towards it. And it is a process that is true. And at the same time, you're already there. That version of you already exists. And so there's nothing to do. It's just. You can just be that version and both can be true simultaneously. And it's a little bit of a counterintuitive or paradox thing. And so you don't want to collapse into like, is it A or B? I don't know. It's A and B, right? It's like, if you're. You ever heard anything about physics or quantum physics. There was that whole confusion when they were trying to study light and photons of light at the smaller and smaller levels, and they got better and better technology to observe it. They said, well, is light made up of particles like photon, little bits that are moving through the universe, or waves like sound, like water? And it's like, well, it's both. Depends on how you measure it. And it's real. If you try to read it and understand. It's kind of like, huh, Wha. And the reason it's so confusing is because the world does not conform to our logical this or that discerning mind. The mind is a tool, but the mind doesn't grasp this existence. And so both things can be true. Multiple perspectives can be true at the same time. It just depends on what lens you're looking at it through. Right. So keep staying in this process. Keep taking action over time, effort over time, leaning into your edge, iterative improvement. That is all true. And you're already there. Let's talk about that right now. And this is fitting timing because we are getting really close to my next three day virtual event you might have heard about in the last episode. We are at the tail end of the super early Bird tickets. Depending on when you're catching this, it might be in the early bird stage. Regardless, it is absolutely worth it. It's absolutely worth it at the full price tickets too, because these three days can be completely life changing for you. It's called the ultimate confidence breakthrough and we're going to demolish that power of rejection that it has over you so you can just step forward in your life. Imagine what it'd be like to be free of the fear of rejection, of disapproval, of what other people think of you, of embarrassment. I mean, that's probably part of your most confident version of you, right? Well, imagine being able to step into that faster and more than ever before. That's what that weekend is about. You can go to draziz.com that'S-R-A z I z.com and click on the Events tab and. And there you can get yourself the ticket by clicking on the link on that page. So how can you just be this version of you now? Well, first let's get access to that version of you, this most confident version of you. And this was coming about, I was working with a client on this and you know, he was saying, hey, you know, some days I just doubt myself a lot and I tell myself I'm never gonna make it. And I, you know, who am I? I don't deserve to have these things that I want. And as I saw him kind of go into this pattern, I thought, man, how much time and energy can we spend doing this? Where we go into do I deserve it or not? And the voice of my doubt says I can't. And now I'm going to spend a lot of time battling that doubt and trying to get myself to feel and think and believe that I deserve it. But I don't feel like I deserve it. So I got to work on that until I feel like I deserve it. And then can you just feel it? Can you just feel your energy go like, ugh. I mean, how much energy, enthusiasm do you have to go work on trying to feel worthy and good enough so that I deserve things, so that I can have the relationships that I want, like, blur. And so I Said, okay, okay, let me get clarity here with you. Let's just say you were already there and you already did deserve things. That wasn't even on the question on the table. Like, you deserve things. Because he was saying, like, okay, I know down the road, I can maybe get to this confident version of you. I said, what if you were already at that confident version of you? What if you were already there? What if you were, you know, it's a year from now or two years from now, who knows how long, Right? But you're there. And that's the most confident version of you, the most bold version of you. The person that just doesn't care what other people think of you. And you're just here you are, sharing, giving, doing, creating, enjoying your life. He said, yeah, okay. I was like, great, tell me about that guy and his kind of shoulders rolled back. He was sitting up straighter. And he said, well, that guy. I mean, that guy just says what he thinks. I said, great. What else? And he said, well, he just. He doesn't care what other people think. He just says what he wants and he goes after what he wants. And he believes in himself and he likes himself and he's bold. And I was like, yeah, yes. And he kept going, kept going, kept going. But I also noticed there was a lot of energy there. There was a lot of powerful emotion there, but there was no specifics there. There was a lot of, like, he believes in himself. And. Yeah. And I was like, okay, this guy lives in concepts. He's either not believing himself or believing in himself, thinking he's worthy or not thinking he's worthy. And in some way, I mean, those emotional states and those beliefs do determine what you might do or not do in a day. Cause if you don't think you're worth it, you might not go for it. But in another way, they're just a big waste of energy and time and focus. Because it doesn't matter if you think you deserve it or you don't. If you take the action, you will get a result. So, you know, I asked him, well, what would you do? And he said, well, I said, what specifically would this guy do? And he said, well, he would ask the woman that he's interested in out or the woman that he. I forget his language was like, this woman that he's really into, he'd ask her out. I said, okay, great. He's like, yeah, but, you know, I have a son, and I was through a divorce, and I don't know if that's attractive to Her. And I tell myself she's not gonna like it. