Confidence Breakthrough: How To Stop Avoiding And Start Doing

Do you have the confidence to go after what you want in life? Are you able to go approach that woman that you're attracted to and date the woman that you want? Are you able to pursue the career that you want and the field that you want at the level that you want, at the income that you want? Maybe. Are you able to create your own business in the field that you're in right now? And if on some level you're not, you're holding yourself back, you're struggling, then this is the exact episode you need to watch. Because I'm going to teach you one simple strategy that makes the difference between. Between someone who's kind of stuck, kind of doesn't get where they want, and someone who just breaks through to ever increasing levels of success in the areas that matter most to them. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. This is the show for you if you want to 10x your confidence in, in all areas that matter. Dating, relationships, your social life, your business life, your income, your finances, your career. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And today we're going to talk about a simple strategy. One little distinction that can literally make the difference between staying stuck for years, if not your entire life, or having the confidence to just break through and go after what you want. In fact, as we're talking about this, I want you to think of one area in your life right now where if you had unstoppable confidence, you know you'd be showing up differently, you know that you'd be doing something differently. It could be in your dating life, it could be in your work life, in your profession, your career, it could be in your business, it could be in your social life, it doesn't matter. But just think of one area right now. The first one that comes to your mind is the right one. Because this way, when I'm talking about it, I'm teaching you this one little strategy. It's not abstract. You're going to be really thinking about that one area and you're going to leave five minutes from now with a whole new plan, a whole new action that you can take that's going to rapidly increase your progress and skyrocket your confidence. Sound like a good idea? Okay, so here is the distinction is I was just talking to a client two days ago and he is working on dating and relationships and he wants to be able to talk to women that he's attracted to. And if he's not attracted to the woman he can talk to her, fine. But as soon as something clicks on in his brain, I'm sure almost all guys can relate to this. Then there's a sense of like, ugh. And he would freeze up. And you should check out my video, by the way. How to Three Ways to Never Freeze Again, which is going to be a really powerful video for you if you get stuck and frozen when you're nervous. But anyway, so he'd freeze up, freeze up. And here's the. And so he was stuck in his dating life for many years before he came to see me. And here's the distinction that set him free. So, and this is going to involve a little bit of math for I lose you here. It's just a couple of variables. You know what variables are? Like X and Y. And that's super simple. And we're just going to have three. Stay with me, because this will set you free. So first we have A. A is what you want. A is in this guy's case, is to be able to be able to meet and date beautiful women and he's really attracted to you and then have an amazing girlfriend. That's what he wants, probably to settle down with her at some point. So that's A. And that could be your thing. Maybe you're looking at your career. It could be a certain job, certain title, certain income, certain level of sales in your business. Whatever it is A, you got that? You with me so far? That's A. Then there's B. Now wretched. B is everything that you don't want to experience. In this guy's case, it was rejection. It was putting himself out there and trying to start a conversation and her being like, ugh, you know, ugh, what are you talking to me? You know? Or worse, they're having a conversation. It seems like it's going well, and then he asks her out. And then he fears that he misread the situation. And it's going to go from, like, light and fun and playful and flirty to, oh, just ew. Like, he's really worried that she's going to be like, oh, I'm repulsed. Right? So that's B. That's what he doesn't want to feel, doesn't want to experience. So what's B for you in this situation? If it's dating relationships, it might be that maybe it's something else. Maybe it's. We'd go further and we'd go on our first date, and then she would say, you're a boring guy. It could be different for each person in your business. It's, I don't want to fail. I don't want to take that risk and lose money. I don't want to spend money in this way and then lose it and be a fool. Or if it's in your career, it's like, I don't want to speak up more meetings. I don't want to get embarrassed. I don't want to have people rely on me and then I let them down. Think about what it is for you right now. What's B? The stuff that you don't want. Okay, so we got one more variable. So there's A and then there's B. And here is the huge breakthrough. And this is what my client really got you ready? Avoiding B does not get you to A. Because we think, well, geez, I want all that stuff. I don't want that stuff. I'll just avoid that stuff. And I'll get all the stuff that I want. I'll avoid getting rejected, I'll avoid asking her out, and I'll avoid all that embarrassing stuff of her not wanting to talk to me. And naturally, that will get me to A. Lots of women, fantastic dating life, lots of career success. But it doesn't. And here's why. Because there's more than two variables. There's probably a million, but we'll just say we'll take C. I only want to keep it to three here. So C is where you end up when you avoid. When you avoid B, you get to