Decide Your Game: 5 Elements of Self Esteem (3 of 5) | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

If you secretly feel less than or inferior to others, you need more self esteem. And we probably all could benefit from more self esteem. And this video is all about one powerful core element that raises your self esteem quickly and permanently. And when you really get this, you stop feeling less than no matter who you're around, no matter how powerful or attractive, or if they have something that you think that you want or should be able to do. So stay tuned to watch this episode to learn how to radically increase your self esteem right now. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz and this is a show for you. If you want to maximize your confidence in your career, in your dating life, in your social life, in every area that matters, it's going to bring you joy, connection, love and happiness. And if you love these videos and you want to watch more, click, subscribe. I got tons of new videos coming out and just everything. If you're wondering where do I come up with all this stuff? Starts with reading lots of big thick leather bound books. But mostly it's first studying myself and noticing all of my elements of social anxiety and how I work through them and then talking with at this point thousands of people. But on a regular basis I'm talking with people in group programs and one on one through online other, you know, in my podcast and other things and I'm finding out what the challenges are and how people shift it and we're testing it real time. So all the best stuff I just share with you as soon as I get it in these videos. And this one came from a one day mastermind retreat I was doing for some people in my, in my mastermind program. And here's what it is. This is a core element of self esteem and I call it choose your game. And if you get this, you can stop a lot of that comparison and stop a lot of feeling inferior. Here's how it works. Choose your game. So basically I'm going to get kind of, we're going to go big picture here. What is the purpose of life? And you might have an answer to that. The short answer is no one has a clear 100% defined certainty that was given to them. Like this is the purpose of life. Now each some people might have certainty because they've chosen like this is what life's about. But you know, we come out into the world and it's kind of like what's going on? What kind of organisms are we? What kind of planet is this? And then we get socialized, right? Like oh, this is what we do. We wear these clothes, okay. We go to school, okay. We eat this food, okay. We hold our silverware like this, okay? Oh, they use chopsticks. That's weird. We use this stuff, right? We get kind of conditioned into what is normal and what, what we're supposed to go after in life, what we're doing here. That's a powerful question if you ever want to sit and ponder that one. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Now? Without deep inquiry, we are all kind of pre programmed by society to have certain set purposes. One purpose is to make money, right? That's a core one. Like you should especially, I mean this is for everyone. But it's really instilled in men. You should make money. That's the kind of the man that you are. That's the kind of person you are. You can do it. If you can make money, then you're masculine and you're worthy and you have done your purpose, right? You know, to provide, to make money. Another purpose that is really common is to attract a mate and procreate, right? That's another thing. And that one goes way back even before we were socialized. That's just part of organisms on this planet. So in the pathway of getting that we want to look good, we want to be strong, want to be muscular. So a lot of people play the I should be really skinny game. So there's the I should make a lot of money game. I could be really skinny or fit or strong or buff or whatever that is for you. These are the games that we decide. I'm going to be the most powerful person, I'm going to have the biggest reach. I'm going to be the top guy or girl in the company, right? That's another game we can play. We can play the I'm going to be famous or I'm going to be well known or well liked by a lot of people, by more people the better. These are all games that we can play and we measure them and we like the games that have measurable results. My weight, my bank account, how many followers do I have here? And watchers and fans there, right? These are things that we can measure. And so we like those games. And guess what? A lot of those games we don't even choose and we don't even know why we're playing them. And we feel like we suck at them and feel like we're losing a lot of the time. And the crazy thing is, no matter how good you are at any of those games, Then you look at people that are better at that game or have done better, have been playing it longer than you, and then you're like, oh, I suck. So even if you get to a million, whatever, you want to amass a million dollars, you want to make a million dollars a year in your company or your salary or whatever your big goal is, then you get there and then you see someone who's making 5 million and you're like, you know, or you get to your certain weight, you're like, oh, I'm really fit, look at me. Oh, wow, look at her. She's fitter than me, right? Her legs look better than mine. And then we feel inferior, no matter how amazing we are. And that's why when I was with my mastermind group, I really slowed down and encouraged everyone to look inward and say, what game are you going to choose to play? Because you decide. And when you stop playing that game or making that game all like, all encompassing and like the point of your life, then it loses its power over you. So, for example, there's one guy who's in the group who was afraid to approach women at a gym. He was working on a social confidence. He was approaching women for conversations, and he was afraid to approach women at the gym. One is like, well, they don't want to be bothered. They're going to think I'm a creep. All these stories and fears. And we kind of helped him work through