Embarrass Yourself To Total Confidence

What would your life be like if you were completely free from being embarrassed? What if you never got embarrassed? No matter what you did, what reactions you got, what the outcomes were, how people responded to you, you were completely comfortable, relaxed, and you never felt embarrassed? Sound a little far fetched? Well, stay tuned for today's episode, and you're going to learn how to embarrass yourself to complete social freedom. Coming to you from the center for social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy, helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today you're going to be learning about how to embarrass yourself. Before you turn me off, before you think, wait a minute, this is the exact opposite thing that I want to do with my time is learn how to embarrass myself. In fact, Aziz, I've been spending my entire life trying to not embarrass myself. Ah, but what if that in itself were part of the problem? Interesting, right? We're gonna get into that. You're gonna understand exactly what I mean. And by the end of this episode, you're no longer gonna feel your embarrassment in the same way. You're going to see it entirely differently. And then what you choose to do out in the world after listening to this is your option, your choice. You are the director, you are the driver in your life. But one thing I'll tell you is if you step towards what embarrasses you, if you totally change the game and know what it really means when you embarrass yourself, then you're going to experience a freedom like you've never imagined. Whether it's socially in dating and relationships, in your work, in your career in public speaking and sales and business, wherever you want to apply this, this technique is transformative. And if you'd like to jump into the conversation, go to facebook.com shrink for the shy guy or call the studio hotline, 206-338-3176. That's 206338. You can also follow me on Twitter shyguy Shrink on Twitter there. And by the way, if you like this show, if you've been listening to it and you're a fan of it, by all means, please rate it on itunes. On their podcast situation there, give it some stars or give it a little brief review. That helps it reach more people. So let's talk about embarrassment. Now, if you're like me and. And most people that I know in the past, I would avoid Embarrassment, obviously. Right? It's uncomfortable. And I think there's a natural evolutionary backing to this. We're programmed to avoid it. So what is embarrassment? Embarrassment is the discomfort that we feel when other people are witnessing us do something that makes us look poorly. And as a result, they're going to have judgmental thoughts in their mind, like, wow, Aziz looks poorly in whatever fashion that is. He looks like a fool. He's being ridiculous. He's being too arrogant. He's being. His clothes don't fit right. He made a mistake when he was speaking. He got rejected by that girl. He stumbled over his words during the presentation. Whatever it is, there's something that we're going to do that then people are going to turn around and look at us and say, loser or some version of that. That's what embarrassment is. The reason I say this is, I believe, a natural evolutionary thing, is because if we truly did live in bands of 100 or so humans and you did things that lowered your status, lowered the perception that people had of you, that could have a serious impact on your status in the group, perhaps even your mate selection and what your options were. And so I think deep down, we all have a primal fear of being embarrassed, of being found out, of being thought of as less than. And so naturally, we want to avoid it, right? So that's. Hopefully we're on the same page so far. Hopefully you're nodding your head and thinking, yep, that's right. Avoiding embarrassment sounds about right to me. But let me ask you this. What if we actually went towards it? Oh, wait a minute. That's revolutionary. Why would I want to move towards embarrassment now? Come on. Really? It feels uncomfortable. And besides, there's a reason I feel embarrassed. It's because it keeps me in line. It keeps me making sure I wear pants when I leave my house and that I groom myself, right? Because I don't want to be embarrassed. Okay, but what if. Just what if we went towards it? So let's say you did something embarrassing. What would be something embarrassing for you to do? What would happen other than you feel embarrassed? Well, you know what? I'm gonna pose to you right now that there are actually benefits of being embarrassed. Benefits, good things that come from getting embarrassed. So we're all aware of the costs of embarrassment, right? The emotional discomfort that replaying it in your mind, lingering feeling of shame that might arise. But what are the benefits of embarrassment? Well, here are some fascinating things that I've discovered from my own research and also from working with many, many clients on this over the last years. Here are some of the benefits. One, the more you do, the more you get embarrassed, the less embarrassment you feel. Hmm. I call it burning out the embarrassment