Creating Unlimited Self-Worth with Jason Goldberg
29 Jul 2015 · 40 min
Dr. Aziz interviews Jason Goldberg on moving past social anxiety by building self-worth that doesn't depend on others' approval. Goldberg teaches grounding techniques like the "go small" question to defuse threat, memory recall to spark enthusiasm, and a snow globe visualization. The core: self-compassion matters more than what you think people are judging.
Chapters
Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.
Hey, welcome. Glad you could make it here today. Is this your first episode? Is this the first time you've listened to this show? If so, welcome. I would encourage you to go back and listen to the previous episode. It's an interview that I did with Jason Goldberg. We'll be jumping into the second half of the interview today. And so you're not going to want to miss that first part. It sets up a lot of stuff that we're going to be talking about here today. And if you're an old hat, if you've been around for a while, how's it going?
How?
I mean, because you can listen to this show in a few different ways. You can listen to it and it can be something interesting, entertaining. I mean, no doubt I'm entertaining, but something that you kind of enjoy and get some insight out of and that's cool. Or, and you could turn this into a transformation for yourself. You could use what's in this show, you could use what you're learning here and apply it in your life to experience a shift, to experience a new moment. And sometimes we think a transformation is going to be this dramatic thing where I look like this scrawny 108 pound guy and I come out of the gym and I'm like this 180 pound rock of muscle. And we want this dramatic transformation, the before and after photo kind of thing. But really a transformation could just be one moment. One moment where you're at a party and instead of passively listening and clinging to the wall, you end up talking to someone and then you talk to someone else. And then not only that, but when you talk to them, you're not just pleasing them and trying to see whatever they want to talk about, but you're actually boldly introducing topics of conversation. You're making jokes, you're taking little risks, and maybe you just talk to two or three people that night in that new way. But if you've never done that before in your life or it's been years, or you've never done it with that much awareness and choice and control and power and confidence. That is part of your transformation. Because the transformation is moment to moment. It's not this dramatic light switch. I mean, it could feel that way when you look back like a year later and say, whoa, look where I was. But just really focus on that. You can use this show and this interview today that I do with Jason, you, you can use this. We're going to be diving into unlimited self worth, how to feel that, how to create that unlimited sense of self worth for yourself. So you're not doubting your own value. You're not criticizing yourself, you're not thinking you're unworthy or unlovable or undeserving. You're going to learn how to shed that. And some powerful tools that Jason shared, that I share about how to really get back to that sense of worth that I believe is always there. So without further ado, let's jump into that interview with Jason.
Expert interview.
I love this. And so the question I have for you is how do you personally call on enthusiasm when you want it, when you need it? What do you, is there a little ritual you do or just a, like if you're, if we were to be inside of your head and you were to coach us on how to, how you bring about enthusiasm, what do you do?
Yeah, it's a great question. So there's a couple different ways. There's one that's kind of more, I don't know if you want to say, it's like more woo woo. And one that's more pragmatic. And I kind of consider myself a spiritual pragmatist. So I'll go back and forth and do both. I'll do some woo woo stuff and some more pragmatic stuff. So for me there's a couple ways. So the pragmatic way for me is, is instead of believing in myself or trying to psych myself up and do all these things, I like to do very evidence based, belief shifting. And so what I mean by that is when I want to call on enthusiasm, the pragmatic way I do that is just to remember a time I was really enthusiastic and it doesn't matter what I was doing, it helps to remember what I was doing because that I can really get back in that place. But to recognize, you know, your brain doesn't know when you're bringing up a fantasy or something from the past, or you're doing something now or you're worrying about the future. That's why it can't tell the difference. It's why you have the same level of anxiety if you're thinking about something from 10 years ago or thinking about something that hasn't happened that's supposed to happen in six minutes. So in that same way, if I can recall a memory of a time where I really was enthusiastic, then I can embody that I can say I feel what that feels like for me. Like, I'm kind of closing my eyes and just thinking about it. Now that I'm thinking about a talk that I gave where I was really, really enthusiastic. I was really excited to be there. And I can see myself on stage and people were laughing and I felt super relaxed. I felt no tension in my body. My jokes were landing. The flow of the presentation was good. My pacing around the stage felt good. I saw people really engaged and shaking their heads. And I remember afterwards, people coming up and hugging me and shaking my hand and saying how fun it was and how much it impacted them. And so in moment, like, I have a big smile on my face now I'm remembering, like, how enthusiastic it felt to be up there. And now I can bring that to whatever I'm going to be doing the rest of the day, whether it's administrative stuff or it's a coaching call or it's being on this interview with you, I can call that up because I was able to just recall a time where I really felt that deeply. Does that, does that make sense?
