Confident Conversations -Secret To Social Power And Confidence

Welcome to the Art of Extraordinary Confidence, the show for men who want to 10x their confidence in business, sales, public speaking, dating, relationships, your social life, every area of life. I'm Dr. Aziz and today we're going to be diving into a technique, a tool that's going to help you in primarily your social life and also your networking for your business life. Because networking is all about social connection, isn't it? And we're going to talk about a technique about how to really just flourish in your social life, your social connections, and really explode in confidence in that area. And more importantly, start to enjoy yourself a lot more. And as if you're enjoying yourself a lot more, then a lot more good things happen. And this is especially good for friendships can be good in dating and relationships and, and connections with your colleagues and networking. So the social side of things, because if you think about it, successful networking is really about bonding with people and making good connections, making some friends that are in other businesses or in your industry, and then letting business come from that, being able to call on those connections to create customers or clients or whatever you want to do with that. Right. So it all comes down to social media. So let's dive into how you're going to do this. Basically, the key here to distill it down is talk about what you want to talk about. Stop talking about the stuff that you don't want to talk about. This might seem simple, but hear me out. I mean, this is. I used to be stuck in this for years. And you might be there as well, where you get into conversations and you don't enjoy them that much if you don't really enjoy socializing and you've been telling yourself it's because I'm an introvert, that's not true. I know it's a bold claim, but it's not true. Because introversion, extroversion is not about whether you enjoy socializing or not. It's about how you recharge. And I'm an introvert. That means I recharge by myself. And I like time, like one on one with my wife or something like that, or just my family and our kid or something where it's like that small alone time, being able to be in my thoughts really charges me, but it doesn't mean I don't like to talk to people. Right. And it's the same thing for you, whatever you're saying, really, if we don't like to talk to people, then what's happening is we're not enjoying ourselves. And that can come down to a social fear thing, a social anxiety thing, which, if you want to learn how to break through, I mean, watching these shows can help. But check out my podcast, Shrink for the Shy guy. Go to shrinkforthshyguy.com or check it out on itunes. There's a huge amount of stuff there. Or you can check out my book, the Solution to Social Anxiety. Those things will just get you up to speed real quick, and then you can start utilizing all of this stuff. So. Or it's social anxiety, or it's. You just don't know how to talk about the things that are enjoying to you, and you kind of get stuck. This is where I was. You get stuck talking about stuff that's not that interesting to you, but you feel like you have to because you don't want to upset them or you might offend them. If you say it's not interesting or you indicate that you're not. That you're bored, so you pretend to be interested. I mean, have you ever been in a situation. I used to do this all the time where someone's talking about something that I'm not interested in, and then they're going along, and then instead of shifting the topic or changing it or something, I ask them another question that keeps them going for another five minutes? It's crazy. Have you ever done that? I've done that. So they're like, yeah, and then I remodeled my basement and I put in the linoleum stucco fiber, and I'm like, oh, linoleum stucco fiber? What's that? You know? And I'm just like, why did I. Even as I asked it, my brain was like, why. Why are you doing this, man? Help me. So you don't have to do any of that. Trust me. You don't have to talk about stuff. I don't get bored in conversations virtually anymore. Maybe once in a while with a family member. And, you know, and I can't quite steer it. I mean, I don't say I'm perfect, but I rarely get bored in conversations. That's because I use this technique. So here's what it is. Really, what it is is you shift to what's most interesting to you, and you give yourself total permission to do that. So. And it doesn't mean you only talk about, you know, you don't care what they're talking about, and you just. You just talk the whole time, because that's not going to build a great connection. I mean, you. You steer the conversation skillfully so you can generally be interested in it. So here's how to do that. One is you bring up topics that you're interested in, and you ask them questions about that. You talk about that. Two is if they're sharing something, you ask them questions that you're really interested in about the thing instead of letting them share whatever they want to share. So let's say some guy's talking about remodeling his basement, right? Because that's the first example that