that, gave him permission to be able to put himself out there and approach people. But then he said, yeah, but she's gonna look at me and then she's gonna look at that guy over there. And like, there's so many guys there that are like, really strong and ripped and muscular. She obviously cares about that because she's in a gym. He had so many stories and assumptions and conclusions about this woman, this hypothetical woman that he never even met. He knew everything about her. He knew exactly what she thought and what she wanted, right? All to construct this story so he could stay safe and not put himself out there. But he said, you know, there's like these strong guys and these muscular guys. I'm not that big, I'm not that strong, so why is she going to want me? Very plausible story, right? Doesn't it kind of check out? Maybe you're kind of like, yeah, yeah, he's got a point. He's screwed. He shouldn't approach a woman at the gym. And I said, you know, that only matters if you're playing that game and if you're playing that I mean, you're playing that game fully. Like that's my worth is in that game. So I am. The more muscular you are for a guy, or maybe the thinner you are for a woman. The more muscular you are, the better you are. The more money you make, the better you are. And if you're playing that game, you're screwed. So I said, what if you just didn't play that game? What if like there was no ranking in terms of value based upon how big your muscles were? I mean, you could still work out. I like to work out, I like to get stronger, I want bigger muscles. But what if there was no ranking of your self worth on that? It was just like, oh yeah, I don't play that game. That's not where my worth comes from. What would that free you up to do? He said, I don't know, how do I not play that game? And I said, I don't know. Can't you just choose not to? And he said, can I? I said, I don't know. Have you ever tried? And it was like this moment where I was kind of mirroring back this confusion because the idea is we assume that we can't. We assume that someone else has decided for us and we're just stuck with it. And that's not true at all. You can choose right now. You know what's great is flash forward. We had that conversation maybe six months ago and this happened just a couple weeks back for me. I was at a like a high, like a, basically a high achiever summit. There was these people, there was about 50 of them and they all, I, they have all worked with my mentor and they're all his business partners and they all run extremely successful businesses that probably generate at least a million dollars and way more. And I got in because I was one of his students for many years and they're really impressive, really amazing people. And I remember I came in, I was feeling great, feeling confident in myself and you know, the work that I'm doing and how many people I'm reaching and the impact I'm having and how much I enjoy what I'm doing. And probably about the end of the first day I was like, ah, I'm a loser, I suck, right? My reach wasn't as big, I wasn't making as much money, I wasn't as good as them. I didn't have as many people in my live events as they did. And I forgot this lesson and it actually stuck with me for probably about a week after I got home. So it was A three day event down in San Diego. I flew back home and it was just kind of in the background, just like I need to work harder, I need to do more. This, this is enough. It's kind of this pressure on myself. And then I caught it and I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I just fell back into the. And it was probably, it was the mixture of the money game and the more people you help, the better you are game. And that's a weird one, right? These games are crazy. So I noticed that and I was like, oh wow, Uh, I don't want to play those games. Like I do want to make money and I do want to help as many people as I can. But I'm not going to play those games. Like my life depends on it. I'm not going to play those games. Like my worth depends on it. Like well, what does my worth depend on? It's like well, all kinds of things, hundreds of things. And I want a game that I like to play much, much more. That tends to bring a lot more self esteem and a lot more worth and just helps me relax a lot. The contribution game. The Contribution game. What can I. How can I deeply serve this person that I'm talking to or in these videos? How can I make this as impactful as possible? So it really helps someone who makes a shift in their life and then I'm just thinking about that and nothing else and it's like this instant relief. Another great game to play, the gratitude game. You know and you probably saw my previous video about, hopefully you did about the Hundred days of Gratitude. Go check that one out. It's good. So playing the gratitude game, playing the I want to Travel and have adventures game, the adventure game, playing the love game, I want to see how much love I can give. I want to see how much love I can let in. I want to see how much love I can create and expand. There's so many other games we can play and you can decide, you can choose. I want to play the growth game. I'm going to see how much I can push my edge. I love playing that game. I'm always playing that game. I've been playing that game for 15 years and I'm not going to stop for the next 50. What scares me? What's my edge? Let me go do that. Let me go push that and see what happens. See how much I can expand and grow in my power and my confidence. That's a fun game. So you need to choose your game and if you notice yourself feeling inferior, feeling like your self esteem is dropping. You're probably picking a game and making all of your worth and all of your life dependent upon that game right then. And you got to shift it. You got to expand. You got to find a different game to free yourself now. So share what you learned below. What have you found most valuable from this video? This one's a bit longer because I really wanted to get into this, so thanks for sticking with me and subscribe if you're enjoying these and you want to see more. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.