Confidence Success Story - Radically Improving Health, Persistence, And Upgrading Your Identity

All right, here we go. Hey, I'm Dr. Aziz, and I'm here with a very special man, Dave Osofsky. And Dave is an inspiring man, and in general, he is. And more recently, some major breakthroughs in his physical health have led me to say, wait a minute. Success leaves clues. And if you're able to make a significant change, that's going to teach us a lot. Not just about how to create a goal with our physical health or fitness, but just our goals in life in general. So thank you, Dave, for taking the time to share with us today, and we can see we can glean some wisdom from your experience.

Man, I hope so. Hope I can give something of value.

I'm sure. I'm sure it's all in there.

Okay.

People look at you now and they don't see the Dave of a year ago or three years ago or something like that. So just so people know kind of what the shift was like, what. What was the transition. What was the transformation in your health over this last 12 months?

I'd say about. Well, that's funny because, you know, about. It's about a year since COVID hit, and, you know, around that time, you know, you know, for the last 20 years or so, you know, my weights kind of fluctuated in a certain range. It kind of stayed in that same area, you know, 20 pounds, regained 30, you know, lose 40, regain 30, and, you know, on and on.

And then those are actually pretty big swings, though, right?

So, yeah, they count.

You must be doing a lot of stuff to lose £30, like some. Some fair amount of effort or.

Yeah. You know, and various methods over time. You know, I've tried everything over the years. Keto, veganism, whole food plant based, which is, you know, what. Eventually, you know, as part of. As part of my new lifestyle has worked for me, but, you know, in the past, I failed at it just as much as everything else I've done. And so. And so, yeah, when Covid hit, you know, I was, you know, extremely overweight. I was worried about my health. I decided I was going to lose some weight, and I did that for about three months. You know, March through June of last year, I probably lost 30 pounds again. And then by August, I regained that, plus some just kind of got worn down worrying about it and just went back to my normal habits. And So I turned 46 in August, and I decided, you know, I'm going to get this result by the end of the year. I'm done with this. I'm not going to hit another birthday. And Be extremely overweight. So on August 31, I started a diet. There was a coach that I'd been kind of following through podcasts and online for a while, tracked him down, hired him to basically walk me through, helped me change my lifestyle. And over the last six months, you know, that's what we've done.

Wow. So there's a lot in there. Okay, so you had been gaining and losing this same 20, 30 pounds for decades.

Yes. I mean, so I was a really skinny kid. So much so that my parents would take me to the, you know, the doctor worried about my weight, ask the doctor if I needed to eat more. And I think maybe some of the habits that developed then being kind of like, encouraged to overeat may have had some negative effect. But I started gaining weight when I was around 12 and I was a fat teenager, became a fat adult and have never been much below about 240 or so. And I'm 5 11, so I've never been with 240 since, you know, as an adult and, you know, until. Until very recently.

Yeah. So I'm curious. You had this experience of kind of going up and down whenever you'd start that, like, okay, I'm going to lose the weight again. Was there a part of you that felt like, yeah, right. Like this time I'm just going to gain it back. Like, did you believe each time that this was going to be different? Or did some of you.

Some. The.

Of some part of you was somewhere always holding back, kind of knowing that I'm not gonna make it?

I think it was always very hard to imagine myself different. Like, I would say that, you know, when I. When I started, obviously I. I thought that I was gonna succeed enough that it was worth the effort of making the start, you know? You know, if I. If I just decided this is hopeless and it's not worth the effort, I probably wouldn't have even bother trying.

Right.

But, but, but. But there was a. Probably a part of me that just never could see myself not as a fat person. And so, and so I always kind of in the back of my mind wondered, like, when am I going to screw up or what's going to. You know, what's going to happen? It was really just for the picture myself, you know, at. At my goal.

Yeah. I mean, that highlights something so interesting about our identity. Right. Like, this is how I am. It's hard to see myself as significantly different. And then the, you know, you have a certain. Like, at some point, you've lived more years in that identity. Than you have not. And so it's sort of like, wow, this is a. This is a bigger, this is more than. This is the majority of my life. That, that I've been this way. And so this is how it is. And so, yeah, that cycle repeats. I think everyone can relate to that in some way, shape or form some identity that feels familiar. But then something happened. You said it was 46th birthday, gained the weight back again. And you said, like, that's it, like, enough, I'm going to have this resolved by the end of the year. Did it feel different than previous times you decided? Was there a significant sense of it being different?

