Finding Ground When Everything Is Changing with Dr. Dave

Welcome to today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is a great one because it's not just me talking at you. We actually get to hear from someone who is going to bring so many amazing ideas. And I know this for sure, not just because I met with him and know him outside of this, but we've had him on the show before and it was an awesome episode and I'm glad to have him back. His name is Dr. Dave Tuck and he's a transformational coach, a clinician and retreat facilitator with over 31 years of experience in health and wellness. He has a strong clinical background. He's worked in healthcare, integrative wellness. He's run integrative wellness clinics. And so he's helped people heal on all levels, right. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. And he's also the founder of a New Beginning Coaching and retreats. And so he does a variety of things, but one of those is leading immersive transformational retreats in Mexico combining evidence based wellness and mindfulness practices. Nature immersion, spiritual exploration to help people reset, renew and reconnect with their true purpose. And he has a retreat coming up as well, so we'll get to hear about that too. But welcome to the show, Dave. It's good to have you, man.

It's so great to be back again. I had such fun last time. I was hoping we could circle back around and here we are. So thanks again for reaching back out. Such a pleasure to be here on your awesome show. So, so, yeah, man.

And, and so the, the, I'd say the, the bio kind of gives, the intro, gives a sense. But there's something, I mean, there's such a. And I have the privilege of hearing more about your life experience. I was in a one day workshop that you led where you share a lot about your story and there is such a, a depth of life experience there. So when we hear like, oh, he's doing this in the world and doing that in the world, I know, just know that how much it comes from you showing up and doing a tremendous amount of your own physical, emotional, spiritual growth and healing. And so just, we don't need to go into the whole life story because there's so many great things I want to talk about with you today. But just so people get a sense of maybe a little bit of your journey, where you've come from and what's brought you to here. I'd love to hear anything you want to share about that.

Yeah, I mean, just like, you know, every one of us out there we've all had our own unique journeys, our own unique experiences. And each of those experiences just is full of all the wisdom that we're needing to, to shape our life. And you know, and if you want to know why you're here and what you're meant to do, the answer lies in where, where is your journey taking you? What have been your experiences and learning that you have gone through and experienced? You know, for me, I think one of the most profound experiences for me was early in my life when I was age 6 to 12. You know, I was, you know, active, rambunctious little guy, you know, and pretty, pretty active, hyper, hyper K and I end up having some eye issues. And from age 6 to 12 I had a, I had to have an eye surgery every year for six years. And after each surgery I was required to lay completely still without running and playing and moving. And I had to just completely lay on the couch basically is what I remember, couldn't do much. But more importantly is I had to have my eyes patched for six weeks and I couldn't physically see. And so I'm laying still, can't see for about six weeks. And again, again as a 6 year old to 12 year old kid who loved to be active and play, now I can't do any of that. I can't see because so many years I would, I look back at, wow, what a, what a terrible time in my life where I couldn't do it. But as I've gotten older and look back and I realized the great wisdom there is. It taught me how to learn to have a vision without actually seeing. And it developed my ability to, to have a, my third eye mind, to be able to have imagination and dream big and to see things without my, my sight. So one of the things I love doing today because directly because of those experiences, I love helping people clarify their vision. What they would love to be doing is some of the things I know I'm meant to be doing in my life. And those experiences from a 6 to 12 anchored in me my ability to be able to do that not only for myself, but people that I meet and come across is to really have a clear vision without, even without sight, what do you see for yourself and how to use that imagination to attract what you want in your life. So that's just one of my, you know, there are many experiences I could lean on that gave me many other wisdom throughout my life, but that was probably the most profound that I've been driving home in the last few Years. Just this ability to help people see clearly what they would love to be doing for their lives. Yeah.

And it highlights that the, the time that we're struggling in whatever it is in the moment is terrible. And then when, if we look at it in retrospect and learn from it, there is something that's being learned, trained, cultivated, developed in us that we might not have chosen, but then it, it was chosen for us or given to us that, and then there's something to draw from it. And maybe, just maybe that's happening with whatever we're faced with now, but only always.

