Dr. Aziz shows how self-criticism kills confidence and shares a pattern-interrupt technique: when you catch yourself replaying mistakes, make a noise to break the loop, then ask yourself a compassionate question instead. Self-acceptance opens doors in relationships and work.
Hey, Dr. Aziz here from the center for Social Confidence. Today I'm going to share one simple tip with you to help you boost your confidence. In fact, it's something that you've probably heard me say many times before. And my repetition of this point is on purpose because there's. No, there's not. We can't hear this too many times because it's so hard to remember to keep putting it into practice. And here's what it Stop beating yourself up. Stop it. Stop attacking yourself. Stop criticizing yourself. Stop putting yourself through the wringer. I mean, there's so many ways that you might be doing this. One is literally in your own mind. There's a voice that says, you suck. That was stupid. What's wrong with you? How could you have done that? You're an idiot. You look foolish. You're ugly, you're gross, you're incapable, You're a loser. Or it could be in the form of visual imagery. You see yourself failing. You see people like shaking their heads and looking at you. You see yourself not being capable or adequate. You see yourself as gross or ugly in some way. Or it could be through replaying events. I used to do this one all the time. I'd be in the shower the next morning and just thinking about the night before and not the whole night, not the good parts of the night, but the worst parts of the night. Oh, I said that thing. And she gave me that look. Oh, oh. And I would literally cringe the next day thinking about it. That's beating yourself up too. There's so many different ways that we can beat ourselves up. And the important thing is to notice them, identify them, and interrupt that habit. So come up with something that you can do starting today, where whenever you notice yourself attacking yourself, beating yourself up, whether it's a thought in your mind, a visual imagery, a memory, something like that. Do something to just break the habit. You know what I used to do on this one? This one's pretty ridiculous, is if I was by myself and I noticed myself attacking myself. I would do this to interrupt my pattern. I would. You ready? It's pretty strange. I would go, ka, ka. I'd like pop my eyes wide open. I'd make this ridiculous bird noise. And it kind of made me laugh and probably made me look a little crazy. But what you're doing there is. You're interrupting the pattern because there's a pattern in your mind of self attack that's just like a well worn groove in your neurons, in your neural network. It just fires again and Again and again. And it's used to firing again and again. So we have to interrupt that pattern and then do something different. So I would interrupt it, say, ca. Caw. And then I would say, how can I be on my own side right now? How can I take care of myself? How can I treat myself kindly and with compassion? How can I respect and love myself right now? And then I wait for an answer. I just keep asking that question with certainty, expecting an answer. And I would get one. It would be like, oh, hey, you didn't do so bad. Or I would remember another moment from that night where it went really well. Or I would just have some kind words that came into my mind, like, dude, you're doing all right. You're doing the best that you can. So whatever it is that you put in after you ask that question doesn't matter. The most important thing is to break the pattern and ask yourself those questions. And even more important than that is to identify that you're beating yourself up and say, hey, wait a minute, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not going to treat myself like this any anymore and commit to complete self acceptance. That is how you're going to start to really break free of this stuff. So I hope this helps you. It helps it remind you to break that little pattern and find a new way to relate to yourself. Because when you do, when you're on your own side, life just accelerates and magnifies and opens up in a way that you can't imagine is possible. It's incredible. Opportunities open up for you, people respond to you better. Dating opportunities, relationships, family, marriage, whatever you want, business opportunities, everything starts to open up when you're on your own side, no matter what. So until we speak again, stop beating yourself up and have the courage to accept yourself for who you are and then share that with the world and we'll talk soon.
