Confidence Kick-Start (1 of 4) - How To Rapidly Improve Your Confidence

Welcome to your first video of kickstart your confidence. This is part of a four video training series that I'm delivering to you to help you take any ideas you've heard from me that might be abstract or general, and to learn how to turn them into very practical steps. Because I'm a very pragmatic guy, very practical guy, and some sort of theory or abstract knowledge that didn't help me change anything in my life. What I needed to have was practical tools and tips and strategies to help me learn how to work with my mind, work with my emotions and take new actions in the world until I can get what I wanted in my life. So that's what this program is designed to do for you. We're going to go in depth in these next four videos to help you learn how to kick start your confidence. And this first video is called the first step because as we're going to get to in the next steps, there's very practical things you can do. But if we're not aligned with that, if we don't realize that we are in control and we can take action to change our lives, then we don't take that action. I've seen it again and again, first and foremost in myself and then since then in hundreds of clients that I've worked with over the years. There's this. Yeah, but it's not going to work. I just don't think it's going to happen. And to sum it up, we don't believe it's possible. So if I were to say, repeat this phrase out loud or in your mind, it's possible for me to have an abundance of confidence. It's possible for me to have so much confidence that I can meet women, earn more money and have a great life. Now, if either of those, when you think them or say them or even just hear me say that, you're kind of like, yeah, yeah, right, Then what that means is some part of you internally, usually some sort of our subconscious or maybe even our conscious mind, is like, yeah, that's not going to happen. That's not true in my experience. That's not true for me. So we need to do the first step is learning how to identify this and start to shift that. And so the biggest obstacle for it being possible for people, and I know this was true for me, is what I call the false conclusion. So let me highlight what the false conclusion is for you through the example of a story of a guy I worked with. His name was Tim. And when Tim came to see me, he Was highly, highly anxious. So much to the story. He was living with his mom. He's about 21 years old. He was living with his mom. He was too anxious to go on job interviews, too anxious to go to college and go attend classes. He dropped out. He was too anxious even to go to the super supermarket. He'd go to the supermarket, and he felt like people were looking at him and judging him and thinking he was a loser. And this was just. This permeated his being, this high level of social anxiety and shyness. He was so inhibited. And of course, friendships, dating and relationships. Absurd. Completely out of the question. This guy was living his life in a completely restricted space. And he had what I would call a false conclusion. So as we started to work together, be like, okay, what are we going to work on together? What can we help you accomplish? You know, do we need to help you develop your social skills? Do we need to help you develop your interview skills? Do we need to help you develop your body language? You know, looking at all these skills that I know how to help people develop. And his conclusion was, none of that stuff's going to help. It's not going to work for me. And I said, that's interesting because it works for a lot of guys, but. But why not? Why wouldn't it work for you? And he says, because there's something wrong with me. There's something different about me. And this is the false conclusion that I see in virtually every guy that I've worked with. And every guy that's gotten one of my videos or books has this false conclusion somewhere in there. And it could be different phrasing, but it's some version of, there's something wrong with me. I'm not good enough. I'm defective, I'm unlovable, I'm inadequate, I'm inferior. I'm. The term that Tim used was, I'm subhuman. So there's some phrase, some way of capturing it. And you might not even consciously be thinking this. You might not be walking around all day saying, I'm a loser. I'm subhuman, I'm inferior. You just might be feeling it, you know, it's not. Might be a conscious belief. So that's why I'm highlighting this for you, so you can start to see maybe that is the false conclusion I've come to. And if I introduce something to you, like, try this and do that, and you say, it's not going to work for me, then what you might be relying on and falling back to is the false conclusion. And you know, the crazy thing about this is when I first discovered this, this is many years ago in my development, I was working through my own shyness. I'm going to get into my story more in these videos. But as I started to come across this, you know what I realized? Once, even though I saw that was my conclusion, it still seemed true. It was like, no. Yeah. Oh, I'm telling myself I'm not good enough. Well, yeah, it's because I am not good enough. I am a loser. I am defective. I am different. So we get really entrenched in this idea. And Tony Robbins, who's a mentor of mine, one of my teachers, and an amazing change artist he calls himself, helps people radically shift their lives and really helped me in some aspects of my shyness, too. But one thing he does when he teaches people how to help make a shift in their lives, he says, you have to define the problem in solvable terms. You have to define the problem in solvable terms. So the problem of, I'm fucked up, there's something wrong with me, I'm defective. It's not solvable. What do you do with that? There's nothing you can do with that other than live a life of Tim where you're in your mom's basement and pretty miserable with your life pretty closed off. That's the only. There's. There's no solution to that. So we need to do is we need to shift this false conclusion and define the problem in solvable terms. And so one way to start doing that is to start saying whenever you notice that thing of like, I can't do that. I messed up. There's something wrong with me. Catch yourself in that self talk. That's. We're getting into that next in the next video. So self talk is huge when it comes to maintaining social anxiety and shyness and when it comes to building confidence. So when you notice that there's something wrong with me, thought or sense, then here's what you do. You say, wait a minute, that's not true. There's nothing wrong with me. It's just that. Wait a minute. It's not that there's something wrong with me, it's just that. And then fill in the phrase with something that's solvable so things that are more true. It's not that there's something fundamentally wrong with me. It's just that I need more practice developing my social skills. It's not that there's something wrong with me. It's just that I don't make eye contact and interact with people so no one comes towards me. It's not that there's something funnily wrong with me. It's just that I have low self esteem from beating up myself all the time. It's not that