Fear To Freedom with Amy Joy

Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. I am excited to have an opportunity to learn more from Amy Joy. Amy is someone I've had the honor of knowing and being with in different contexts, going to her retreat center, which we'll be hearing some about, as well as working together in different contexts. But I've not sat down to have a conversation where I'm interviewing and learning from Amy, which I'm very much looking forward to. And I know that by the end of this episode, you'll be happy that we did as well, because there's such a wealth of knowledge and experience. And as she says, she's an open book, which I think really makes it a beautiful way to learn. Amy is a number one international best selling author, so we'll be talking about her book called get yout Shit Together. We're gonna discover exactly what that is and how to do it. She's also host of a TV show that's on 360e, 360 TV, and the trajectory Channel. She has a history and a lot of different modalities from Reiki Energy, Sound healing, Instant Miracle, Crystal Healing, and has also been coaching people for years and leading retreats and helping people transform. And her core mission is to liberate people from suffering and light the path to joy and freedom. So when I hear liberate from suffering and bring in more freedom, that's speaking my language. So thank you so much for being here with us, Amy.

Oh, thank you so much, Aziz. I'm excited.

Yes. Okay, so we got. We got to start with that. It's great title for the book, by the way. So what? Exactly. So when I hear that, you know, get my together, it's like, okay, you know, get organized. Do your get your taxes better done, and, you know, kind of a bit more taking care of the stuff in life that maybe we don't want to do because it's a little. The chores and that sort of thing. And how do you see that? What does that mean for you and your clients?

Thank you for asking. So it means. Yeah, more than just getting your taxes done. It's. It's about the body, mind, and soul. And there's all aspects of life, those three things. And you. In my humble opinion, you can't ignore one without getting massively out of harmony. I like to say harmony rather than balance because I think balance really is an illusion. There is. I mean, for a moment you might be perfectly balanced, and then you're not. Right. So it's about harmony, Harmony, harmony, harmony. Between the body, mind and soul. And so that takes focus and attention on those three aspects. And then that's the heavens opening. That's my sound. So much freedom is available. And we're not taught, we're not taught this. We're taught to suffer. We're taught that that's normal and, and it's what we do. And it's, it's crap. It's not true.

Yeah, something more is possible.

Yes, so much more.

So body, mind and spirit, soul. Let's, let's, let's explore that. So what, what does that mean to get it together in those areas? Does that mean practices that help us? So let's dive into some of the ways that we might be able to improve and feel more joy.

Absolutely. So obviously what we put in our body is important. What we're eating is important. I am not pushing anyone. Diet. Everyone's different. This is something I'm learning. Truly we are all different. And so you've got to find what works for you. Personally, I, I am a vegan, mostly vegans would think I wasn't because I eat eggs and a little bit of fish. Imposter. I know, right? Terrible. But that's what works for me. That's what works really, really well for me. And so obviously doing that exercise, these are things we know already. Right? I think what's a little bit less tapped into is mindset and the spiritual side of things. And when I say spiritual side of things, I'm not talking about religion at all. We are multidimensional. Excuse me, we are multi dimensional beings and we have to pay attention to that as well. And so the mindset work. If you don't. Well, let me just say this. If you feel crappy, you have crappy thoughts 99.9% of the time. That's the issue. And so you have to learn how to change your thoughts. But the problem is we have three minds. We have the conscious mind, the unconscious mind and the superconscious. We're going to talk about just the first two. We're 95% unconscious, running in the subconscious, which for me means we're unconscious. We're basically zombies. And we're only 5% conscious unless we start flipping those numbers by becoming aware. And so basically most of what I do is just helping us become aware. What am I thinking? What am I eating? What am I putting on my body? What am I feeling right now? And the second, you know, that is the glorious moment where you actually have a choice. Until that moment, we're really just Running on programs. Programs that were instilled in us. It's not your fault. We didn't ask for them. They're from our parents, our culture, our language, our government, our schooling, our t. The tv. Are you kidding me? It's literally called programming. So we have to rewrite those programs. And some of them are really deep and nasty, so to speak. And those are the traumas that get stuck in the body. And I specialize in energetically moving those out as well. So.

Yeah, yeah, well, maybe that relates to this next question. So maybe it takes us down to that, the trauma. But it was kind of. It's. It's the why. You know, a lot of people listening to this will say, oh yeah, I know what to. I know what I could do, should do with my health. Maybe I even know what. How to think better or what I should say to myself. Maybe they have some level of spiritual practices that they could. Should be doing. And so often we. We choose not. We. We continue to live out the programming, even if so we might be at a level of total unawareness. But even if there's some awareness of like, this is probably not the best thing, but we're almost emotionally compelled in some way to. I gotta just eat the thing. Oh, I can't. So what's happening there for that band of people that are aware but they feel kind of stuck with it?

