Confidence Kick Start (4 of 4) - Bold Action: The Key To Confidence

Welcome to the fourth and final training video in the Kickstart your confidence series. This one is an accumulation and a summation of everything that you've learned so far. In fact, it requires that you've made some of the shifts, as in the videos that you watched earlier. Because if you have made those shifts, if you have made a fundamental decision to change how you see yourself and start to love yourself more and accept yourself more, and if you haven't started to question maybe what I think others are thinking about me is not always accurate. If you haven't made those shifts, then this next step, which is all about taking bold action in the world, will be really hard because you'll be held back by all these negative beliefs about yourself and all these fears about how others are going to respond to you. So what you need to do is you need to start shifting that in your life and then take bold action. And in fact, it's not really linear. The process isn't linear. Like, I change all my beliefs, then I change how other people are going to see me, then I take bold action. It's all in a big loop. So as you're working on changing your beliefs, you try a little bit of new action, see what happens. And so here's the place that we start, though. Before we change our beliefs, before we change the way we see other people, we're stuck in that place, right? Do you remember where we're stuck? And you might still be stuck in there right now. That false conclusion. There's something wrong with me. I don't have anything to offer. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. And here's how we operate. When we believe that and we have that really negative self concept, we walk down the street and what is our eye contact like with other people? Are we making eye contact and bright and smiling at people? Is our head down, our eyes down? Maybe we got our headphones on and how are we moving? Are we like upright and good posture and taking strides? Are we kind of head down, shuffling along, right? And then you get to work and how do you interact with your co workers there? And you come in, you're like, hey, how's it going? Maybe you don't say anything at all. Maybe you just go to your desk, you start working there and someone comes in and it's like, hey, how's it going? And you say, good, you know, and you're uncomfortable and you don't want to say much. And then they think maybe you don't want to talk to them. So they leave. And then, you know, every time you go to lunch, there's that cute woman who works at the coffee shop that you like to get your sandwich at. And you see her and she smiles at you and you say, here's my credit card. Thanks. You take your food and you sit down and you eat it. So what am I describing here? And it goes on from there, right? You can describe a whole day, a whole week, a whole month, a whole year like that. What I'm describing here is a pattern, and it's a pattern of avoidance. And this is where we live when we're stuck in shyness and social anxiety is it's painful to put ourselves out there. We have all these negative thoughts about ourselves. We assume we're unlovable. We assume people are judging us. It hurts so much that we just avoid the whole thing. We put our blinders on. We go through life and we live a life of avoidance. But I'm here to tell you that a life of avoidance isn't going to get you what you want. It's not going to get you more confidence in your life, not going to get you a girlfriend. It's not going to get you more money. It's not going to get you a satisfying, fulfilling life where, you know, you're the architect of it. Really all it gets you is you survive, and maybe not even that well. And it gets you a lot of other stuff too, like negative health consequences and a lot of challenges. So the key here is we have to break our pattern of avoidance. We have to change it to a pattern of approaching what we're scared of. We have to change to a pattern of taking life on. That's why I call it Take bold Action. We have to go from avoidance to boldness. And if we're bold and we start to infuse our lives with that boldness, then things will dramatically shift. Basically, what this comes down to is we have to learn how to take healthy risks. I remember working with one client who said to me, you know, the way I've lived is if there has been a 1% chance that something will go wrong, I won't do it, no matter what. The thing is, no matter how much I want it, if there's a chance that I can't get it, then the rejection or the failure or the disappointment is not worth it. I'm not going to go for it. And can you imagine how his life was unfolding? More importantly, can you think of what in life is a hundred percent certain, whether it's talking to that woman and asking her out, seeing if she'll marry you, Applying for a job, giving a public presentation, starting your own business, starting a family, taking on a new project, expanding, trying something different, learning a sport, doing anything in your Life. Is it 100% certain that's going to succeed? Absolutely not. So we have to learn how to take these healthy risks. So it is a risk. You could try something that could not work. In fact, when you take bold action in the world, sometimes