Confidence Secret: Do The Opposite | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Would you like to learn a simple confidence secret that you could use? You could like have it in your back pocket to pull out whenever you needed it to be able to go out there and do what you want, break through hesitation and just turn everything around. So if you're scared, you go do it. If you're worried, you go do it. If you're held back or not sure how it's going to go, you go do it. Would you love to be able to have that superpower? If so, watch this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz and this is the show for you. If you want to maximize your confidence in every area of your life that matters. Your dating, your relationships, your career, your social life, your just general social and connection ability and and feeling alive and empowered to be who you are in the world, this is the place for you. And if you're loving these videos, subscribe below. If this is your first one, definitely subscribe below because you're gonna wanna catch all the new stuff that's coming out. And let's talk about this little magic tool that I talked about that you can have in your back pocket. Are you ready? Here's what it is. It's gonna sound stupid, obvious, and you might even be like, yeah, I can't do that. But hear me out. You ready? Do the opposite. Do the opposite. Let me explain what I mean. So let's say you're in a situation and you're feeling not confident. Think of a situation where you recently where you maybe felt anxious, uncomfortable, full of self doubt. Think back. Maybe it's in your workplace. Maybe it's in a social setting, like a party or a gathering. Maybe it's a networking thing, which is kind of like work and social conference. Maybe it's your dating life. There's someone you find really attractive and you're scared to go approach them. Just think about that for just a second. Where was that? Because it's gonna be really helpful because if you don't have anything, this is gonna be just abstract. We want to make this really real so you can use it and see the effect of it right now. Okay, great. I'm just gonna assume you have a situation in your mind right now. So here's a question I want to ask you. You're tense, you're uncomfortable. What were you telling yourself? What story were you telling yourself in your mind? This is a superpower question. I highly recommend you being able to ask this all the time. And better and better self awareness. To know the answer. And in fact, people in my mastermind program, we have them go through logs where they keep track for a week or 10 days at a time and get really good at being able to identify what story am I telling myself? Because this controls so much in our lives. But let's say you're in that social setting. It's a networking thing, right? So you can meet people, it's for business, but you also got to be able to chit chat. And maybe your story is, I don't fit in here. I don't know what to say. Other people are all talking and I don't know how to quite join in. People aren't interested in me. Some version of that, let's say that's happening in your head, that's your story. Now what does that story, how does that make you feel? Well, if you're in that situation, you're probably feeling tense, you're feeling hesitant for sure. Why would I want to put myself out there? And maybe you're feeling self critical, uncomfortable, anxious now. And here's where it gets super important. You ready? What is that story and that feeling, what is it like telling me to do? What is the behavior that I kind of want to do now that I'm in this bad state? Well, usually hesitate, leave, pull out my phone, pretend like I'm busy, escape, get real quiet, hide, don't make eye contact. Right. You know what I mean? These are the kind of behaviors that it wants us to do. And you want to get real specific here because that's what we're going to use to come up with the superpower question, which is what is the exact opposite of that behavior, of those behaviors? The exact opposite. And you just want to go through each one. Well, the exact opposite of not making eye contact is to make eye contact. The exact opposite of to have to hesitate is to take immediate action. The exact opposite of hiding is being visible. The exact opposite of waiting is to go initiate. So you come up with the exact opposite of what it is that you want to do. When you're in that state, then what do you do? You do the opposite. Say it with me now. You do what? The opposite. So that means you make eye contact, you initiate, you go through it, and you do it. Now here's the thing, because you might say, well, jeez, I don't want to, or that's hard. It's not going to go well. Time is your friend. I set a timer on my watch for three minutes. Go do the thing for three minutes and just See what happens. Because all of this, we think it's so permanent. And this is my personality. And it's just a pattern. And if you shift your pattern, everything can turn around in three minutes. Let me give you one more example of this. You probably know enough already to go apply it, but let me give you one more example just so you can really get it. And this is from a totally different context. This is actually me over the weekend with my two little boys. I got a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I love the hell out of them. And it was a Saturday afternoon. I was feeling tired. I think I was like, I wanted. I was focused on like, I gotta get, you know, cleaning and stuff done in the house. I'll focus on that. And my son, who's three, is like, I don't give a shit about cleaning. He doesn't say that in those words, but he's just like, no cleaning. Daddy, let's go outside and play. Let's go outside and play. And I'm like, I gotta do all this and then I gotta do the laundry and then this and then that. And I was all overwhelmed by all the chores I have to do, right? And the truth is I don't have to do them, but I'm just