A short YouTube episode in which Dr. Aziz identifies habitual self-criticism as a form of self‑abuse that undermines confidence. He urges viewers to notice and label self‑critical internal dialogue, adopt a shock/stop response to internal attacks, decide to stop self‑abuse, and practice self‑compassion; he mentions an upcoming book (On My Own Side) and promises future videos with practical exercises.
Are you hard on yourself? Do you often feel like you're your own worst critic? I mean, these are cliched things that we say, but we don't actually slow down to think about what that actually means. So watch this episode. If you are hard on yourself, if you tend to be critical of yourself, if you tend to demand a lot of yourself and feel frustrated or disappointed with yourself, watch this episode. It's going to help you heal in ways that you absolutely need. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you if you want to maximize your confidence in every area of life that matters. And nothing impacts our confidence more than our relationship with ourselves. This is such an important topic that I'm finally getting around to writing a book exactly on this topic called Omos on My Own side. And don't ask me when it's going to come out. Just getting started a long time. Give me time. I'm gonna work on it. But what's coming out is I'll be recording a lot of videos about what I'm thinking about as I create it, so you'll get all kinds of teasers. But right now, I'm really reflecting on helping people see the relationship that they have with themselves in the book. Like, how do we see this relationship? And the more I reflect on it, the more I talk with clients about it, the more I look at it myself. I'm like, look, let's just call a spade a spade. This is an abusive relationship that most people have with themselves, an abusive relationship. It's verbally abusive. It's emotionally abusive. It's full of contempt and ridicule and character attacks. And if you don't believe me, just pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Do a little journal where you notice when you're feeling down or upset or anxious or something unpleasant that you actually write down, what is it? I'm saying to myself. And. And you'd be amazed. You'd be shocked. And if you're not shocked, that's part of the problem, because what happens is we sort of get used to that abusive treatment. And this happens in actual abusive relationships outside of yourself as well. What happens is people, it becomes this bizarre sense of normal. Like, oh, I guess that's how that person is. And it's even worse with kids because, like, that's how it is. That's how mom or dad is with me, because that's what I deserve. On some level, we start to think that. And so when someone is abusive to us. We're like, yeah, okay, that's nothing unusual there. But what you want to have in response to an abusive behavior, someone you know attacks your character, ridicules you, treat you with contempt. You want to have an internal sense of like, what the fuck is this? This is not acceptable. This is not okay. That's what you want to have. That's like a healthy response to abusive behavior. And that's what you want to have in relationship with that critic inside of you when that critic starts to tear into you. That was so stupid. Why did you say that? You're so awkward. You're so. Ugh. And you know what I'm talking about, right? We gotta just lace into ourselves. And sometimes you're aware of the thoughts, and sometimes it's just this feeling of, like, shame and badness and embarrassment. Maybe you keep replaying the moment that was awkward or keep replaying the mistake that you made. Oh, why did I do that? I should have done this. I remember I used to really do this really, like, intensely. Specifically for some reason in the shower. I'd be like, replaying social things in the shower and just like, cringe because I'd be making them such horrible travesties. It wasn't just a moment in time where maybe no one even really noticed. It was a terrible occurrence. It should never have happened. And to replay it again and again, it's like, oh, I feel so bad. I feel so bad. What we want to have is almost like a shock response to that. Like, whoa, whoa, that's intense. That's intense. Like, everyone chill out here. No need to attack my character. I'm a pretty good guy. Back off. And you want to have that startle response. This is not okay. And wake up to the abuse. Wake up to the crit, the abuse that you're blasting yourself with on a daily basis. And then of course, the next step is to start to say, hey, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna take that anymore. I'm gonna treat myself differently. Deciding you're gonna treat yourself differently. And then, of course, having practices of self compassion to help you really strengthen that. More videos on that to come. But for now, wake up. When you're attacking yourself, when you're abusing yourself, call it what it is. Say, this is self abuse. This is self hatred. This is a self attack. I don't need to do this. I don't do this anymore. This doesn't serve me and I'm gonna do something else. Awesome. Share below in your comments what you're finding useful what you're finding valuable from this video. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk to you soon.