Not probably on that first day, but I knew I was going to. You know, I'd already reached out to the coach, I believe he hadn't. I'd heard back from him, but. But I knew that was what I was going to pursue. And, and, and so once we hooked up and, you know, I paid some money, that's kind of when that. That's kind of when I knew I'm gonna finish this.

Yeah.

And that was probably like about 10 days, two weeks after I started on my own. And so probably those first two weeks were probably just like pretty similar to every other.

Every other time.

Yeah, every other time Had.

In the previous attempts, had you ever hired a coach?

Never.

Wow. Wow. So this is, you know, we talk a lot about in our community, the idea of the. No, the lone wolf. Right. And I'm gonna do it myself. And then there's that lone wolf cycle which you've seen me. I talk about it all the time with people because it's so relevant here. I'll just pull it up real quick so we can show it to others here. Where is it? Here it is. So let me share my screen. So this is the lone wolf. Typical lone wolf progress, where we get some momentum. And this could be your weight. Right? Weight loss, lose weight, gain it back. Lose weight, gain it back. We get momentum. It goes up and down, up and down, up and down. And I don't think that's unique to you or to me. That's not unique to our physical health. That's like a human property. So the decision in a way that gets started with, I'm going to do this again. But the real commitment began when you decided, I'm going to invest in myself and I'm going to get this coaching. And you and I both have benefited greatly in our lives from coaching. And so you kind of start to see, wait a minute, there's a pattern here. Yeah.

And speaking of pattern, that's what I was just going to say is, you know, how I found you is, you know, now, five years, four or five years ago now, I read your, I read one of your books, the Solution to Social Anxiety. Like, I like this guy. I like what he's saying. I apologize you. And then I, you know, I saw an email you sent and I called you and I reached out to you about the Mastermind group and said, hey, I want to be part of this. And that's exactly what I did with this. You know, the guy I coached with, he's an author of this book right here, the Health Band Solution. He helped Penn Jillette from Penn and Teller comedy duo who's over 100 pounds, which is how I first started him from, From Penn's book. And so, and so I'm like, well, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna track this guy down and see if he'll coach me. Yeah, that's just kind. That's something that I've come to believe in for sure, is that you have to immerse yourself, invest in yourself. It's so hard to make permanent lifestyle changes on your own. The whole world has a different story, and everybody is telling you something different.

Yeah. And I think we bump up against our own fear, discomfort, our own, you know, an emotion I don't want to feel, a discomfort I don't want to withstand. I'm going to run from this feeling, you know, whatever it is. And it's. So if it's just you and you, it's hard. It's hard to really hold that line of why we want it and why it's so important for, you know, because the real changes happen over long periods of time. Right. You know, months, years. So to hold that line over, I think on our own, we're much more kind of like fickle creatures. We feel a lot of emotion. So you guys started working with this guy, and was it something significantly different than anything you'd ever done, or is it more just like kind of similar stuff, but you had that accountability and that support.

It was a very different method. I think the, the. I think the genius of his coaching program is that switching to a healthy lifestyle is. Is. Is very difficult. Especially, I mean, if you watch a. You watch tv every. Commercials for fast food or some kind of, you know, pizza or, you know, junk food, whatever. I mean, you know, there's a lot of money behind, behind junk food, and it is really hard to change habits like that. You know, it's Trying to think of the right way to put it. Well, All right, ask me that again. What was my train of thought?

Yeah, sure. Well, it just seems like, was the. I'm, you know, because sometimes people think of like the, you know, when we get coaching, there's accountability and support, but there's also perhaps like new information or.

Oh, right, right. Okay.

He taught you something different than you've been doing before.