You know, I believe we're all co creators. We're attracting into our life the exact experiences that we need. And I know sometimes in the moment of an experience that we might feel is challenging or terrible or, you know, we're trying to get out of it, you know, what's in those most challenging experiences is the most valuable lessons of our life. So if you're facing a super challenging time, know that there's some wisdom there. I think it takes a real, it takes some time sometimes to really be able to be poised throughout those experiences, to be able to ask yourself some quality questions. What are the, what's the wisdom I can gain out of this experience? Why have I attracted this for myself? What are some things that I can learn as I navigate this? And in my experience, when you can learn the lesson from your challenging experience, you don't need to continue to track the same type of experience over again because you've learned the lesson, you'll go, you'll, you'll graduate to the next level of consciousness, so to speak. And not that you'll never have challenges, but now you'll have new challenges to learn from. So I just think it's really important to learn how to self regulate in those challenging moments, to learn the lessons from our experiences so we can continue to grow and tap into why we're here. Each, each, every one of us has a unique purpose. Each one of us has a unique set of values. So when we can really tap into that and have a real sense of purpose for life, now we know what direction to go, we know what decisions to make, we know where to go and how to be. For our, for our.

That's a really good question. And let me drill deeper on that, this idea of purpose, because I think that for many people, purpose is personal and unique to me and I need to find it. And for many people it's often wrapped up with profession. Maybe that's just me coming from like an achiever world over here.

Purpose.

Okay, Is it, is it my work that I'm doing now? And a lot of people are like, I don't feel like this is my purpose. I mean, you know, it's okay. It's work. It's work that I like, sort of. Some people feel that, some people don't like it at all. But let's say it's okay, it's work and okay, so my purpose is to do this new type of work in the world. Right. And, and then you have other perspectives that are maybe more impersonal, where someone might say, hey, the purpose of life is to grow in our capacity to give and receive love. Or the purpose in life is to become more conscious and big, bring presence and consciousness to this moment. And it's not personal to you. And you might do different things in the world, but how are you doing them? Right. I'm curious where you. Your perspectives on that and purpose in this kind of way.

Well, what I've experienced with my own life and my clients is when we go back and we, and we go from birth to present and we look at each experience that has been significant in our lives, you can gain, you can, you can extrapolate those nuggets of wisdom from each experience. And when you do that and you start stacking up all the learning from all the experiences, there becomes a common theme, that becomes a common thread between each of our experiences that we've attracted that kind of gives us insights on what that purpose is. Because we don't experience something in life without learning from it. There's no mistakes in our, in our past. And where we, in our present work, we experience, there's some learning there. So when you can look throughout your spectrum of your life and see what the common threads are now, you're going to have more insights about why you're here. What is your purpose and mission? What are you here to teach and share? What are you here to learn and then share with others? And one of the, one of the cardinal indicators I've noticed with, with myself and my clients is when you're tapped into your inspiration and purpose, you have a certain language that you will subconsciously or even consciously use. If you're finding yourself using words like I should, I ought to, I got to, I have to. Those are indicators that you might not be quite tapped into your purpose and mission. Because when we're locked into those purpose, I know you've probably experienced this quite often when you're locked into your purpose, you use words like I Love to, I desire to, I choose to. It's not, it's, you know. And your energy is different when you're doing what you love doing. When you're finished, you'll have more energy after than before. If you exhausted after your work, if you're exhausted after doing something every day, you're probably not tapped into something that you love doing. Because when you're loving what you're doing and doing what you love, your energy actually increases when you're doing it. Your language changes, your vibration raises. When you're tapped in to your highest purpose and mission and you're living according to your your own values, your whole energy in life shifts. And I know myself, I can tell when I'm locked in. And I'm sure you can. When you're locked in to your mission and purpose, time disappears. All of a sudden it's like, wow, what happened to the time? It's been three hours. It's like you felt like you've been doing for three minutes. So that's another indicator of you're locked in. Your purpose is time kind of disappears. You know, if you're struggling throughout the day, you're dragging yourself to get out of bed, and you can't wait till the weekend to do something else, you're probably not locked in and tapped into your house mission.

