Create Everything You Want And More For 2017

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show and Happy New year. Welcome to 2017. Hell, yeah. 2017, quite possibly the best year of your life. I don't know, maybe not. Maybe you're, like, super hungover right now and you're like, no, it's the shittiest year of my life, but let's be open to it being the best year of your life. And this isn't some fluffy inspirational talk where it's just like, yeah, it's just. It's the best year no matter what. Well, no, you can make it the best year of your life, but it is you determining that. It is you deciding that. It is you committing to that and is you doing what it takes to make that happen. And that's what this episode is all about, which is creating everything you want and more for 2017. And that language is chosen specifically. Create everything you want because you are the creator in your life. You are not the victim of circumstance. You create your circumstances. You create your life, you create your relationships. You create the success that you want. You create wealth, you create romantic love, you create friendships. You create everything. And right now, if certain areas are not where you want them to be, then you haven't created it yet. And that's true for all of us, right? And none of US are at 100% mastery of every area of life all the time. And so we need to invest more energy and learn how to create what we want in that area. But all of the areas are important. And if you're listening to this show and you are struggling or wanting more, you know, to be more free, less social anxiety, less self doubt, less self criticism, more confidence, more freedom, more boldness, more authenticity, then I know that's going to show up in every area of life, because confidence is the doorway to success in all areas. So, of course, in your relationships, your social relationships with family, with friends, with colleagues, with co workers, with bosses, with employees, as well as in your dating life and your romantic relationships, you know, your ability to meet and date people that excite you, to freely be yourself and to ultimately, if what you want is to find someone to create an extraordinary life with which I think deep down, many of us want, you might want a phase of like, you know, sowing your wild oats and dating tons of people. But I think deep down, a lot of people eventually want to have an extraordinary relationship. I know it's not for everybody, but I think the reason that most. A lot of people say they don't want that is because they don't think it's possible. And they think that relationships don't last, that the love fades, that it just goes south quickly, and et cetera, et cetera. And I don't believe that. But these are the core areas that matter in life. And so this episode's about creating everything you want and more for 2017. And that's what we're going to do. But the first thing we got to do and to help you create everything you want is to find out what it is that you actually want. So this episode, I'm going to guide you through a couple of processes, and it helps to be able to have a sheet of paper. Now, I know, I know this is a podcast, and so you might be driving or at the gym or running or whatever, and you don't have the ability to write this stuff down. And I know saying, well, come back and do it later. It's probably not gonna happen, right? This is. We're busy, so I would encourage you, if you can, to get a sheet of paper and do this. And if not, you gotta do it in your head. What? Do it in my head? Yes, you can. Don't worry, it's not that complicated. Just a couple of things, and I'll guide you through with some questions. Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready to do something that can not only transform 2017, to make it the year that you can create everything that you want for yourself, but actually set you on the course for every other year following to be even better? Because it builds off of this year. Are you ready to shift the course of your life and create your destiny and have what you really want in life? And if you haven't listened to the last episode, which is about Now Is the Time, I would encourage you to listen to that first before doing this, because that one will get you fired up. That one will give you the motivation and the energy and the drive. Because if you're listening to this and saying, like, oh, man, creating things sounds like a lot of work. Can't I just buy it, press a button on my phone and download it? No, you gotta create it. And if you want that motivation, that energy, I tell some powerful stories in that episode. So check it out. It's called now is the Time, and it's just the previous one right before this one. So let's do this. It's time to bring out. The wheel. The wheel. This is something that has been used in coaching for many, many years. And you might have done something like this, but it's always worth redoing it. And if you've never heard of this before, then this is gonna be great for you. Here's what I want you to do. You're gonna draw out a wheel and split it up like a pie