Confidence Transformation Step By Step with Roger H

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence, first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome. Today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking with a man who has transformed his confidence and is continuing to do so and really systematically has done it step by step. And what I love about this conversation I'm going to have with him is you can hear me talking about the strategies of confidence and apply this and try this and do that. But there's something to be said about a person who might be starting in the same place as you, who has been actively doing this over the last year and in real time is making these changes. And I think what's so inspiring about this is you can hear about a confidence transformation. You can kind of have a theoretical idea that it's possible or maybe not. I mean, for many, many, many years of my life, I lived in a story that this is who I am. This is how it is. And there was a sense of stuckness and heaviness and frustration and helplessness and despair. And I really didn't have models or examples or heroes of how this could change. And that's a really dark place to be. And that's really what one of the purposes of this podcast, and also all my work in the world in general, is to provide that message, that example to as many people as I can to say, hey, that story is not true, brother or sister. That that's just doubt, and you are enveloped in it. The truth is you are more powerful, more capable, and you can transform this much, much, much faster than you think. But again, hearing that from me endlessly.

Maybe is a little.

Maybe starts to not penetrate as deep. It's like, oh, yeah, that guy believes in it. But is it real?

Well, let's find out because we're talking.

To an amazing man named Roger who has been practicing this. What I love about Roger, and you'll hear in this conversation here in a minute, is he was very systematic. You know, he's not all loosey Goosey in there became a little more loosey goosey over time because I have that effect on people. But he really started to say, okay, what do I need to do? How frequently do I need to do it? And that's what I want to share in this interview as well as his story, because it's so inspiring. And so, if you want to know, step by step, what can I do to really change my experience of life, change my confidence, change how I feel about myself, change how I see myself, really make this a fundamental shift, not.

Something that I'm just trying to put.

A false confidence front on for a little while or I feel good for a week or two and then it's back to normal, which means I feel bad about myself. No, let's not settle for that.

Let's create something extraordinary.

And, and Roger here has created and is continuing to create the extraordinary. So let's not just hear it from me, let's learn it directly from him.

So without further ado, let's dive into.

That interview with Roger now.

Welcome to the show, Roger.

Thank you very much. Jesus.

So I'm excited to talk with you. You are, as I was just sharing with you a moment ago, an inspiring man. And I know that the growth that you have had over the last year in the Mastermind program is not an accident. I believe that success leaves clues and that we can all learn from how you are showing up and what got you from where you were to where you are. And of course, what is going to get you to the next level that I know you are in process of continuing to grow. So just so people listening have a little bit of a window into you and where you're starting from and where you're at now. And then we could explore the, how, you know, what are the steps. And I think that anyone listening can really benefit from that. So if you want to become more free, more confident, more bold, more expressive, there is some specific things that you can do. And my goal in this, in this episode, this interview here with Roger is for us to unpack what he's been doing so that you can follow in those clues and follow in those footsteps. But before that, people might have to get a little bit of a sense of where you were starting from. So maybe a year, year and a half ago or so, can you share a little bit about what your daily life was like? You know, paint us a picture of. Into the life of Roger at that?

Yeah, sure. Well, I had problems with my self esteem. It was both socially and with dating. I would Say those were my two main focuses when I got into your word, so to speak. I've I read a few self growth books for a few years at that time and I got a lot of information and insights from it. But I always tend to get stuck when it came to actually taking action. And I got stuck in the mindset that before I take action I need to read a little more to be more prepared or more bulletproof or what you can say. And I am. I ended up just thinking that thought all the time. I need to just read a little more, a little more. And I never took action. So that's where I was stuck there.

Yes. And I think that's a really common trap that if I learn a little more, read a little more. And as I'm learning and reading I'm quote working on it and that can give us a sense that we're doing it even though we might be leaving the most key ingredients out. One of them being bold action. And yet also there's something I think about accumulating more information. If I just knew enough then I could perform this action, take this risk and not get rejected or not fail. And I think that's also a fallacy.