attached to that moment. And he's like, no, let's go outside and play. Let's go outside and play. And in that moment, I'm feeling like, irritated. I'm like, just not happy, dad, right? And I don't want to go play. So I use this technique. So I'm like, okay, what story am I telling myself? I'm telling myself, I have to get the house clean right now. I don't have time to go play with him. I don't want to go play with him. I don't like playing in the yard. It's boring. I got important stuff to do, like cleaning the dishes. That's important, right? And that was believing it. And then how was I feeling? Well, I was feeling irritated, I was feeling frustrated. I was feeling like resistant. Like, don't demand things of me. Maybe like a little bit of, I'm going to be autonomy man, push back on you. No one bosses me around. And what behaviors did I want to do in that state? Well, I wanted to say no. I wanted to be harsh. I wanted to ignore him. I wanted to say, go outside and play by yourself. I don't want to play with you. I wanted to say, I don't like playing with you. I didn't say a lot of those Things, but that's what I wanted to say. So. And obviously, the behavior would be not play in the yard, go do the dishes and ignore my son. So what is the exact opposite? Well, the exact opposite. And this is. Remember, this is not just a little bit opposite. The exact opposite. Because I could go out and play in that same lousy state, right? Like, fine, let's go play. What now? You know, you got my pants dirty. You're a parent, you know. You know that state where you're doing it, but you don't want to do it, and it's bad for everybody, so we got to turn the whole thing around. So I was like, what's the exact opposite? Well, the exact opposite would be instead of avoiding or moving away from my son to engage with him, and the exact opposite, instead of being, you know, no, I'm not going to go outside. Yes, I'm going to go outside. And I was like, wait a minute. Actually, no, it's not just, yes, I'm going to go outside. The exact opposite is, hey, I want to go outside. Come with me. Like, I'm way. I'm beyond his desire. I really want to do it. Like, now I'm bringing him out there, and instead of being passive, dad, I'm just like, I'm going to come up with a game. Hey, let's sprint to the back of the yard and go to the fence and back, right? Or let's do this and be, like, really engaged with him instead of just, like, passively watching him. Like, how much time do I got to spend out here before I got to go do the dishes, right? It's like, I'm going to jump in there and be engaged with him. Now, here's the thing. When you're in that lousy state and you come up with that new idea of the opposite, do you want to do it? No. You're like, part of you is like, no, no, I don't want to go talk to those people. I don't want to play with my son, right? And here's the thing. Willpower, man. You just do it for three minutes. So I set a timer on my. On my. On my watch for three minutes. And I said, and I do something in my body to just kind of shift my energy and my state, which is something like this. Like, all right. And he's like, what's gonna happen? And I'm like, hey, Zaim. He's like, yeah. Like, do you want to go outside and play with me? And he's like, yeah, kind of forgot herself Was confused because he had just asked me that. So we go outside. As soon as we get out, it's a bright sunny day, which is beautiful springtime here. And I'm just like, hey, let's go sprint to the fence and back. And he's like, yeah. And so we're sprinting, we race to the fence, and then I'm like, let's go back. Okay, now you chase me. Now when you get to the fence, you're safe. Tag, you're it. And we're running around the yard and I look down at my watch and it's been about 90 seconds and guess how I'm feeling? Fantastic. It is sunny outside. I'm feeling gorgeous. I see. I'm feeling gorgeous. I am gorgeous, baby. But it's gorgeous outside. I'm feeling great and gorgeous. And when we're sprinting back towards up the side yard, I look over and my one and a half year old son Armand is just like, like he's trying to catch up to it. He's got like this crazy fuzzy hair thing going on and it's flopping around. He's all excited, he wants to join in. And of course we run right by and he's like, turns around, tries to catch up to us, and I'm just the joy in his face. I was feeling so excited, so good. And now it's only been two minutes and I'm just like, wow, the power of doing the opposite. And of course, when your timer runs out in three minutes, you have a choice. Well, first of all, check what's my story now? Man, I love playing outside. It feels so good to be with my kid. Who cares about the dishes? I can do them later. This is fun, right? And then how am I feeling? I'm feeling excited, I'm breathing a little bit more. I'm feeling energized. I'm feeling more creative and resourceful. I have some ideas of things we can do. I'm like, hey, Zaim, let's get your scooter and go out, right? Maybe I didn't want to be in the yard. It's like, oh, great, well, let's go out. Let's take your scooter and go somewhere. Let's go to a park. So I'm being more resourceful and creative. And then you have a choice after those three minutes, do I want to, what do I want to do now that I've shifted my energy around, Do I want to keep doing the opposite? Do I want to keep doing this stuff or do I want to go back to where I was. And you know what I found dozens of times of doing this experiment with myself. I never want to go back to that. I'm just like, bleh, let me keep doing this. So that's what I hope for you. Share in the comments below. Go try this out or share right now what you're thinking, where you've seen this in your life. You could use it. Use it and then share what worked. How did it go? I love to hear the success stories in these videos and subscribe if you want to know more about this and go further with this. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.