into six different categories. Now, if you can't write this down right now, just imagine a little circle pie in your head that has six different pieces. Each piece is the same size. Eh, so far, so good. Okay, now, each of these pieces is a piece of your life. It's the areas of your life. The whole pie is your whole life. So these are the big areas that matter to us. For many people, one of the pie slices is your health. Because you're not healthy. If you're feeling weak, tired, sick, overweight, stiff. I mean, you know, it's hard to be confident, hard to be happy, hard to be. Feel good. So health might be. Is probably in every. Should be in everyone's piece. Sure hope it is in yours. Another one is your love life, dating and relationships. And I mean romantic relationships here, that's a big one. Then there's your career. That's another big one. You know what, let's actually mix into one career, finances. And it might not be the same, but for a lot of people, those are pretty closely linked. So we're going to put those two together. Career, finances. The other category would be friends, family. That's basically your social life. People you interact with outside of your romantic relationship could be your kids, your parents, your brother and friends. People that you love and know. And then the last category I'd put would be spiritual. You can call it something else if you want, but this is a. Basically, it doesn't have to be a religion, but some way that you feel connected to something, whether it's humanity or the earth or your meditation, that we get to a place of silence in your mind or just being connected to your heart and feeling love for something, or just feeling like, okay, I'm not some isolated, pointless fragment of existence where I'm just going to die and nothing matters anyway. Good. Okay. So don't worry about remembering. If you can write all those down on your pie, that's great, but if you can't write right now, then don't worry about writing it down. We're gonna go through each one. So here's how the process works. We're gonna take each category, and you're going to give yourself a number in that category from 0 to 10. 10 being. It's awesome. It's exactly where I want it to be. I'm crushing it. It's going great. It's amazing. 0 is. It's absolutely dreadful and terrible and it's nothing but pain in there and everything sucks and it's all falling apart and in that area. Right. So this is a subjective test. No, I'm not here to tell you what the number is for you. And there's no objective answer sheet or anything like that. So you decide. And it's based on your standards and what you want for your life. No one else can tell you what they are for you. So let's go through that right now for dating relationships. Where are you right now? 0 to 10. Just give it a number. Don't overthink it. Right now. You mean like today? Wednesday? Well, you know, this week? I don't know. This time in your life, this month where you are right now? Good dating relationships, that three. Is it a five? Is it a seven? Is it a ten? Maybe you're in an amazing relationship and you guys love each other and you're open and you're honest and you support each other and it doesn't mean you don't have, you know, 10. I mean, I hope your standard for a 10 is like, not. We never ever have a conflict and everything is a thousand percent amazing 100% of the time. And I never, you know, that's a danger sign if you never have any conflicts. Right? Conflicts are part of a relationship. So. But your version of a 10, what feels great to you, you guys are just right there together and living life together and it's. And you're so grateful for them and it feels really good. What about your health, your physical health? What would you give that? Are you in shape? Are you working out? Are you feeling good? Are you not in shape? Are you avoiding it? Do you have pain in your body? What number would you give it? Good. What about your career, finances? Is that where you want it to be? Are you satisfied with that? Are you not satisfied with that? Are you in tons of debt? Are you, you know, maybe I lumped those together. So maybe your finances are good, but you hate the work that you do. So in which case that would bring your number down from a 10, right? So what is it? Give it a number right now. First one that comes to mind. Good. What about your friends, family, you know, your social life outside of your romantic relationship? What number would you give that? Good. Okay. Good. And what about your spiritual life, spiritual side? It doesn't mean you have to go to church or, you know, a temple or a mosque or any sort of organized religion. Although that could be your way of connecting. Could be something else. Could be going out for hikes in the woods, and it could be nothing. But you just feel it. And you know where that is for you? There's probably certain practices you do that bring you closer to that. See what that is for you. Give it a number now. Good. Okay, so if you're doing this on paper now, you have a number for each of these categories. And I want you to draw a line in the pie segment, across the