Yeah, so. So. So the end result of the diet, you know, is something that I had tried before for a few weeks at a time, always felt awesome on it. You know, eating whole food, plant based diet, very little processed food, no junk, pretty much, you know, like grains, vegetable, fruits, nuts, seeds, berries, that sort of thing.

That's weird. It's even more complicated. It should be formulated in a lab and have. It comes in cans.

Right. In a bar. You could eat a bar. You got to eat a book.

Yeah, exactly.

But, but, yeah, so, so, so the end result was, was kind of what I was expecting, but the method of doing it was a method of immersing, immersing you in the, in the lifestyle and changing it over a course of time to where my food preferences totally change over that course time. The biggest problem people have when they lose weight is that they don't change their food preferences. So they get done losing weight and they go back to what they were eating before and they, you know, go back to the same issues they had before. So part of this, like six months, six months I was losing weight, was making sure that didn't happen when, when I was done losing weight, that by the time, by the time I was done, my story was just rewritten and this is the food that I would prefer. And it worked out exactly that way.

There's like a reset of what your body wants, what you, what you hunger for.

Yeah. I mean, all food is habit. That's why if you travel internationally, you know, you see stuff people eat in other countries that looks disgusting to you, but they love it and they come here and they see some of the stuff we eat. It's all habit and it's all preference that you gain over time.

Yeah. Yeah, that's great. So now you naturally want to eat like fruits and vegetables and berries and seeds.

Exactly. I just prefer to. And for breakfast this morning I had a big, giant bowl of oatmeal full of fruits and nuts and it was awesome. You know, not hungry at all. I haven't been hungry in a very long time and I, you know, have energy and feel great.

Yes.

And I think after this nice.

That's awesome, man. Me too. I'm actually gonna walk and talk. That's what I love is I. Because I, I have a similar way that I eat, I try to eat like almost very little processed food and yeah. Plant based whole foods. Every day I've had the same smoothie or I have two smoothies that I make and I'll alternate them for the last years just you know, maybe I'll change out the greens that are in them or the fruits. But it's the same kind of basic stuff. And what I love about it is it's like a generally kind of. There's no crazy fluctuations in my energy. You know, when we eat a lot of that heavy stuff or the processed stuff, it can be like, oh, it tastes so good in the moment. It's food for entertainment, right? Like, yeah. And then afterwards it's like, ugh. And I find if you eat the way that you're describing that the energy is pretty sustained throughout the day without needing.

Yeah. You know what's interesting? A while back you mentioned that you had, I think the last event I was at live, I think you mentioned that you had stopped drinking coffee and it had, and it had stabilizer energy through the day. And I was a big coffee drinker and over the last few months, just naturally my taste for coffee has decreased. We got down to about a cup a day. And recently I've just switched to black tea because coffee stopped tasting right to me. And I think maybe just because I didn't need the energy from it as much as I just don't enjoy it as much just for the flavor anymore.

Sure. Well, we just, we can talk about fuel sources. Right. And it's like if you are providing your body with like naturally sort of fiber dense, slow burning energy or fats from nuts and other stuff like it, it's, it drips out throughout the day. Whereas if we eat something that's, you know, sugar rush or whatever. Well, all these things. And then what we do is we try to jack our energy with our, you know, adrenaline system. And I look, I mean we're not going to go after coffee here because we will get, we will get thrown out of the building. Coffee is, coffee is the loved addiction of much of the world. But yeah, I personally have found that actually for me, no caffeine is what I've discovered is optimal because I'm so sensitive to it that I found that even just that I just like, wait a minute, if I don't introduce that noise into the system, then I Don't have that, That dip. And I think that's something I'm always seeking is like, how do we have like high sustained energy? And so I actually got this thing. This is, this is, this is where it gets real crazy. I don't know if you can see that thing right there.

Oh, yeah.

It's called a biocharger. It is amazing. It. You can look, you can look it online, but like a lot of athletes and our stuff into. It's like great for recovery in your body as well as energizing. It sort of feeds the cells in your body and emits like different frequencies of electromagnetic energy and light energy and all these things. And it's like just finding these alternatives or as you know, I'm a fan of getting up and moving around to music and doing that multiple times throughout the day. And there's just so many different ways that we can energize. And I feel like that stuff, that thing and then moving around and stuff doesn't work that well if your diet is really poor. Like the diet is the foundation. So, okay, this is sort of the nuts and bolts. But I mean, so what was the amount of weight that you lost over about a. How long up here? Six month period?