Yeah, that's really interesting. So it's like a quality of being. And you said something in there about what are you here to learn and share with others?

Exactly.

Would you define purpose as that? Like that we're here to learn and share things?

I think so. I think that we're here to, we're here to learn and we're here to share. I think it's a teaching and learning opportunity. I mean, you know, if I'm going through an experience and I'm learning some lessons about life, man, I can't wait to go share that new knowledge with others now. Because there are people out there that need to learn to navigate challenging transition, challenging situations and so many of us are facing throughout our life. We go through these moments where we reach these crossroads where now we're in a transition point, which direction do we go? And it's in those transition points to where when you're locked into your values and when you know your mission and purpose, it's quite easy to know what to say yes to and no to. It's quite easy to know what direction to face. When you're clear about who you are and you're clear about what you want. When you're not clear about who you are. When you're not clear about what you want, you tend to get stuck. In revolution, we tend to revolve instead of evolving. When we're clear and locked into that mission and purpose, we, we have evolution, we keep growing and growing. When we're not clear, we'll revolve in the same pattern, the same situation. We'll attract the same opportunities, the same people, the same challenges seem to be coming back and over again because there's something we haven't learned yet. And when you learn the lesson, you evolve to the next, to the next consciousness, right? So if you're finding yourself feeling stuck on the fence, can't decide what to do, you don't know where to go in life. You're feeling like you're just kind of lost. That's just feedback just to let you know you're not quite clear yet. You, it's, there's some work to do on where you've been, where you are, what your values are, what is your mission and purpose. Because when you get clear, you automatically know what to do. You tap into your higher, you know, your executive center kicks in and you know what to do. Your intuition is strong at that point, and making decisions becomes easy at that point because you know with certainty what to do. You have certainty, clarity, and confidence moving forward, you're not clear, you have confusion about what to do, you have uncertainty, you have chaos happening in your life. And so you attract conflict. And all these feedbacks are there just to try to wake you up and get your attention. That's what stress does. That's what chaos, confusion, and conflict is doing, is trying to get your attention, to help you get clear, to help you get focused and locked back into that highest mission. This is why we're here, is to tap into that.

I love that, Dave. So this is really good. And this touches on one of the things I know we were wanting to make sure we covered today, which was around navigating uncertainty. And so what you're describing seems really touching on that. So I've seen this coming up more with clients, with myself. There's a lot of shifts in the environment, changing times, and, you know, I don't know, I don't have a huge data sample on 43. So there's been other times in history where there's a lot of change. But, you know, there's a, there is definitely a, not just my own experience, but observing and people reporting like, hey, the amount of change is kind of like other periods of history where there's like, you know, when they went from horse and buggy to cars and phones, and it's like these big bursts and change and we're sort of living through one of those eras right now. And it's uncertainty. I think there can be a lot of sense of doom, you know, even in casual things thrown around, like p. Doom in terms of the probability of doom of AI you know.

Yeah. Misaligned.

And. And then there's a shorter term. People talk about concern about their, their jobs or other things.

Right. So.

And then there's political. I mean, we could go into all that stuff, so we don't need to go to all that. But there's a general feeling of like, oh, change, uncertainty. And I see a lot more fear that can come up. So a lack, I guess you would call it confusion or uncertainty, but primarily fear in those. And. Yeah. So how would, how do you see this? How do you help clients navigate during these types of changing ground?