circuit. So if you get embarrassed, you know, we tend to avoid it so often that we almost never experience it. But if you intentionally got embarrassed, the more you did it, the less embarrassed you become and the less scared you become of embarrassment, because it becomes no big deal. So, interesting benefit there, huh? What about this? The more you embarrass yourself, the more you'll be able to do things that other people can't, like public speaking. Vast majority of people are afraid of public speaking and will avoid it. Or if you're single and dating and want to be able to meet women, walking over to that attractive woman in a public place and just starting a conversation with her. Most men cannot do that. Well, let me rephrase my language. Everyone can do that. Most men are too terrified and choose not to do that because they don't want to face their fears. So you could do that once you've embarrassed yourself enough. And also, another benefit of embarrassment is it gives you total confidence in yourself. You can become a lot more relaxed around others, all because you embarrassed yourself. Now, you may be wondering, is this really. Come on, what does he mean? Is it really. How can I. What? What? And I know, I understand. I mean, I resisted this myself. I thought this sounded absolutely absurd, and some part of me was terrified of the idea of embarrassing myself. But in a way, the more you embarrass yourself, the more free you become. Now, why is this? Because social fear, whatever you want to call it, social anxiety, low confidence, all social fear is, is the idea that other people are going to judge me, right? So you're meeting that new person and you're like, what if I run out of things to say and I get an awkward silence? Okay, what are you worried about there? What are you really afraid of? Well, I'm afraid of in that awkward silence, they're going to think this guy's a loser and a weirdo and I don't want to talk to him anymore. And now I'm going to get away from him, and maybe I'll tell other people that he's a loser and a weirdo, right? So what it is, it's just rejection. It's embarrassment. It's fear of judgment. And so when you can expose yourself to that judgment on purpose and realize that you can handle it, that it doesn't affect you in any way, that you just storm right through it and you Are totally fine and solid. Something opens up something magical, and we're going to share exactly more about what that is, how to do that when we come back from this break. I'll talk to you in one minute. Are you ready to take charge of your confidence, your career, your relationships, and your life? In order to experience a true transformation, you must take massive action. That is exactly why Dr. Aziz created confidence unleashed. Learn exactly how to shift negative thinking, eliminate your fear of rejection, and activate a sense of power and confidence in your body whenever you need it. Go to www.confidenceunleashednow or to find out more. And now it's time to ask the shrink. This question comes from a listener named Shawn. And he said, hi, Dr. Aziz. I have a quick question for you. There is a woman that I want to talk to who is a sales associate at a store that I go to. Often times when I'm at the store, it's very busy and there are lots of people around. I have two questions for you. One, how can I talk to her when she's busy and she needs to be working? Two, there are many people around that can hear me talk to her, and I am worried about if it doesn't go well. What do you think? Great. That's an awesome question, Shawn. And I think embarrassment inoculation, embarrassing yourself is the way to go. And you're gonna learn how to do that coming up in this episode. But for the specifics in this situation, I think it's important to address really quick. If she's really busy, if really she's got a bunch of people to attend to, then you need to have a strategy that takes that into account. But before I answer that, oftentimes we'll look at someone and say, ah, she's too busy. She's probably got a boyfriend. She doesn't want to talk to me. And those are just our stories. Those are just our fears. So assuming that that's not what's happening, if that's what's happening, then the key is to do it anyway. To face the fear and do it and realize that she probably doesn't have a boyfriend or she doesn't not want to talk to you. And on the off chance that she does, then you learn and you move on. But, okay, so let's go on face value with this question and say that she is really busy there in her position. So what you want to do is you don't want to avoid her. Like, if this is the only contact you have with her and you want to get her Number you want to see if there's a connection there, then you got to go in. And so one way to do that is to approach her directly and let her know that it's only going to be just a moment. Say real quick, real quick, I know you're real busy. I got a quick question for you. And then ask her a question. Ask her something fun. Ask her something playful. And then you can let her get back to her work. So you're making it very clear that you're only going to be interacting with her for