A YouTube reaction video in which Dr. Aziz reads viewer comments from a prior upload and responds with coaching-style advice. He addresses themes of needing approval, building internal validation, facing fears (anecdote about spiders and 'bravery points'), confidence practices (mirror work, incremental eye contact), and offers resources (free ebook/video series, masterclasses, upcoming book). The tone is conversational, practical, and encouraging.
Chapters
This is a brand new kind of video. This is me reacting to you reacting to me. And it's gonna be awesome. So we're gonna do is I'm gonna go through a recent video I released on this YouTube channel and I'm gonna read the comments for the first time and react to them as naturally and entertainingly as possible. So I'll respond, I'll answer follow up questions. It's just a way for us to stay more connected to make sure you're learning what you need to learn and applying this in your life. Then if you have other questions, you put them in the comments and I could get to those and answer your questions real time. So to do that, we're gonna switch over with this fancy tech here. There we go. To me. There's me. Is it me this way? Yeah, there's me. And I'm gonna scroll down. You can see comments there. Oh, yeah. And I'm gonna respond to some of them. I'm not gonna respond to all of them, but I'll respond to some of them. Let's see here. Marie says this will be very helpful and needing approval at work. Yeah, great tooth. When you watch these videos, whether it's this video or any other of my videos in this channel, think about key areas in your life where you need to apply this most. I'm sure you're naturally doing that. Jdm. These videos are changing my life. That's awesome. Share in a future comment. What specifically is changing your life? What are you seeing? What's different? Nestle says he would put. Oh, let me see. There you go. I would take an 18 hour flight from Germany to have an hour of therapy with you. Thank you. Much appreciated. That's awesome. And you know, I work remotely with people, by the way, and I do group work. We have master classes coming up in June that are free, can be done anywhere in the world remotely. As well as the group programs and the events I run are all virtual and online and so you don't have to fly 18 hours. Although facing your fear of flying could be fantastic for your life. Not just to be able to fly places, but anytime we face a fear, we build confidence and we feel better about ourselves. And I'm teaching this in my kids at a young age. We have something called bravery points around the house where they're scared to go down in the basement or they're scared to go upstairs by themselves or whatever. It's like, hey, you can, you can build bravery points. And we keep track of their bravery points on the, on the fridge. And my son, my younger son, who's 5, was freaked out to go downstairs. And so I heavily shamed him and said, what's wrong with you? I'm a confidence coach. You can't let me down. No, I said, you're scared, huh? I used to be scared to go downstairs in my house, too. What are you scared of? He's like, spiders. I said, me too. I used to be scared of spiders when I was a little kid. And I said, do you know I was scared of spiders for 15 years or more. I'm almost 20. And he's like, really? I was like, yeah. And when I got older, I learned how to, like, hide it better, but I was still very scared of them. He's like, what did you do? I said, well, I'm not scared of them now. How? And I said, well, when I. I learned that whenever I saw a spider, instead of freaking out or trying to kill it or running away, I would move towards it, and I just stand near it until I got calm, and then I would move closer until I was calm, and then I would poke him. He's like, you poke the spider? I was like, yeah, just touch him lightly, not hurt him, just touch him lightly on the back. He's like, wow. So I told him that, and about a week later, we were. So he wanted to come show me the spider outside. And I was like, oh, cool. Did you touch its back? He's like, oh, I already did that, dad. Then you wanted to catch it into a jar. So leaning in to what scares you builds your confidence at any age, whether it's spiders, when you're five, flying when you're 25 or 35, ask someone out speaking up at work. Lean into those fears of it, okay? Everything I do comes from this place of needing approval. Even if I do feel happy for a bit of the time, then become depressed and the needs come back. I cry when I watch this video. Thank you so much. So especially important, everlasting for you to, you know, rewatch this video again and again and again and go through the process and, you know, you might feel relief the first time or. But. But to really have this start to be a way of being for you is going to be. Repetition is going to be key and to become more mindful when we feel that need. Like, I need you to like me. And it comes back. I mean, look at the way you're describing this. Everything is about meeting this need. And then when I meet it, I feel good for a little bit, and then I get Depressed, and it comes back strong. What does that sound like to you? Sounds like addiction, doesn't it? I need alcohol, I need methamphetamines. And then when I don't have them, when I get them, I feel good for a little while. And then after that wears off, I feel depressed and I. And then the need comes back stronger. Right. So, yes, we can be addicted to other people's approval. And what we're