came to my mind. I'm not super interested in that. But you know what the first thing that came into my mind about remodeling is? I was like, you know what? My wife was talking about remodeling a kitchen the other day, and she was like, oh, yeah, you could just take out that wall and put it that. I was like, take out a wall? I mean, come on. Doesn't a wall serve a necessary function in supporting a house? Right. I was incredulous. And she's like, well, some. Sometimes, you know, I was like, I don't know about this. So I might ask the person that if they know about remodels, they'll be like, hey, that's interesting. The basement. Yeah, totally. Can I ask you actually, totally question, a random question about remodeling? So the other day, my wife was saying, blah, blah, blah, can you take on a wall? Can you really do that? Now check this out. He or she gets to talk about remodeling, which is what they're into. And I am now fascinated in the conversation because if I go down that road, I have, like, six questions I can ask. Can you really blow out a window? How big and spacious can you make something? Here's a situation we're looking at. What do you think? Right? So now they're engaged, I'm engaged, and we're having an awesome time. Does that make sense? So you steer. In the topic that you're talking about, you ask the questions. I had a friend who is an attorney, and he was telling me about some case he was working on, and I just asked him literally, like, 15 questions about it. So wait, wait. Who is the client? The defendant is the money. Okay, all right. Corporate law. I don't understand it, but the defendant is the money. Okay, so you're defending the money. Who owns the money? Okay, no one owns the money yet. All right, all right. Now, what did the bad guy do? Supposedly, you know, so I'm just trying to understand his work and what he's doing all day. Now, he loves it because I'm highly interested in him. But do you notice How I'm asking the questions that I'm really interested in. I call it following the fascination. I go deep into this in my program, the confidence code. If you want to check that out. There's a whole part. I mean, it's two parts. It's self esteem and then number of modules about creating engaging, fascinating conversations. You'll learn all this stuff time 10 in that program, the confidence code. So check that out. But following the fascination, another here. I'll add one more thing, and I'll wrap up for today is not only do you talk about ask the questions about the thing that they're already talking about. You can shift to something else. So you ask someone a general question, like, hey, how's it going? Or what are you up to? Did you do something fun this weekend? They might say several things. Yeah, the weekend was good. We went, you know, hung out with some friends that came in from out of town, you know, picked up my car and really did some remodeling on my house. Let's just go with that one. It's a theme. So they say several things. Now let's say I'm not interested in the remodeling. I'm like, no, I don't want to talk about that. Go with the thing. Pick the thing. Out of all the things they said, that interests you the most? And it could just be a really small thing. I did this. We picked up these friends. I did the remodel. I got my dog's nails clipped. I did this, this, and that. They say a bunch of stuff. And for you, you hear dog, and you're like, I love dogs. Go with that. You know, even if it was just a smallest thing that they said, they did 20 other things that were more important, maybe even more important to them. Doesn't matter. They mentioned the dog, so go with that. Oh, what kind of dog do you have? Oh, that's great. I love dogs. I got a dog. Let's change dog photos. Best friends, right? So do you see how this works? You see the power of this for you to be engaged? So here's what I want you to do before we wrap up today is hold your right hand up. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. You hold your right hand up and say this. Repeat after me, I. And then say your name. Aziz. Don't say Aziz. Say your name. I say your name. Commit to taking responsibility for my experience in conversations. And from now on. I know this is a long one. Keep going. And from now on, we'll only talk about things that I enjoy and I am responsible to do this. Great. So let's stop blaming other people. Let's stop saying they suck this and whatever it is, steer the conversation. And if you can't, if you try your best and you do everything you can and it's still just boring you to tears, guess what you're responsible to do? That's right, leave. Exit the conversation and maybe I'll have some tips on how to do that in a future episode. We gotta wrap up for today. Check out the Confidence Code. If you want to go super deep into stuff and check out more episodes on the left, leave your comments below as well. I'd love to hear about your experiences of how you make conversations incredibly engaging and fun for you. We can all learn from each other, so share your comments below. I look forward to seeing them and I look forward to speaking with you in the future. Until we do, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.