just a few seconds, which will put her at ease. That will relax her. Because if she's stressed about all these people she's got to see in her job, then she's going to be more at ease when she knows that you're just going to be interacting with her for a second. Now, I don't know if you've had any conversations with her before in the past, you've purchased any products through her or anything like that. If you have, then I would. I just spill the beans. But I do it in a fun, kind of playful way. And one thing that I learned actually asking women out, especially women who are waitressing or servers at restaurants, is I found that when I asked a woman out when she was on the job, I'd get a higher rejection rate. And, you know, because. Well, why do you think that is? Well, it's because she's working and there's an extra element of, like, what if someone sees me? This is unprofessional. I. I shouldn't be doing this. Now. Some jobs, that doesn't matter. But for certain jobs, I think it's important to take it into account. And so I might do something fun or playful, like have a little business card or something in my pocket. And on the blank side, write out what's your number? Or something like that. Write your number down. I'd be even more playful with it. I'd be like, top secret. Write your number down, parentheses, don't make it obvious, smiley face or something like that. So then I might come into her place of business and say, hey, real quick, let's say you've met her once before. Hey, Jennifer, remember me? It's, you know, it's Aziz. Quick question for you, real quick. Confidential, top secret. You ready? She'll be like, what? Yes. So secret that I can't even say it. And I just hand her the card. And then I'd wait, though I wouldn't just leave and I'd have her read the card and I'd Just look at her like, yep, that's right. That's what's going on. And then see what she does. So what that does is that bypasses the other people around might judge her for giving her number out. Her bosses or supervisors might be around and might frown upon that. So what you're doing there is. You're bypassing the whole system. And in other settings, though, let's say a woman's not at work and there's a lot of people around. Like you're in a coffee shop and there's other people around that might hear you talking to her. And here you ask for her number and get a yes or a no. That's just another level of fuck it, you know, whatever. I mean, if a guy judges you or someone judges you for doing that, they're just jealous because they themselves wish they had the freedom to do that. And on top of that, when you get into this embarrassment stuff, you're going to realize that it's fine, it doesn't matter, and you'll be more free to do that kind of thing because who cares what other people think? So let's jump into that now. How do we become more free of what other people think? How do we embarrass ourselves to social freedom? Well, here it is. It's really simple. It's a concept called embarrassment inoculation. And you basically do something on purpose to embarrass yourself. You're not trying to hide from it anymore. You pick something out that is embarrassing. And I have a video about this on YouTube. I'll put a link to it below on the site of me dancing to no music on a street corner in Portland where all these cars are driving by. Embarrassing. Ridiculous. Yes, absolutely. Another one that I learned from a teacher of mine, David Burns, is you find a busy walkway with a lot of foot traffic and you just lay down on the ground for about 20 seconds. Just relax. Like you're on a lawn chair or something like that with your arms behind your back. Just relax. And you just get on the ground. And it's ridiculous, right? It's absurd, it's embarrassing. But you do it on purpose. One thing, I was just talking to a client recently about this. In one embarrassment inoculation, I have people. And why do you think we call it embarrassment inoculation? Because that's exactly what it is. It's like medicine. You take a small dose of the toxin, like, say, polio, and you inject it. That's how an inoculation works, right? And it doesn't get you sick, it doesn't kill you, but eventually your body builds up an immunity to it. Now, with some inoculations, you might be a little under the weather for the day that you do it. And it's the same thing for the embarrassment inoculation. Sometimes after you do it, you might be like, whoa, that was embarrassing. I feel a little uncomfortable. And that's fine because the next day you'll be healthier for it. And you get out there and you do it again. And you do it again and you lean into it. You change your entire relationship with embarrassment. And there's some really fascinating stories I want to share with you about clients that have done this, how I've done this in my life, how I hold this in a way that brings me more and more, like a perpetual increasing level of social freedom. So stay tuned for one minute. We'll be right back with that. She probably has a boyfriend. She's out of my league. I'd only bother her if I tried to talk with her. Why would she go out with me? I'll only mess it up if I try. Does any of