Yeah, there's a thought of like that there is some kind of magical way to go all the way without needing resistance or fear or setbacks. If you only prepare yourself enough before kind of fool yourself thinking that way.

Yes. Well it keeps everything in the realm of the safe and controlled still and, and in, in that realm, the safe realm, the within your self esteem is lower socially, dating, like what, what was. How, how are you seeing yourself in that place? What was your identity or what you believed about yourself?

Yeah, I guess I saw myself as like awkward and unlovable. Had a few failed relationships that kind of took me to that place mentally that perhaps I'm not just a person, perhaps I'm just a person that's not. Someone is able to love or something like that. And I got to a mindset that I also think is pretty common that you after a while feel that this is who I am and it can't change. It's been this way for some so long. So there's no way that that can ever change. I just have to accept that as a fact. And I also got in a mindset that it felt like life in some way was out to get you. So regardless what you did, like resistance is futile. Regardless of what you did, life is still out to get you in a way. So it doesn't really matter. What you do, because it won't take you anywhere anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would describe that as a defended way of living, or we're guarded. We're on guard with life with others, and we're trying to protect ourselves from being hurt in a way. And I know how convincing that can be too, because we find what we believe, and so we look around and say, look, see that that happened, or this person hurt me, or that didn't work out, or this is why this thing that seemed like it was going to. Is going well, has now fallen apart. I knew it. And so we get that, that. That certainty in there.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay, so you're in this place, you're stuck, you're reading some books, not taking the action, and then something shifts. Was there a particular breaking point that then propelled you to want to come to one of my events, join the mastermind, and really dive in? Or was it just an accumulation of this kind of guarded way of living for so long that it got to a place where it's just like, I got to do something different? Or was there a particular incident that really set things in motion for you?

Yeah, I read your book almost. And in the critic part of that book, that's a big part of the book, that. That was a major breakthrough for me. Like, that way to relate to that critical voice in your head that tells you that you. You can't do it and you're not good enough. And. And that way of relating to that voice was a major breakthrough through me. And that. That book took me into your world, and I ended up going to the ultimate confidence breakthrough event you had last year. And that's the first time where I really took action. And it was much thanks to the other people in the event that, like, we pushed each other and, like, you can do it and you see that others take action and it inspires you and, like. So I realized at that event that it does a lot to not, as we say, lone wolfing it, because that's what I've been doing up to this point. I've been doing it all by myself, and I've lost motivation and, like, quit many times and then started again and lost motivation and quit. And I noticed that when. When you're a group and you have other people around you that you can discuss with and who are, like, kind of in the same place that you are, that. That. That does a lot for you. So during that event, I was able to take my first action steps, and that kind of set the whole ball in motion.

So yeah, yeah. From those first, you remember what some of those first few actions were?

Yeah, I, we, we got a few exercises after every day. The first day was get rejected three times. And I know that my very first action point was I called Burger King and asked them if, if they could give me a free meal If I gave McDonald's a bad review.

Remember?

Yeah, that was the very first thing I did. And I know I was so extremely nervous, but I was kind of thinking that if I'm going to do something like this, this, I might as well try to have a little fun at the same time.

Ah, so there's, there's something there, right? Is a little bit of, it's, it's scary or uncomfortable, but can I also do something playful or have some fun?

Exactly.

Yeah, that's, that's a, that's a good insight. So there are a number of people that have come to my events or listened to this podcast or read a book of mine who do take some action. That's hopefully one of the things that people draw from being around me. And then they do that, they experience some sense of liberation or breakthrough and then they kind of just go back to life as it was. Life as usual, they're busy. They tell themselves this is how it is. I know some, something happens, they just kind of keep rolling. And yet for you, it became this major turning point. And that's where I'm always trying to understand and see if I can decode the difference. Like what is that difference? So you obviously took it a step further and said, hey, I'm going to join your year long program and really focus on that. And though there was a way with which you approached it, that stood out to me. You were there, you were in it to win it. You're there to do this, you know, because there's people that join and also are still deciding if they're going to do it. They're still kind of lone wolfing it within the group. And you were there and you were ready. Do you remember your mindset approaching the very beginning of the group or your, your reasoning or your why? Or was there a sense of must or urgency or what? Do you have a, an awareness of how you were approaching it?