That's awesome. Yes. I think that's that experience that you had of that talk is a resource that's inside of you for the rest of your life. Because it already. We can actually tap into resources that haven't even happened yet. But the ones that did, I mean, I think that those often go untapped. It's like all this unmined gold inside of us. So that's really useful and powerful and I am intrigued. What's the woo Woo woman? I love woo. Whatever works, man. Pile it on. I'll try anything out. You tell me to spin around three times and howl at the moon. If that works, I will do that. It doesn't matter to me. I don't care.
Well, you spin around twice. First of all, don't overdo it here, man. Let's stay as simple as we can.
Candyman. Candyman.
Stop. Stop right now. Okay. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Okay, so the more woo woo way is, it's not really woo woo, but it is kind of an anchoring or a grounding kind of exercise. And. And it's really this. The premise around what Nancy Klein calls it incisive questions. I kind of call it my go small question. I'm playing with this new way of speaking about what I do. And instead of personal growth, which we all talk about, I'm now leaning into personal shrinkage. Right? And I don't mean like getting out of a cold pool I mean like really like shrinking down and simplifying and getting back into playing a small game instead of everybody's, oh, play a big game, go big or go home. And that great again, if that works for you, that's fine. I have seen for myself when I go small, when I get really simple and I get really clear and get really focused, that's when the best things happen. So for me, the quote woo woo way is to come up with my go small question. And my go small question is the question that really centers me and anchors me back down and if nothing else, kind of helps me get rid of any perceived threat or risk that I think exists that may be holding me back. And as I'm saying that I'm thinking about, because this is an example we talked about a few minutes ago, like if you're going to go, you want to go up and talk to a girl, but you're afraid, right? It's not really fear in my mind. It's not fear that's holding you back, it's that you feel that something is at risk, something's being threatened, right? Whatever that is my self worth or, you know, there's humiliation, there's something, there's a risk, there's a, there's a threat, there's something being threatened. And so if I have a question in my head that can shift that thinking so I'm no longer focused on what do I have to lose or the perceived threat or the risk or anything else, then that can help me make a more empowered decision. So in that example, if somebody, let's say, and this is different for everybody, of course I was coaching a woman actually around something kind of close to this. It wasn't about dating, but it was about kind of being in her truth and showing her own power. When she walked into a room, she always felt kind of small and like she needed to be meek and not really let everybody see who she really was and what was at risk for her. The thing that was threatened for her was feeling like she wouldn't be loved, right? And God, who doesn't experience that at some point? I know I've experienced that so many times in my life, especially growing up. And so we came up with her go small question. And her go small question was simply if I knew that I would be loved and unconditionally accepted no matter what, what would I do? And so that was her question. When she walked into a room of strangers, she would ask herself if I just knew that in any given moment I was unconditionally loved and accepted, what would I do? And if you really got that, like at a deeper level than just intellectual, if you really walked into a room and said, I am loved, everybody here loves me. People outside of this room love me. I love myself. I have so much love, I don't know what to do with it. So now when I walk in this room, what's really at risk? What is really threatened if I'm truly, unconditionally loved and accepted? And the answer is nothing.
We're going to pause for just one moment and then get back into that interview with Jason Goldberg.
Let me ask you a question. When you are about to meet someone new, do you assume they won't be interested in you? Do you predict that the woman you have a crush on won't want to go out with you? This is the default assumption. It makes you feel anxious and hesitant to connect with people. If you want to transform this and begin to see the world from a more fearful, fearless place, then you might want to check out Dr. Aziza's new ebook and audio training called the Approval Assumption. In it, he teaches you how to transform your default assumption to one that gives you more confidence, boldness and freedom around anyone, whether they're long standing friends, business acquaintances, or complete strangers. This program is being offered as an exclusive bonus for people who invest in Confidence Unleashed. To learn more about how to get your copy Today, go to www.confidenceunleashednow.
Com sam.