Yeah, well, look, the history of time, like you said earlier, this is not something that's new. We're always experiencing change and growth and new developments. This is called evolution. You know, we're not going to stop evolving as a species, as a, As a society. And technology is going to keep evolving. You know, I always like to say, whatever, no matter what's happening externally, I'm going to be able to adapt, to improvise and overcome whatever is thrown in me. And that's why it's so important to really have that clarity about your values, your vision, your voice, what is you're here to do. Because no matter what you're. No matter what's happening on the outside, there's always some way that you can continue to capitalize. That's why you see people that no matter what's going on, they continue to thrive. They continue to evolve. And so asking some quality questions, no matter what's happening in the world or around me, how can I capitalize on this? How can. No matter what's changing on the outside, how can this be something that I can grow with? What can I. How is what I'm experiencing actually helping me learn and grow? And what can I do to evolve and adapt to this ever changing environment so I can continue to live my mission, live my purpose, and continue to. To serve however I want to serve and, and thrive how I want to thrive, no matter what's changing on the outside? Because you can always. Your grounding force is, is. Is you leaning back into you. That's where your greatest certainty is, is who you are and why you're here. And when you're clear on that, it doesn't matter what's happening externally, you can always come back to yourself and have you as your grounding point. You know, I think if you, if you try to, if you try to make your grounding force externally, you're going to have a lot of uncertainty, a lot of instability in your life because you're trying to put, put a ground on shifting sands. You're the, you're the stable force in your life. You always have been. If you look life ever since you, you know, were born to now, you've been the constant in your life. People have come and gone, experiences have come and gone, jobs have come and gone. You've been the constant force. So that's why it's so important to have a strong identity and sense of self, a sense of who you are, sense of why you're here, sense of what do you want in your life. And the more clear you're on that and the more certainty you have, the less anything externally can throw you off and shake you. You just can't. You can't, you can't shake someone who's certain in themselves because you're just going to adapt to whatever happens. You're going to improvise whatever you need, and you're going to overcome whatever challenge and you keep on going. Yeah, I saw this happen, saw this happen during COVID a lot with a lot of people during COVID They just crumbled because they saw doom and they, they, they read too much. They listened to all these stories. And for me, I was like, okay, how can what's happening on the external world? How can I actually capital on this? How can I actually grow through this? And, and we had one of the busiest whole career through Covid because it didn't stop us. We just adapted, improvised, overcame, and worked right through this thing.

Yeah, so there's some really good stuff in there. You mentioned that strong identity, who you are and why you're here. So that, that why you're here piece sounds like the purpose we've been talking about, you know, and, and that through line that you see throughout your life of what you've been learning and the lessons that you can give to others and is who you are about your values. Also you mentioned a belief statement, right? Like, no matter what happens, I can always adapt, improvise and overcome, I'd imagine, is who I am, sort of how I choose to, what I choose to believe about myself and live into. Or can we Flesh that out more about who you are.

Yeah, because you know every single person has a different set of values. What's the most important to them to the least important to them and it's all fingerprint specific. We're all unique individuals and we're living our lives according to our highest values. We make decisions based on our high values. We, we choose to our partners based on that. We choose our career based on that. We choose how to spend our money, where to spend our time, where to set our goals on are based on what are our values. And again, like we said earlier, when you're living your values, you're in the love to choose to state and you're really in this higher vibration energy. When you're living to outside of your values or you're living according to other people's values, are you subordinating to higher authorities? That's when you'll have the got tos, have to, shoulds and ought to's. And those are the most important indicators of an internal or external dialogue. When you're in those low vibration language got to, have to, ought to's, there's an indication that you're probably not living according to your values. You're not living your mission and purpose. You're actually probably doing what you think you should be doing or what you ought to be doing or you're trying to people please a lot or you might have anxiety and fear of the future. So you play small. And so all these are indicators that you're, that you're probably not tapped in to your values, your vision and living an authentic voice and expression of yourself.

Yeah. Wow, that's, I love that. And so, and I believe, I don't know we talked about the last episode but I do believe we circled around and touched on, on values and is it. But just to do a quick dive into that someone listening is like okay, what do I value? I don't know. And this, I value a healthy body, I value my family, I want to do work and that I like and I want to make money. And so they kind of think of some things. Is that what you mean by values or is I know you have more probably more clear process.