Oh my gosh, I love you. I love your questions. That's so good. Yes, it's because. In my humble opinion, it's because of seven human needs. I learned from Tony Robbins. I know we're equally trained and love Tony. He's changed our lives. Personally, sorry, Tony, but I think he's missing one. What?

You defy the orthodoxy.

But yes, he's absolutely missing one. And there are seven human needs. Seven. And we will do anything to meet our needs, even. Even if it hurts us. And so there's a way when you understand those needs and you understand there's a way to meet those needs in a serving way and. Or I say a non serving way. It used to serve. Because there's a gift in everything. We either learn what not to do that isn't working or we learn what is working. Right. So in the moment of awareness, now we can decide, okay, that's not serving me, and this is serving me. But without awareness, again, we're just running on the program. And we as humans will do anything to meet our needs, even with self. Even if it self destructs, we don't care. So the first need is the need for certainty. The second need is the need for uncertainty or the need for variety. The third need is the need for significance. The fourth is love and connection. The fifth one is the one that I think he's missing. And that is the need for truth, the need to communicate, to be expressed. The sixth need is the need to grow. The need to be aware of what else is there. And the seventh need is connection to all or contribution. Because when you understand that we are all connected, you can't not contribute.

Yeah.

And so those are the seven needs which happen to line up with the chakras. Oh. Ah.

Okay. Yeah. So have you seen that? Oh, maybe you're down. Right. That'd be really. So it does maybe guide us through that, because then maybe that gives people a way to address it or work with it or see maybe where there's a certain need that's not being met or could be addressed more directly with the body.

So. Yeah. Such a great job. Is my favorite. So certainty is the need to know what's going on. Right. To have a plan. Nothing wrong with that. That's a beautiful thing. We need it. Oh. Remember this. You need all seven. You need all seven. You need all 7. One isn't right or wrong, however. Which one is driving the bus of your life? This is what we need to discover. So as I go through this, I want you at home to be asking yourself, okay, which one of these is my number one need? Which one is driving the bus? Because you have a choice. You don't have to have that need. Drive the bus. You can change it with consciousness, with. With a choice. So the first need is the need for survival. It's your root. It's the root chakra. So this is all about, you know, roof over my head, food in my body. Have what I need. Yeah. So certainty, having a plan, being organized, Beautiful aspects of the certainty.

I'm gonna jump in to put a pin in this, because I think we're gonna need to come back to this one.

Yeah.

Related to your work around trauma. Because I feel like I see a lot of people that are. Myself included. Right. Can get fixated on certainty.

Yeah.

And it's almost. It becomes a prize. It's driving the bus. It's an addiction. It's like I can't even go anywhere else. And it's not even for a specific thing like the roof over the head. Right. It's a global sense of I need control.

Yes.

And if I don't have control, I'm. I'm gonna die. And that could be. Especially people that I'm working with. Social anxiety and stuff. That's in every moment. I have to be in control of how I'm being seen.

Yeah.

And it's an impossible task. Right. So I'd love to come back and explore when we can get. When we get stuck on that. But I don't want to. I want to keep going with the whole flow.

Okay. All right. So there's so many aspects. So. So there. We have seven chakras. We here in the Western society call them energy centers. In the east, they call it chakras. Okay. This is not a religion. This is a fact. We have. We have spinning energy centers. There's many. We actually have over 70,000. But the seven main ones are the ones I'm talking about. So the root chakra, this is what's interesting. That spinning center gets blocked by fear. It gets blocked by fear. It's like you've been throwing. If this was a PVC pipe and these energy centers are spinning, and you start throwing junk in there, you start throwing fear, you start throwing guilt and shame. I'll get into that in a minute. Now, all of a sudden, things aren't spinning and aren't as optimal. Right? So. So this is important. The next one is variety. And if this is blocked, then the energy isn't moving up. Right. So you don't. Even if you're stuck in certainty. Oof. So much suffering around that. This is where people get all of the belly issues. If you are in fear, you're gonna have belly issues. You're going to have belly issues. You're going to have indigestion, you're going to have ulcers, you're going to have all kinds of things if you're living in fear. And those of you who know that you're living in fear know that that's what's going on with you. It's just the way that it is. Or if it hasn't happened physically yet, know that it's brewing, which is why we want to take care of it, which is why I have a mission to get this out into the world. So the next one is variety. The need for flow. Right. The need to change things up, which is beautiful. We need this in our life as well. We can't just have everything regimented. We go crazy. If you've ever seen the movie Groundhog Day, you know, you go crazy if you do the same thing over and over and over. So it's a need. But this one gets blocked by guilt. By guilt. And Shame. And if you think about how much guilt and shame is around our sexual organs and that sex in general, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And if that's blocked, then you have more issues there in the. In the womb and in the. In the vital areas. Oof. Yeah, it's important. It's important that we pay attention. The next one is significance, the need to be and feel significant. This is where you have your will, right? This is where the power is in the middle of your body. And this gets blocked by anger. All right? And then the next one is your love and connection, the need for community and love and connection. And this one is blocked by grief. Grief, grief, grief. This is the need for truth and expression. And if we aren't saying something, we're not expressing ourselves. This is how you get. If you get a sore throat, ask yourself, what am I not saying? What do I need to say that I'm not saying? You fix that, sore throat will go away. Most times. It's fascinating. Next one is the third eye, which is awareness, the need for growth. And this one gets blocked when we're not growing and when we're not following our intuition, because our intuition is beyond the lines of what we think have to be right. This doesn't have to logically make sense. It just is something that we know that we can and will do or need to do, and we don't do it, this will start getting blocked. And then the last one is the crown, the connection to all, which, by default, you will want to contribute. And if you're not contributing outside of yourself, oof. You're gonna. You're gonna not have this center spinning, which means you're missing out on. On. On that experience and that joy that comes from. From having all the centers spinning beautifully. So that's kind of like the quick version of that.