stuff's not going to work. In fact, some of the experiments I have in confidence unleashed are intended to not work. Not in a horribly negative way, but just like the rejection practice I was talking about next time or in the last video. And it's intended to not work. So you learn like, oh, I can handle it if it doesn't work. It doesn't destroy me if I don't get what I want. And so we have to learn how to take those healthy risks. And a way to do that is drawn from behavioral psychology, which is called exposure. And that means doing the thing that scares us, even though we're frightened about it. That means approaching what scares us. And the way exposure works is that if we consistently do what scares us, then it starts to reduce in intensity. Here's a caveat, though. We have to combine it with what you learned in the first videos of this program, particularly the ones about how you talk to yourself. Because if you expose yourself, you try something new, you say hi to some people, and then afterwards you're like, that was terrible. You're a loser, you, everyone hates you. It's not going to reduce your anxiety, it might increase it. So you have to learn how to do exposure while combining it with positive self talk, treating yourself well, challenging negative beliefs, being compassionate with yourself. But the key lesson from exposure in psychology is that you can eradicate fears by consistently moving towards them. And there's been dozens of books and articles and all this stuff, researching this and writing about this. So this is not new information, but it might be new information to you at this point where you maybe you're more willing to apply this information. So we have to break out this, this pattern of avoidance. And the exposure helps us recondition our mind and body. Because right now, if you've been living in a pattern avoidance for years, what happens is there's something that you want to do, and then what will happen is you'll have a strong reaction in your body that will prevent you from doing it. Basically, some part of your mind will take over. Have you ever had that experience, like, I'm gonna go talk to her today, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna ask her her name. And you see her and you're about to do it. And then something happens. What happens? You turn and you walk away. And I don't know who's in control there. My rational, thinking brain apparently wasn't in control there. Like my body and like the deeper mammalian centers of my brain took over and made me leave. So what that is, that's just a process of conditioning and we can recondition ourselves. And. And that is what Confidence Unleashed is all about, is about reconditioning ourselves. And so these videos are intellectual understanding that I'm hoping you'll apply into your life and get results in Confidence Unleashed. I couldn't just rely on that. I said, you know what? I'm used to working with people one on one. How do I instill the same shift? How do I guarantee the same results through a video program? And I was like, well, I got to make sure that they engage and recondition themselves. So there's a lot of exercises in Confidence Unleashed that are all about reconditioning your mind and your body. I have you say things, I have you do things, I have you write things out, have you act in ways that are different. Don't worry, it's all in the safety of your own room. So no one's going to see you being a little weird. What they do is they scramble the patterns and help you break through them in a completely different way so that you're reconditioned so that when you leave the room and you go out and do the experiments, go talk to that person, it's a lot easier. You have a huge amount of inner resources to make it happen. You're able to connect with that part of you that is powerful and confident and courageous, which is inside of you right now. You just don't know how to access it. And I'll teach you how to access that in Confidence Unleashed. But the takeaway here is to start moving towards what scares you. And one thing you can do now, a simple thing, which is low level. Here's one thing about exposure you need to learn is that you want to do low level risks. You don't want to go out and do, you know, if you're really stuck in shyness, you don't want to say, I'm going to go to a bar tonight and I'm going to approach a table of four women totally sober and I'm going to hit on all of them and take one of them home. I'm really scared to do that, so I should go do that. No, no. That's like, you don't want to pick something that's totally out of your league and overwhelming and terrifying because then you're setting yourself up to not succeed and reinforce all those negative beliefs. Pick something that's just outside of your comfort zone, just outside of the area of things that you're okay and comfortable doing. So one basic one here is called friendly greetings. I recommend this to everyone as an initial step, and that is pick a busy street in your city where a lot of people. There's a lot of foot traffic, or it could even be an indoor mall, but there's a lot of people walking both ways on the street. You're going to walk down that street and you're going to commit to yourself. You're going to say, I'm going to greet 20 people