Celebrate Your Success To Maximize Your Confidence

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today is a special day because it is the 150th episode of this show. Whoa. And that doesn't include bonus episodes and ask the shrinks and other things. That's just full episodes that we've done. And that's super exciting. I. When I first started this, I had no idea how long I would do it or how many people I would reach. I just wanted to share. I would have these sessions with clients and that were life transforming for them and for me to get all this insight and to see how people can shift or a distinction, maybe a way to let something go or to see themselves differently or wow. If they just acknowledge their strength here or if they just let go of this one idea, their confidence in this situation skyrockets. Or, oh, here's how people can deal with this thing that used to plague me from for 10 years. And it was one thing to shift it in myself. That was life transforming. But then to be able to see how to help other people do it, it was so exciting, and I wanted to share it. I didn't want it to be just between me and this one other person, this, like, secret. I wanted to get it out there into the world in a bigger way. And that's what I've been doing these last three years with this show and beyond in the years that I've been doing the center for Social Confidence. So I'm super excited to be doing this and to have you on this journey with me. And whether this is your second episode or your 30th episode, your 100th episode or your 150th, maybe you've been here the whole time. In any case, thank you for being with me and maybe even for writing in and asking me questions or sharing your story, your successes, your challenges. Because that's what this is all about, is we're here to help each other grow. And I grow a ton by doing this show and by hearing what people are going through and finding ways to help even more. So I'm super excited about that. And we want to use this focus of celebrating our 150th episode as the focus for the show, which is about celebrating your successes to maximize your confidence. And it's a super simple practice habit thing that we could all do that brings more and more confidence. But doesn't if we don't practice it. And that's how so much of confidence is. I mean, as I've been doing this more and more and seeing people that I've worked with and people who go through my programs or the weekends or the group programs or coaching with me, I get a chance to see more and more and more information about, well, how does this work really on a mass scale and who really gets this quickly and who kind of gets a little more confident and who doesn't get really much anything at all. And one, there's many pieces, but one that's standing out more and more to me these days is that it's just about habits. It's about simple practices, simple habits, that if we integrate just a few of them in our day, our confidence starts to grow. Now, like a lot of habits, they might be uncomfortable. So one habit that builds confidence is asking for something that you want or maybe speaking up when you want to share your opinion. Now, if you do that on a daily or, you know, a couple times a week basis, your confidence will grow. As your assertiveness grows, your confidence grows, your power grows. But that might be hard, that might be difficult. You might have stories or beliefs in your head that prevents you from doing it at the rate that you like. And that's where you know, the inner work and the coaching and stuff can help. But you know, just like a habit of working out, it can be difficult, it can be uncomfortable, but if you do it, you can get into excellent shape. If you do it, you can achieve extraordinary confidence. And today's focus about celebrating your successes, that one is not that hard. This is like, you know, one of the principles for optimal health. Drink a bunch of water, right? People say eight, eight ounce glasses, or maybe even more, depending upon how active you are and how big you are. That's a really easy one. Whenever I see people that are struggling because they're not drinking enough water, I'm like, dude, come on. That's like, that's not saying get up at 5 in the morning and go for a run. That's just like freaking drink some water during the day. That one's easy. And it's the same case with this one. Celebrating your successes is easy. I feel a little uncomfortable. There might be a little twinge of discomfort about doing it. We're going to help you shift that, let that go. During today's episodes, you can start doing it more freely, more frequently, and then reaping the rewards of that simple confidence habit. And if you practice these habits. If you integrate this, if you make a simple discipline out of these confidence habits, your confidence will shift and your life will transform. So let's talk more about celebrating your successes. By the way, if you're enjoying this and you love this show and you want to celebrate 150 episode, go to iTunes or the podcast app on your phone or wherever you found me and give the show a rating. And that's going to help me on my mission to reach more people and spread these ideas from my sessions out into the world. And if you want to join into the show and ask me questions, go to shrinkforthy guy.com, shrinkforthyguy.com, and you can send me a message there. Okay, so the first thing I want to ask you, do you currently acknowledge your successes to yourself? Let's just start with you. Forget about what you say to other people, but in your own mind, do you notice your successes? Do you acknowledge them? Do you think about them? Do you focus on them? In fact, look back at the last couple weeks of your life. Just think about it. Reflect on it. What were you doing? Where did you go? Maybe you're at work. Maybe you're on a vacation. Maybe you're with family, maybe with friends. Think about the last two weeks of your life. Now, what are three successes that you can think of from the last two weeks? Three successes from the last couple of weeks. Good. Keep searching. Keep finding. Maybe you already got all three. Maybe not. Maybe you're. Maybe you're digging. You're like, Nothing. Nothing. Or maybe somewhere in between. Give you just another moment here to think about. What are three successes you can think of from the last two weeks? In fact, keep thinking about that. We're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, I'm going to reveal something about this question that is going to reveal a ton about you and how you can use this practice more and more in your life to build confidence. So stay tuned during the break, Keep thinking about those three successes. Find them. Make sure you got at least three by the time we get back. Talk to you soon.