Yeah. I love that. Thank you for. For sharing that with us. There's so many. Each one of those is a fascinating hourly conversation. And let's start with the. The certainty one, because that's. That can prevent. It's like that. You can't even get into the amusement park of your life if. If that one is. Is blocked. And people can be really stuck in fear. And. And I'd imagine that a lot of what I've seen is when we're afraid of something happening in the future or afraid, if I take this action, take this risk, something bad's gonna happen, where it seems like we're mostly afraid of pain, and it's pain We've already experienced. We're running from past pain or hiding from past pain. Whether people call it a trauma or not, it's like bound pain. So I don't want to open my heart because before it really hurt. I don't want to. I'm going to put myself out there, and then I'll get embarrassed. Like, it happened when I was seven. And all these past pains that were. That we're shutting down our life to avoid.

Absolutely.

So what. How do we work with that? How do someone's like, okay, yeah, I got a lot of fear, and I need a lot of control and certainty. How do I release that? That seems. It's stuck. All right.

So with the little things, you can move a lot with your mind, clearly. A lot, a lot, a lot with awareness and changing. So what I ask myself is what am I telling myself? So first of all is being aware. I'm scared. Okay? I'm scared. So I have a really good story. A few days ago, I went into the ocean. I am terrified of the ocean. Why am I terrified of the ocean? When I was 7, we went to the beach with my family. I'm from Canada. We don't have an ocean in Ontario. And we went on vacation. And my dad, who has been to the ocean, loves the waves. And we get to the beach and he goes, go have fun in the waves, kids. So I go running into the waves. I don't know anything about waves. Waves take me out. I spin around for what feels like forever. I think I'm dying. I come up, sputtering, sand and salt everywhere, and I'm like, forget the ocean. The ocean is dangerous. Never again. Right? That's what happened. And get stuck. So I'm determined to overcome that. I refuse to be dictated by my fear. And so last week, I went in the water and I. I was terrified. Terrified. Like. Like not logical. Like, the level of terror is not logical. I know it's a trauma.

Have you done this? Have you been do. Consistently doing this For a while.

So it's funny. I've been working on all these other fears, like heights and different things, and the ocean, it just. I will just sit on the beach, Aziz, and just enjoy the ocean. You know, I. I live near the ocean. My kids are surfers, and my kids know. I just. I just don't get in it. I just enjoy that one experience.

When you were seven?

Yeah.

I love this story. It's so relatable. We can have these. Whether it's one moment or, like a pivotal experience and then it's like we make a conclusion and we're like, that's it. And that's our identity too, right? I'm not. I'm not an ocean person.

I'm not an ocean person. Exactly. The ocean doesn't love me.

And then I love what you said. I refuse to be dictated by my fears.

No way. Exactly.

And it's like this young, like powerful, like I imagine this little. Maybe it's that 7 year old who's like that kind of scrunches up her face like. No, exactly. You're not going to control me.