Yeah, it was some kind of urgency, I must say. I kind of felt like the ball is in motion after the event and it's never, I felt that like if I lost, if, if I lose this motion now, there might be a, like, it might be my last chance to like ever, Like doing this work. This might be My last chance, because I'm. I'm so going now, and I don't want to lose the momentum. I felt like if I lose this momentum, that that might be my last chance to. To do this. I was like, I need to give it all now because it might be the last chance I have to do. So that. That was my mindset when I. When I started.

That's fascinating. So, you know, I. That's. There's something there. What do you have a sense of why it was your last chance?

Kinda in the past, it had felt so hopeless all the time.

Yeah.

Like nothing I did mattered. And I guess at that time it kind of felt like something has happened now. Like for the. For the first time in a long time, something is really going now. I really believe that this is the way to go, and I just don't want to lose that because. Yeah, I don't know if I will be able to find that spark again in a way.

Yeah. Yeah. You want to fan that flame? I love it. That's beautiful, man. And that's a key distinction right there. Is there? And someone listening might think, well, that's dramatic. You know, that's not true. It's not the last chance. There's always another chance. But in a way, life is giving you an invitation to live fully now. And many people will delay that invitation and say, well, not today, tomorrow. And then that becomes a habit. And then there are these miraculous opportunities and to steer our lives or to. To take that step towards something. There's that job opportunities, there's that. That person you want to go talk to, and you don't know what it's going to lead to in your life. And if you've been training yourself for not today, but tomorrow, I got plenty of time, it's fine, whatever. Then a lot of what's possible in life passes by. So there's something about that that I think is really significant in the way that you approach that. And then that was visible in your willingness and your readiness. And I remember early on you really wanted to hold yourself accountable, use the accountability in the group, create structures. You had a spreadsheet that was like, I'm going to take action consistently. And so tell us a little bit about that, about the spreadsheet, about how were you approaching it in that phase.

Yeah, as you say, I was very much about the action in the beginning. My spreadsheet was my. What you call a ladder of fear, where you rank different challenges that you can do. In my case, it was mostly social challenges where you ranked them from 1 to 10, depending on how difficult they feel for you. And that was kind of my game at the beginning. I guess that's a typical male way of looking at things like action done, action done. Like, you have very, very black and white kind of thing. You can check things off when you do them. Very ones or zeros, basically. So that was my approach in the beginning. I really wanted to concretely see that I do things. And so that was my approach in the beginning. And I know that from the very first. I think that's quite common in your world. To start with cold showers and friendly greetings. That's kind of the first things you do. And that was the same with me. And I remember, friend, the greetings was very, very difficult in the beginning. But, I mean, we all got to start somewhere, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And I think most people listening, if they've been familiar with my show, will know about friendly greetings. Some people might not. It's basically you walk down a busy area and say hi to people. It's really simple and just what it sounds. Now, it might sound simple from a. Logistically how to do it, but emotionally can be anything other than. Than simple. And it can actually trigger a surprising amount of discomfort, fear, fear of rejection, fear of, oh, I'm doing something unusual, which can trigger our embarrassment or fear of judgment from others. So it can actually push a lot of buttons in a really simple exercise. And as you were doing these, and I know you started to systematically do it more, what were some of those initial AHAs or breakthroughs you had from taking those basic actions consistently?

Yeah, I think my first major aha moment was when I noticed that it's difficult to take action, action, action, action, and you have setback, and you have setback, and you have setback. And then after a while, you kind of feel like, I don't want to go out and do these challenges. I'm. I'm. I'm hurt. Like, I've had so many setbacks, and that's when you start to. I had never done meditation before I started your program. That was like, that's some hippie mumbo jumbo. That's basically what I thought about meditation at that time. And. But I realized more and more how important the inner game is to, like, between the time to take action, that you take time for yourself and go inside yourself and heal. So I think that was the first major breakthrough I had when I realized how important that was. So I know that the second quarter in the program, I. It was almost 100% dedicated to just the inner game things because I realized how important that was.