There's a lot of different tools out there that you can elicit values. I like to follow Dr. Demartini. He has a really beautiful value determination process and I take every single my clients through. I do this every year or two every year on myself. There's a set of 13 questions. You ask questions like how do I spend my time? The Most and you write that down. Where do I spend my money? How do I set my goals? What do I love to talk about? What energizes me? Where am I the most organized? There's a set of questions that you go through and you kind of, if you answer these questions specifically and you look at the meanings behind those questions now you can have clarity about what your values are. So it takes a little bit of internal work, you know, and people that don't want to spend time working on themselves and just want to kind of go with the flow, they tend to struggle with moving forward and evolving. I think it's such an important thing to take the time out to learn as much as you can about yourself. That's why I love these type of exercises. I love going through the value determination process. I love finding out what people's love languages are. I love finding out what their archetypes are. All this information. The more you can find out about who you are, the more you can know your. More you have that strong identity of and sense of self. And I find that people that don't take the time to learn about themselves, they have a hard time, you know, if you don't love, if you don't know yourself, how is it possible to truly love yourself on a deep level? And if you don't love yourself on a deep level, how's it possible to keep it to attract abundance and attract what you want when you don't know who you are, you know, when you don't know who you are, how do you know which way to go? How do you know who you want to be with? How do you know what job you want? How do you know where to spend your money? How do you know what set your. What are you setting your goals toward if you don't know you. So the most important piece of the puzzle is get to know you and have a strong sense of identity. Then you can know what direction to go in relationships, what direction to go in business, where to spend money, how do you have optimum health and well being when you have a strong sense of identity and self? It's the most important piece of the puzzle. No matter what you are, no matter who you are, what profession you're in, no matter how much money you have or don't have, knowing yourself, I have a strong sense of self is, is foundational to have an amazing fulfilling life. And this is, you know, why we're here, right? We all want to have a fulfilling life and do what we love doing and, and make a Difference. Well, get to know yourself on a deep level and then, then surround your. And then choose your life around that. That's really, I think, really most important.

Yeah, I love that. And you said something in there that is really important about how do you love yourself if you don't really know yourself? And so I've seen this a lot with clients is that there's a.

I.

Don'T, I don't love what I discover when I be with myself. Like, there's a, There's a lot of self judgment. There's a lot of, ugh, I'm nervous here. I'm so this and that and not enough of this. And so, like, no, I know myself and it ain't great. And so that's why I need to fix myself and get rid of all these flaws. And so there's a, there's a big lack of self worth, you might say there. And, and there seems to almost be a legitimate, quote, unquote reason for that lack of self worth. Because I look at all my flaws and look at that person. They're way better than me. So how do we untangle that? And maybe you have different perspectives on self worth and identity.

Well, yeah, I mean, look, we all have a shiny side, we all have a shadow side, and we always love to lead with that shiny side. Here's my shiny parts. And then we all have these other parts that we kind of like, oh, I'm going to hold off on that. It's real common in relationships to do that, right? You always put out that shiny side and later on you start to really reveal all the sides of you. You're like, gosh, you know, I really have these habits that I, you know, I'm not proud of. So the key here is embrace all parts of you. Shiny side, shadow side. Because every single person has all traits. Every single person is a mirror image of you. So if you think you have a trait that's. That you're ashamed of, well, the question is, how is this trait serving me? Why? Why do I have these traits? Why? How can I actually capitalize on this? How is me having a shiny side and a shadow side? How is that completely who I am? And when you, when you love both sides of you, your shiny side, your shadow side, now you love your whole. And that is a strong, powerful identity. When you can just embrace and own all parts of you, that's where you really can increase that level of self worth and not have to hide any parts of you. Because every part of you serves your shadow. Your shadow Side, your shiny side. It all serves you at some point. We need both sides at some point in our life, otherwise we, we wouldn't have it. There's no mistakes in who we are and what we've experienced. It's the key is to embrace and love all of you. Nothing to hide. There's nothing of you that you need to hide. It all served.