C. Now, what's C? You might be living in C right now. I lived in C for many years. C is no man's land. C is lonely. C is women don't notice me, I don't have any dates, or I get an opportunity once in a million years and it doesn't work out. C is not being noticed in your company. It's being overlooked. It's at worst, like, who are you? What do you do here? You know, someone asks you just like, dude, I've been here for like four years. You don't know. Right? C is not being promoted. C is someone else being chosen over you. C is having your own business and struggling for years just to get by instead of having that dream that you started with of making a difference and having an impact and making good money at it. So C is that place where we're just like. And the stuff's just not going that well. That's what happens when you avoid B. So there's A where you want B, what you want to avoid, you avoid B. You don't go to A, you go to C. And the reason I'm highlighting that and bringing that to your conscious awareness is because we operate like if we avoid B long enough, we're going to get A and it does not happen. It will not happen. That's like physically impossible. Just by the mechanics of the universe and confidence and success. It's just not going to work. So we got to stop avoiding B and do A. Now. We could end the video right there. It could be really valuable. But I'm going to add just a little more that's going to help you make the shift. Because the natural next question is, but how? I mean, geez, I've been avoiding V for so long and it's miserable and how do I experience it? So here's one thing that helped me shift and it's helped many clients that I've worked with shift. Now B, the thing that you're avoiding. And again, we're doing a little more math here, stick with me. Is you might be watching this and be like, dude, I'm better at math than you are. And you probably. You very well could be. But so B is how many. That moment that you're not. You don't want to experience, you know, that moment where she says, like, ew. Or the moment where they say why someone challenges you in a meeting when you share up like you don't know what you're talking about or whatever. How many discomfort points would that be? This is the math part. Discomfort points. This is an arbitrary scale. It means nothing, but it's just kind of a fun way to look at it. So let's say the harsh rejection is, you know, 98 units of discomfort. Bam. It's a blast of discomfort. Now that's not 100 point scale. It's just a number. 98 units. Let's say getting shot down in a meeting is 108 units for you. It's a lot. Then you say, well, I'm going to avoid that. Well, let me ask you this sea where you live right now, the land of sea no man's land. It's probably less intense than that, right? That harsh rejection. But how much discomfort is there per day? That just happens day after day. What's the discomfort of looking over at a couple walking down the street and thinking, I'm never going to have that. Maybe it's 40 units. Maybe it's more mild. Maybe it's just you look at an attractive woman and you're like. And it's just 10 units of discomfort. Or you look at someone that's doing really well in your company and you're just like. And it's 15 units of discomfort. Right? You get my point, right? Or you look at someone who's in your field, who has their own business and it's thriving, and you see them getting better and better every year, and you're just in the same place. You're just like, you know, your sales aren't growing, whatever it is, like little things. If you add up the discomfort per day from sea, let's just say it's only 30. Just 30 a day from sea. Let me ask you this. After a year of that, how many discomfort points do you have? I don't know. It's a lot. What is like a thousand, right? So what is the. Is it worth? Like what? Can you handle a little bit of discomfort in a more intense blast if it's going to prevent you from just bleeding out over a year or five years? And the longer you stay in C, the more demoralized you get, the more stuck you get. So we got to break out. You got to break out. So don't avoid B. You got to go for A. B is the medicine. B is the medicine. Poison, you know, you drink a small, small amount of certain things and they're medicine. You drink too much of them, they're poison. Drink a small amount, you get that little rejection. You get that little challenge every day. Frequently you will get to A faster than you ever thought possible. So don't avoid B. Go right through B into A. And when you do, it is awesome. Your life starts to open up, doors start to open up. And besides the external things that you get, the sense of aliveness, power, freedom, excitement, joy, passion that starts to emerge out of you is incredible and is worth. And the confidence, too. I mean, it's worth more than anything than I can describe. So let me know how this works for you. Check out other episodes of the show to go deeper. The more you learn this stuff, the more you ingrain this stuff, it will become part of who you are. You'll start to live it. You can just start to unconsciously absorb more and more and more the more of these that you watch. So click to the other episodes to watch more of those. And until we speak again. Oh, by the way, leave your comments. Let me know what A and B is for you. I'd love to know the specifics. What is your A? What is your B? What is. What are you going to do? Give some stories about your experience, about how it shifted for you or any questions you have. Let's get a discussion going. Let's free ourselves together. And it's hard to do alone. It's maybe impossible. We need each other. So let's band together. And this is an awesome forum. Thank the gods for YouTube and all the people that have created this. And I encourage you to leave a comment below. And I love reading those. So until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.