Yes. Yeah, and let's, let's talk about that some because I think that is really important. So a lot of people get the take, take action part. It, it makes sense. It's got good face value, like, yeah, you know, do what scares you and over time you become less scared of it. We can all sort of see that occurring in a lot of domains of life. It just makes sense intuitively. What then starts to become apparent though, is that the reason we're scared of these things is because it hurts. And then we begs the question, well, why does it hurt? And is there a way that I can change my relationship to saying hi to people or approaching somebody or speaking up or any of these actions? And that really, as you said, starts to involve that quest inward to change the relationship between you and you. And confidence is an inside job. And we think, oh, if people just responded positively to me, I'd feel good. Actually. There's something in you that's not okay with you right now, regardless of how people respond to you. And that's what we want to change.

That's.

We got to upgrade. So as you started to do that inner work, what did you discover about what was going on in there?

Yeah, it was a mess. It's. I've been probably for my whole life, like all those uncomfortable feeling. I've tried to my best ability to just like shove them down, don't let them come up to the surface, just push them down again. And all of a sudden I'm supposed to be with my uncomfortable feelings. And that was. Yeah, that was extremely uncomfortable, to say the least. And it's. I felt like it went against everything I believed in. Like, I don't want to be with these feelings, so I want to like rip them out of my chest and just throw away so they're gone forever. So that, that was, that was really, really, really challenging to accept those uncomfortable feelings inside you.

Yes, let's talk about that for a second because I think that's something again, that people might hear and again. Oh yeah, Accepting feelings. Right, right, right. What. What is that? So let's break it down. You know, maybe there's saying hi to people and then feeling uncomfortable as you do it with. You started to slow down. Did you get. Is it simply just being with the discomfort and then all of a sudden you're not uncomfortable anymore? Is it. Do you see something like, aha, wait a minute, I was seeing myself as a bother and I'm Not a bother or what. What happens as you started to move towards the uncomfortable feelings that you used to want to get. Get away from?

Yes, I think I came to a place where I realized that the uncomfortable feeling is just a sensation and it can't control me if I don't let it more or less that it's not dangerous to have that uncomfortable feeling. It doesn't need to like totally paralyze you with which. Which it has done a lot of the times in the past. And then it's also the thought work, the way how you. The way your thoughts work and how you relate to them and what they say about you, the perceived reality, which is also big concept in this world that, that the things you see, the reality is filtered through your own beliefs that you have about yourself, what you think people around you think about you or say about you or everything like that. And all those things of course makes you more anxious, of course. So that's also a big area, working with your thoughts and how you perceive everything around you, basically. So I spent a lot of time doing that as well. And also, as you said, that. You are not the outcome of the interaction that people, the way people respond to you is more about them than you. If you say hi to 100 different people, you will get a hundred different reactions from them. And that's really not nothing you can do about. It's up to them. So the way they respond to you is, is not your fault or what you can say.

