Dr. Aziz explains why confidence tricks like better body language or Toastmasters don't stick. The real problem is safety wiring built over 20-30 years that treats social disapproval as danger. When that threat feels real, the old pattern takes over and the confidence vanishes.
I can't tell you how many people I've talked to who are like, I just need more confidence. I just got to know the right body language and let me rehearse my speech. Let me go to Toastmasters. Let me sound better, look better, get more suave, get more something. And they think it's about getting more confidence, but it's underneath that pattern is going to keep firing. And so you'll, yeah, you'll be more confident or look better or more polished when you feel safe. But then the second you're in a situation where that's threatened, where disapproval is possible, boom, the old pattern will kick in, which is why it can go on for 10, 20, 30, 40 years. In fact, most people I work with, the pattern's been running on average between 20 to 30 years in their lives. It doesn't just change because we consciously think I should do differently because we've wired disapproval equals danger.