And so let's like have an example. Let's say someone is, has a really hard time saying no to somebody or they are overly concerned with someone's perception of them and they tend to be quieter than they want and then they get really frustrated afterwards, like, ugh, I want to be more bold and I want to speak up. And I, when you said, well, all parts, you know, maybe these traits are serving me in some way. This shadow side that I don't like, how might that be serving someone?

Well, thinking your example like, would you agree that there are some times when you, when you're sitting in your certainty where you are outspoken and speak a lot and there are certain times when you're maybe not feeling so certain about the topic and you maybe shut down a bit because. And you don't talk as much. Well, again, when you're locked into your high values, we tend to be more expressive when we talk about those things. And so it's a great indicator that when you, when you start to shut down a bit, I would quote, okay, what's shut? What am I, what's this topic of interest that I'm shutting down on is probably something that's not necessarily in your highest values. Well, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll openly express when we're, when it's our high values and we'll shut down when, with something that's not a value for us. And so it serves you to pay attention to that because that's an indicator, indicator that okay, I'm feeling shut down and withdrawn. Then why is that? What's the topic? And does this have to do with my lowest in my values or just in a low value? So I think it's just important to have that, that not judge yourself, but just to be curious and to observe how you're feeling and not try to compare yourself to others. Because if you, if you try to compare yourself to someone else that has a different set of values, then you're going to, so it's a lose, lose loose apples and oranges. Everyone has their own sets of values. And when you can and just live according to your own values and not try to be someone you're not now, you can sit in certainty. You don't have to hide any parts of yourself at that point.

So that goes hand in hand. If I think we struggle with a sense of self worth, there is a wanting to be someone else like a fantasy. If I could have that person's life then, and usually it stops there, then it'll be great, I guess is the, is the end of it. But I think beyond that, the dot, dot, dot is I feel happy, I'd feel fulfilled, I wouldn't have any pain or problems anymore. It would be great. And there is a kind of a rejection of me and this life, as if there's something going wrong.

There's a mirror. You just describe why people have depression, which is you compare your current life to a fantasy of how you think your life should be or how you think it would be better if you were someone else or if you had someone else's life. But the reality is you're in the perfect life right now, otherwise you wouldn't be in it. There is no, there's no mistakes of where you are. So when you can love what is as it is and you can see that your life is perfect as it is and you really saw the truth of if you really knew the truth about other people's lives that you have on a pedestal. Because when you, when you fantasize about a life, you're only seeing one side of the equation. You're only seeing the positive sides. And every person has both sides. Every life has both sides. So if you have enough information to see the positives, then you just need to humble yourself and go, okay, what would be the drawbacks of that life? Where is that actually not something I'm interested in? And then you start, when you start to see the other side of the equation, you start to go, whoa, there's no more benefits and then drawbacks to the other life either. There's no more support than challenge of the other life either. This is. And just like your life would you agree, you have supports and challenges, you have ups and downs. You have positives and negatives, benefits and drawbacks. Every person has that in their life. So if you're fantasizing about a life you think is better, you're not seeing the other side of the equation. You've got rose colored glasses. So I would say take those off and go, okay, what are the drawbacks of that life? If I had this person's life, what would be the drawback to that? Where, where they actually don't have it all together. And when you can really start to see and answer this question, you go, wow, that life's not any better than mine. It's just different. I want my life. Yeah, there's no, no life is better or worse than any other life. It's just different based on different value systems. One person has a set of values. When they live according their values, they may seem fulfilled. But when you look at the shadow side of that life, you go, oh, wow. They also have challenges. They also fight with their spouse. Oh, they also don't feel well. They also get have trouble with xyz. Everyone has both sides. We just start to fantasize that it would be better. And what that's an indicator of is you're not fully appreciating your own life. And so you take that fantasy life off the table, off the pedestal, and then go, where is my life fulfilled? Where am I actually rich beyond belief? Where is my wealth in all forms? Where is my health in all forms? And start loving your life because it's the one you have. And when you love what it is as it is, you want to increase your self worth. You want to attract more abundance, see and appreciate the abundance that's already there in your life because there's nothing missing. We're all rich, we're all abundant. We just sometimes forget to see it and we start to stop asking questions. One time in my life, I was going through some financial challenges. I was feeling down and depressed about my life and I thought, oh, I don't have enough money, blah, blah, blah. And I stopped. I go, okay, where is the new form showing up? I don't have it in cash form and. But where do I have it? Oh, well, my health is good, I've got a great relationship, I have a beautiful home, I'm in nature. And you start to see the wealth that's all around you and not be so infatuated. It has to be in money form. And you start to see the wealth in all forms now. You start to go, wow, there's no wealth missing in my life. It's in the exact forms I've attracted. And when you can appreciate what is as it is now, you open up that vibration to attract it in new forms. So people that want to attract more financial abundance recognize and appreciate the financial abundance all around you and all the forms that you've attracted it in. Because it's not missing, it's just in a form you're not recognizing.