Yeah, yeah. And I think that's a huge piece of really liberating ourselves is okay, there's this uncomfortable feeling. And for much of my life I just had this almost conditioned response to this feeling where there it is, run away. There it is, run away. And then as you start to move towards it, which really does take courage, then you start to receive the insights and the liberation. And one insight is I can feel this feeling and still act that it's not mutually exclusive. It's not. I have to wait until I don't feel uncomfortable and then I act. It's actually I can act with discomfort. So that's one form of liberation. And then the other form of liberation, though, is really discovering, okay, behind that terrible feeling, there's a way in which I'm perceiving myself or others or life that makes it so painful. And so if I am a bother and people don't like me, then talking to them is going to be scary or painful. And when they don't want to talk to me, it's going to Affirm this worst fear that I have about myself. But when we really slow down, that's where I find that we can really change and upgrade these stories. Is it. I think people want to change their beliefs from the comfort of their couch or the therapy office. And I have not seen that be sustainably effective without, unless it's a, it's. Unless it's a very active therapeutic approach where we, we change our beliefs by being willing to go into the fear, emotionally confront the behavior in the world again and again and again and again. And then along the way we start to say, you know, I think there's a better way to do this. What the hell am I telling myself? And then, and then, and then we, we can actually upgrade the beliefs because we're, we're in motion now. Things are breaking apart. It, the structures are breaking apart, the patterns are breaking apart and something new can emerge. So one new belief was how someone responds is about them. That's different, that's liberating. Are there any other insights or upgrades and beliefs in how you saw yourself or life or others as you started to take more and more action and also started to be with the uncomfortable feelings and move towards them?

Yeah, I mean, the uncomfortable feeling will never go away. It's there pretty much as much as it was a year ago, but it's taking action despite of the feeling. That's a big major. You kinda, at least I did in the past, thought that this uncomfortable feeling will go away and it's smooth sailing and nothing will ever feel anxious or scary in the future. But that's not reality, unfortunately.

Yeah, so there's a greater willingness to be with feeling. And that's really, you know, we were talking about earlier, that guarded stance to life. I feel like that's, that whole nothing's gonna work out and life's out to get me and relationships don't work if we follow that, that vector of doubt to where it's headed. It's basically heading us to a very defended life where we're not really connected or feeling much. And I think part of it is this strategy to try to. Well, it comes from, okay, this is the life. This is life. This, these are our options. We can feel and experience things, but we can't, we can't connect and take risks and have the good in life without also feeling. And I think that there's this fundamental resistance to all feelings. I'm going to shut my life down. And as people grow, I see it again and again. That's like. Well, no, actually, I Can feel all of it, and some of it is painful, but there's also a lot of beauty and a lot of meaning.

Yeah, that's. That's also something that I work with a lot. The way I relate to negative feelings like sadness, for example, that I try to see sadness as growing myself in a way I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. There are like, challenging periods in the past that have felt that they don't feel any. Like there were no reason to have them. But then you kind of think, where did those periods take me where I wouldn't end up if I didn't had those difficult moments in my life? So that's kind of the way I try to relate to the feeling of sadness, for example, that it's. It's a new way to grow. And I know it's a cliche, but if, if you're never sad, you. You can't really appreciate happiness as well. So that's also a way of looking at it, I think.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, these are new perceptions that emerge that reflect a greater level of acceptance and really wisdom too. So as you progress, you lean into the discomfort, you take action, you're growing. What were some of the positive changes you started to notice and experience in your life?

Yeah, the way I was looking at myself was a really big. A really big change. The conception, the concept of being authentic was a really big thing that I also spent a lot of time too, because that's also a cliche. Just be yourself. But if you think you suck, then being yourself is not a positive thing to strive after. So that's the way I look at myself. And the more positive I look at myself, the easier it is to be authentic and be myself. Because you believe that you are good enough. And the more you get into that mindset, the more you take chances of being authentic to other people. And the more you do that, the more you realize that the. This is actually working. Well. It's. People don't spit on you because you are yourself. Most people actually react positively. And that's. The more you do that, the more open you become and the more authentic you become. And that's a major liberating feeling.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I absolutely. I really relate to that. I had a very similar story set that was, you know, people aren't going to want to be my friend. The women are going to want to date me. And you can try to upgrade that story ahead of time with affirmations or thought. Thought challenging or whatever you want to do. But there's like a part of me that just didn't buy it. It's like, yeah, but if you take the risk and you be you in the moment and reach out or connect or whatever action you take, and you're willing to do it not just once, but repeatedly, you will accumulate data, you will get more experiences. And so for me to say, oh, I'm desirable, I wouldn't believe it. But if I just took the risk a number of times and I started to get positive responses in dating, then now I can start to upgrade that story and say, wait a minute, look at this, look at how people respond to me when I'm being me. And the more we can accumulate of those experiences, the more we have this solid foundation in our own identity, the, where we can really take it in, really internalize it, really solidify a belief that that is, yeah, I am, I am likable as me. And that doesn't mean everybody likes me, but that's okay too. But enough people do. My people do. The people that I, you know, plenty for me, for family, friendships, business relations, career, I mean, that's enough. So that's a really big gift that we receive when we're willing to take the action that you've been taking.