A little less than six months? Yeah, it was something like 165 days or something like that. I lost 100 pounds.

100.

And really, to be honest, my goal was about 98 pounds. But you can't stop at 98 pounds. So I went the extra too.

You got to go for the hundo.

Wow.

So 100 pounds in six months. You, you know, people hear that and they might think, oh my gosh, that's got to be like a crash diet. You know, you got to be fasting, you got to be doing weird stuff. Did. Were you doing kind of extreme things?

A bit. You know, in a control. Never went longer than 24 hours without eating. You know, I never did a long term fast like I did, you know, like, you know, I've done in the past.

Sure.

Back when I was trying to trying anything. I want it fast, I want to go fast. But at the same time, I think just as a, as a society in general, you know, we overeat, we eat way more than we have to. And so part of the program was, you know, figuring out how much I really needed to eat, which turned out to be a lot less than even I would have thought. And so, and so a lot of people would consider, probably consider it extreme. And that's why I think it's so Important to go through the program. The way it was introduced made it really easy to do.

Sure, sure. Yeah. I think that's really interesting. I've found that there's a way. This is two interesting things I've noticed. One is that there's a way that I could eat. As we get used to eating, the amount of food that we eat, the frequency, the quantities. As you said, you know, food is habit. Eating is habit, which is just. You nailed it in a sentence. Yeah.

Frequency. Frequency. Also, not just the amount of food, but a lot of us just eat three times a day, whether we're hungry or not.

Yeah. And what I found is that sometimes, you know, depending upon the season of the year or what's going on in my life, I'll be. You know, I'll have periods of a lot more activity. And sometimes I find that I'm a lot. I'm a lot more active, and I'm eating about the same amount of food as when I was a lot more sedentary. And I'm like, huh, Did I really need that much energy when I was like, I'm sitting on my desk today. But we're just used to it. And these cues of hunger. And then it's funny because Candace and the boys are out of town right now, and so. And I'm working a fair amount right now. And then if I'm not working, I'm basically just, like, being outside and moving, using my body. And I find I eat in the morning, and then I'm hungry by dinner, maybe a little snack in the middle of the day. Whereas normally when the kids are home and everything, it's like, okay, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm coming in. I got to eat a fair amount of food for lunch, and I'm just like, wow. And here's another thing I found, is that there's a way to go through life where you're never really hungry. You just. You hit those. Those meals regularly enough, and you eat enough at them that you kind of. You go from, like, full to, like, I can eat again.

Right.

And. And if. If that's the experience, I think that's, like, too much. You know, there's like, you need to be, like, full. And I. But I know people. Some people say, like, never get hungry. Snack a ton throughout the day. What are your thoughts?

There's nothing wrong getting a little hungry.

Yeah.

People fear hunger. And that's one advantage of a lot of the experimentation I did in the past.

Yeah.

You know, just tried so many things that. That people think you can't do. You know, I did a, do not advise this, you know, but I did a medically unsupervised solo 38 day water fast, which was a terrible idea. But, but I didn't, I didn't die.

But why was it a terrible idea?

It's not recommended that you do a long term water fast without medical supervision.

Just to make sure that you're, you're safe.

For safety.

You can, yeah, something could be going, going haywire.

Blood pressure can get too low, certain nutrients can get too low. Yeah, you could pass out and no one finds you. You know, that's that sort of thing. So, so, so, so it is recommended that you're medically.

That is shocking. I mean I know you did that. I know you did that. But like so you did 38 days. No, no food. Did you lose the weight that you were hoping to lose during that time?

Yeah, I mean at the time I think when I started it I was somewhere in the two seventies. When I finished it I was somewhere in like the high two twenties. I probably lost like 40, 50 pounds in 40 days. But 38 days and then you know as soon as you start eating again, you're going to regain 10 of that because a lot of it's fluid.

Right.