today. I'm not going to get in my car and leave here until I've greeted 20 people. So you're just going to walk down the street. And as people are walking the other way, you got to somehow get their attention. Now, doing this with guys, I found that you have to say it early enough that they're not already past you. Because if they're walking past you and right as they walk by, you say, hey, how's it going? They're not going to respond. They're going to ignore you. So they're going to be a little ways away. You look at them and. And you say, hey, how's it going? Hi. A little wave, a little hand gesture can get their attention, too. And then if they look back at you, just smile. How's it going? Hey, you're just being friendly. It's called friendly greetings. And you want to do that and greet 20 people and see what happens. Some people will ignore you. Some people will respond positively. A lot of people will. Some people will look at you and then look away. The key here is to do it, and if you're anxious around it, great. And to reinforce the principles of exposure, I encourage you to do this every day for a week. Seven times. It only takes like 10 minutes. Stop by on the way to work or on the way home or on your way to lunch or whatever, and just walk down the street, park a few blocks away, walk down and say hi to 10, 15 people. If you do this over seven days, you will start to see the power of exposure, the power of reconditioning yourself. And if you want to take this one step further. You know, we're getting to the end of the kickstart your confidence video program. And. And I am glad and impressed that you've stayed with me this far. Because, you know, the honest truth is most guys are not willing to make the shifts necessary to transform their lives. And it's not a matter of them being defective. It's not a matter of not good enough. It's that they're unwilling to take the shift, and they're just stuck in those beliefs. And at some point, they will be ready. I really believe that everyone's ready at some point in their lives. But in a lot of my experience, it's like, I'll be ready later. And a statistic I shared in a previous video is that the average person with social anxiety waits 10 years before they seek help and take effective action to overcome that anxiety. And that was my experience. I was right on the stat. I think I was about 10 years, nine, 10 years before I really started to make these shifts in my life. So if you're in that place right now and you're watching these and you're like, okay, these work. But. And you're not, your life can be totally different than it is right now. It can't just be a little better. It can be dramatically different. You can be dating multiple women. You can be the selector in those relationships where you feel like you have a power and a confidence that you know that you're an attractive guy. And then you can choose the woman you want to be your girlfriend. You can be able to talk in front of a group of people and look confident and feel secure in yourself. You can go to an interview and know that you are awesome and worthwhile for the job. You can go up to strangers and start friendly conversations. You can do all this stuff. And Confidence Unleashed will help you get there. It will show you exactly how to do it, help you retrain and recondition your mind so you're on deep, subconscious level ready to take those actions. They're not going to be so terrifying anymore. And you're going to have done all the social experiments, experiments inside of Confidence Unleashed that give you a strong foundation of social skills and social confidence. You know, I can't recommend this program enough. And honestly, if you just click below and order it now, if you don't like it, if it doesn't work for you, doesn't radically transform your life, you get your money back. It's absolutely free, no questions asked. You can even keep the product, just I want it to help you. If it didn't help you, then I'll get your money back. So there's really absolutely no risk for you. And if you're hemming and hawing and saying, I don't know, a lot of money, really, it's a perception thing, right? Because how much would it be worth to you to have an awesome girlfriend? I mean, when I was stuck in shyness, I would have spent every penny I had. I would have spent $1,000. I would have worked for three months and made that money and given someone a thousand dollars if that could get me the ability to walk up to a beautiful woman and say, how's it going? And have a great conversation and then go on a date with her. And honestly, the first time that I met a woman of my choosing, pursued the most beautiful, compelling, funniest, sexiest woman that I knew in my life, in my sphere, and then actually went on some dates with her. Amazing, fun chemistry, made love. That was just opening me up. And that was the first time I fell in love. I mean, I'd never really been connected in that way with someone. It just changed my life, changed my world. That is priceless to me, me. So if it's, you know, the price of four or five dinners, that's nothing. And you get your money back if it doesn't work. So I can't strongly encourage you enough to get this program. Click below to order now and I will talk to you inside of Confidence unleashed.