That is really powerful, man. I'm just, I was trying that out. I was kind of putting myself in that situation. And, and I think it cuts right to the heart of everything because behind any social fear is failing, humiliation, embarrassment, not being liked, being rejected. All of that is. If that happens, then I'm going to feel bad about myself. AKA not worthy, AKA not lovable. I mean, really, I think it pokes right on that nerve. And so when you set up that question like that, what it does is it meets that need already. It's like a prerequisite. It's like coming into this, I'm already full. I don't need to get that love in this interaction. I don't need to make sure I preserve it because it's not threatened. And I can see how that just allows people to, it's like, what would you, yeah, so much of our behavior is based on trying to make sure that people like us. So it's like, shit, what would I even do? You know, I'd just be, you know, and then to my mind comes like, I'd Be enthusiastic, I'd be loving, I'd be engaged. I'd be humorous, I'd be bold. I'd make jokes, I'd ask for things. I mean, there's just this. The whole world opens up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're absolutely. I love the way you said that. And one of the words you said that really kind of perked me up in my chair was about preserving. Like, what do I need to preserve? Like, what do I need to stockpile? What do I need to protect? And you said it like, there's just nothing to preserve. You can give all of that love, you can give all of yourself away. And it's going to come back to you as long as you know that whether it comes back to you in that conversation or not, you are unconditionally loved and accepted. It's your birthright. Like that's. This is more about personal shrinkage and going small like it's your birthright. They did math. There's a math equation out there. Somebody did that. There is a 1 in 400 trillion chance you would be who you are today. 1 in 400 trillion. So if that's not special in some way, shape or form, I don't know what is. I don't know how to make any of us feel more valuable than to know that there is a 1 in 400 trillion chance that we would be who we're supposed to be or who we are now. And there's. Somebody even went further with that and they wanted to test the math and they actually said the odds are even slimmer than 1 in 400 trillion. And I don't have the story in front of me. I'll find it and send it to you if you want to give it to your listeners. But it was something to the effect of the. The likelihood that we would be who we are today would be. Like if you took a life preserver, you randomly threw it into one of our oceans in the world, and at the exact moment you threw it into whatever ocean you decided to throw it into, a turtle swimming in that particular ocean put their head up through the life preserver in that exact moment. That is the chance that you would be who you are in this world today. I read that, I'm like, are you kidding me? And yet we still have issues about self worth and that we need validation from the outside. That's a birthright. You were born enough. You were born perfect. And we just forget to remember that. That's the fact.
Absolutely. I love that. I mean, anything that can give us that broader perspective because we can get so wrapped up in the games we play, right? Was I funny enough in that one conversation game? And it's, I mean, it is the smallest slice of a moment in our lives, which in itself is a small slice in human history, which is an incredibly small slice in the world history. So it's like. And we focus all this energy on it and we give it so much meaning. Like, oh, because no one laughed when I said that, or because that person didn't seem that warm when I was talking with them, therefore. And it strips away all of what you're talking about. The magic of our existence, the majesty.
Of who we are.
And I mean, I love to get that perspective by kind of expanding outwards in my awareness to think about something like the Hubble deep field, which is measuring. Have you heard about that one?
No, no, I haven't.
Nils de Grasse Tyson is his name. He's like a physicist, speaker guy and highly entertaining. But he talks about how they took the Hubble deep field, where they pointed the Hubble at a random point in space that was thought to be just, you know, average, ordinary, nothing special there. And they held it there for an incredibly long period of time to let enough light in with the telescope. And he said it would be the equivalent of like if you were looking, you were on the Earth and you were looking through a straw up at the sky. But the straw was eight feet long. And that tiny little circle that you'd see is what they looked at with the Hubble. And in it they saw 10,000 galaxies that are the size of our own. And galaxies are billions or trillions. So it's like, that's just one tiny piece of the sky. And I love focusing on that stuff like that because I'm like, that is us. We're not like this separate, detached, terrible, wretched accident or something like that. We are that. And that is the same thing that is our planet is part of that. And the trees and the water and the stones and us and all other life is all part of this thing. And so anything that we can do, I mean that to me helps melt some of the self worth stuff is because would you look at a rock or a tree and be like, oh, that tree sucks. It's like, what are you talking about? Exactly, it's great.
Yeah, you're absolutely right. We walk around on this earth with this proverbial parking garage ticket waiting for somebody to validate, right? We're walking around saying, do you validate? Do you validate? Do you Validate. And nobody can validate or invalidate us. There's no way to have our self worth measured. Nobody can affect our self worth. And honestly, and this is even the part that kind of goes against more traditional personal growth stuff, we can't affect our self worth because it's not measurable. It's infinite. Our worth. The opposite of worthiness, in my mind is not worthlessness. The opposite of worthiness is dead. If you're alive, you're worthy, and nobody can take that away from you and nobody can add it to you. It's just a fact.
