Confident Dating: STOP Trying To Impress Women

Stop trying to impress women. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And trust me, it doesn't work. And I'm not speaking from some intellectual place. I'm actually speaking from personal experience of trying that for years, where I was stuck in that place of shyness and social anxiety. And if I did talk to a woman, which was very rare, I had the idea and the need that I needed to impress her. I needed to show her that I was amazing and funny and intelligent and cool and better than other people. And sometimes I would come across and, like, trying to make up stories that never happened, or name dropping, or just trying to be extra agreeable and nice, but just trying to do something to make sure to get her to like me. I'm going to share in the short video why that never works. And then three ways that you can let go of that need to get her approval and get her to like you and try to impress her. So here's why trying to impress a woman never works. Because first of all, if you're doing that, you've already lost because you're assuming that on some level she's better than you are. And then you have to, like, work up to her level to get her to see you of value, to like you, to see that you're worthwhile. So you're already assuming that you're less than her. And if you assume that, you're going to act that way and she's going to start to feel that we perceive others how they perceive themselves. So if you don't think much of yourself, it's gonna be hard for her to think a lot of you as well. So you've already lost when you're trying to impress her. And here's another reason why it doesn't work. Because if you're trying to impress her, what you're doing is you have a filter on in your mind. That filter says, is what I'm gonna say or do gonna get her to like me? Is it gonna gain her approval? Is it going to impress her? And so what that does is there's a lag, there's a delay, it's in your spontaneity and you just being yourself, because everything is getting filtered through that question. So you're about to open your mouth and make a joke, and you think, is she going to like that? Is she going to think that's offensive? Is that going to be inappropriate? Is she going to think I'm being too sexual or too forward? Is she going to Think I'm hitting on her, you know, and you got all this garbage going on, this cross talk going on in your mind, and it makes it really hard. So what you end up doing is being more stilted, more nervous, more awkward. Just basically not being yourself and maybe even worse still, making up stories that aren't true. Oh, yeah, I was just at the gym. Have you seen the movie Dirty Work? It's an old one with Norm MacDonald. And he's talking to this woman and they're walking down the street and they just had a date. And she's like, oh, hey, do you want to come up or do you want to go do this thing? I forget what. She invites him to something and he gets nervous. Even though he wants to, he gets nervous and he says, oh, no, I gotta go. I gotta go work out at the gym. What? He says it out loud. He's like. He's like shocked by his own lie and how absurd it is and how not him it is in this movie where he's just totally lazy, never would work out. But we make up these stories, right? And so then you have this web of lies that you have to maintain. So whichever direction you go, it just doesn't work. And it works so much more, not only for feeling better about yourself, but actually getting a positive response from a woman when you let go of the need for her approval and you let go of the need to impress her. So here are three ways to do that. The first is to just physically try to let go in your body, because we really hold a lot of that tension in her body. And so one way to do that is to maybe focus on that right now, if you can close your eyes, you're not driving or something like that. And where do you feel. Think about a woman that you really want her to like you? Maybe the last time you saw a woman that you were into or someone that you want to go talk to, that's in your sphere, in your world. And close your eyes and think about, where do you feel that sensation of wanting her to like you wanting to impress her? My experience, you're going to feel some sort of tightness or clenching somewhere in your throat and your chest and your stomach and your solar plexus. So what you want to do is you just want to take a deep breath in. And as you let it out, just try to relax your body and remind yourself, look, I don't need her approval. I don't need to impress her. And if you just repeat that process before you're going to Go talk to that woman before you're going to go on that date. Just really remind yourself of that again and again. I don't need her approval. And it really helps if you take that big breath in and let it out with a sigh, it somehow releases your physiology in a way. The second way to let go of needing to impress her and get her approval is to acknowledge your own strengths and own them. Because if you're coming at her where I got to impress her, then I guarantee that you're seeing yourself as less than. And you're not acknowledging your own value, you're not owning your own value, you're not seeing the value in yourself. And there is value in there, even if you don't see it right now. Especially if you don't see it. You got to dig, you got to find it. Because