No, I can't. I'm not good enough. No one will like me. You're so ugly, why would anyone pay you more? No, I can't. I'm not good enough. No one will like me. Tired of the same old loop in your brain? Are you ready for something different? Positive thinking won't get you there. You need to systematically dismantle your old toxic ideas and profoundly shift your mindset. Join Dr. Aziz in confidence Unleashed. And as he guides you through dozens of powerful exercises to transform your confidence on the deepest level. Go to confidenceunleashednow.com to get your copy today.

Welcome back. So did you come up with three? Was that hard or was that easy? Now, for me personally, I spend much of my life not acknowledging successes because I was conditioned in such a way for my upbringing to be an achiever. And you might have been that way as well, which is all about, you know, you do really well. You do well in school, you do well in sports, you do well at whatever you put your mind to and you achieve. And my parents were extremely loving. They were actually really amazing parents. And they had some interesting philosophies about success and achievement. And a couple of them were. One, don't acknowledge successes too much or really at all, because. And I even asked my mom about this many years later, and I said, how come you guys never really seem to praise me or acknowledge any successes? And she said, well, we know we saw them, but we just didn't. We didn't want you to get a big head, didn't want you to have a big ego. And the other part of the conditioning was, especially when it came to sports and other things, having a lot of pressure from my dad to win, to be competitive, to not only win, but, you know, play really well, play better than others, which I often fell short of. And so those two things conditioned me to strive harder, to work harder, because I wasn't enough. I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't trying hard enough, and I wasn't then. I didn't want to acknowledge when I was succeeding because I didn't want to get a big hit. So I really took those things in. And as a result, you know, flash forward many years. High achieving, really driven, but not feeling like a success, feeling perpetually inadequate, not enough. And you might relate to that. I know many people do. So do you feel that way, like you're not enough? Like you're achieving or working, trying hard to achieve a lot? Maybe you're already achieving a lot. Maybe. And this is the craziest part that I noticed in myself. You have a ton of success in your past under your belt, maybe even just from the last couple of weeks that you were reflecting on, but you don't even see it. You have a scotoma, which is a blind spot. You have a blind spot where you can't even see success because some part of you thinks, if I really see it, if I really honor it, I'm going to get a big head or I'm going to, you know, settle down, become complacent, no longer be driven and successful. Driven for success. Which is an absurd philosophy, but, you know, many of us were taught that as well. So here's a couple of things. One is, look at what. What about you? Can you acknowledge those. Was it easy for you to think of three things? Now, sometimes there's like, different strategies for different people. Now, I don't know where you are, but I'm going to throw out a couple of the main ones. One, and for a lot of people, it's just you're not. You just don't see them and you don't give yourself any damn credit. So when you look back, you know, maybe you are. Maybe you have a great health regimen, maybe you eat really well most of the time, maybe you work out, but you've just been doing that for so long. It's just kind of part of who you are that you're like, whatever. That's not even a thing. I don't even acknowledge that because that's just what I do. But that's success, isn't it? To be taking care of your body? Maybe you got a great job or you do a great job at your job, but you're like, yeah, that's just how I show up. I've been doing that for years. So whatever. But no, not whatever. Not everyone does that. So you have to start giving yourself credit for how good you already are, all the things that you already do, how amazing you already are. Even if it feels natural or normal or. Another thing I see is people say, well, I have to do that. I mean, I remember talking to one guy and he was just an amazing dad. He was so good with his kids. He was loving, he was playful. I mean, I really enjoyed watching him hang out with his kids because he was so loving with them, so creative, so expressive, so fun. And I told him that you're really great with your kids. You're so energetic and expressive and fun. He said, yeah, but I mean, what else would I do? I gotta be that way. And he didn't really see it as a strength because that's just. It came easy to him, perhaps, or it was natural. He didn't have to work at it. What else would I do? And I see that a lot of the times as well. If you're good at something and you succeed at it, well, it's like, well, yeah, but what else would I do? So we found tons of ways to discount our successes. Another thing that might prevent you from acknowledging your success over these last couple weeks, or maybe in your life in general, is too high of standards. Too high. Your standards might be too high. And that in order for it to be a success, for it to be a win, it's gotta be fucking huge and bigger than everyone else. You know, it's like, I scored a goal. Yeah, but