actually really addicted to is getting away from the feeling of anxiousness, lack of safety, lack of grounding, lack of security that we have when we're not getting that approval. Because we haven't been able to orient to getting approval from inside or from something bigger, but not from another human. Okay, fantastic. What's fascinating is Andrew says, what's fascinating is that we will often seek the approval of those whom we wouldn't even want to imitate and don't even particularly like or respect. Fascinating, huh? Yeah. So this just goes to show you that it's not really what you need. I don't really need you to view me in a certain way. I really don't. It can be very convincing to fall into that story like, oh, but I need this person because they have, you know, they could give me money or they might my employer, or they're my parent or whatever the reasons are. But the truth is, if you step back, it might be uncomfortable. If you don't like me and you fire me or you disown me or whatever, but I don't need it. I'm okay. I'm okay. And just coming back into that, that's what we practice in this process, in this video. Malik, hit it right on the head. I need something from you in order to feel okay. Yeah. So you're seeing through that pattern. Very exciting. I love this from therapy, JM the more internal validation we have, the less external validation that we need. Well said. Pithy. I love it. What do people provided that? Andrew again. Right on. He says, well, where does one draw the line that you don't venture into the lands of arrogance and obliviousness? I've heard this one a lot, right? It's like, hey, man, if I just stop, you know, caring about other people's approval, then I'm just gonna become this totally out of control jerk. I'm gonna take advantage of people. I'm gonna be, you know, trump all over people. And I'm like, maybe, maybe. I think that's the story that keeps us so far on the niceness end of the spectrum and that really what we're talking about is not extreme arrogance or aggressiveness to take what you want and you know, others be damned. What we're talking about is the middle way. That core confidence of healthy self interest. I matter and you matter. It's not like you matter and what I want doesn't matter. Or screw you, I got mine. We're talking about the middle, which is I matter and you matter. And a lot of people that are chronically nice don't feel like they matter. They feel like it's too much of a burden to ask for things. They feel like they're continually focused on where they're falling short, why they're not enough, and they're constantly building a case as to why they're not lovable, why they're inadequate and they're blocking the love and approval that they really want. They're blocking it from to fill it themselves because their perception of themselves doesn't feel valid. So if I say, hey, I'm good looking or I like myself, it's like, yeah, well, your opinion doesn't matter. And that is alarming. That if that's your experience, you want to address that right away. And I got in my ebook that you can get on my website, drzez.com for free. You can also get a video training series that guide you through the five steps in that ebook, all by signing up on my email list there for free. The first step is called Be a good coach. And it's about how to change that dialogue from a toxic coach to a supportive coach. And that's why it's the first step with every client I work with. It's the first thing because if you're not doing that, if you don't have control of that, then it doesn't matter. You could stand more confident. You could even get better results from other people. You can have people tell you you're attract attractive, you're smart, you're great. You might even have that in your life. People who are approving of you saying what they like about you. You might be in a relationship. You might have people that want to date you or sleep with you. You might have people that hire you or tell you that you do a good job or whatever and you still say, yeah, but maybe you let it in that much. It's like, yeah, but I'm not enough and I'm still ugly and I'm still this and I'm still that. And then if you say, wait, no, no, I actually am pretty good here. That's shot down too, because your opinion you know that doesn't matter, right? So we got. We gotta interrupt that. So JM's hitting on the head. His response is great. He says it's important that the internal validation is genuine. Writing down the best things that you did each day. I love it. Hundred wins in a hundred days. That's coming. That's coming your guys way a little bit later this year. My newest book and it's all about how to train our brain to see what's going well, to see our wins. And it's a fun, short, energizing read. It's going to feel great afterwards. So I'm excited to to share that with you. Beautiful. Okay, there's a Couple more here. NGL a good 20%. Who watches your videos for the eye candy? Oh yeah. What does NGL mean? I've never. What does. Oh. NGL is not gonna lie. Very good, Very good. The next reaction video is gonna be me combing through all the videos for comments about my appearance. And we're just gonna for 20 minutes. Sure. Can we practice this daily? Yes. Hemanth. Hemanth. Absolutely. Daily practice of any of these things is fantastic because that's how you're actually going to retrain your mind, your emotions, your nervous system to start to respond differently. And I recommend doing this even when you're not actively craving intensely other