So I've tried a few times and now I have even more stories of how the ocean is horrible, right? Because when, when you're looking for something, you find it, right? So this is why we have to know, what am I telling myself? The ocean is mean. Okay, here it comes. And I have had it where the ocean is calm and then Amy enters and the ocean gets mean. Like, seriously. And it's because I have the idea that that is true and I'm looking for it. I'm trying to prove myself right, so everyone at home remember that we as humans will try so hard to prove ourselves right. But what, what is actually true? What is the truth? The truth is the ocean can be, but it's also magical. And there's a whole new world there that I don't know because of my fear. And then I'm done. I'm done with this fear. So we go in the water and my, my. My amazing boyfriend is helping me. And. And so he, He's a surfer and he loves, like, the ocean is his temple. Like it's his meditation spot, right? And so I'm like, okay, I want to, I want to know that. I want to feel that. I want, I want that. And so he takes me in and he asks me, he asked me just to just lay down and face down in the water and just let the wave just take me. Just, just take me. And these are small waves. This is, this is a swimming beach in Cabo. This isn't one of the surfing beaches. A really calm beach. And I look at him, I'm like, no, no, no. I'm like, okay, wait a second. No, I can't keep saying no. They won't get in the water. So I did it. I did it. I survived. Was beautiful for a moment. And then I got in the wave again a little bit and I came up and I looked at him and I'm like, I gotta cry. And he goes, okay. And he just grabs me and I grab him in like a monkey. I just sobbed into his, into his neck and I, because I know I gotta get the trauma. I'm back in that little girl body. I'm not Amy, 50 year old Amy. I am 7 year old Amy in that moment. And so I just get it out and I just get it out and I just get out. And I know that I'm actively working on getting the trauma out of my body. And then I shake it off and then I'm like, okay, what's next? And so then he gave me the next step, right? And so we kept doing that and then I came on the beach and I cried some more. And I'm like, I know this isn't rational, but it's in the body and it's in the body strong. And so I'm just in the process. Then a few days ago I went out and I got up on the board, I went surfing and I actually brought it in and it was amazing. And then guess what happened? I went back out and the ocean got mean, really, really mean. And I got caught in wave after wave after wave pummeling me. At one point I thought I was, I didn't know what was up. And I kept doing this going, I hope this is up. And here's what's cool. I got still scared, but not near as scared in comparison to waves this big. Now I'm in waves this big and I get on the ocean and I like pound my legs and I cry and I shake it out. And so this is me actively working on getting the trauma out of the body. And I have no doubt that I will someday run into the ocean without, without the fear. And I can already feel much different, much different about it. So I also do energy work and so I can, I'm helping myself with that. And I can help others remove those traumas from the body because in my humble opinion, you can't move those really stuck ones out of the body with your mind. In my humble opinion, you need, you need some, either need to do the work and cry it out and do all that, or, or you need someone who knows how to move energy and move it out. And in an hour you're like, woohoo, it's gone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I love that story. And what's fascinating is how, you know, we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are through our own experience. And so what's fascinating is the language we use. And in my entire life I have never used the word mean. To describe the ocean. Right. It's like, oh, it's always being mean. Right. And that's, that's because it's that frame from that, you know, so it's like this shift that. And it's what. What a beautiful story of willingness. And so.

And I just had. I want. Sorry to interrupt you, but I literally just had the awareness now that that was what I was saying. Mean. I. I haven't heard myself say mean until this moment with you.

Yeah. That's just how it is.

Oh, that's what I actually think.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Being all wavy. Eat me up, you jerk.

It. It. It likes to appear like it's nice, but it's not.

Oh, it'll rope you in. It'll get you. Yeah.

Yeah. So thank you for that. I. I got that awareness here with you.

Yeah.

I knew I didn't like it, but I didn't know the story was mean. Which means it's a direct assault at me.

Yeah. And it's mean to me.

It's personal speed. Hey.

Yeah. Yeah.

Which is nuts. That's. That's. That isn't right. That isn't. That isn't accurate.

It's not accurate, but we do it. Right. So the ocean is this, you know, force of creation. And we can do that, I think, with all of creation. Like life is being mean to me. Whether we imbue it with the God is doing it or the universe or. And it's usually unconscious. Right. It's one of that 95%. But that's our attitude towards life. It's very antagonistic or even punitive. Life is punishing me or will punish me.

Yeah.

And that's. And it, and it's. It's real. Quote, unquote. It seems real. Until. Until it isn't. Until it isn't the ocean doing its thing.

Yeah. Until it becomes my temple as well. Like how cool I'm holding that vision.

Yeah.

And I'm already feeling it. Like there was a day he took me out and normally it's a one session deal. Like, I go in, I do the work, I come out, I'm like, that's it. And the other day I'm like, I actually want to go back in. What's happening?

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Yeah. And that. And then it's like, how swiftly can I let go of the identity? Because there's a. We love to get certainty in the identity. Right. Is like I'm the kind of person who, dot, dot, dot, doesn't go in the ocean, doesn't. I see this in my clients, I don't speak up in groups. I don't like attention. I, Whatever. And then there's this part of them that actually does like speaking up in groups or does like sharing or does like being intimate or does like, does like attention. Oh no. Am I one of those people? I judge them for so long, those selfish self absorbed people and then wait, I actually hunger for it and I'm trying to get it in all these unskillful ways because.

Which is the need for significance. Yes, that's a need. It's okay. It's okay. Like we're human. That is a need. It can get out of, out of harmony. Right? But, but it is a need and it's okay.

Yeah, yeah. Yes. So, so many different directions we can go. But let's go to the need of the voice. I love that, you know, it's your addition. I thought maybe the seventh need would be the need for bacon, which is also. That's my eighth human. Me. No, actually I don't eat bacon. But, but some people believe it's.

I do not eat bacon either.

But okay, go and tell that joke to the hardcore vegan friends.

I know some people who would completely agree with you.

Yes.

They had to pick one food, that would be it.