this sound familiar? These are the exact thoughts that are stopping you from creating outstanding and fun dates and relationships with amazing women. Ready to break free? Go to 30daystodatingmastery.com to get a free copy of Dr. Aziz eBook 7 Ways to Start Conversations With Women, Anytime, Anywhere and start meeting women today. So have you thought of any ways that you might embarrass yourself to social freedom? Are you on board with me? That embarrassment can help you. And if you're not, give it a shot. Try it out. The key here is to reframe the embarrassment, to show yourself, to prove to your nervous system that nothing terrible happens, that nothing explodes. You can handle any judgments people might have in their head. So one example, one client I was working with did the condom exercise. And if you're curious about what that is, you walk into a this comes from a mission from 30 days to dating Mastery. But you walk into a store, like a supermarket or something, and instead of just getting a condom by yourself, which might be uncomfortable in general, right. You know, sometimes you're a little embarrassed purchasing the condom, but you want to really get embarrassed on purpose. So you walk up to a cashier or someone in the store and say, excuse me, where are your condoms? And so my client was saying, he did this, and he's like, you know what, Aziz? That wasn't embarrassing enough. So he said, after the guy told him where they were, he said, great. Can you show me. And so the guy walks him over to the condoms and he's like, that wasn't embarrassing enough. So then he says, the guy's like, there you go. And he says, okay, do you have any recommendations? And when I heard that, I just laughed out loud and clapped. I was like, that is awesome. Because he gets the principle. You lean into the embarrassment. So if you're doing something and it's embarrassing, that's great. You're burning out the circuit. If you're doing something and it's not that embarrassing anymore, then turn it up. You want to get embarrassed, you want to be uncomfortable. And I do this all the time in my life. Just the other day I was at lunch with a friend and he got a side salad with his meal and I didn't, I forgot to order it. And so I got this plate of potatoes. I didn't want that. I wanted the side salad, but I didn't order it. So the woman came back and she was a little not on her game that day. And I said, hey, I was wondering if I could get the side salad. She's like, well, you didn't order it with the meal, but I can bring you a salad on the side. I said, oh, well, how much is that? She's like, oh, that's five bucks. And I was like, but the side salad when you get your meal is only $2. And she's like, that's right, but you have to order it when you order your meal. And I was like, oh, well, how about this? How about I get the side salad for the price of the salad when you order your meal? And I gave her this like big goofy smile and she's like, no. I was like, ah, alright. So it's ridiculous, it's embarrassing. I'm asking for something she's probably not going to give me. Although sometimes people do give it to you. So you look for those opportunities to be embarrassed. And there's so many different ways that you can bring this into your life. And the more that you do, the more free that you become, the more you lean. Think about it. This, you're leaning into the embarrassment. This is good for me, this is my daily vitamin, is to look for those opportunities to lean into and to see afterwards that nothing happens. I did this with a friend where he actually laid down. He did the laying down one in a busy street In Los Angeles, 3rd Avenue, I think it's called. There's hundreds of people walking around and he laid on the ground and this is what you'll see as you start to do the embarrassment inoculation stuff, no one cares. No one really cares. There's a little bit. Most of the fear is inside your head. Hundreds of people just walked by him and didn't even pay attention. The people that were mainly looking at him were little kids, because I was off in the distance just watching it to study what happens. Little kids would do, like, a double take and be like, they look at him and then look back. Sometimes they'd pull on their mom or dad's arm to try to get their attention. And the parents, which didn't even care, they didn't even pay attention to him. And one person came up to him and asked him if he was okay. And then, like, three high school kids came down and sat near him and just started talking about what he was doing and why. And he had this fascinating conversation with them. So the bad stuff that we fear almost never really happens. And when it does, damn, that's good for you. That is juice. That is your inoculation. That is energy that builds you. And we end with one story here before we get to our action step. But I was sharing with some friends the other, maybe a little while back, a couple months ago, and I was kind of bragging. I was like, listen, you do this enough, and you'll just. You'll burn out your embarrassment circuit. You'll just burn it out, man. And they're like, have you burnt yours out? I was like, totally, yeah. Someone