you didn't score a hat trick. You didn't score three. Or, hey, you know, I met some people that night and got a woman's number. Yeah, but you didn't, like, have sex with a woman in the bathroom, whatever crazy goal you got, right? That doesn't actually sound that great. But in any case, right, we could put this weird. High standards. Yeah, but you don't have a girlfriend yet. Yeah, but you know, the last woman that dated you dumped you. Yeah, but. Yeah, but. And you got these crazy high standards. And what can be helpful is to slow down and say, well, what are my standards? What is a win? What is a success for me? And look at the core areas of your life in your dating life, your love life, your relationship. Maybe you're already married, maybe not. What would need to happen? What would I need to do in order to have a win or a success in this area? Coming home when you're stress, let's say you're stressed out from work and you're just like, ah, shit, pressure's building, you gotta get that thing done. And fucking people emailing you and shit going on. And right, it's the end of the workday and you leave and you're just like, ah, fucking stress. Dealing with it all in your head. And you come in through the door and you take a breath in and you give your attention to someone that you love. Your wife, your husband, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, a parent, one of your kids. And you look at him, you say, whoa, and how's your day? And they say, tell you something, I do this all the time with Zaim, my son. And he'll be like. Because he loves to just tell me things at this age. And he's like, daddy, he's almost three, couple months under three. Like, daddy, he's all excited to tell me something and he hasn't formulated it yet, just wants my attention. I'm like, yes, yes. He's like, went to the park today. I'm like, you guys went to the park today? Yeah. And then we have this little conversation for a couple minutes and I I'm still feeling stuff, but I'm attentive to him and loving with him. Guess what that is? That's a fucking win, man. Gonna give myself credit, That's a success. And it's the same thing if you treat your friend that way or a partner that way. Those, you gotta give yourself credit for those. And you gotta say, man, I'm a great dad, man, I'm an awesome boyfriend, I'm an awesome wife. You gotta give yourself credit for those. You gotta lower those standards. The same thing at work in your career. Maybe it's like, yeah, I earned this much, but I didn't earn that much. And you could put any fucking number you want in there. It just keeps changing as people earn more, they just raise the higher standard. Or, yeah, I achieved that title, but I didn't get that title. Or I did get that title, but I didn't get it as quickly as that other person got it. Do you see how we can just strip away these successes by having excessively high standards? So those are what you have to drop. And if you see yourself doing that, if you catch yourself doing that, then you gotta slow down and say, okay, what are my standards? What could be wins? What could I allow myself to acknowledge as successes? Start by asking, well, what are my current standards at work in my relationships? The core areas of your life, the couple top three, four core areas, right? Your health, your work, your love life, your relation, friendships. And look at what those standards are. And if they're too crazy high, then work on lowering them. Gotta shift them, gotta let them go. There's tons of resources for that. I don't know sure. Which book I would recommend reading both. I think the Art of Extraordinary Confidence could be extremely helpful for that. But so could the Solution to Social Anxiety. There's tons of ways to do it. If you want to go into further depth, you can, but you gotta let go. You gotta release those standards. There's another reason why you might not be acknowledging your successes. And we're going to talk about that when we get back and about more how to acknowledge more tips, more tricks right after this. Hey, what's up? Whatever. Hey, you here about Ted? Nah, man. What? Yeah, Ted's gone, man. He's gone. Gone where? No one knows. Some people say Ted's left the country. Some people say he left with a girl. What? With a girl? Ted Macy. Fucking Ted Macy. Te. Ted left with a girl. But Ted don't talk to girls, man. Ted just stayed in his room. He just played Xbox all the time. I Know, man, but check it. He went to this place called the center of Confidence or something. He saw some confidence doctor or some shit, man. A what? A confidence doctor, man. I don't know. But anyway, he got real deep into it, and like three months later, he was out talking to all kinds of people. No way, man. Yeah. And then he starts dating this girl. She's visiting from Iceland, and they hit it off, and next thing I heard is they went back to her homeland, visit her, her family or some shit. Wow. Ted Macy, man. Fucking Ted Macy. If Ted Macy can do it, anyone can. Go to SocialConfidenceCenter.com to discover how to overcome your shyness, maximize your confidence, and start living your life fully. Welcome back. So one final reason that you might have a hard time acknowledging your successes is, and this is a big one, you might be living too much in your comfort zone. You might be so deep in the center of that sucker that there's not much to acknowledge. I remember there was one client that I worked with who was in my Mastermind program, and we'll just call