Oh my gosh. I was so I've been health focused for many years since my twenties. And I've really fascinated to observe how there's a way to be healthy because it's what really helps you thrive. And then it can also be a way of identity of like, I'm a healthy person. And so I've, I, I did experimented with different diets. One was vegan, my 20s. And some of it was fueled by the true desire for health and what made me feel good. And some was like I'm total ego and superior and stuff. So. But it would always be like those are short lived. You can't sustain that forever. Right?

You can't, you can't.

It's not authentic. And so I, I had these periods where I would be vegan for like a year or something. And one time I, I hadn't eaten meat in like eight, nine months, resisting the whole time. And then I went to Burning man and people give out things and I'm walking down this little dirt area with my, with my friend and someone comes out and it smells so good at their camp and they got this platter and they're like, would you like a bacon explosion? And I was like, what's a bacon explosion? You know, that's not the kind of question a true vegan would ask. I'm like, what is it? Tell me more. And they said, well, it's. It's sausage wrapped in bacon. Would you like it? And my friend's like, yeah. And they see him eating it, and then I just crumbled. I was like, okay. And that was probably one of the few times in my life that I've eaten bacon and actually really enjoyed it. It was. It was. And then I crumbled, and I crumbled and went back to my sinful, sinful ways.

Oh, stop. See, this is the problem. This is the problem. So. See that. See the. The. The order of events? So. So he's. He's got his. I'm a vegan, right? And, yes, it's for health, but it's for significance. Let's be real. Yeah, Right. Which is superior, right? So now you're looking less. You're making other people less than. Which is not.

Not helpful. Come on.

Not helpful. No. And then if you were to mess up. If you were to break your own rule, now you feel guilt and shame, which. Which now you're messing up the. The. The sacral. Right? All because of bacon. No. No, I refuse. Not with awareness. With awareness. I. No.

Yeah. And there's such a. There's such a. A better way. That's. That's true. So it's like the true value of health. Vitality, or maybe even someone could have food choices about larger environmental or ethical reasons, but there's a way to. To really be doing that. And I love this. This whole. We're coming back to awareness. Right? It's just naming what is so. And I've seen that be so powerful. And we can just be like, oh, yeah, I'm wanting control. Oh, certainty. Oh, I'm wanting to be significant here. And when we make it bad and wrong, we have to, like, deny it, pretend like we're not, but then we really are, and so we have to make it unconscious and say, I'm not one of those people. Every human in the world has a need for significance, but not me. I'm one of those ones.

It's not true, Aziz. It's not true.

Yeah, isn't it silly?

It's so crazy? We are glorious and we are messy. You at home, I want you to say it out loud, please. I am glorious and I am messy. I am both. And then go through the people in your life. Mom, glorious and messy. Yep, true. Dad, glorious and messy. Oh, very, very true. You know, go through your partner, your kids. Glorious. Your Best friend. Glorious and messy. There isn't a human, you know, that isn't glorious and isn't messy. We are both. It's this illusion that we are some perfect human and we have to hold ourselves to the standard. And then when we don't, we feel guilt and shame. Guilt and shame. It's just not enough. Not enough. Not enough. It's crap. You're enough because you exist.

It's a lot of fear and fear.

Yeah. And it's fear of not being enough is really the main fear.

Yeah. And then enough. I won't be loved. And. And it's amazing. I'm amazed at how that set that frame level of the way of being in the world. That type of consciousness is really focused on am I, am I doing it right? Am I good or am I bad? And to me, that, and I've lived in that for so, for so long. And there's a, there's an immaturity to that. It's almost like a boy or a girl. Right. Am I, am I a good student or a bad student? Am I a good boy? Good girl. And we can be doing that our whole lives. We could be a 50 year old professional or doing all this stuff in the world. And deep down it's like, I hope I'm good today. And we're. And we have all our rules to be good. And we hope other people see us as good and something so much more is possible.

Yeah. It's because we've been programmed since we were little kids. I now with the little children in my life, I don't say, good girl, good boy. I don't want to help with that programming. They're enough because they exist. So am I, so are you. What we do is a cause and effect. But we're learning. This is Earth School. This is Earth School. You don't learn to ride a bike without falling down. Everyone falls down and we understand that and we're okay with that. But then all of a sudden in something else, we're supposed to know it perfectly. What? This isn't how it works here. We learn by falling down. So what? But when we have the belief that we shouldn't be falling down, then that's where the suffering comes in. But when we own that, we're glorious and messy. Like, oh, interesting. I'm needing significance right now. Huh?

Yeah.

What? How could I meet that need in a serving way?

Yeah, right.

Like good, good job, Amy. You did well. Right.

I don't need it from anyone else. Significance for yourself.

Right.

You know, so that actually is interesting. You referencing the. The chakras. And I know that one of. I mean you're super growth oriented, always looking for your own growth. And that I think helps you serve others through living out your mission. I know that you've spent time. I don't think it's called oneness anymore. What?