I love that. The opposite. Yeah. So it's life. You are worthy. You are here.
Yep.
We're going to pause one more time and then take a quick break and then get back into the conclusion of the interview with jg.
Have you ever heard the phrase feel the fear and do it anyway? Have you ever tried it in your life? While it is a key part of building confidence, it leaves out the most important secret of creating powerful confidence in every area of your life. Do you want to know that secret? It's self compassion, the skill of being on your own side no matter what. It's so important. Confidence unleashed has an entire module on it. Go to confidenceunleashednow.com to find out more.
This is so good. I had other questions, but I'm like, man, this thing is at the core of it. Because I was gonna ask you about public speaking and leadership and confidence, and maybe I will in a moment, but I'm just like. It seems like at the core of all of those things. The reason that people hold themselves back from all of those things is exactly what we're talking about here. Is the illusion that if I mess something up, therefore I am not worthy, or the illusion that if someone has a judgment of me, that somehow that holds more weight than everything that we've just been talking about right now.
Yeah, and you nailed it. There it is. So it's not even. So let's just say. Okay, so let's play with this. Because I know there are people listening to this saying, yeah, whatever, Sure, I get it intellectually, but it's not the case. So let's just say for a minute that you talk to somebody and they really don't think you're funny or they really didn't enjoy your company. Let's say those are real things that are happening, right? And I'm not saying they're real, but let's just say they're real. The difference between you being an owner or being a Leader of self, as I call it, being a self leader and being a victim is the level of importance and seriousness that you put into them having that thought about you. Right. So it's not about the thought. It's not about that somebody has a thought about you. It's about the importance and the seriousness that you give that thought.
Yes.
And the same, and the same thing happens with us. It's not about that we have thoughts that we're not good enough or that we're not worthy. It's the importance and the seriousness that we put into those thoughts. So for me, of course, there are days, please do not get it twisted that because I'm telling you this stuff that I just float through my day feeling completely worthy and perfect all the time. It couldn't be further from the case. I'm a human, so I have these moments. But my victories are when I have the thoughts of, you know, man, that other person out there, they've been doing this a little longer than me. And what they just, that that thing they just put out or that video they just did, it was so much better than mine. It's, it's not that I don't have those thoughts when I'm winning. Quote, winning Charlie Sheen, hashtag winning when I'm winning. It's that, it's that I don't take those things seriously. Yes, they're there. No, they're not to be taken seriously. Do you see? It's a very slight distinction, but do you see the difference?
I do, man. And I think that's really, there's a lot of power in that. My version of winning is actually like a 30 day cocaine binge that ends with me.
Hold on. No strippers. No strippers or hookers, Just cocaine. God, you're boring. You're so boring.
It's just me in a room by myself, pacing and kind of ranting. No, but that, taking it less seriously, other people's thoughts. I mean, this is the thing that I deal with a lot with people when I'm working with them. And they're like, but what if someone thinks X about me? And first of all, the level to which that person thinking X hurts you is the fact that you think X about yourself on some level. So that's a big thing. But, but even then it's, I mean, we have thousands, tens of thousands of thoughts going through our head every day. And all of us have been sitting there next to someone and like judge them. And then another part of us is like judging ourselves for judging them. Like, why Don't. I mean, this person's great. Why am I judging them? So we don't even have control over the judgments in our own heads, let alone we want to control everyone else's judgments to make sure they don't have them. And I love what you're saying of it. Just like, you know, one thing that I've been experimenting with is just to scale back and making it a little less real. It's not so tangible and real and serious. And one thing that I like to do is. This has been kind of fun, as I've been into lucid dreaming for a long time in my life. Are you familiar with lucid dreaming?
I am. I've done it before, and it was amazing.
It's really cool. I just had one last night, actually. I've been getting back into it again, and. And I was flying sort of moderately successfully. I was able to do it. And then I was falling and I was catching myself and flying. But I've been bringing that more to waking life as well, too. Is like, okay, if this were a dream right now. Just as like, a little fun thought experiment. Because inside of a lucid dream, we're free to do whatever we want. And if there's a dream character. First of all, this is really cool. I like this metaphor. Like, if you're in a dream and it's just a normal dream, you're not. For those listening who don't know what it is. Lucid dream is when you kind of wake up inside of a dream and become aware that you're dreaming. And then all kinds of cool stuff. You can sometimes have influence in the dream. You can choose what you're gonna do. You can even start doing cool stuff like flying around or creating a woman to have sex with. Whatever you want to do in your.