Yeah, I know that Derek said something that I. You had an interview with, with Derek a few months ago, and he said something that I could really relate to. That's when you think to yourself, I can't believe I just said that. And I've been there many times. And it's equally scary all the time because you feel vulnerable and you're not sure what people will rethink when you share openly. But I think I got a positive response like 99% of the time.

So that's high. Yeah, that's high. That's. And that's even more. I'm not. And you know, it. It could be different for different people.

It.

There's a lot of factors that depend on that. So I've seen people who maybe have constructed relationships around them or work circumstances, other things with that are where they do try to speak up. They don't get positive responses because people around them are not wanting them to do that. I've seen people who maybe have certain patterns of relating with strangers or new people or dating that cause them to get more rejections because they are doing more subtly off putting things without knowing it. And this doesn't mean they're bad. It's just new things to learn. So the fact that you took the risk and spoke up and are more real and you get a lot of more positive responses. I think, well, maybe I won't think.

What.

What do you conclude about that? What does that tell you?

Well, I guess it tells me that I'm good enough as I am and being me is apparently good enough for most people that I'm at least. Yeah.

And you know what's so funny about this is it's so relieving, I think, to just say, well, it seems good enough, it's fine. Right, I can have that. So I think when it came to socially, as I took a lot of action and upgraded, I was able to internalize a lot more sense of self esteem and worth. And so, you know, if I meet someone new or what have you, I don't have a strong sense of why would they like me. That's just not really part of my identity anymore. But I do know one thing that's, that's been with me from a pretty much the beginning of my career is this voice of doubt that says, well, you can't really help anybody. And you're not. You don't have magic powers. And the people that are really good at helping people have magic powers, they have their whizbango technique that they do. And, and, and yet I just felt called to want to help people with my time and my life and my career and my focus. And so I kept doing, doing it. I tried to learn everything. I remember I had this period of many years. This was after my. It started during my doctoral training, but it actually persisted for many years after where I was on a quest for. I use the term whiz bango because my wife and I, Candace came, came up with that term with like the, the one technique that, that someone could have. That's the magic thing, right? You know, and so we kind of turned it into a verb, like you got to whizbango somebody. And so I would joke with her, I'd be a baby. I get before the events that I teach, I would just feel this really strong story that said, you don't, you're not enough. You can't help all these people. And I go to her, I'd say, candace, I don't have a whiz bango. I need a whiz bango. And that voice was just so persistent. And it can still come up at any time. And I've learned to just like any other voice of doubt, notice it, but not let it dictate what I do or don't do or how I show up. And then I'll just look around at clients or people at the event and say, well, people keep showing up. It seems good enough. And I'm always learning and growing. But I don't. When we're trying to assess our good enoughness, I think it's this really vague. It's an unreal thing. It's not even a tangible. You can't even point to it and so it's hard to measure it. And I think it's so relieving just to say I am enough, I'm not enough. I don't even know what that means. But look around me. What am I able to create in life? Am I able to create relationships? Do people want to keep spending time with me? Am I magnetizing for the experiences that I really want? And if I am alright, well, case closed. And just putting that to rest, I find can be really, really relieving. So here's a question I'm curious about is I know several times in this process you, like everyone, have those moments of challenge or regression or falling back or one of those old stories comes back and it even you have. And we were just talking about this just recently, right? You know, you made all this progress and then something, whether it's a major setback or just somehow it can kind of come out of the blue and it can be this story of well, what you really want is not possible, you're not going to be able to do it, it's hopeless. You haven't really changed that much. Anyway, I'm curious, what is your experience with that regression and how do you work with that? How do you approach that?

Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, I've gone through that many times during this year. I come to realize that things can change and they can change quickly. Some periods I felt like I'm totally stuck, nothing is happening and it can be that way for weeks. And then all of a sudden you do a major breakthrough and something really great happens from out of nowhere, it seems like. And so that's something that I think I have more faith in nowadays, that I have faith that this is temporary and things can change and can change quickly. So having faith in that and believing in that is a great comfort in the more difficult periods, I think. So trusting the process as we say, that's something that. That's come more and more to me during this year when I've noticed that all pain is temporary and things will get better. And I feel that I have more faith in that now. And yeah, that's a big help yeah.

That'S great. And I'm curious, as you've grown and upgraded, what is, what do you see on the horizon for you? What are some goals you have in the future that you're moving towards that you feel excited, energized and inspired about?

Yes, A very big thing I did this year was signing up to not one, but two improv classes. And I know that I woke up with anxiety like every day for the first five weeks, I think, and it was terrifying. But for every week it became more and more fun. So in the end, improv ended up to be something that felt scary, uncomfortable, and quote, unquote impossible. And in the end, it became something that made me feel alive, that I felt like I need improv. It's such. And that's kind of the journey I want to do with everything in life. I want to take something that feels scary and uncomfortable and impossible and I want to make it something great. And I know that it's possible. So that's something that I try to do more specifically me this year. I've. I started dating a few months ago after not having dating for a few years. And it's been going great for the most part. And since three weeks back, I'm together with a really great woman. So that's a big, big part of my future. Now seeing where that relationship can lead me, that's a big focus and a realization that I got during the first year. It was that in the beginning when you start, it's usually, I want to achieve that goal and that goal and that goal and that goal. And when you've done that, you realize that there will be more things you want to do after that. It's not like, yeah, I got that great job that I really wanted. Nice. I never had to worry about anything job related for the rest of my life. It's not like that. So I realized that my whole self growth year and is like about a whole new way of approaching life and how we show up in the world. So that's something that I realized. It's a whole new way of living. So that's kind of where I am right now in terms of goals, if that answers your question.

Absolutely, yeah. And I think that's really great to see. And I think there's one thing, there's a couple of things that are really standing out in there. And one though which is interesting because, you know, in the second year in the Mastermind, we call it mastery and that I want to get something. I want to get, I want to get A girlfriend or I want to get this job. And I think, of course, of course we want to achieve things and have experiences in life. And the people that I see that really thrive, not just in the program, but for the rest of their lives, they've. They've not just. They're not just going after goals. They're.

They.

They have this fundamental change from, I used to avoid what scares me. Now I seek it out because I know on the other side of that fear is liberation. And so it's not just one particular arena like work or relationship. It's everywhere. And yes, you do use that to grow in your career and in your relationships. And now you're, you know, you used it in dating, and now you're using it as you enter into a relationship, which is a whole different game. It's a whole different level of intimacy and that whole, you know, here I am on more and more levels, letting yourself be seen and known and vice versa. It takes that same courage that, oh, I want to shy away from this. Okay, I'm going in. And then you seek it out in improv and other things, and it's really about pushing those limits and seeing what's possible for you. And that. I think that's the biggest reason why you can thrive. And it doesn't mean there's not regression moments or challenges or anything, but that fundamental shift of orientation truly does produce an extraordinary life. Very exciting. Roger, I am so proud of you. Appreciate how much you show up and support others and take risks. And I have to say that, you know, the humor that you're talking about, I really do appreciate it, because I know when you do action steps and challenges, you'll often post them in the. We have a private Facebook group for the mastermind. And not too long ago, you put on the techno version of Cotton Eye Joe and a Clint Eastwood outfit, poncho and all, and went and danced in a crowded city center area.

And it just.

