Confidence In Sports And Athletic Performance

Welcome to Shrink for the shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about confidence in sports or athletics. Any sort of physical feat. It doesn't matter if you're a professional or on, you know, any sort of official team, but, you know, any way that we can bring confidence to use of our bodies and athletics I think is essential. And there's so many dynamics that can happen in sports that can affect our confidence, whether it's dynamics with our teammates, our coach particular, like our past performance and how we're doing, whether we think we're on a roll or in a slump and our performance that day, that game, our headspace, fears ahead of performance, performance anxiety, sense of confidence in ourselves to grow or get better, fear of physical injury and pain and limitation. I mean, confidence in sports is huge. And I'm so excited today because I have a coach who is a confidence coach on my team and someone I deeply respect. Dylan. Dylan Reed, thank you for joining us today.

Yeah, thank you for having me.

And what's awesome, I'm jumping ahead. I'm excited because Dylan is not only a coach and a confidence coach and helps people with that, but Dylan also happens to be an athlete. So I thought today's topic of confidence in sports and athletics is a perfect fit for you, Dylan. So I'm excited to get some of your wisdom from this, but maybe you could share a little bit more about just your athletic experience and with sports so people can get a sense of where you're coming from.

Sure. So my main thing athletically is I'm a semi professional racquetball player. So I grew up playing. I started when I was about 6. I actually basically took college off. I was playing college baseball and then came back to it. And it's been a big passion of mine. And, yeah, recently, I guess this is the part where I brag about myself. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I think the, probably the best title is that I was the best amateur player in the nation the last year, so proud of that one. And, yeah, it's. I've grown a ton, not only in just the physical, technical ability, but also through doing this personal development work, through learning confidence, all that sort of stuff. I feel like I've grown a lot in just my inner game, and that has been a huge part of my growth in racquetball.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's been fun to watch you on your journey, you know, through the group programs that you've been in and that we've worked together, and just to kind of hear about that side of your life and to really sometimes talk about it or work on it. I remember specifically there was one moment that we were talking about a challenge that can come up during. And I think this is so common for anyone who's played any sort of sport. It's like the. During the match, during the game, shit starts to nosedive internally, and confidence starts to go down. And we all know that that's like the death knoll, right? It's like our momentum starts to slow. We're like, I'm gonna miss this, or I can't do this, or I'm gonna mess up, or. And we don't want to be thinking that, but our mind just starts going there. And then it does affect our performance. We get more tight, we get more tense. And do you remember that. That session?

Do you. What. What particular thing are you talking about?

I just remember we were. There was like this. This fear around performance, and. And I think one of the fears that. That. That we feel most is there's kind of the fear of losing, but then even more is like the fear of being almost, like, humiliated. Right. Like being seen by others, you know? And I think this is only intensified when someone's got an audience watching them or fans watching them, or it's even more like, I'm letting everyone down. Everyone's going to think less of me. I remember what we did is we had you really slow down and tune into thinking about one person in your life who loves you no matter what, no matter what your performance. And what did that do for you when you started to focus on that?

Yeah. So I think a lot of the things. It's funny to say, but I think a lot of the reason our nervous system gets amped up in a competition or before a competition, it's social anxiety to some degree, where I would picture people, you know, in my life, people who I played racquetball with or people who knew me through that and how they might be viewing me and how they might be judging my abilities and how they might be looking at my game and saying, oh, he's not good enough, or how mean on a deep level, how my parents might not love me enough if I don't win this match or win this tournament. And so getting to a place where you just feel unconditional love regardless of the outcome, it just allows you to play so much more freer. You're less constricted when I. When I play with this sense of it's not going to be okay if I lose. And I'm not thinking that on a conscious level, but on a deep, subconscious level, there's this belief that things will not be okay if I lose. I will. Love will be taken away from me. People will judge me, all those sort of things. So when I imagined somebody just unconditionally loving me, regardless of the result, I just felt so much more okay. I still feel really compelled to win. I love. I also love playing, but there's no, there's no whip to the negative aspect. There's no, something bad's going to happen if I lose. And you just feel less tension in your body. You feel like you're playing a lot more free.

I love that. And I love that insight you just pointed out about, you know, is the sports or performance anxiety around sports, social anxiety. And I think that's worth really examining because people might not think about that. They just think of like, oh, no, I don't want to. I don't want to lose, or I don't want to have a bad game, or I don't want it to go poorly. Duh, End of story. That's it. It's sort of obvious. And yet it's worth really examining that, like, and that's what we did with you and I've done with other people is like, okay, let's say that does happen, what then? You know, you do mess up or you do lose the game or you do whatever, what happens then? And often it's like the bottom is going to drop out, you know, and I'm gonna lose safety, like, I'm gonna lose my following, my livelihood, my whatever, or I'm gonna lose love, I'm gonna lose my fans, I'm gonna lose support. And people, I mean, we rationally know it's not true, but that doesn't matter emotionally, that's what we feel. And so there can be a lot of shame around losing or not performing at this top level, even in people who are, you know, outperform 99% of.