Can I cut you off for one second?
Sure. Yeah.
Okay. I have to. Especially because you said that. I was, like, debating whether I wanted to say this. The very first time I experimented with lucid dreaming is when I was a teenager and my goal was to, quote, meet Britney Spears in my lucid dream. So you said it as a joke. I'm telling you, I actually did that. And that's all I have to say about it.
Did you do it? Were you successful?
I was moderately successful. I was flying, and then I had to catch myself. I was moderately successful. Yeah.
I mean, we don't want to go down that rabbit hole, but that. Because I think. I don't know what levels of brain wake up. It's primal. Brain often wakes up for me. So I know. I read books about lucid dream, and they're like, you could create a teacher that you've always wanted to talk to, one of your heroes, a deceased teacher, and have a conversation with them. And I read that. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. I'm gonna do that. And then I wake up in a dream and I'm like, must have sex.
Oh, it's great. I love it.
But anyway, so in a dream, though, you're in the dream, and maybe you could be having. We've all had this where a dream's kind of intense and there's a fight happening and you're scared or whatever, and then you wake up into lucidity and you're like, well, this is a dream. And all of a sudden that character that's really mad at you in the dream, it doesn't matter. And I've actually gotten to conversations where I start trying to convince them that this is a dream. And it's funny because they're like, what are you talking about? This isn't a dream. And it's this whole weird. I mean, who knows what the hell's going on in there? But it's the same. I like bringing that energy to waking life where it's like, it doesn't. If someone's upset with you or doesn't like you in a dream, it doesn't matter that much. It's not so serious. And I love bringing that to our daily life as well. And that creates a more spaciousness.
Yeah, yeah. It's not that serious. Is like, if that's the one thing that you leave from this talk with. It's just that in general, it's not that serious. Like, whatever thoughts are going on in your head right now, because your own thinking is what's creating your reality. Your thinking is the thought that you're thinking. Thinking are what are creating the feelings you're having. And if that's something that doesn't sound right to you, then whatever you're feeling right now, look at what thoughts are behind that. Or the next time you're stressed out, you say, oh, I feel stressed. Well, what are you thinking stressful thoughts right now? Actually, yeah, I am. I'm thinking about how stressed out, you know, stressful this will be or that will be. So your thinking is what is going to create your feeling. And then your feeling is what really informs the way you go about and live your life. So if we recognize that all of that is internal to us, there's actually a. There's a story about a guy, George. Have you heard of George Pransky? Are you familiar with him at all?
No.
Okay, so George Pransky is one of the guys in the Three Principles movement. The Three Principles movement, in a very quick nutshell. It's just that our thinking is what creates our experience of reality. And there was this joke story that he had once sold t shirts for $200 each that guaranteed the shirts would prevent 100% of all stress other than that originating from the wearer's own thinking or your money back. And he never had to give a refund because it's true that any of the stress that we have, it doesn't actually originate from outside of us. It originates from our own thinking. And so this whole talk about things not being so serious and about kind of going small and about recognizing that you have all these versions of yourself inside of you, it's all just to help you have more empowering, productive thinking instead of this debilitating thinking that's leading to you feeling. Not feeling the way you want to feel.
Absolutely. And that puts a lot of power back into our own hands. And, you know, in fact, I want to give an opportunity for you to share about how people can learn more about all of this stuff from you. But before we do, I want to kind of put you on the spot.
Okay.
Which is you've done some pretty cool stuff in your life. You speak in front of people.
And.
I've seen you do it very, very well, very articulately, very confidently. You have gone on stage and performed and rapped, which we didn't even get to in this interview, all these cool things. And so you've done some stuff that many people have not yet been able to access the confidence to go after and do. And so the question I have for you is, what's your formula for confidence? How do you get it? How do you do that?