pie segment as to where it is. So if it's a 10, then the line is right up there near the edge of the circle on the far outside. And if it's low, then it's right in towards the spoke of the wheel. That makes sense. So by the end, you're gonna have six lines across the different segments of the pie. And if you shade in that area, you'll get your representation of a wheel. And you will see if your wheel is round or lumpy. Like, if you've mastered two areas and two areas are totally dismal, your wheel's gonna look kind of funky. And if you are doing this all in your head, at least write down or try to remember what your numbers are for each area. Cause that's gonna be important. Just take a moment. Open up a file on your phone or something. Just. You don't have to do the whole wheel and draw it out. Just each area. Dating, relationship. Just give it a number. Cause that's gonna give you something to work with here. So go ahead and do that now. We're gonna take a quick break, and we'll be right back right after this, where I'm gonna teach you what to do with this and how to discover what it is that you really want in each of these areas. Stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

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Welcome back. So what did you have in those different areas? And here's the Question that I want to ask you next, what would a 10 be? Maybe, I mean, maybe you're a 10 in some areas, but maybe you weren't. Maybe you were a seven or a five. And let's just pick one area. For example, let's take your health. What would need to be happening in order for you to give that a 10? How would you need to feel? What kind of activities would you need to be doing? What kind of shape would you need to be in? What would need to be happening for that to be a 10? Think about that now for your health. Good. And get specific, you know, like, oh, I lose some weight or something like that. That's not very specific. That's not gonna give you clarity on exactly what you want. What does it mean? You know, I wanna lose 10 pounds. I wanna lose 10 pounds of fat. I wanna lose 10 pounds of Fat in my stomach. I want to lower my body fat percentage from. I don't know if you, maybe you don't even know what your body fat percentage is, but maybe you wanna lower it. And if you don't, maybe it's worth, you know, finding out so you have some marker to see how you're doing. Maybe you want to be able to do certain activities that you haven't done in a long time. Maybe you want to resolve some sort of pain that you have physically in your body. And side note, by the way, if you want to learn, I think the most life transforming way to rapidly resolve hundreds of different pain conditions, including neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain, wrist pain, foot pain, plantar fasciitis, hip pain, and tons of other things. I highly recommend checking out the work of John Sarno, M.D. john Sarno S A R N O S A R N O He's got a book called Healing Back Pain which is life transforming as well as the Mind Body Prescription. Mind Body Prescription. Healing Back Pain by John Sarno. Those books can change your life for the better and forever and change your health. But anyway, so what would a 10 look like for you and health? Get clear on that. Maybe take some notes and if you're not writing things down, shame on you. I'm just kidding. But think about it right now as you're, as you're pumping iron, maybe you're in the gym already listening to this or maybe as you're driving, just think about it. And if you want more time to think about it, pause this and reflect on it for a few minutes. Really get clear what exactly would need to be happening for me to give a 10 in my health. Good. What about in your dating and relationship life? Would you need to have a 10 there? Would it, you know, I want to be able to meet someone and have a girlfriend or a boyfriend maybe, you know, for you, it's like, I gotta be married for it to be a 10. And that's okay. You don't have to say, well, that's, you know, I can't get that right away, so I should make it. No, maybe that's your version of a 10, and that's fine. But you gotta get you. Then you know that about yourself and you have clarity. Maybe it's just being. It's not about a specific other person. It's about the ability to just have confidence to approach people and connect and have dates. Have some interaction with the people that you find attractive. Maybe that ability gives you a high number. I know that did for me. So what is it for you? Maybe it's a certain kind of relationship. One where maybe you are in a relationship, but you're not that into them, or there's a lot of fighting and it just. It's hard and you're just on this merry go round of should I stay or should I go? I don't know. And you've been there for like a year. You know what would. Maybe you want to be in a relationship where you feel fully committed, fully certain, you know, this is the person for you for the rest of your life, and you're extremely happy and grateful that you're there in your life. Maybe that would be a 10. So what kind of relationship?

Good.