people's approval. Just as a maintenance. It's like a strengthening routine to do. Okay, one last one here, sir. I am struggling with bad eye contact. I can't talk with friends and family members and I'm very alone. Please tell me how to overcome it and I can come out of this situation of bad eye contact. Did someone answer his question? Haha. Andrew, nice. I love how engaged you are on the comments, Andrew. Well done. I love it. We're supporting each other here. Says it sounds counterintuitive, but slay the dragon by pretending it doesn't exist. You have to confront it first. In social situations when you're feeling nervous, looking away only make the ink worse. You have to focus on making eye contact. Shift the spotlight from being on you to being on the other person as well. Andrew nails it. I love this for getting fantastic input from other people in the community. Sharing with other people. Yeah. So Ravant, what you're going to need to do is you're going to need to. Avoidance will only make this problem worse. I would start by saying that probably the root challenge with eye contact is not necessarily even related to other people. It is related to probably shame, maybe even toxic shame. A chronic Sense of I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy. There's something wrong with me. So, you know, make two lists, my man. Number one, what I don't like about me, a list, and write that list and see how quickly it comes to you, how easily it comes to you, because that's information. Then why I'm awesome. A list and write out that. Which list is longer, which list comes to you faster. By the way, I'm only talking to Ravanth. No one else do this, by the way. But you know, and what you're gonna need to do is you need to strengthen the what is awesome about me list, and you're gonna need to go easier on yourself about the why I suck or why I don't like myself a list. And if you want more about this, start by getting my book on my own side. On my own side. You get on Amazon or audible or Kindle, and you might say, well, my problem is eye contact. No, the problem is confidence. Inability to hold eye contact is a symptom of low confidence. You do not see yourself as worthy. You feel uncomfortable. It feels like either other people are above me in status and so I can't make eye contact with them, like some very primal pack stuff. Or. And. Or when you look into my eyes, you see all of my flaws and all my wretchedness, and I can't stand being seen. So both of those. The real solution is to get on your own side and to strengthen your confidence. So that's the foundation work. Then. What Andrew's talking about is absolutely true. We need to practice leaning into that eye contact because the more we avoid, the more people react poorly to us. Start by, can you make eye contact with yourself in the mirror? Can you hold eye contact with yourself in the mirror for a minute and then two minutes as you do it? Can you talk to yourself? Can you be with yourself? I know it sounds awkward or strange or weird, but hey, are you willing to do whatever it takes to break free? That's where I am. That's if you're watching these videos and you want to take it to the next level, that's what we got to do. We can't just watch a video and assume it's going to change our reality. We have to practice this stuff. So looking in the mirror and looking yourself in the eye for a minute, for two minutes, then practice small. Like Andrew is saying, can you. Can you lean in? Can you say, you know, I normally avoid eye contact entirely. Can I hold it for 10 seconds, 20 seconds, and then also just get really curious when I'm with other people and it's hard to make eye contact. Where is the focus? I think Andrew is picking up on this. Where's the focus? Because the focus is almost entirely in Social anxiety is self absorbed. How am I coming across? What do you think about me? Is me good enough? Is me likable to you? Aria, Is anything bad going to happen to me if you disapprove of me? Right. And so the energy is not going out and people want an exchange of energy when they're talking to each other. That's all a conversation is. It's not about the ball game or the sports or the finances or whatever. It's an exchange of energy between two or more humans. And that's what feels good to us and that's what makes us want more. So like tuning into another person and seeing, you know, who are they? What is the color of their eyes? Are you, are you even aware of what's going on with them? What kind of hairstyle do they have? What kind of emotion are they emitting right now? Are they excited about what they're talking about? Are they disengaged? Are they bored? Are they, are they happy? Are they frustrated? Are they passionate? Really tune into the visual details, the sound of their voice, the emotion that's coming off of them and of course the content of what they're saying too. And get, the more you get that focus out of you and onto them, the more you're gonna feel relaxed, more your eye contact is going to improve and the more likable you're going to be as well. Fantastic. All right, so I'd say we did it. Get to the bottom there, Talef. Thank you, thank you and thank you. I'm gonna give that a thumbs up. Alright everybody, thanks for being with me today. For future videos. If you want me to respond to you and your comments, just leave comments on my videos and I circling back and doing these for future videos as well. Alright, till we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.
