Decide to Stop Doubting Yourself | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

What if you didn't doubt yourself? What if that self doubt mechanism in your brain was just turned off? Is it possible to do that? Well, stay tuned for this episode. We're going to talk about exactly how. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, best selling author and the founder of the center for Social Confidence. And in this show, you, you learn exactly how to be your most bold, confident, authentic, powerful self so you can show up more fully in the world. And if you would like to get more of these episodes as they come out, stay fresh with what I'm doing each week and sometimes more than once a week. Then hit the subscribe button below to stay up to date on all these videos. Because one thing I hear again and again is people say I sat down and I got hooked and I watched 1 and then 2 and then 5 and then 10 and the next thing they know, people's lives are transforming simply from watching these videos and of course applying what you learn because passively watching something is not going to do anything. You got to step up and do it. And let's talk about something that you can do today in this video which is deciding to stop doubting yourself. Decide to stop doubting yourself. Now in the beginning I said, what if you didn't doubt yourself? And we're going to show you how that's how you do. Starts with a decision. Because before that we have an unconscious idea that I need to doubt myself. Well, actually, before I even say that, why do you do it? Think about an area in your life where you doubt yourself. Maybe it's at work, maybe you want to share something in a meeting, but you're like, I don't know if that's the right thing to say. Or maybe you do say it and then you're like, oh, I don't know if that sounded good or oh, I don't know if that was right or ah. Or maybe you're in a conversation socially, you just doubt yourself. You doubt what you're going to say, you doubt your opinion, you doubt if you said it right, you doubt if they like what you think or who you are or whatever. Same thing in dating, same thing everywhere else, right? So picking the area. Pick one area where you doubt, you tend to doubt yourself. Where self doubt tends to come up a lot and then ask yourself, why do I do that? Because every pattern that we run, whether it's a self criticism, a self doubt, a negative pattern that hurts us, or a positive pattern that feels great, there is some Purpose behind it. We're trying to solve something, we're trying to meet some need, we're trying to do something effective. Even self criticism, intense self criticism has purposes. Same thing with self doubt. So what is the purpose, do you think, of that? Self doubt? What are you trying to do? You know, oftentimes what we're trying to do is we're trying to protect ourselves in some way. So if you were to imagine just speaking up and just saying whatever came to mind in a meeting or socially or on date, then there's that moment where it's just, it's just out there and then self doubt kicks in. It's trying to say that was the wrong thing, was that the right thing? I shouldn't have. I should have. And it starts to pick away at that moment because just to let that ride feels really uncomfortable. It feels really vulnerable. It is putting yourself out there. And there's a part of us that freaking hates putting ourselves out there. And so when we do, it tries to kind of just fill in that vulnerability that, uh, here I am. Hello. Just that moment of exposure, of showing who we are, of revealing ourselves, it fills that in with a bunch of noise. And there's some weird thinking that that noise is somehow going to make us better or protect us or make it not happen again or we're ready if someone comes at us because we've ran through all the bullshit in our heads, you know, the conversations we could have. There's a million one reasons why we think it's going to protect us and keep us safe. And it's this incessant pattern that we run again and again. And it doesn't, it doesn't keep you safe from rejection or from people not liking you. In fact, it actually brings about more of that stuff. So the key is to decide right now, as you're watching this, as you're listening to me, as we're having this conversation, for you to decide right now, I'm not gonna doubt myself. No, I just don't wanna do that anymore. Just like you can decide that you don't wanna eat potato chips anymore and say, you know what? I don't wanna do that. Now you all, we all have had the experience of saying, I'm not gonna do blank, I'm not gonna eat potato chips or smoke weed or play that video game or do whatever. The thing is that, you know that that immediate hit of gratification that we're going for and then we, you know, the next day we're smoking weed, eating potato chips and Playing the video game all at once, right? But there are also decisions that you make in your life that you stick to. And maybe you. Laughs but then you get back on track. Maybe it's a decision you made with your health and your body and working out. Maybe it's a decision you made about a relationship. Maybe it's a decision that you made in your career. But you make a decision and you say, I want to do that. And sure, I might fall or falter, but I'm going to get back on because that's the direction that I'm headed. And that's what I encourage you to do with doubting yourself. Like, I'm just not going to do that. It serves no purpose. It doesn't make me better. It's not some sort of planning or preparation. It's just incessant noise because I'm uncomfortable. To just float me out into the world and trust that it's enough. And here's the thing, the way you get to the point where you trust that it's enough is just by doing it and letting it be. So when I notice doubt come up into my mind, and it'll come up, it'll be like, should I have said something different to that client? Should I have said something different, you know, when I was speaking to that person or that group of people, Should I do something different in my business? Should I have said something different with my son there? When I notice that, that comes up and I say, nah, I just. I'm not gonna doubt myself. I'm awesome. That was fine. That was good. It was great. Now, one last thought about this, because this used to get me too, is your mind's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What if you did do something wrong? You know? What if it was bad what you did? If you don't look back and question yourself, then you're never gonna learn. Here's the thing we do learn. Because if we did something and it wasn't the right thing to do, usually some bad shit will happen. There'll be some consequence. And when there's the consequence, you can look back and say, hmm, I wonder maybe that, you know. So, for example, let's get real concrete here right before we conclude this video is. Let's say you speak up in a meeting more boldly. You want to share your ideas. Maybe you're terrified of doing that and you just do it now. You don't need to doubt yourself afterwards. Just let it ride. That's right. I said what I said. And if your mind's like oh, my God, no. Did so and so like that. You're just like, look, I just. I don't doubt myself. I'm awesome. That was fine. You stay in that state and you notice. You go back to work the next day and look what happens. Are you fired? Does your boss take you in his office and criticize you? Does someone in the meeting, you know, give you the stink eye all day? Notice what happens? And what you'll find is, like, 98% of the time, nothing happens. It's all in our own minds. We're just terrified of being bold, confident, and fully ourselves in the world. And so you can do that and nothing will happen. And then 2% of the time, there will be a consequence. Whoa. You know, you came in really hot and intense in that meeting and scared off some people. Oh, okay. Well, maybe I should adjust my approach. Right? So you deal with the consequence when it happens, but you pay attention. You'll find it if it's there, but 98% of the time it's not. And we don't need to fill in that vacuum with all of that doubt. So enter in the comments below. Let me know when you've decided to stop doubting yourself. What that experiment does for you, what you notice, how you can implement it in your life. Let's all help each other out until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.