People in the world.

They could have just as much shame as anyone else.

Yeah, I've been actually thinking about that a lot because I think some athletes do amazingly well and they are driving themselves through fear, which I find interesting. And I wonder if that is optimal from just a competitive standpoint, from a life standpoint. I don't think so. I think that doesn't do the best things for your, for your life and your psychology and all that. But. So I started a racquetball podcast since working with you. It was something I was super afraid to do, but I worked up the courage to do so. And it's amazing. Every single person I've asked to get on the show has just been like, yeah, I'd love to. You think these people are, you know, at a high level and they, they have so many constraints on their time and they wouldn't want to do that. But I've been able to interview just really all the top players because it's a small sport and they don't get asked to do things like that. And interviewing the number one guy in the world, he was telling me, I envision somebody so, you know, when you're at a level where you're playing for money, he says he envisions the other player trying to take food off his daughter's plate because they are, they're trying to beat him. And through envisioning all this fear based stuff, that's what drives him. And he's amazing at the sport, but I don't know what that does for your psyche.

Yeah, that's a really interesting point. You know, is, I think like, okay, so there is, I think, and we've talked about this, like, can we really motivate ourselves with being on our own side? Love? And I absolutely believe yes. And then the question though is like, what about the. Is it also possible to motivate in another way and is it possible to get an edge using the other way? And the answer is probably yes to that, right? Because if you think about, I'm thinking about as you're talking, I'm thinking about people who are the first to climb mountains or people who climb K2 or people who man adventurers. It's not so much. Well, I guess adventuring is happening now. People are doing life threatening shit now. But you know, back in like the early 1900s, it was like the age of exploration. People like, we're going to the South Pole and they do crazy shit and it's like the limits of endurance and people are dying left and right. And it's not about like feeling really good. It's about like feeling driven and feeling pain. And I'm going to achieve that thing no matter what, God damn it. And that's going to be my life purpose. And I think that that does drive humans to a certain level of peak performance, you know, and maybe their life's not about feeling good or feeling balanced or connection or love or happiness or family. It's about being the one to accomplish that thing. It's about significance.

Yeah, Yeah. I like to think about it very holistically. Like, this is one athletics. They're a big part of my life, but it's one element of my life and I want to love and enjoy my life. I think the quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. So if I'm. This thing is a big part of my life and I am going to drive myself through fear and self hate, I don't know.

That's a loser's mindset, Dylan. You got to get a winner's mindset. I'm gonna hate myself to victory. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, frankly, I feel like a lot of people would frown on this, but I would rather be. Get a little bit worse results and love the process and love myself then be number one in the world or something and hate it the whole time.

Yeah, well, I mean, I think that's interesting because that applies to performance. Like, and we want to expand this because you, maybe people listening might be like, oh, you know, whatever, I bike or I go to the gym or something, but I'm not in competitive sports. So they might be wondering if does this apply to them? But I think, you know, performance applies to everything. And they're, you know, what you just said there is so true for being number one or being top or the best at X, at sales, at. In your company, in your career, in your field, the most accomplished, the most published, the most whatever, and we can hold that as number one. And then meanwhile, we're just like burning up inside. And it's this weird fantasy of like, I'm going to get there and then I'm going to feel great. You talked about, you know, it's quality of our emotions and it's like, I'm going to suffer now like crazy, but I'm going to get there and it's going to be freaking amazing. And then, you know, often those people will report feeling kind of hollow or empty because it's. The achievement of that goal doesn't bring them exactly what they're hoping for. What they want.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Another thing I wanted to hit on was in terms of how confidence has helped me athletically, is just the muscle of discomfort tolerance and finding ways to continually push my body. And lately, what I've been wanting to do actually is eating more and more healthy and just being able to focus on your inner state to where you can do things that are uncomfortable before you because you've just built the muscle of, I can handle discomfort is just such a master skill in life and will help you push through hard workouts. It will help you. When you're really craving sugar, you eat the salad instead. I'm still dealing with that one. But the discomfort muscle tolerance, the discomfort tolerance muscle is helping me. So that's another huge one.