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. Who's this guy? I was talking to the other guy. I was talking to the guy who was already there, and he's like, oh, right, right. Well, yeah, I would just go ask her out. I was like, okay, great. What else would you do? And he's like, well, I would start my own podcast. You know, I have. He was in ed education. He's got all this experience, and he's got access to all these amazing people. And he's like, I could interview them. It would be. We could help so many people, and I'd be so passionate about it. I said, yeah, what else would he do? And he went on this huge list. He came up with about 10 different things that he would do if he was the most bold, confident version of himself right now. And I wonder what you would be doing. I wonder what your list might be, because we're not just talking about him, are we? Okay, good. So I asked him all that, and we came up with that list. And then I said, so if you were fully confident and you believed you deserve these things, you would do this stuff? And he's like, yes, I would. And I said, okay, so when can you start doing this stuff? And he paused and he said, but I don't think I deserve it. And I said, whether it is irrelevant to that woman, whether you think you deserve her attention or love or not, that's making it all about you, right? It's like, hey, I want to come talk to you. Why do you want to come talk to me? Well, I want to ask you a question. Oh, yeah? What do you want to ask me? I want to ask you if you think I'm worthy, you're deserving or not. It's like, what? Right? Like, that's not sexy. Like, what about asking her about her and being curious? And if you want to share, you know, share about your life and your passions in this podcast you want to create and what you're going to bring to the world, not some abstract evaluation of your worth. It doesn't matter, Right? It's sort of like saying it's a meaningless. It's an evaluation that doesn't in any way relate to whether you can have something or not. Right? It's like saying, I want to ask that person out, but I don't know if I can or not. And, like, well, why can't you? Well, I don't know If I have 7,000 nose hairs or 8,000 nose hairs. Why does that matter how many nose hairs? Well, because if someone has 7,000 nose hairs, then they're never going to have love in their lives. But if they have 8,000 or more nose hairs. I read this in an article, by the way. When you have 8,000 or more nose hairs, then it means you are a sex God or goddess and you're going to have the greatest love of your life. You can see how absurd that one is. I was trying to pull that one up on the spot. I think I was trying to pull up an absurd, irrelevant measurement to determine if you can have something in your life, and I came up with nose hairs. And I think that's a pretty dang good one. That was not premeditated. I'm pat myself on the back right now. Well done. Well done, Aziz. Okay, so it's irrelevant, you deserving it or not, you being good enough or smart enough or attractive enough or whatever. Enough. And I know it might seem really real, like this solid thing. And the only reason it seems real is because, a, you've been telling yourself it for a very long time. And we have this need to stay consistent with our own perceptions. And so you want to prove yourself right. You want to have a sense of certainty and stability and control, because to step out of control freaks you out. But newsflash, to have an extraordinary life, you need to step into the unknown. You need to go to the edge of chaos, which we're talking about in a future episode. You need to learn how to thrive at the edge of chaos, at the edge of uncertainty, of unknown. Because that. That's where change occurs. That's where growth occurs. That's where your life occurs within that space. And so you gotta be like, I don't know. I don't know how she's gonna respond. And me trying to base it on my nose hairs or my deservingness or my money or my appearance or whatever is me trying to get control. Because I don't want to experience one outcome, which is her saying no or rejecting me or not liking me. And so I'm gonna delay or avoid or hesitate or not even go for it in my life with her or with other opportunities. Because there's one outcome that I'm unwilling to experience, and that is a no or a rejection. And that's honestly, frankly, where most people are. They're diminishing their life and their possibilities and their opportunities because they don't want that one outcome, which, by the way, is the one thing, the first thing that we neutralize at the ultimate confidence breakthrough event is your fear of that rejection, Your fear of no. To get you to a place not where you never get rejected. I mean, that's a fantasy people have. It's like, I'm gonna be so confident. I'm gonna be so badass. I'm gonna deserve it. I'm gonna feel like I deserve it so much that through the laws of attraction and the power of the subconscious mind, I'm gonna attract everything I want into my life quickly and easily with no rejection. It's like, okay, well, I mean, there is something to that stuff. And the energetic with which you approach something and what you put out comes back to you. I believe a lot of that stuff. And you're still gonna get rejected. You still need to take action. You're gonna get no's when you take that action. And yes. So you're not just going to take one shot and get it. Boom. Send the bowling ball down the lane one time and get a strike every time. That's not how life works. You got to get rejected. The goal of that event is to not just tell you about it, but have you experience things with me and in the group that you now feel a sense of invincibility to rejection. Like, yes, this can. This can hit me, but it cannot break me. I am unbroken. You know, there's a phenomenal poem that I love that I'm going to share with you right now called Invictus by William Ernest Henley. Out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul and an unconquerable soul. My head is bloody but unbowed. So that. That's what we're accessing. Hopefully you're feeling it right now during this episode, and you get a sense of that. That's what we're accessing for three days of the Event. So you emerge from that. Not because if you're like, oh, I'm gonna get so good that no one rejects me. I'm gonna get more confident, so no one rejects