And probably a voracious electrolytes and that sort of thing. But yeah, I would say, you know, once that evened out over the, over the 38 days I probably lost £25 or so. But, but again I didn't change my habits. And so it's slowly, yeah, it slowly.

Came back regression back to that, that average. That mean. Yeah, I found that I've done some sort of experiments with, with under eating intentionally when I was, when I was in my era. I don't know how, I don't know what we would call that era but it was the era of like I'm going to get six pack abs, you know, I'm gonna thank God I'm not in that era anymore. I want to be strong and fit and active but I don't need to like manipulate my body chemistry and to specific weird ways. But I found that I would intentionally undereat and be more active and yeah, I would get more definition and all that stuff. But then I would hit some point where it was just like. And I think it was because I was sustaining a weight that was below what my body naturally wants to do to be active and strong and healthy. And I would just like something would kick in. It would be like these primal booster jets that were like we're going to get you back to that weight now. And it was like all the control and everything I was exercising for months was just like slowly eroded away. And I feel like there's something inside that if, you know, and maybe someone could sustain that underweight thing, but for me, that was pretty unpleasant.

I think something my coach talks about a lot because he's a scientist and he talks about how, you know, billions of years of evolution have caused us to seek food and not to allow ourselves to get to, you know, to underweight because that's a terrible way to survive and you know, in an environment where there's not food available 24 7.

Yeah. So let me ask you this question. You've had this big transformation in your physical, you know, health, physical appearance, energy level. What does this open up for you? Like how, how is life different beyond just the, you know, the obvious stuff, like I look different, my energy is different. What does that lead to? What does that open up in, in your life and your relationships and what you see for yourself?

Well, it definitely, you know, health wise, it's been, yeah, a huge thing. And it's funny how quickly, you know, just kind of get used to a new thing and take it for granted. But, but, but, but like, you know, the biggest thing is, you know, how I just feel all the time and, and, which is, you know, I don't always feel like I want to go to sleep and, and, and, and, and, and I can focus a little bit and that sort of thing. Still not great, but, but, but way better than before. And so I feel like, um, on, on, on, on that level, that there's stuff I could take on that I wanted to, I've always wanted to. I live in Utah. It's a beautiful country and I do love hiking, but I've never, you know, really done a lot of exploring, more difficult hikes because, you know, even even though I was in relatively good shape for, you know, a fat guy, it's still hard to, to load an extra £100.

It's a lot of weight. It's a lot of weight. It's like a big backpack.

Yeah.

Those body vests you can wear, like carry an extra 40 pounds. I have 40, 50 pounds. What do they call them? The we.

So I was wearing two of those.

That's, that's, that's intense. I've wearing one and it blew me out. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm excited to like, you know, this spring get, get a bike. I want to get a snowboard and get back to doing that next year. So physically, you know, I'm really excited about taking advantage of where I live even more and enjoying those things. I don't think it's a coincidence that a few months into it, I decided after 20 years in the brokerage business, to finally start my own brokerage, go for my own independent. And so I think that I don't know that necessary. This is a tough one because I've been working on my confidence for a long time. And so I don't know how much extra confidence I draw from just the difference in my appearance. But at the same time, I do feel a lot more confident in. I don't know, in my ability to do something difficult if I just show up every day and keep doing it and plug away.

Yeah.

You know, I read a couple of great books about a year ago, Atomic Habits and the Slight Edge, Both of them about, you know, just making minor changes, but doing it every single day and never showing up. And that was part. That was. That was a huge part of the success in the weight loss too, was I never had a cheat meal, no whole six months. So that wasn't a thing. There's no, hey, six days on, you get some days off. I mean, I was accountable 24, seven. Yeah. And so. And so just seeing the results of doing something that wasn't that difficult, but doing it every single day and seeing the cumulative results kind of let me know, hey, you can do this in all kinds of different things. You know, you can do the same kind of thing. And so I've always been intimidated by a mortgage business on my own. All the management stuff that I've always avoided having been interested in learning about, felt like I probably wasn't organized to do well, so I can take it on and figure out as I go along. So I think that was definitely a side effect and an overall confidence in just my ability to do things that I really didn't think were possible before.