And again, if you want more time to think about this, pause this right now because we're going to move on. But you can spend as much time as you want pondering these things. Exactly what would it be? The more clear, the better. The more specific the better. Great. Okay, what about your career and finances? Career finances. What would you need for it to be a 10 in that area? Is it a certain dollar amount? Is it a certain level of position in your company? Is it a certain amount of growth or impact or reach in your own business? What would it be thinking about that now. Good. And if you are able to take notes on this, I would say write this stuff down. I mean, the more you can do that, even if you are somewhere and you're driving, whatever, just pull over and type it up on your phone. It'll only take like five minutes. Because when you write this stuff down, it's powerful. Stuff shifts when we write stuff down by getting clear on what would it be in your career. Maybe it's even shifting careers. I don't know. What would it need to be to be a 10? And for now, don't get freaked out if what it is, what you want it to be for a 10 seems impossible or seems hard or seems scary or you think to yourself, yeah, I've tried that and I can never get there. Don't let that color what you come up with. Don't immediately lower your goals and desires to just avoid disappointment or fear. I'll help you shift that in just a second. But first we gotta get clarity on what it is you actually want. And great. What about your friends and family, your social life? What would you want there for it to be a 10? Again, get specific here. Don't just say, I want some friends. What kind of friends do you want? How many friends do you want? Do you want the kind of, you know, what kind? Do you want the kind of friends or what kind of hangouts do you want? Do you want to be able to go see a movie with them? Is it the kind of friend you want to be able to call up and say, hey, this just happened in my life and I want to share it? Or, dude, this challenging thing just happened. I wanted someone to bounce an idea off or get some support from. Right. Thinking about the kind of friends that you want or the kind of relationships, the social interactions that you want. I want to be able to walk into a party where I don't know anybody and have an awesome time. So this is all social things, friends, family, you know, and it could be broader, social gatherings, cocktail parties and whatnot. Good. Give it a number.

Great.

And the last one is your spiritual life. What would you give that? Do you feel totally connected? Do you feel supported? Do you feel a trust in yourself, in life and something bigger than you? Maybe it's a high number. Then do you feel like an isolated fragment? Who doesn't? You know, life is drudgery, pointless, insignificant, and we all just fucking die anyway. And all that spiritual stuff is bullshit. And maybe it's love for you, but where would you want it to be for you? I'm not telling you what to believe in, but just find what would give you a sense of spiritual connection and define what would I need, what would you need to feel, what would you be doing, what kind of practices? Maybe for you it's like a meditation practice or something like that. I don't know. But find what that is and think about that and maybe jot it down. Good. Okay, so now you have what the Clarity is. And if you need more time, pause it. Now look at these and just make sure you're not automatically settling, you're not kind of just reducing it because the first thing that you wanted was like, ah, no, that's too much. So one of my big things for 2017, it actually started the last quarter or third of 2016, is Operation Ultra, I'm calling it, and it's Ultra Health. So this is an area of my life that I have had sort of stagnant in for a while. I was, you know, I was in decent shape and wasn't overweight or anything, was fairly active. But I was never like, strong and powerful. I was never like the guy who went to the gym and just got really strong and powerful and could do things and just felt totally ripped and strong in my body. That was just not me. And I had all kinds of reasons and physical injuries and things that I told myself was a reason I couldn't do that. And thanks to John Sarno and actually totally free of all that stuff. So thank you, John Sarno. You are the man. You're my hero. In any case, I remember I realized that I was not probably not going to progress in the way that I wanted to on my own. You know, I was like, ah, I'm gonna wake up early and do push ups. And then I wouldn't, and my routines would be weak and I, I don't know, I wouldn't stick with them. So eventually I said, you know what I gotta do? I got a good friend of mine who runs a gym in town, he runs a personal training business. And I could go work out in his gym and get some guidance from one of his trainers and have some accountability to say, hey, I'm gonna be there, you know, four days a week in the morning and just, you know, set myself up to win. And so I go there and he's interviewing, he's, he's happy. He's for years been asking me like, hey, you gonna come work out? You gonna, you know, stop being such a soft wussy? He doesn't say that, but, you know, he definitely encourages me to take more charge of my health. And so I go to the gym, he's happy about it, he's interviewing me, you know, standard interview process he does for all, all his clients. And in there he's like, so let's talk about your specific goals. What are they? And I share my goals. And, you know, it's like, well, I want to be stronger, be able to throw my kids around in the Air and do this and. And I talk a little bit about, like, yeah, I want to be. I want to be, you know, look strong or whatever, but I'm already downplaying it. I'm already downplaying. And so, you know what? I called myself out, like, when we were done and he went on to the next step of the process, I was like, you know what? Let's actually rewind to my goals. I was trying to look. I don't know, I was trying to look better there, or I was trying to not seem vain, or I was trying to maybe set my sights lower because I was scared that I couldn't achieve it. But you know what I really want, man? And he's like, what? I was like, dude. I watched a video on YouTube recently that was called Top 10 Celebrity Transformations, and these were videos about celebrities who are, like, kind of scrawny and little like, I am. Who over a course of several years, usually in preparation for a movie, got fucking ripped. They were just super powerful and muscular and just, like, they could. They looked awesome, and they looked like they could just, like, punch through a wall because they were probably playing a superhero or something. I was like, I want that. And he's like, fuck, yeah. You want to get jacked? I was like, yes, I want to get jacked.

