Fear of Rejection? Do THIS to Break Free

Do you hate getting rejected, hearing no from somebody, or failing? If so, you're human. And the question though is how much is that holding you back in your life? You're going to discover exactly how much in this video and most importantly, what to do about it. I'm Dr. Zees, I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and I help people all over the world overcome social anxiety, people pleasing niceness, and honestly a chronic fear of rejection, the fear of what other people are going to think of them. And I help people with this because that's what I lived in for many, many years. What I'm gonna be sharing with you is from thousands of hours of work with clients, but also from my own personal experience and the pathway to really free yourself of this. But first let's look if that fear of rejection or failure is holding you back in some way. Let's look at the different areas of your life. But we'll probably cut to the chase and just say yes, yes it is. The question though is how much and in what ways in your life. And only you can answer that. But it requires some level of honesty because we don't actually wanna look at it often because it makes us feel uncomfortable. Maybe we start to feel more and more regret if you years or decades have passed and you didn't go after something in your life. Because here's the thing, it's rare for someone to say I want to go talk to that person or I want to pursue this opportunity in my life, my career. But I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of rejection. I don't want to face that discomfort. So I'm not going to do it. That's what's probably happening. But what we tell ourselves is a story. If I try that, it's not going to work. Oh, I don't have the time. Oh, those people aren't available. Oh, it's so hard to meet people. Oh, whatever the story is. And so we're actually living in a story that protects us from actually feeling the fear and ultimate from getting rejected or failing. So where would you say it's holding you back most in your life? The big area that I see for people is of course dating and relationships, being able to put yourself out there, connect with who you really want to connect with and create beautiful relationship socially, friendships and in career opportunities especially the fear of failure is huge in career. So whether it's taking a step, going for something, changing jobs, starting a business, selling something, offering something, all of that bumps up against that fear. Of failure. And then we limit ourselves. So just give it a quick number right now on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is like, I'm totally like living my potential, man, I don't hold back at all. And one is like I, man, I hold myself back from most things in life because of a fear of what they're going to think, fear of judgment, fear of failure, fear of rejection. Just give yourself a number, especially in these key areas that I just mentioned, because that level of honesty and self awareness is going to give you the power that you need to, to really shift this. How do we actually change this so that we're not so afraid of it? Well, the key thing to realize is that the, the discomfort or honestly the pain that comes with rejection or failure is not embedded in the experience. In other words, rejection doesn't inherently feel awful or bad. Even though it might seem like every time I hear a no is ease or every time someone's mad at me or judges me, I feel pretty bad. But that's not because it's part of that experience. It's because that's the pattern that when that experience happens to you, and this isn't semantics, this is a life changing difference because what happens is you have what I call a default rejection pattern. There's something that you do when someone says no to you, or someone says I don't want to see you, or someone says, you know, try to do something in your career and it doesn't work. There's something that you do inside and that is what creates the pain. And then all our fear is of that and then all our avoidance is of that. So my question for you is, what's to that? What's that? What do you do? What do you practice? Intentionally or not, consciously or not, maybe you don't want to do it, but it just happens. What happens inside of you when you hear a rejection or fail at something and that just means you don't hit the target that you want in the timeframe that you want. Right. What do you do? Now most people I talk to around this, what they do is they turn on themselves. They become very self critical, which induces shame. So there's this feeling that they're aware of, I'm not enough. Not just I failed, but I'm a failure. I'm unlovable, I'm unworthy. And that could lead to a sense of imposter synthesis or loneliness or unworthiness of love and isolation, separation. It can be extremely painful. And it might seem like of course I Feel unworthy because they just told me I was unworthy. No, they didn't. They said no to you. That's just information. You conclude that you're unworthy and then you feel all the pain of that. It is very, extremely painful. That is one of the patterns. But there's many other things. Another thing that we can do is we can project into the future and create a catastrophe like, well, that person said no to me. It's nothing ever is going to work out. No one's ever going to want to be with me or nothing I try in my career is going to work. Now is that really true? I get that it feels true in the moment, but is that really true? You know, no. Objectively, we can step back and say, no, it's not true. But it's kind of a protective mechanism because when we experience this pain, and again, the pain is not in the rejection or the failure. Where is the pain? It's inside of you. It's inside of me. It's not all of us. So it's what we do. The pain is in the pattern that you run. And if you change the pattern that you run, then you change the amount of pain you feel. And is it possible to not feel pain? Maybe. So in fact, you've probably already experienced this. I'm sure you've gotten no in your life and it didn't really even bother you. Maybe you didn't care about that person that much. Maybe you don't really want the thing that much. Maybe it was no big deal. Maybe you didn't imbue your sense of self worth into that thing and therefore it didn't trigger the same pattern. Huh, interesting. So that's evidence for you to discover the discomfort, the pain, the suffering is not in the rejection. It's in the pattern that you run. So the question I have for you is, what's a healthier pattern? What could you do when there's a failure or not hitting a target or a rejection that would set you free, that would give you permission to try again, to just move on to the very next thing. And that is what you want to practice. And if you want more support in this, by the way, if this sounds great in theory, you watch a lot of my videos and you're like, yeah, totally, I'll do it. And then you're not sure how to make it click. There are many ways to take things further, but the most powerful is for us to work together. I work with clients week in and week out. I've been doing this for almost two decades, and I've been running a group coaching program, a mastermind program, for the last 10 years called the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind. So if you want to learn more about that or apply for that program, you can go to my website, drzraziz.com and check out that program. Or you can just click down in the link in the description below and you can find out all about that program and just watch some of the amazing success stories, whether or not you joined the program. Just to see other people who are on this journey who are liberating themselves can be one of the most inspiring things possible. So thanks for being with me today. Until we speak again, may of the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.