I love that. And so for those who aren't aware of that, we talk about this. I talk about in the show, but also in my book Not Nice. I have a whole chapter dedicated to it. And it's the idea that, you know, to get. We all know that to. To get what we want is outside of our comfort zone. You know, to get stronger in sports performance, but also to do something like, you know, I don't know, create a sales presentation or speak in front of a group or create a new business or put yourself out there in dating and relationships, be more vulnerable in your connections and in your relationships. All of those things are outside of our comfort zone. And the way to get there is to be uncomfortable. And so we talk about the discomfort tolerance muscle, like being able to train yourself to tolerate discomfort. And I found this really interesting with sports and with food as well. And I remember I made a study and I think I talk about this in not nice of eating healthier and healthier. And at one point, I was just experimenting. I don't think healthy food has to taste bland or shitty, but I was just like, what does it feel like to eat rice, black beans, and steamed broccoli with nothing on it? Just like, what would that feel like to eat? And I remember, like, doing almost a little meditation with it where I was surprised at how much emotional discomfort there was. Like, I'm trying. I'm eating the food and I'm feeling bad as. I mean, it's not like, oh, this is not very tasty, right? It's like, I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling like I'm missing out on my mind is saying, this is terrible. And suddenly I made an even deeper study. I close my eyes and I'm chewing on whatever a mouthful of broccoli and beans And I'm like, what exactly is making this so bad? You know? And then I. And I tuned in and I noticed that my mind would say like, this is awful. This is it. And I said, okay, that's my mind. Where's the discomfort in my body? And sure enough, it wasn't in my mouth. I mean, it didn't actually taste that bad. It was in my heart. And you know what that was? That was my heart fucking craving whatever sauces and sugar and fat and natural flavors and all these things that we get addicted to without even knowing it. So just by doing that, I realized, like, oh, even here there is a pathway to power when we can tolerate our discomfort and not immediately react to it. And that shows up in sports too, right? You're reaching that edge of fatigue or whatever, and your body's like, we should stop right now. We're done. And there's that moment where you're like. And I don't mean like blasting through injury or totally ignoring your body or whatever, but, you know, there's the. We want. Our body wants to stop, or I should say our mind wants to stop the discomfort way before we actually need to stop. It's like I'm breaking a sweat. I think we should be done. So I'm slow. Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that.

Yeah, it's the Goggins rule of when you feel like you're done, you're at about 40%.

Yeah. So that's David Goggins. Right. For those of you who haven't checked his stuff out, what's the name of Can't Hurt Me is the name of his book. So, but let me ask you this. Where do you think that. Is there a limit to that? So David, he's an ultra marathon athlete as well as accomplished military man with a Navy SEAL and tons of credentials in that arena, but all based discomfort tolerance credentials, basically. And, you know, his mentality is just do it, push through. And, you know, if you think you're done, you're only at 40%. Keep going. Now where do you. Do you think that there is a time to stop? You talked about balance before. Where do you think that applies when it comes to performance or sports?

Yeah, I think it's about being smart. It's about how. It's about knowing your body. So certain things, I mean, when it comes to cardio, pushing harder is not going to. It's not going to hurt you. When it comes to, I have an injury, Goggins would disagree with me on this. But if I have an Injury, I'm probably going to give it its proper rest and ice it and all that Goggins would do, set, try to set the world record for pull ups on hands that the flesh had ripped off. So he differs for me on this.

Another winner's mindset right there.

But your, your conscious mind will try to tell you don't keep going, you're going to get injured. When it comes to something like just running more miles or when it comes to, I don't know, just I'm tired and that's not a real limit. I think pushing through those is not only just good for you from the physical standpoint of you got in 10% more, but it just hardens your mind. It's, it's training for your, your ability to push through hard things.

Yeah, no, absolutely. And even, yeah, injuries, that's a whole nother topic, you know. You know, and love talking about the mind body connection and all the pains we can have that way. But I'll notice that the mind will use that. It won't just say, oh, I'm tired. It'll say, oh, I'm tired, now I'm injured or I'm going to get injured and therefore it's wise to stop. And yet so many injuries. I see this again and again in myself. Even right now I have this knee pain for the last like couple weeks. And but the difference is now I'm like, I'm on to you. Like you started right when I got puppies and had like instantly way more on my plate. That's a, that's a interesting coincidence. And, and it's just interesting to watch physical pain, how it can like increase and decrease and try to stop you from doing something. And then so I think that's, there's such a value in making a study of that and really listening to your body.

Yeah. Yeah. I think in a lot of ways I, a thing that would hold me back is just being afraid of being afraid of pain, being afraid that I'm gonna injure myself and just holding me back, holding myself back because if I go 100% instead of 85%, I'm probably gonna injure myself. You know, that would be so horrible and just paradoxically accepting, okay, that could happen and I'm, I'm not injured in the moment and I, I'm going to push through this. Paradoxically accepting that it could happen and being okay with that option is really helpful in terms of your ability to push through it.