I love it. There's such a humor and a playfulness in you and. And so many other qualities. And we'll end with this. But. And this is another thing that I say, that some people might hear it and just hear the words and roll their eyes and say, that's cheesy. But if you really feel the sentiment and the truth underneath, it's. It's anything but trivial, which is the more that you become you, the more the world benefits. And just think about that. Think about your humor. And even just that little incident of dancing and people watching you like, you know, these are Strangers, never going to see them again. But it's spreading this humor and silliness and joy. And then, you know, you're the women you've dated, this person you're in a relationship with now, the friendships you've created in your life inside of the program and outside, like all these people are impacted by, not because you're doing something for them or performing in some way to please them, but by you being you. And the more you that you are, the more you bring that improv side out and that humor side out and all that, the more please it delights others.

And so, yeah, yeah, I mean, that's also something that I noticed. The more I give myself permission to be real, so to speak, at the same time, you give the people around you permission to do the same. And I noticed that, that when I start to open up and being real, people around me start to do the same. So it's contagious, I've noticed.

Yes. Yeah. And that's hence the being an inspiration. Liberation is contagious. Look out. Roger, a pleasure speaking with you today. Thank you so much for sharing with us. And.

Any.

As we conclude, if there's anyone listening who is on their own journey to confidence and maybe they're somewhere along the way, maybe they're feeling stuck, maybe they're making progress, but not as quickly as they want, or they're questioning if they can grow any final thoughts for anyone, any of our brothers and sisters who are on the same journey with us.

Yeah, I know that's one big change that I did was take responsibility. I've lived so many lives, so many years of my life blaming something outside myself or feeling the way I do like a person or an event that occurred. It leads to a feeling of power, powerlessness, and a feeling that you yourself can change the situation because it's up to someone else to do it for you. And so taking responsibility is a big part. Also having goals in lives and disregarding the critical voice that says, but you can't have this when you come up with something. And also to break down the goals in smaller sub goals, if they feel overwhelming, which they often can do, and if the sub goals also seem overwhelming, then break it down to smaller parts until. Until you find a place to start your journey. It's also a cliche, but every great journey begins with a single step. And you don't need to feel that you need to do some massive accomplishment or large changes to your life for it to count. Even the small steps take you closer to your goals and One last thing I would say is try to be as open as possible to solutions or methods that can help you. Try not to be as. Try not to reason and find a logical solution to like a challenging or uncomfortable feeling, like trying to solve it on a logical level. Try to be open for more inner game methods. And. The way I see it, for every door you close in life, that can be a missed opportunity to grow. So try to be open. It's my last advice.

I love it, man. Words of wisdom from someone who is living it. Thank you, Roger. Thanks for sharing with us. And I look forward, man. Look forward to seeing more of what you create and shining that light brighter and brighter.

Thank you very much, Jasis.

That brings us to the end of the interview. Just a little bit more time left though, for your action step.

Time for action. Action, action.

So for action, what are you gonna do? I mean, I think in that conversation there must have been seven to nine things at least that I could draw out of there as action steps.

But I.

But I'm not going to draw them out and tell you what they are. I want to invite you to reflect on after just listening to this. Are you inspired by Roger? Are you motivated? Are you galvanized?

Are you agitated?

Is there some? Because sometimes being inspired isn't all just, oh, I feel so excited and happy. It's a little bit maybe frustrated or irritated or, you know what? I'm sick of this. If this guy's doing it, why can't maybe it's a little bit of envy, like, wait a minute, why can't I make these changes? And that could be a good thing because it, it pushes you. Something's not sitting right for you. It's almost like, wait a minute, I know I'm more than this. I'm not going to settle for this anymore. And you can start to feel that fire inside. And so from that place, what action step are you going to choose? Because I gave Roger a lot of examples of action steps. But as you can hear, he started to create his own. And if you're looking for just a general direction, I'd say, well, what would make you uncomfortable today? Today, my friend, that might be the direction to go. Alright, thanks for being with me today. And until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome.

Thanks for listening. Welcome to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.

Sam.