was like, do you feel embarrassed, Really? I was like, almost never, man. You know, I was like, I was being cool. I was talking about how great I was. And then, as the universe has a funny way of doing, you get your comeuppance, don't you, when you're. When you get a little too big for your britches? So I had just told these friends, I almost never get embarrassed anymore. I can't even remember the last time I got embarrassed. And then the very next day, I got so fucking embarrassed. Like, face melting, skin crawling. I want to jump through the glass on the third story window. Embarrassed. Do you know what did it? So this is gonna get a little personal. That's why I do it a little deeper in the episode. And I hope you've been with me for a while, but. So I was sending a sexy text message to my wife, also known as a sext, if you will, and we had kind of this little banter thing that was going back and forth. And have you ever noticed how when you do a joke, it starts to get a little more absurd? Like, you kinda keep upping the ante. So we've been going back and forth, and by the time I'm sending her this text, it is referencing something we've been talking about. And it is just like the most over the top, almost offensive thing. And she knows what I'm doing. She thinks it's funny and cute and sexy. But it turns out that I sent that one on a thread that had my dad on it. Oh, God, I cringe thinking about it right now. So her name was on the phone, but his name was next to it. But I couldn't see it because her name is long in my phone. Cause I have some hearts in her name. But anyway, so her name was there and then his name was in the thread. It was some text that had been going around between the three of us with some pictures of my son, right? And I thought I was just texting her and I texted him. And then I came upstairs, like, strutting into the bedroom, like, hey, hey, what's up, baby? Did you get my awesome text? And she just had this look of, like, shock and horror on her face. I was like, what? She's like, did you mean to text that to your dad? And I was like, what are you. What are you talking about? I didn't. Oh, good God. Oh, God. So then we had a discussion afterwards, like, what do we do? What do we do? And I was like, look, look, the best thing to do is just don't say anything. Deny this. Don't. You know, if you do anything, you admit guilt. What you can do is just pretend that it was hijacked, it was sent by some sort of telemarketer. Yeah, that's right. And then a few minutes later, my dad sent a text back that said, sorry, wrong number. All that was clearly coming from me. So it was embarrassing. And, you know, at first I was like, this is terrible. And then I was like, wait a minute, this is awesome. You learn to relish the embarrassment. You're like, ah, yeah, like a warm bath. I can just feel it. It's like, this is awesome because this is strength, this is power, this is energy that I build. Because if I can do that, if I can handle this embarrassment and just kind of enjoy it in a way like, oh, this will pass. You get more powerful. And I know that by now. And I hope you start to see that for yourself. And you're not going to intellectually see this. You're only going to see this when you start doing it and applying it in your life, which actually brings us to your action step. Time for action. Your action step for today is probably guessed it, to go embarrass yourself. Find a way to embarrass yourself. Pick one of the things I said in this episode or add come up with your own. I'm sure you have all kinds of ways that you can do it. One client I was doing would give incorrect change to a cashier and then just stand there and like seem totally relaxed. Like, what do you mean? And then they kind of be almost incredulous. He's like, this isn't the right. And be like, what? No, I'm sure it is. And you do these awkward interactions with people. So that's what you're looking for. You're embracing the embarrassment. You're embracing the awkward. And when you do that, when you approach it in that new way, your entire life will change. Your level of social freedom will start to skyrocket. So thanks so much for listening. If you want to go much deeper into this stuff, check out my program, 30 days to dating mastery. That's got 30 days of missions. Don't worry, they're not all embarrassment. That's just one of them. And you build and build and build throughout the days and weeks to become a powerhouse in your confidence when it comes to dating relationships and really ultimately talking to anyone and interacting with anyone. So if you want to go deeper, check that out. And until we speak again, make sure you embarrass yourself and see if you can reorient yourself to what that really means for you. It's been awesome sharing with you. I'm excited to talk with you more in the days and weeks to come. Check out SocialConfidenceCenter.com for more information about how to work with me and anything that's upcoming, events, groups, and of course, get yourself some free ebooks and other swag there as well. It's been great talking with you. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com it.