Yeah. And I think that, you know, bringing it back to confidence in sports That's a big fear that people have, whether it's in competitive sports or just, you know, people wanting to be healthier and more fit. A pervasive sense, a fear of injury. And I think part of that relates to. We've been conditioned to think that our bodies are weak and if you use a body part, it's going to get injured. And it's such a common story like, ah, my shoulders hurting. Why? Well, I was golfing, you know, oh, my knees are hurting.

Why?

Oh, because I was running. You know what? It's like the physical activity is what injures the body. It's like, wait, actually, our bodies are freaking strong and meant to be used in a wide variety of ways. And, you know, one thing that would be really helpful is whenever pain starts to come, the first thing we want to look at is, what did I just do that caused the pain? And instead ask yourself, what might. When the pain started, what might I have been upset about or overwhelmed by or frustrated by or stressed about? And in fact, I learned that question from a woman, Stacy Von Breck, I believe her name was. She does physical. She helps athletes and helps them overcome injuries. And. But she does that through mind, body techniques, through emotion work and eft tapping and other things. Belief changes all this stuff. And I remember she was telling me a story about it. There's a catcher for whatever, I don't know, some professional team. And he was talking about, my knees are really sore after the game. And his mind, it was like, of course they're sore. I'm squatting down. Like, this is. This profession is hard on the knees. And she said, your soreness is not from the squatting. Your soreness is from emotion. And sure enough, after they started to work together, his knees stopped hurting after games, during and after, from releasing the emotion around this. So I think there's such a liberation for athletic performance when we know I'm not going to injure my body just from using it, even using it vigorously.

Yeah, yeah, I love that. We did a Tony Robbins seminar recently, and on the last day of it, they talk a lot about health stuff. And the same is true with. It relates to food. Your body, by nature, wants to heal itself. It wants to, you know, flush out cells that are unhealthy, and it wants to just be in an optimal state of health. And when you feed it the right things, when you feed it a lot of vegetables, a lot of greens, limited. What's the word I'm looking for? Limited processed foods. Your body's gonna heal itself. Naturally. But when you're putting in. When your body is dealing with excess toxins in the form of processed foods or sugars, or it's dealing with stress and it's overloaded, that's gonna manifest itself in physical symptoms. So you might have rashes or sicknesses or fungus or physical pain as you speak about on your show. And I'm so grateful that you're sharing about that. Those things are often manifestations of the fact that your body is overloaded with emotional pain or toxins that you're inputting into your body. And it's. People want to accept it as. No, it's just. That's the aging process or that's just a thing I got. And I think when you look a little bit more deep into these issues, there are ways to address them by treating yourself better.

Yeah, no, absolutely. I love that this is something that, you know, I get fired up about. So I'm glad that we're touching on this and sharing. I think it's so important for everyone, including athletes, to have that sense of empowerment. And maybe I think I'm so fired up about it because having lived for whatever decades, two decades, believing that I was broken, and that's what we're taught that. And to see that that was all false and that, you know, we can shift these things and shift them very quickly. So let's actually turn this into an action step. Time for action, action, action. So your action step for today would be to understand more deeply this connection between emotion and toxins and other things and pain, because I think that's the most universal liberation that every person needs at this time to really realize that you can heal yourself and you're in charge of your own health and you're not broken. There's just such disempowering programming. So there are many different steps. I'll recommend a few. And then, Dylan, if you have a resource or an idea that you have for people to. To work on this, because I know you read some stuff as well. But I would say the man to start with who's got just the longest history with this and a great easy entry would be John Sarno. And I would check out his book, Healing Back Pain. Healing Back Pain. It's super approachable, and it's not just about back pain. It's about understanding my. It manifests often as back pain, but it can manifest as anything. And so that's one of the easiest places to start. So you might have heard me talk about it on this show. But if you never got it. Now's the time you can get the audio on audible. That's Dr. Sarno s a R N O Healing Back Pain. And Dylan, is there a resource or something that you found helpful around this?

I think that's great. I think listening to your podcast talking about it is awesome. I think the one with Steve Ozanich is great. His book the Great Pain Deception is awesome. He's. It's an entertaining read as well. And I would just say get really curious about what's going on with your body. If you have something that you aren't that conscious of and you're just like, oh, this is. No, this is just something that happened from that thing two years ago or just any physical symptom that is suboptimal, that's not perfect in some way. Look at it and consider. Could this be because I'm not treating my body optimally?

I love that. Man. Man, we should. Let's come back and do a whole show entirely on this. But this is great because it does fall right in there for. For athletes and performance as well as everyone. This is great, man. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Yeah, I loved it. Thanks, Aziz.

Absolutely. And until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

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