there's something terribly wrong with me. It's just that I need to love myself more. And these are all tangible skills and solvable problems that you can work on. You know what the truth is, and this might not seem true to you because you might be in the place where I was, where it's like, nope, the false conclusion is not false. It might be false for other people, maybe it was false for Aziz, but it's true for me. And I spent some time there too. So you might be there, but the reality is these other explainable reasons why you're not getting what you want. The solvable problems are more accurate and more true. And when you actually shift those things, develop the icon, develop the social skills, start interacting with people more, start. Start loving yourself more, you will find that your life dramatically shifts, your confidence level shifts. And the results that you get shift. You get more friends, you get a relationship, you get job offers. This stuff is tried and true. I've seen it in my life and I've seen it in hundreds of men's lives. So the reality is that this, it is a false conclusion and that it's not that, it's just that. And then define it in solvable terms. One surprising thing I've noticed as I started to do this work with guys where you redefine the problem in solvable terms is that there's some resistance in us to doing that. There's some resistance to giving up our conclusion that we're just defective. And I was fascinated by this because I noticed that in myself for years. And then I started working with guys and I thought I had this great knowledge. I was like, check this out. You can change things. Watch, I'll show you. And then I noticed there'd be like a nah, I don't know about that. I don't know if I want to. And that surprised me. So I started to look at this more. I was like, what's going on here? Why are we resistant to making a shift and defining a problem in solvable terms that we can then solve and be free of? And I found several interesting things. One is, I found out what we're really scared of. There's some deep fears that stop us. One of these fears is a fear that we're going to. That we're going to try that. We're going to define it in solvable terms, which means we're going to go out there and we're going to start making eye contact with people or interacting with people. That our worst fears are going to be found. True. That we are. And here's our worst fear, that we are unlovable. That no one could like us, no one could love us as we are. And so we're going to. It's better to keep small and restricted and just assume that people don't like you than to really open up, put yourself out there, and then find out for the truth that people don't like you. That sounds too unpleasant, too overwhelming, too painful. Painful to endure. So what we do is we say, let's let me just remain small and not. And not approach this challenge. So that's the first fear, is that it's gonna be. It's not gonna work, and people are gonna find out that I'm unlovable. Another fear I found, and this one fascinates me, is that we don't like to give up our identity. That as uncomfortable as something is, at least it's familiar. You know, Tony Robbins says the strongest force in the human personality is. Is to remain consistent with our identity. And I believe that's absolutely true that in what I've seen in people, is that we don't want to shift our identity, even if the identity is uncomfortable, like there's something wrong with me, at least it's familiar. And I can't fully explain this, why this is so uncomfortable. I've seen it myself dozens of times. Each time in my life as I've shifted. Most recently, I've had a transformation around healing, a chronic pain autoimmune condition that I've had for over 15 years. I went to so many different doctors, and all of them said, you have, you know, ankylosing spondylitis. It's a serious pain condition. I believed it. And it was only in the last six months that I had a radical shift when I realized that my beliefs were having a powerful effect and my emotions were having a powerful effect, and I was able to make a powerful shift around this. Maybe one day I'll create a product about how to do that. But what I found was opening up to the idea that I didn't have to live in chronic pain, which who would choose. Living in chronic pain sounds terrible, right? But opening up to that idea, I found all kinds of fear, and you might be experiencing that now too. Like opening up to the idea that Maybe you're not defective. Maybe you can have a girlfriend and a wife and a family and an awesome job and just be out there in the world. There can be a tremendous amount of fear. Who will I be? How will I be? I don't know what that's like. What about all the responsibilities that might come? Will I be able to handle it? Is it too much? I can't take that on. What if I'm miserable? We have all these fears that hold us back. But instead of identifying that and facing the fears, we say, no, I'm just not good enough. I totally would, but I'm defective. But we lose all our power. Then the real power is to say, look, I can do this. I can define this in solvable terms. And I'm scared. And that's okay, because I know what to do with fear. And you're going to learn what to do with fear in one of these videos upcoming in this Kickstart your confidence sequence. In fact, if you really want to learn how to master dealing with your fear, I would encourage going beyond this program. And this program is just an intro. This is just what I can share in these short little videos. If you want to go in depth in this stuff, in depth in the fear and obstacles to making a change in depth into your story, in depth in what is holding you back in your life. And then hours of how to break through that. And I'm talking about really interactive stuff. You're going to be up and out of your seat and doing stuff that you haven't done before that produces results than you've never had before. If you do something radically different, then you will get a radically different result, I guarantee that. And that's what Confidence Unleashed offers. So if you're getting something out of this video, I strongly encourage you to click below to order Confidence Unleashed. Because this Kickstarter Kickstart, your confidence is powerful and it can get you going. But if you are ready to make that complete transformation, that's where I put all of my good stuff. That's where I put everything I have to offer that I know will work. So go ahead and get Confidence Unleashed today and you can just get started immediately and have a powerful shift in your life. That's what I want for you. And stay tuned for the next Kickstart your confidence video. We're going to be getting into your self perception, how you see yourself, how you think of yourself, basically who you think you are and how that might be keeping you stuck. And you're going to learn some incredibly powerful tools 2 specifically that can help shift your self perception like never before and help you start feeling better about yourself immediately. So I'm excited to share those things with you and I look forward to talking to you in the next Kickstart your confidence video. Stay tuned to your email. You'll get it there. Talk to you soon.