Yeah, it's a great question. And it's the first answer that's coming to mind is probably not the answer people want to hear, but I'm going to say it anyways. There is something about the grounding that everything starts from the place you come from. Like we were talking about earlier, a place to come from versus a place to get to. There's. There's a way. And as I'm saying this, I'm thinking back to, you know, I'm a married guy. I've been with my wife for 10 years, and yet it doesn't mean that if I'm gonna go talk to Somebody who happens to be an attractive woman. I don't get some. Some mild anxiety, right? Like, I don't get a little bit of stirring up in my stomach. It's not like. It's just I love to go up and talk to gorgeous women. I mean, it can still be kind of intimidating. And I remember there was actually a time just about a week and a half ago where I saw this woman who I had actually met once before at another coffee shop. And I saw her at a different coffee shop. And I wanted to go up and just say hi because I hadn't seen her in a while, and she's very, very pretty. And I felt a little bit of like, this anxiety coming up and I'm like, what's wrong with you, dude? You're not trying to have sex with her. You're not going to ask her out on a date? Like, why are you having this? And it's because, again, I was feeling this, like, well, what if she doesn't remember me from the last time we talked? Or what if she gets my name wrong? Or what if I say something stupid? Or, you know, all these things that we all go through. So again, these things still come. And the way that I was able to overcome that in the moment was a. To remember it wasn't that serious, right? Like, if all that stuff had happened, I wasn't going to drop dead. The entire restaurant wasn't going to stop and look over and point and laugh at me, which is like this crazy add on these, this catastrophic thinking that we put it onto the end of real experiences that don't actually exist. And the number one thing that I did to get into a grounded place before I went over to talk to her was, was I really kind of got out of my head and into my body and just kind of grounded myself and felt a sense of relaxation. I allowed my. I didn't force myself. I allowed myself. I gently allowed myself to get into a relaxed place. And that could mean, if you're sitting down, that you just put your feet on the ground for a minute and just really feel your feet on the ground. And you kind of let your body completely just sink into the chair you're in. And you increase your breathing to be a little deeper and not so shallow and really just change your physiology to get out of your head and into your body. And when I can. And this is something I do before I do live talks. It's something I do before I get into coaching sessions. I do this on a regular. I did it right before we got on the phone for this interview. I do it all the time because when I can be grounded, when I can be relaxed, right? When I can really just relax and not. Not slow down by slamming on the brakes, but slow down by just taking my foot off the gas pedal so that it's a gentle slowing down and not some forced thing that I'm coercing myself to do, which I'm just going to fight back against anyways. When I can gently allow that to happen, then I can do anything. And I ended up going up and talking to her, having a great conversation. I was super relaxed, and things just flowed. And it was wonderful because I took that literally 15 to 20 seconds to ground myself before I went to go talk to her. Does that resonate? Does that make sense?
Yeah. I mean, there's so much that we want to focus on. What's the thought? How do I get rid of this and think that? And there's power in looking at her thinking. That's what we've been talking a lot about today. And I think one of the most powerful things we can do right in the moment of taking the action is get out of our heads, get into our body, feel it, feel ourselves, and then do. And I love that. And that's a really powerful lesson as well. I feel like we could keep going for hours, and I want to give people a chance to do that with you directly. So if people wanted to learn more about you, listen to you, you do talking and speaking in companies as well as coaching as well. So if people want to get into your world and learn more from you, how could they do that?
I appreciate that. Thank you so much for offering that. And before we do that, though, can I give one more example that I just feel is maybe a little more concrete that can help people to get into that more grounded, relaxed place. Would that be okay?
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, cool. Thanks. I appreciate that. So I'm a very visual person, and so for me, it helps to have visualizations that I can do to help me do things that we're talking about that maybe are a little kind of more intangible, like, oh, relax and get into your body. And. And so what I want to say is that that relaxed state that we're in, the place where you're enthusiastic or relaxed or playful or bold or courageous or whatever these things are, they're actually your natural state. Right. It's the way you were born. Right. Nobody comes out of the womb and starts wondering whether they're good enough. It's our natural State. So when you do these exercises, it's not about getting to someplace that is foreign to you. It's about allowing yourself to get back to a place that's actually natural for you. And so the way that I like to remember this and visualize this, I've actually purchased what I'm about to tell you about to remind myself of this, and I use it all the time as an example, is think about the snow globe. If you shake up a snow globe, the snow is going all over the place and it's beautiful, but the snow is going all over the place. And that's our heads, right? We live in that place where we've shaken up the snow globe and the snow is going all over the place. And where we make. I don't like to use right or wrong, but where we kind of make a mistake or a misstep is thinking that it's our job to now open the snow globe, grab every little piece of snow and put it back down to the surface, back down to the floor. But we all know if we've ever played with the snow globe before, that the way to get the snow to settle back to the floor is to simply put the snow globe down and it will naturally settle back down to the floor. And so that's the visualization that I'd like to leave you with of that is to recognize that even though you feel many times like your life is a snow globe that's constantly being shaken up, that all you have to do is gently allow the snow to settle and to come from that place of being relaxed and settled. And if you can come from that place, then you can choose to create anything you want internally and externally in your world.