Yeah. Oh, man, that's exciting.

Yeah. It's changed the stories I tell myself, you and Henry say.

And that's. That's the real gift. Right. You know, sort of the outcome, which can be great, you know, looking a certain way or unlocking a certain level of physical health is, Is really cool. And any goal, you know, the. The old saying is that it's. It's about who we become on the way rather than the specific achievement. And so it unlocks something for you. It unlocks you being more you. And I do think that the confidence work that we've been doing together for years. And you've been just, like, taking it and for the Mastermind, and then just like, okay, I'm gonna apply this here and apply this here. I'm gonna apply this here. But that what I see that as is a process of shedding away anything that is not you. So you get more and more like, this is who I am. This is what I'm here to do. This. And, you know, it's a moving target, but you're just more on track on purpose and. And I think what's cool to see these patterns and I've seen the same patterns in my own life. It's like, oh, there's something I want to do. I study it. I make incremental progress on it each day or regularly, and I get coaching support and guidance. That's like, that's my formula and I do that in everything. And it's just like, it's my natural way of approaching something. And so super exciting.

Coaching is so incredibly important. And, you know, just, you know, the Mastermind, it's also how much you immerse yourself in that coaching, you know, but the times where I immerse myself the most, I've made the most rapid progress and, you know, other times stepped away a little bit and progress slows down. It's all about consistency and making progress every single day.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, it's like an energy thing, right? Like, where we put our focus on. Our energy kind of naturally grows and expands. So I put it on this group and myself and my life, what I want to focus on and. Or am I getting pulled other places? So it's so cool, man. I am just so delighted and so proud of you and that this is one change among many. And yet this one, each one of them, right, and this one is so. They're all worth acknowledging, they're all worth celebrating. And this one, especially given the persistence of like, again, again, again, again, again. And, you know, there are many people who try something two times, five times, seven times, and then they really say, okay, I'm. That's it, that's it. You know, this is who I am. This is my identity. And I'm just like, I can't, I can't. And it gets locked in. And what I love about you is, like, there's a part of you, it's like, unstoppable. And it's like, we're going to come out at a different angle. Different angle, different angle, different angle, different angle. And then all of a sudden, boom. Achievement unlocked life unlocked you know, hiking in Utah, unlocked.

I mean, I will bang my head against the wall for a very long time before I finally, you know, get it right, but I'll keep doing it. And one thing I did want to say because it's. It's, you know, probably been the biggest, most important thing. And this is just without me even, because my coach, you know, as, you know, when I was losing weight, I wasn't allowed to talk about what I was doing. I was. I was. I wasn't supposed to, you know, get in conversations about it, be influenced by anybody, try to influence anybody else. And so. But just by doing what I did and, you know, about three months in, you know, my wife decided to follow the example and she started working with my coach, and she's down about 40 pounds now. My kids have, you know, improved their diet just seeing the way we eat in the house, what we have. My oldest teenager, you know, she's 17, and, you know, like, she'll make herself tofu and broccoli, stir fry for dinner, sometimes, you know, the tonsili cookies and. And junk. But her diets, you know, improved a ton in the last six months. And so, you know, that's. I think the most satisfying part to me is just kind of like, as Ray always says, be a lighthouse, not a tugboat. And I love that. Like, be an example. Instead of trying to tell people what to do, what they should do, just, you know, do it and. And, you know, people will see the results and hopefully want them for themselves.

Yeah, I love that. Be a lighthouse, not a tugboat. And just, you know, you. You emit light and possibility and it inspires others and influences others. And I'd imagine that feels really gratifying to have your own growth also turn into contribution, which is so rewarding. That's so cool, man. Well, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us and inspiring us, and I can't wait to see the next. The next adventure, the next break.

We'll figure out what that is and I'll let you know.

Mortgage business. Mortgage business is the. Is certainly on the.

That's the current one.

That's the current one. Ultra, ultra endurance in Utah. I don't know.

Yeah, I'm the next Rick Roll Be doing triple iron, man.

Yeah, it's a natural evolution. All right, brother, thanks for being with Sharon.

All right, talk to you soon.