everyone's got something about them that is impressive, that is empowering, that is exciting, that they're passionate about, that they're good at. And you just have to find that in yourself. And it doesn't have to be something that you're the best in the world at, but just something you're excited about. Maybe you're into hiking and that's where your passion is. So you got to find those things and you got to own them. You got to stop being embarrassed about them and being willing to share them with her and with the world around you. And if this is something that's totally foreign to you or really difficult to wrap your mind around, then you got to check out my book, the Solution to Social Anxiety. There's a whole chapter section dedicated to helping you identify your strengths, find out what they are, and help you own them. So. So that you feel better about yourself and you realize like, hey, we're on the same level here. I got a lot going for me. I have a lot to offer in relationships. And maybe she does too. Let's find out. The third way to let go of that need to impress her for her approval is to realize this tough to bitter pill to swallow, that not every woman's going to like you. And this is different because when I first started getting into pickup artist stuff, I remember, you know, that's how they get you to buy it online, right? It's like how to make every single woman want you. And you're like, click, yes, I need this. And maybe you know the most, the highest selling dating kind of program online is how to get your ex girlfriend back. So that's what people will sell you, is like you can get that specific woman you can get any woman you want. Look, I've been doing this for years. I've helped hundreds of guys. The reality is you can't get any every single woman that you want. I mean, there's so many factors going on. It's absurd to think that if you just acted in the right way and used the right pickup line and had the right demeanor and use the right frame and pickup artist routine that you would get her. I mean, no. A woman is a complex being and she has a bunch of preferences. She has her own history of relationships. And the reality is, the best you can do is show up as yourself, not as a small version of you that's like, I hope you like me, you're better than I am, but will you grant me a little bit of your attention? That's not going to work. That's never going to work. But if you can own yourself and say, look, I got so much going on for me, I'm an amazing guy, and really believe it, and just walk up to her and be like, how's it going? Who are you? What do you have going on for you? Let's see. If there's a connection here, right? And you have that attitude, then a lot of times it's going to work out. If there's a chemistry, if there's a fit, it could go somewhere, but sometimes it's just not. And if you just let go of the need for every single woman to like you. I mean, I don't know how many times I've heard this where a guy I was working with a client recently, and he was really coming into his own, getting a lot more social confidence in a way that he never had before. And all of a sudden he was working in a restaurant, and there were a number of other servers there that were attractive women his age. When he first got there, no one even gave him the time of day. But through our work together, he just totally changed his attitude and everything and the way he acted. And all of a sudden, multiple women were being interested in him in there. There was maybe three or four there, and two or three of them were flirting with him at work. And he was thinking about asking them out. And one of the women, out of those four didn't give him the time of day, not interested in him. He tried to talk to her and she was kind of cold. Guess which one he wanted, Right? That one. And I know I've had the same experience in my life, but we have to just say, you know what? I don't need every single woman's approval. Let me go to the women where there's a chemistry, where there's an attraction, where there's a real connection. So let go of that need for every single woman to like you. If this stuff is intriguing to you, this is of value to you. And you really want to get a handle on this area of your life. And you're tired of being stuck like I was, then you got to check out my program, 30 days to dating Mastery. I'm going to have a link below. And in that program, over the course of 30 days, we go in depth through daily email coaching. You get a video like this that makes a key distinction, a key lesson. And then, most importantly, there's an action step. There's a mission that you have to complete that day. And it builds, step by step, your confidence up from a place of, I don't even like myself, I can't even look at a woman to by the end of the fourth week, when you are starting conversations with women that you find attractive and feeling good about yourself. And that's what this process can do for you. If you're willing to commit the energy and the time to really invest in yourself, which I think is the most important thing to do, because this area of life, I mean, come on, this is the most valuable area in our lives to feel confident in relationships. It affects everything, right? In business and how you carry on with friends and everything. So check that out if you're interested in that. And otherwise, until we speak again, know that you are awesome.