me. You're not powerful. Then you're still scared. You're still running scared. True freedom comes when you say, bring it on. Head is bloody, but unbowed. Yes, let her say no. Yes, let them laugh at me. Yes, let me fail. But I will get back up because I am unconquerable. Because I am the captain of my fate. I am the master of my soul. Can you feel that? That? That is stepping into the boldest, most confident version of you now. And so you step into it now, you might hear that and say, oh my gosh, make this list of all these things I would do if I was my most confident self and do them. That's too hard, it's too scary, it's too risky, it's too terrifying, it's too much. And there are different approaches to this. Sometimes you gotta leap before you're ready. Sometimes life opportunities in life are time dependent and fortune favors the bold and you just gotta go for it. And having said that, you also want to balance that with being on your own side, being able to nurture yourself, being able to have some feminine energy where you can nurture, support, unconditional acceptance and love. It's not just all like blast through Navy SEAL David Goggins. Bleh. Right. You gotta have the balance there. So wisdom is being able to know which tool is right at which time. And so sometimes it isn't. You know, go ask that person out that you're terrified and oh my gosh, I have all these self doubts and I'm overwhelmed. Okay, well hold on a second. Scale it back. What is the next action that I can take that is in the service of that goal? So maybe that person's too overwhelming to ask out. I got too many stories there. Okay, let me create a dating profile. Okay, let me go talk to someone else that I'm attracted to. But maybe that doesn't intimidate me so much. Okay, let me walk down a busy area and give some women that I'm attracted to a compliment, a drive by compliment. I have people in my mastermind program that do this that are terrified. Like women are going to attack them because they're these scary monsters. It's like, okay, well you just walk down the street and you see a woman, you say, hey, nice boots. And you keep walking. You don't even stop because remember the scary monsters, they can attack you. So you just hustle by and you realize, wait a minute, she actually smiled. I bet she would have talked to me. Well, maybe the next time, right? So whatever it is, you see how I'M just throwing out a couple examples. In one area. You could say the same thing when it comes to your career, or speaking up in meetings, or being more direct and assertive in work or wherever you can look for that next small action that's within your range. And I call this the five pound weight. So the 50 pound weight is too much. It's not like, well, it's the 50 pound weight or it's nothing and believing in doubt and then just giving up. No, it's. You step into the most bold, confident version of you. You connect to that version. You say, man, that guy's throwing 50 pound weights around. And you say, okay, well, yes, I am him now or I'm her now. And you know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to do a five pound weight because that's what's reasonable, that's what I can handle. That's what's gonna get me to the next step. And if you move that five pound weight again and again and again, guess what? Now you're moving a ten pound weight around. You do that again and again and again, guess what? Well, you can follow that trajectory all the way up to £50 or more. So you, you get to steer, you get to choose. And so that confident version of you is accessible right now. And then you, maybe you'll step into that version of you for a couple minutes and maybe it is just a couple, maybe it's just a couple of seconds at first. And then that voice is like, yeah, but they're not gonna like you. And if you keep practicing this stuff though, then over time, what happens is you can stay in it a little bit longer. You can live as that version of you just a little bit longer. It's almost like a surfer who gets to be able to stand up on the board or a snowboarder or something. And you know you can stand up on the board just a little bit longer and then you fall over and you get a little bit longer and then you fall over. How do you extend the time that you stay up on the board, that you stay into this confident version of you? You practice. You practice being that version of you. So let's talk about how to do that right now in your action step. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step is going to be to stand tall. I recommend doing this once a day where you stand tall. You can't do this one sitting, can't do this one. Maybe you could do it in your car, I guess, but ideally you're standing, I want you to breathe in, Fill your belly, fill your chest. Put your chest out. Bring your shoulder blades together so you're almost like puffing your chest out. Your head is up, but your chin is kind of parallel to the ground, so you're looking at the horizon. And you just adopt this powerful pose, this pose of dignity and strength and respect, like you deserve to be here. And then put your arm or both arms out, like straight ahead of you or maybe even up, up and out, kind of above your head, but a little bit in front of you, as with your palms facing forward. And I want you to feel and sense that confident version of you from the future that already exists. They're already there. You're already there, almost. That version is coming back to you right now. And you get a sense of what does that version of me do? How does he move? How does he talk? What does she say? How does she carry herself? What does she believe? Breathe it into your chest. Breathe it into your body. Say yes. As you do this, feel and connect with that part of you. And then, boom, you're there. Now take action from that part. Now approach those people. Now speak up. Now send the email. Now go take care of the work tasks, whatever it is, and you're living as this version of you. And you stay in as long as you can. You fall out, that's okay. You get back in. And let's keep building this beautiful. Thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Foreign. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.