Yeah, I love that. So, so expanding wealth as something that Goes beyond, or abundance, you know, as something goes beyond purely monetary terms and, and actively bringing your focus and attention to a richness, maybe of depth of relationship or a richness of, of access to nature where you live or a body that can do stuff.

Because look how many of those people that you look can go, they have all the financial wealth in the world. Look at their relationships, look at their health, look at the other parts of their life and go, would you trade all your financial abundance to have a poor relationship, poor health, poor doing a job you don't love doing to have money? I wouldn't.

Yeah.

So it's all about appreciating the abundance because we attract abundance according to our highest values. If you don't have a high value on money, if you have a high value on family and on health, that's where your wealth is. If you have a high value on finances, yep, it's going to be in the financial form. But if you have a value on, on again on connection, on friendships, on, on serving, that's where your wealth is going, those forms. So we're not missing wealth, we're just not seeing the, you're not seeing it in the forms. We get infatuated, like, oh, it'd be much better if I had wealth and money for them. But then you would gonna, then you're gonna lose the other forms that you have. So let's appreciate the forms that we have attracted. First, realize there's nothing missing. There's always abundance. Then you raise your vibration and you start attracting more abundance in other forms. Maybe it is other forms in cash, maybe it's other forms in health. But the key is to find it. There's nothing missing in your life. There's no lack of wealth. It's just a lack of perception and awareness of what the form it is. Wow. Yeah. Take that. I love it.

And this I. You said this word several times and it feels so accurate. This, this infatuation with the monetary form of wealth. And I can only imagine that's partly just the culture we live in and what's presented to us. And there can be a way. So in my own experience, I look at it, I. My. If you were to say what at the end of the day, at the end of your life would be the most important thing? I wouldn't say it would be money. It would be intimacy, like deep connection with people, connection with those that I love, with humans, with nature, with God, just like this fully lived life of we're in it and, and that can, you know, maybe in health as well. It'll be more important to me ultimately. And there's probably a handful, you know, a number of things before we get to. But, you know, some people might say, oh, I don't care about money at all. And I'm like, no, no, I like, to me, there's a sense of. It's almost like I like a body that's strong and capable. I want that. I want, like a financial capacity that's strong and capable. So that, that, that does matter to me. It's just, you know, where in the. In the hierarchy. And yet I would say that if you look at my life now, my. My intimacy with my partner is the greatest it's ever been in terms of the deepest connection.

Nice.

Continuing to grow deeper. The intimacy with my kids and being with them and the enjoyment of that is the highest it's ever been. I get to live in nature, and my ability to run and be healthy is the highest it's ever been. Right. So, you know, maxing out.

Yeah.

And then if I look at career and monetary, it's solid, it's strong, but it's not, oh, four years ago I earned more than this. And there's a part of me that can be like, yeah, well, come on, buddy. You know, and so I think that's what's fascinating is to me, I'm hearing you say that. I'm like, oh, yeah, that there is that infatuation. Like somehow that's the ultimate, the final say.