It is called oneness.

It's oneness. Okay, so you changed oneness India and spend a lot of time there really studying and practicing. And I'd love to find out a bit more what you experienced or discovered there. Is there more direct working with those needs and energies and anything from those experiences that could help us illuminate some of this and find more freedom.

Absolutely. So yes, of course we did. It was silence. Actually did 28 days with no talking.

Wow.

I was terrible at it, Aziz, because I'm glorious and messy and I. I was not. That was very, very hard for me. And it was the most silent, obviously I've ever been in my life. But did. Was I silent the whole month? Not. No, not. Not even close. But I was the most silent I ever have been. So there's. There's progress, right? But yeah, we meditate and we. We focus on this energy center. So whatever you focus on, you know, where focus goes, energy flows, right? So if you're focusing on the root and you're visualizing a spinning center and that every. That you're letting go of anything that doesn't serve, then you can get things spinning and then you move to the next one and the next one and the next one and you focus on it and you liberate it and you allow it to spin better. And so just like lifting weights, you're focusing on lifting weights. That makes the muscles stronger. The same is true when you focus. The idea, and you nailed it earlier, is this idea of being what we do, what creates the most suffering is the shoulds and shouldn't. It should be different. That shouldn't have happened. I hope that doesn't happen. And we're trying to get the pain that's happened to never happen again. And the things that we love to be permanent, right, we're always clinging to the. To making sure nothing bad sticks and anything good sticks. And it's in its illusion. It's not real. This is Earth School. And so the present moment is where there's no suffering. We're right here, right now. We're not in the messed up past or we're not in our projected messed up future. We're just right here, right now. And if you take a breath right now at home. Take a deep breath and notice the air entering your nose and leaving. And if you're actually focusing on that, you can't be in a suffering state because you're thinking about your nose, right? The thing is, as we move in and out of suffering so fast, in one second we're grateful and the next second we're angry again. But when we're aware, we can catch ourselves and say, okay, come back to right here, right now. What is true right here, right now, right here, right now, our lungs are breathing without us having to ask it. What's happening right here, right now is your heart is beating. And you don't have to focus on that. Your organs are running, your cells are cleansing and clearing themselves and regenerating right now. And you, you're not even putting any attention on that. Right here, right now. You probably have a roof over your head. You have a phone or a computer in front of you. That's what's happening right here, right now. And in those, in this moment of me just directing you, you're not suffering. And so it's that present moment, that glorious, amazing present moment. And the more we can come back to the right here, right now, the less suffering we're going to experience.

I love that. It reminds me of something I heard recently where someone said if you ask someone, oh, you know, what would make you happy, they'll often start to list things that they don't have yet. What would make you happy? Well, I got that new job, or I get that pay raise, or I find my soulmate. And it's rare that what would make you happy is, oh, the car. I already have the person I'm relating the roof over my head. So we're kind of conditioned to look for that next thing make me. It's as if it's not here now. And it's that. That focus shift. I think one challenge people can have with the presence of being present is. And maybe it comes back to that control thing down in our root, which is, I can't be okay now because what about tomorrow? And it's almost irresponsible to trust in life or the future self or whatever. I need to be, you know, ruminating on it. And so that's why people say, oh, we can be here now. Is that problem here now? It's like, no, it's not here now, but it's. I gotta do that. So there's like this resistance to really letting go and being here.

So that comes back. I'm Glad we came back to this because I didn't want to leave the audience hanging. So the first thing you ask is, what am I telling myself? And then the next question you ask is, is it true? So I would say to you, if you were telling me that I'm like, is that true? Is that true that you have to suffer now in order to prepare for tomorrow? No, we can prepare for tomorrow without the suffering.

Probably better, actually. Better. Better.

I mean, I want to live like that. You do. You. But I don't want to suffer if I don't have to. Yeah. So it's. What am I telling myself? Is it true? And then replace it with what's true? No, what's true is right now. Right. Right now, I have this wonderful magic coffee, I am talking with Aziz, and we're having a beautiful conversation. That's what's true Right now. And do I have some things I need to prepare for? Yes. I have a retreat coming in two days. So, yes, I have things I need to do. But right here, right now, I am with you and everything is great. And I will do the other things when I'm done. This. That's what's true. Right. And so you replace it with what's true, and then that gets you out of suffering, and then you can get creative. Okay, looks like I'm going to run out of time. What can I do? Who can I delegate? What can I push? Okay, yeah, I could do that. I can push. I can move that. Oh, perfect. Now it all fits. No suffering. But we're trained to suffer. Unless you train yourself not to. Not to suffer.

Yeah, yeah. And I guess two questions about that I think, are fascinating. One is, there's a. Is. Is the suffering the. No. Is it. It's the no to whatever the circumstance is. Is that what creates the suffering? Right.

So, yeah, the shoulds and shouldn't. Right.