him Henry. Well, that's not his name. And Henry had a hard time of acknowledging his successes. He had a raging inner critic. So you think it might be he's got to lower his standards or he's got to take it easier on himself. But I have a very different angle when I was working with Henry, because in the group calls, I work with people, we work as a group, and I sometimes I work one on one with someone and the group listens and then they give their feedback. And he was saying, like, I'm just not acknowledging my successes. It's hard. I know I should and I try, but I don't feel anything. And I said, maybe I'm wondering if it's hard to acknowledge your successes because they don't really feel like successes, and maybe they aren't. And it was a little uncomfortable for me because I'm like, I want to take care of everybody. I have to keep working on that. Nice guy. Urgent. Just lower your standards and love yourself and give yourself credit for the little things you were doing. But I felt like something else was needed, like a more challenging kind of love that was needed, rather than like the everything's okay love. Like, hey, you need to step the fuck up, is basically what I wanted to communicate. I said, maybe these things aren't worth celebrating because there's something else that you want to be doing instead. What would you need to do this week in order to feel like, whoa, that was a major Success. Like to be blown away by your progress and your successes in one week. And that was a fun question. He kind of sat with on for a while, and then he listed some great stuff. He talked about certain things he wanted to do in his dating life. He talked about how he wanted to reach out to specific people in his career. I wanted to have a difficult conversation with one of his supervisors. I mean, he had a ton of stuff. And then he was like, well, jeez, I don't know. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll do some of those. I was like, maybe I'll do some of those. And then we had this thing where I dove into about commitment and how he was not. You know, you could hear in his voice he was not going to do it. So I challenged him playfully. We got the group involved. It was awesome. It was fun. And basically, he decided he was gonna do five things. Five things off the list. I talk more about this in an episode called Blitzkrieg, which will be coming out soon. Blitzkrieg. But anyway, he did five things, and everything shifted for him in that one week. In that one week. And I came back the next week, and he did it, and he had tons of stories about all the crazy things that happened. And I said, do you feel like. Was it easy to acknowledge your successes this week? And he laughed. And he said, oh, yeah. Said, huh. Imagine that. So maybe it's hard to acknowledge your successes because you're not doing enough. You're not getting outside. It's. Maybe it's not a number of things. By the way, it might be a level of boldness or risk that you might need to take. Because if you're square in the center of your comfort zone, miles away from your edge, what's uncomfortable then? It's hard to feel like a success. It's hard to be. It's because you're not winning. You're not stepping up into your life. And so maybe that's what's needed for you, but maybe you're doing a ton already, and it's about lowering your standards. So this is something for you to discover for you. You'll know what's right for you. I'm sharing two different sides of the spectrum here, but we're gonna do something else that's gonna help you no matter what. This is a practice that I've used for a long time. I find it extremely valuable, and it is, in fact, your action step for today. Time for action. Your action step for today is to have a success journal. Just try it out for Three days. I know that's not enough to install it as a habit. I know it's probably not going to do a ton, but if I say do this for 21 days, you're going to be like, oh, God, it's a lot of work. I'll start that in 21 days. No, no, just starting today. Do a success journal. Make it super simple. Create a file on your phone so you don't have to go buy a journal or whatever. Just super simple. And you're just going to write out. It's going to be called a success journal. And you're going to write out at the end of each day or once a day, whenever it could be in the afternoon. Three things from that day that you can acknowledge yourself for and make them super small. Maybe you got up and went for a run. Success, health. Maybe you spoke up in a meeting where normally you would stay silent. Success, assertiveness. Right. So make them simple. Make them small. Don't make them things that only happen once a month. They're the daily successes. Acknowledge it. Do that. Just, it should literally take you, I don't know, 30, 40 seconds a minute at the end of the day. So it's not about time, it's about focus, it's about the habits, it's about discipline. So do that success journal starting today for three days. And then if you like it, maybe you'd want to keep going. I've had periods in my life where I did this for months at a time and it was extremely valuable, extremely life changing, extremely self esteem enhancing would be the word I would use. Awesome. So thank you so much for joining me today. You are awesome. I love you. I appreciate you for being here with me today and for being on this journey with me on this 150th episode celebrating that shit. Oh yeah. Okay. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.