Confident Conversations: Overcome Social Anxiety! | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Do you want to feel more confident in conversations? Instead of feeling anxious and self conscious and worrying about upsetting them or doing it wrong? Would you rather feel relaxed, comfortable, connected, happy in that interaction? If so, watch this episode. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and I, and this is the show for you if you want to maximize your confidence. And of course, the best way to do that would be to hit subscribe. So you can watch this and all the other videos that come out, because the more of this that you study, the more of this that you watch, the more you're going to grow. So go ahead and subscribe now. And in this video, let's talk about how you can have a lot more confidence in your conversations. Now, a big problem that I've seen with clients is that they are doubting themselves during conversations. They're very up in their heads and they're worrying about, am I saying it right, am I doing it right? What am I going to say next? They're inhibiting themselves. They're holding back, they're judging what they just said and wondering how they're coming across. And then as a result, they're a little more stilted in the conversation. They're a little more awkward or hesitant. And then maybe the other person picks up on it. And so it's not that great of a conversation. Or maybe it seems on the outside like it goes fine, but inside they're feeling like, oh, that was terrible and I don't like that I did this. And. And they're all torn up about it for hours or even days afterwards. So let's talk about how to free yourself of that. And it's really going to be two core questions that I want you to be asking yourself. So what we want to do is we want to release this fear of doing it wrong and upsetting others and making mistakes and all that stuff. And that's a bigger issue that, that I would love to help you with. Probably one of the best ways to do that would be my program, the confidence code. It would really help you release a lot of this fear on a deep level. But these two questions are going to help you start to practice more confident conversations. And you want to apply this as much as you can. And if fear is getting in the way, you have to work through that to release that. But here's the first question. You need to be guiding the interaction. You need to be inwardly guiding the interaction as opposed to looking to them. This is the biggest problem I see with People is they're looking to the other person. What's the right thing to talk about? What's. Okay, what do you want me to talk about? What would you like? I don't want to upset you. And we're treating everyone like they're really fragile and really quick to be enraged. And instead, you got to just be you in the conversation. And so the first question you want to ask yourself to do that is, what do I really want to know here about this other person? What am I really curious about? What do I want to know? So, for example, the other day, I got into an Uber, and I didn't have my headphones. Usually I just throw my headphones on, like, talk to me. Because I'm a social confidence coach. Right. I don't like to talk to people. No. But usually, I don't know. I'm traveling, and I just like to kind of take some time to go inward when I'm in the Uber. But this time, I didn't have my headphones, and I got in the car, and there was this guy driving. He was an Indian guy. And I just had this intuitive sense. I was like, something's going on with his kids. I don't know the guy. I don't know where that came from. It was just a sense. And I was like, I'm kind of curious, like, what's going on with his kids? So what I really wanted to know in that moment, for whatever reason, was, what's going on with this guy's kids? Right. So, you know, the question that came to my mind was, like, do you have kids? And, you know, in that situation, I didn't immediately start with that because he seemed like he was a little more shy himself. So I just said, hey, so you drive much for Uber these days? And he shared a little bit about that. And I asked him another question, and I asked him, so you have kids? And we got into it, and it turns out there was a lot going on with his kids. By the way, he was in a different city than them and was trying to get back to them. And so, anyway, fascinating story there, but I'm not going to get into that. But what do you really want to know? What do I really want to know? I was working with a client on this. We'll call him George. It's not his name, but George. And he was talking to this guy who had a shirt on that somehow indicated the guy was part of the fire department or a fireman. But George was, like, assessing the situation and could tell that the guy Wasn't like a standard fireman, but he worked for the fire department. So what he wanted to ask was, okay, so it seems like you work for the fire department, you know, but maybe you're not a standard fireman. I'm curious, what do you do there? Right? Real basic thing. But that's what he was most curious about. But he held himself back and was hesitant and didn't share that. And then we talked about it. And then in future interactions, what he started doing is just, what do I really want to know? And he started just asking people and he didn't hold back, he didn't filter it. And what he found is instead of offending people, he was actually way more engaging with people because he was animated, he was energetic, he was curious about them. And look, when you're curious about people, they don't get pissed off at you. They like it. That's what the whole like Dale Carnegie win friends and influence people empire is based on, right? It's ask people questions about themselves. So the key though is not just ask them the most boring standard questions like, so where do you work? You know, where do you live, how long you live there? Like, unless you're really curious about that, no. Find like, what do I, in this moment, for whatever reason, really want to know about this person? Then ask them. The second question you want to ask is, what am I inspired to share? What am I inspired to share? Now the wording on that is intentional in that you don't even have to know why you want to share it, you're just inspired to. It just comes through you. And this is a property that you had as a little kid. Have you ever hung out with like a 2 or 3 or 4 year old? They just want to share shit with you. And it's like, I did this and then that happened, and then this happened and then this guy did this and then they did that and you're just like, oh, okay, all right, cool, right? I got little kids, I experience it all the time, it's awesome. And so you might feel inspired to share something with someone and you might not have to know why, you just got to do it. Because if not just a one way street of asking them a ton of questions, you want to share too. You want to share what you're interested in or what comes to your mind or a random story. And if you want to have more confident conversations, more interesting conversations, more engaging conversations, you have to ask yourself these two questions and then you have to act on the answers that come to you. You have to ask what you really want to ask. And you have to share what you're inspired to share. And if you're holding back in either of those areas, your conversations are going to suffer. They're not going to feel as good, they're not going to feel as engaging. You're going to feel more social anxiety and frustration. You're not going to develop the relationships that you want, and you're ultimately not going to feel satisfied. And then you might go into some story like, oh, I've never been good at this and I'm messed up and I'll always have this bullshit. It's just a fear of doing those two very things. And I see this again and again, especially in people in my Mastermind program. There's a discomfort with sharing, like, oh, who am I? Oh, people aren't interested in this. Look. And I worked on that with George, too, and he turned that all around where it's like, look. This was the mantra I gave him. I am a fascinating person. People want to know me. I am a fascinating person. People want to know me. You might want to write that one down. I'm a fascinating person. People want to know me. At first, he didn't think it was true. And I said, great. Say it, like, all day, every day. Say it like 30 times a day. Say it before conversations. Say it after conversations. Shit. Say it in your mind during conversations and do it again and again. He did it for not that long, maybe about two weeks. And combined with, like, taking the risk to share and ask the questions that he really wanted to ask, and things really shifted for him. He started to not hold back, not be filtered, have better conversations, better interactions. And then it became reinforcing because when he put himself out there in that way, instead of getting negative responses, he got positive responses. You know, he'd go on a date and a woman would be, like, wanting to know more. She'd want him to share more, and he could feel it. And that felt good. So it reinforced him and he did it more and more. So I want the same for you. So ask yourself those two questions. What do I really want to know? And what am I inspired to share? And then remind yourself, I am a fascinating person. People want to know me. And then take the risk. Share, share who you are. It's safe, the world and you. Everyone benefits. So until we speak again, may I have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.