We're not. I don't like this. No, no, no, no, no. Versus if there's. If I'm late or if I don't get something done for the retreat or whatever. Is that.

Is the.

Is that where the pain is, that I didn't get the thing done? Or is it that. I'm saying I know I should get it done. I shouldn't have dab.

It's not accepting what is. It's. And it's in. Fundamentally, it's not accepting that I'm glorious and messy.

Right. Shouldn't be. Should only be this.

I should never mess up. I should always calculate correctly. I should know exactly how long Everything takes so that I arrive with everything that I need to done on a list this long. And I should arrive at the exact moment that I'm supposed to arrive. And I'm supposed to be able to do that.

Yeah.

What?

No strange demand on like ourselves and life.

It's not real. It's an illusion. And why? With awareness. This is my sign for awareness. I give myself a high five whenever I become aware. And I'm so. I'm so programmed. So are all my. My people who come to my retreats, my alumni, I call them, because we're all going through life.

Oh, yeah.

I'm suffering. Okay, now I can change it. So I'll probably do that again, but with awareness. Now you can go, oh, interesting. Okay. And I love that. Interesting. Do you hear how I say that? Interesting. It's neutral. Ah. Of course. Of course I'm going to be feeding that need for significance sometimes in a suffering way. Of course I am, because I'm human. Of course I'm going to go unconscious. I have a brain that was programmed to be 95% unconscious. Unless we consciously flip those numbers around, I'm conscious more than I've ever been in my life. But does that mean I don't ever go unconscious? No, of course I do. Because this is Earth School and I think this is the gig the way it goes. The question is, how often are we going to be asleep and how often are we going to be awake?

Yeah.

Actually making choices.

It's like. It's the surfing. It's like, how long do you know, can I get on the board and stay on there? I'll fall and tumble.

There isn't a surfer that doesn't know they're going to wipe out in the wave basically every time.

Yeah. Yeah, right.

But if I. I'm realizing right now, right now, I have awareness. Yay. I have a. I have a program that I shouldn't be wiping out in waves because I don't like waves. Well, that's going to be a problem with surfing because you wait. You wipe out every time in waves. So what I need to do is change. Wiping out is fun.

Yes. And it's so fascinating. You said I don't. I don't. I'm not supposed to. I shouldn't, because I don't. Underneath, that is, I don't like it. And there's a term that I learned from Theodore Rubin, who's this analyst. I absolutely love it. And he called it the omnipotent screamer that we have inside. So omnipotent means all powerful. And it's like we have this little voice in there that's screaming, that's demanding that we be all powerful. And it's enraged that we're not. And it rages at us. You know, you should have seen it coming. Why did you fall in the water? Or it's raging at life. Other people. And I love that term and just naming it, it's like, oh man, it's really, it's really just saying underneath, like, I don't like it. And it's having a big tantrum.

Yes.

No, no, no, no. And you're like, o. When, when you can see it from it switches it from this like very scary inner voice of truth that's telling you how bad you are to. Oh, this is like a, you know, little kids, they go through that power God phase or like, how much can I assert my will and everyone's going to do what I want. And then they realize like, oh darn, it doesn't work that way. But we try. And that voice inside of us can, can keep doing it until, until we get awareness.

And if we can see that, that person with these preferences, right, As a little two year old having a fit, wanting at the lollipop, then we can go, oh, do I want to be that? Right? One of my other things about the ocean is I get cold. I don't like being cold. There's a story. I don't like being cold. That's a preference. This is Earth School. We get cold sometimes, so what? Right? But if I live with this story so strongly that I'm not allowed to ever be in a position where I'm cold, I'm gonna miss out on a lot of things because of that one preference, which is me. No different than a two year old in the middle of the grocery store throwing a fit because I want to be warm. Yeah, this is Earth School. This is Earth School. It's cold, it's hot, it's magical, it's messy, it's everything. And oh, by the way, all the roads have all the things. So picking one, don't worry about it, just pick one. The question is, is how you're gonna navigate it. But they all have the swamps, they all have the magic, they all have the glitter, they all have the laughs, they all have the anger, they all have the pain, they have all, they have all of it. This is one of the other illusions that we, we think there's this golden perfect road, that if we would just find it, there would be no bumps. Yeah, this is not real.

Yeah. And that expectation, or looking for that road or waiting for that road. I think you nailed it. Is that that preference ultimately just causes me to miss out on life no end. I think that's really the, the choice. It's almost like we're wanting the path that has no pain.

Right.

And we don't. That path doesn't exist. Really. All we get to choose is whether we get on the ride or not. And, and then, and then there's. Now we're going on the ride and it's going to have this and that and oohs and oz. And I think unfortunately, a lot of people are unconsciously choosing not to fully get on the ride of their life until they do. And then they have an experience. You know, they watch something, learn something, go to a retreat of yours, and they're like, whoa, I'm gonna like, actually live. I'm gonna get in the water. I'm gonna experience this life more fully. And we truly are becoming more alive as we do it. It's like a partial, downsized or deadened life that becomes brighter and brighter when we're willing to, to step in, step through that fear.