Yeah. Wow, that is really cool. I was just seeing a snow globe as you're describing that and Yes, I mean, and it all seems to link together this whole conversation. Because when we're in that relaxed, our natural state is the one that is purely worthy, is the 1 in 400 trillion person, is the same force that created the galaxy. I mean, it's all. That's our natural state. It can get blocked and obscured by all our thinking, but it doesn't mean it's not there. It doesn't mean it's gone.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
That's great.
Thank you for letting me share that. I appreciate that. I didn't mean to take us back down into the rabbit hole, but I really wanted to share that.
Absolutely. Man, I think that was a valuable add on. I'm glad you, you inserted that to do that so thank you.
Cool. My pleasure, man. So cool. So, yeah, people. If people want to stay connected with me, I'd love to connect with you. You can check out my website. It's Meometry.com which is like geometry with an M. Like Mary Meometry.com and I hang out a lot on Facebook. That's kind of my guilty social media choice. My guilty pleasure. So definitely hit me up on Facebook. You can search for Jason Goldberg and I'll be the picture of the guy looking like he's doing karate. Or you can go to facebook.com biometry and connect with me there. And I'd love to continue the conversation and do whatever I can to serve you on your journey.
Awesome. Thank you so much. I'll have links below, too, on the show notes@drinkforthshyguy.com to do that. Anyone listening? I would just encourage you to take Jason up on that. He's got a lot of great resources that he puts out there. And in many ways, I've not really met that many people that seem to care so much about me and other people and, like, really serving. I mean, you really walk your walk, Jason. And so anyone who is, like, moved by what he's saying or like, wow, this is. I like this. By all means, reach out to him, and you will benefit tremendously from doing that.
Thank you, man. I really appreciate that. And you're just mirroring what I see in you. You're an amazing, amazing guy. You're so talented. You're such a gift, and I am such a fan of your work and the way that you serve people so deeply. And we've had some great conversations about the way you serve people, and I've seen it firsthand. And I'm just. I really admire you, and I'm inspired by you.
Thanks, man. I appreciate that. I think. I think we should. Even though the interview is technically over, we should go for maybe another 20 minutes. Just back and forth exchanging how great we are.
The mutual admiration society. Let's make it happen.
That's right. And everyone listening can just nod and agree. Yeah, they are. They are pretty great, I guess.
Oh, that's awesome. I love it. Thank you so much for having me, man. I really, really appreciate it.
You are most welcome. Until the next time, man. Take care.
You too, brother.
That brings us to the end of the interview and the end of our show, except for one thing, of course, which is your action step.
Time for.
Your action step for today is going to be about self worth. Pick one of the techniques One of the perspective shifts exercises, anything that we talked about in today's show and apply it in your life. Commit to applying it once a day for the next week. I mean, a lot of stuff we shared was really short. It could take you like 10 seconds, 20 seconds a minute. A perspective shift, something that you can just say, you know, I'm going to think about that once a day or I'm going to do that grounding exercise he talked about once a day and just commit to applying it in your life minute a day, something really small time commitment wise, just to keep working to build up that sense of self worth, which that's actually not even the way to say it. You don't need to build up a sense of self worth. You need to just step aside from all the garbage that gets in the way in our heads that stops us from realizing that inherent worth. So little exercises that just bring you back to that inherent worth. Pick one, commit to doing it once a day for the next week and let me know how it goes. Go to shrinkforthshyguy.com, send a message through that site. Send me a text message or an audio message through that site so I can hear about your story, hear about your journey. I do care about you and your progress. And I want to know, I mean, that's why I'm doing all this. That's why this is for you. Here, free every week is. I want to make an impact in your life. So if you can share that with me, that excites me, that juices me, and I'd love to hear about it. And if you're getting a lot of benefit from the show, by all means, please give it a review on itunes. And that helps us spread the word and reach more people. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you have an unlimited self worth, that you are inherently valuable, that to think anything else is just a delusion of our mind. It's just forgetting the truth of your absolute value and your absolute awesomeness. I'll talk to you soon.
Thanks for listening to Shrink for the.
Shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.