You know?

And I got excited. I had this big smile on my face, and that was inspiring. That was energizing. That's fun to imagine. Not just like, oh, yeah, I can get in, you know, decent shape. It's like, no, dude, I can be ripped. I can crush it. And it was totally new because that was not even possible for me. I had so many stories about how I couldn't do that, how I would get injured, how I just don't have a body for that. And so I wouldn't even let myself think of it. I wouldn't even let myself dream. So what is a 10 for you in each of these areas? Go back and look over these areas and make sure you're not settling. You're not saying, oh, yeah, and selling it short. You want to dream big. You want to think big. You want to be excited. If you're not juiced by your goal, if it doesn't put a smile on your face, if it doesn't sound great, then maybe you need to expand it. Maybe you need to tweak it. Maybe you're being too practical, too realistic. Fuck that. Set it big. Set it. Set a big goal that you don't achieve but that you make progress towards. And it Excites you. And then maybe you don't achieve it in a year, but you achieve it in two years or five years, I don't know. But you gotta get juiced. You gotta be energized by those things. So look over your list. In fact, that brings us to our action step. Time for action. So your action step for today, now that you have your wheel, is again, go through those goals, make sure you're juiced by them. Make sure your 10 is really a 10 and you're not sort of settling ahead of time. But once you have clarity on that, then you gotta put something into practice. Now, if it's overwhelming to say, oh, my God, I gotta work on all six of these areas at once, just pick one. Just pick the one that you're most drawn to, the one that you feel like is in most in need. Maybe it's the lowest one. Sometimes we're not most drawn to the lowest one. You know, the one you gave yourself a two or a three in. But it's what we need most. So you'll know. Check with your intuition, see what you feel, your gut, see what really you need, and pick that one and then do something, some action in support of that. Like me calling up Josh or texting him saying, hey, I need to come in. I want to, you know, I have a plan, I have a mission, and I want you to be involved and help me. Like, that was an action step. And then, of course, going and following through and meeting with him and then signing up and now becoming a going regularly, whatever it is. You gotta find that thing. You gotta start that process now. And I would say start that right now. Start that today. Cause the longer you wait, if you're excited or amped up right now, and then you're like, I'll do it in two weeks. No, you won't. The inertia will settle in and habits and comfort seeking will take over. No. Break free now. Make a decision. Figure out which area you want to work on. Decide right now and then just go. Just do it. Just pick some action, apply yourself, commit yourself and watch what happens. And you can truly create by doing this. With each of these areas in the wheel, you can truly create everything you want and more for 2017. So thanks for being with me today. If you've enjoyed this episode and other episodes, I would request that you do me a favor and go to the itunes page, either on the itunes search or in the podcast search or however you found this podcast initially and give it a review. The more reviews we get, the more people I can reach and the more I can carry out my mission, which is to obliterate fear, self doubt, hatred and criticism and bring more power, confidence, boldness, authenticity, humor and love to the planet. So when you help me do that, you're helping me reach more people with that message. And thank you so much for being with me. Keep me posted about your goals. Share your questions go to shrinkfor the shy guy.com shrinkforthy guy to ask any questions you have. Or if you'd just like to share about your progress and share about your breakthroughs, I love hearing about those. So thanks for being with me today and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.