Absolutely. I mean, I love my life. And it's because I. I've been taught these foundational principles for an epic, amazing, joyful life. That is why without these tools, I would be. I, I was suffering. I lived in terror most of my life. Ran from a psychopathic ex husband with two little boys to a foreign country. I know what fear is. I. I have lived fear. I had migraines for a year and a half. That's how it manifested in my body, because of the fear. So I, I know the contrast. And no, thank you. No thank you. I choose no, thank you. And it's interesting. If you're alive, you're already on the ride.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

So like your, your eyes are closed and you're like, no, I'm not gonna look. I'm not gonna look.

You're on it. And here's the deal. If you're uncomfortable being fearful anyways, so you might as well go try something else and see what it's like. Because either way, you're uncomfortable. And. And what if? So what? You're uncomfortable. I love the two words. So what? I say it after any little minute complaint. Or I'm like, so what? And then I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. Earth school doesn't matter.

Helps you let go.

I'm hungry. So what? Be hungry for a minute. You're fine. You know and then I don't suffer.

Yeah, the heavens are right there. So speaking of that, I've had the, the opportunity to spend some time at the retreat center that you've created there in Cabo Upaya. And that is a little oasis, a little heaven on earth. And I'd love to hear if you'd like to share more about that experience. I know you're actually having a retreat coming up in May of this year, 2025. And if someone's listening to this episode later and May has already passed, never fear, there is an opportunity to attend again later in the year. So if you could share a little bit more.

December 4th through the 9th would be the next one. December, because we're closed during the summer. It's glamping, glamping. Beautiful, high sided. They look like little garlics or onions. They're very cool. Real furniture. Real furniture. Every tent has its own bathroom. And yeah, it's the fundamental truths of how to enjoy your life. So first we learn how to control our state, our emotions, because if we feel crappy, we have crappy thoughts. So how to actually do that. And then we talk about the seven human needs in more detail. And so that everywhere we go, we notice it in ourselves and you're going to notice it in others. It helped me tremendously in sales, understanding the seven human needs. Because then you can meet people where they're at and understand what's feeding who's driving the bus right now. And if you can make that bus driver feel more comfortable, then they're able to make an educated choice for themselves without all the, without all the angst. Yeah. And then we talk about the wheel of Life, the nine things that is important to focus on so that you can have a smooth ride over those speed bumps. I think everything's a speed bump. I don't think anything is a mountain or a swamp. I think everything is a speed bump. And because that's my belief, then that's my experience. Right. It's just, how am I going to get over the speed bump? And then we dream and we plan and we manifest and we learn how to bring the 5D into the 3D. But we got to clear all these limiting beliefs. We got to clear the trauma out of the body, which I'll do with mental practices and with energetic. I use Instant Miracle. I know you know Christian Michaelson. I've used Chris. I've used his work Instant Miracle every day since I learned it. It's. It's the best. It's the absolute best. And what it does is it removes trauma out of the body. So. Yeah.

Wow.

So if you're interested, come, come, come. It'll be the most fun you ever had getting your shit together.

Yes, I know, right? It can, it can be. It can be extraordinary. And. Yeah. What a. What a place to do it. I've had the ability to be there not that long ago. And it was absolutely. I had no. I didn't even look at a picture before I showed up to it because like, oh, yeah, I'm going to mastermind this place. Okay, here we go. What's the address? And then I got there, I was like, whoa, whoa, this is beautiful. And I remember on the second day of being there is when I was walking back some from some gathering that we had and I was going back to my tent and I looked up at the moon and the stars and it's like, wow. It's like I'm. You're. It's so well manicured and so beautiful. It's like you're indoors but you're outside. It's such a. I've never done anything like that before. And so I had moments where I would just stop and just look at the moon and, and really reconnect. So it offers that just the space itself is very charged up and. And automatically healing to be there. So I would highly recommend anyone who's drawn and appreciates Amy and her energy and her intelligence and what she offers to, to take the leap.

It.

It's a. Can be a powerful opportunity and experience to really get this stuff and practice it in a. In a deep way. So if there's any way to. We'll have a link down below the in the show notes. So if you're listening to this on an Apple, itunes or Spotify, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and then it'll be under one of the episodes there. You can even just search for Amy Amy in the. In the search bar and it'll take you right to this. This episode. And Amy, is there a general place if someone went to your website that you could tell by just from listening as well? If you could dig, absolutely.

Just go to Upaya up a y a upayaretreatcenter.com that'll take you to the main website. And if you want to go straight to the get your shit together retreat, then go to forward slash getyourshit together with dashes in between get your shit together retreat. Yeah.

I love it. Thank you so much for sharing with us, Amy. A pleasure to spend this time with you.

Thank you so much, Aziz. I appreciate you.