Confidence Tip Stop Your Blaming Malware

Do you feel frustrated with other people for not doing what you want them to do? Do you, do you find that you're blaming them in your head often, even if you don't say it? Maybe it's your boss, maybe it's your co workers, maybe it's your spouse or your girlfriend or your friends. You're just frustrated by people. Why didn't they do that? Why don't they say this? Why aren't they giving me that? Why aren't women wanting to date me? Maybe you're blaming or feeling frustrated. If so, stay tuned to this episode because you're going to learn what's really going on there and how to break through that and take way more charge of your life so you feel way more powerful to go after what you want and turn everything around with that confidence in yourself. Welcome to the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author of the Solution to Social Anxiety Business Edition. And this is the show for you if you want a 10x. Your confidence in every area of your life, dating, relationships, career, finances, just your general self, social confidence, all of that is covered in these shows. And today we're going to look at something that subtly bleeds your confidence. That happens all the time, especially in work and relationship settings. And that's what I call your blame bot malware. Now, that's a mouthful, but I like the title, so I'm sticking with it. You know what malware is? Malware is the stuff that gets on your computer, especially if you have a PC that just breaks it all down. Sometimes they're called trojans. I don't know how you get them. You get them through an email. You get them by going to a site, those sites that you know you shouldn't be going to. And then something happens. All of a sudden your computer's not working. It's slow, things are popping up. It's whatever, it's, it's a malware. So it's crushing your computer. And I think blamebot is a malware that we can be running in our operating system. And here's how it looks. We approach situations and the first response to something we don't like is to find someone to blame for it. So when I'm running blame bot malware, I go down to our kitchen and our kitchen's a little messier than I would like. And the first thought I have is Candace, who's my wife, Candice should have cleaned this kitchen. What is she doing right? I immediately blame her for it. In my head, another Example, just talking to a client recently and he is frustrated at the work that they're giving him in his company, the projects. He wants to be doing something a little different that's a little closer to his skill level. And he blame bot on his boss, like, oh, they keep giving me the wrong work. They don't take me seriously. They're not valuing me, they're giving me these stupid things. Fresh out of college, grad, and I've had 15 years of experience here. And he's frustrated, he's pissed off. And underneath that is it's not fair, right? That's not fair that they're doing that. And here's why this is crushing your confidence subtly is because when we're looking around, we're blaming people. What we're doing is and we're saying it's not fair. We're putting ourselves in the role of like a little kid who wants everything to be fair. And have you ever do that? If you have a sibling or you're hanging out with a friend and something happens and you want to go to mom or dad and tell them that it's not fair so that they make it right, like dad, it's not fair. He took my toy. And then dad's like, well, young man, let's sort this out half assed, best way that I can, right? And that's how we show up to life. When we're blaming and saying it's not fair is we're putting ourselves in this role of a child, which is we're powerless, we don't have agency, we're not the adults in our lives. So even if you feel justified in saying, well, they shouldn't, dang it, it doesn't matter, it's not going to serve you. You're not coming from a place of power. And if you show up with that energy. If I went to Candice and said, why aren't you cleaning the kitchen? It's not fair. I clean the kitchen more than you do, how's that going to go? Do you think that's going to get a result in what I want, which is maybe more clean kitchen, is that going to get a result in terms of a better connection between us? Or if this client shows up to his boss and says, you're not giving me the right work that I know I can do, that's not fair. You think that's going to get a good result? Because when we say that's not fair, especially if you say those words subconsciously, the person slots you as lower power because powerful people don't say, that's not fair. So what can we do? Notice when you're running blame bot malware, call it that. The reason I gave it this silly name is because it made me smile. So I walk into the kitchen, like, I'm like, oh, I'm running blame bot malware. And it's so ridiculous, it makes me smile. And then I think, like, well, malware is not very good for my computer, my brain, what can I do here? What's going on? And then you want to start looking for ways to take more responsibility. What is it that I want to do or I want to be done that I think someone else has control over in my life? And then you can start taking more responsibility from that position. And maybe, well, jeez, I'll just clean the kitchen, or maybe I want to sit down, have a conversation with her. But it's not going to come from a place of blame. It's got to be like, what's going on? Like, I notice our kitchen is messy often in the mornings. Like, what's your experience? Is that something that is. Do you notice that too? Or does that bother you or not bother you? And you have an exploration or discussion with the person that's very different than just coming at them with hard blame. So whenever you notice blame bot malware, bring yourself back and say, you know what? The reason I'm blaming someone is because I'm doing something that I don't want to do right now. And maybe I just need to suck it up and do it. Maybe I need to have a conversation with them. But I got to get out of blame first, because if I'm blaming, it's not going to work well. And the more you do that, man, the more powerful and confident you become. The better connections you have, the better relationships you have, the more power that people treat you with in your place of business. It's incredible. I can't say how much it brings to your life to remove this malware. So go ahead and apply that in your life. Share below. Where do you notice that you blame and how can you switch it to take more responsibility back? Not because you know, well, it's not right or it's not justified because I am doing more still with that energy, you're not going to get the life that you want. You're not gonna have the confidence that you want. So notice what you can do in your life. Write down shared comments below the areas where you're blaming. You can also click to the some direction of me and watch other episodes of this show. Keep it going. Because the more you study this stuff, the more you learn, the better you're gonna get, the more you're gonna grow. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.