Yeah, yeah. And to take that off the pedestal, you just ask the question, if I had wealth in the financial form, what would be the drawback to me? How would it actually be a disservice if I actually had all this money? I think it would make my life different. How would it actually be the opposite? How would it actually actually cause stress in your life? How would it actually take away from the other forms of wealth if you had it right now? And that just. That just takes away that infatuation and allows you the more awareness to appreciate, like you mentioned earlier, all these lovely forms of wealth that you have in your life with your partner and your kids and your. And you're connecting to people. How much would someone have to pay you to take all that away and give you money for it? How much would you take for that? Millions and millions.

And if I look at my actual experience of, say, four years ago, there was more money, but there was less. And there's still a lot of intimacy with my wife and kids, but less than it is now. Like, my Capacity has grown, but there's also been a bit of a withdrawal of energy. I think I was. It'll be a lot of focus around it and investing and learning about that and maybe to a helpful degree, but also to a kind of obsessive degree and trying to get something from the money and the success, that would give me a sense of peace or arriving or whatever. And I've withdrawn that. It's like, I'm not going to get that there.

What really gives you your sense of peace is all the things you listed before. When you're having that intimacy with your spouse, when you're with your kids, when you're serving and helping others, when connecting, that's where you feel that inner peace and calmness in your nervous system. You know, when you're fighting to try to be someone you're not, when you're trying to compete with other people, trying to, to try to live outside of your values, that's where you've got that dysregulation. That's where you feel that uncertainty and chaos, confusion in your life because you're trying to live outside your values. So when you can really learn to tap into that subtle confusion, conflict, chaos, that your, your physiology will give you indicators when you're trying to be someone you're not. And I think that was a great example you gave is, is the wealth that you have that's all around you that may not be in the cash form, but it's certainly in a. In a form that's serving your highest values now. Now you can really embrace and appreciate and have more gratitude for what is as it is and not think, oh, my life would be better if I had more money. That's not true. It wouldn't be. It would be. It would. It would have supports and challenges. It would have benefits, drawbacks. It wouldn't. It would still have its problems. It would just be different. So that's the key. It's not going to be. You're not going to attract anything outside of you that's going to make you more fulfilled than what you already have in your life. So appreciate what you already have in your life. There's nothing missing. There's nothing else you need to be fulfilled except the awareness that there's nothing missing and that you have abundance all around you.

Yeah, I think I. That's really landing. And I remember at the in person workshop, I was with you at. You drew this picture, very simple drawing that stuck with me. A circle and a line down the middle and you got a plus. On one side and a minus on the other. And then you said like the full quantum. It's like we want only the plus. And I think there's this illusion that if I could just maneuver my life circumstances in just the right way, maneuver the chessboard around, then I would get this place that's like pretty much all green, all plus, maybe a tiny sliver of minus. And then we're hustling and hustling and hustling and then it doesn't, you know, and I see this, whether it is money or for some people, it's like, I just got to get into a relationship. I could just get into a relationship. It would be the, ah, all green. And then they do. And it comes with its own challenges now. They're navigating intimacy and they don't know how to do it very well. And their, their buttons are getting pushed and, and so. But I think one thing that I want to touch on before we complete, which is this idea of, okay, be grateful and receive fully with the abundance you already have. I know that I've certainly done this. I'm working with a client in mind I could think of right now who does it. It's almost like, okay, all right, I'm on to this. It's like looking for a hack. So if I am fully grateful, then I'll get those things that I'm going for. Right. It's like using that as another tool of influence to control the world around us. And so are you saying that you've seen that as people receive more fully the current life they're in, that they do attract more of what they would really want, or is that more of just the seeking of the, the fantasy full?

Oh, you're right, it is. When you are fully present and love what is as it is and you're not chasing anything else outside of you because that's. You think that's going to make you more fulfilled, then life just flows with you. You, you attract the right people. The places and opportunities come to you. If you're having love and gratitude for what is as it is, and then you want to attract more abundance, you're just vibrationally aligned to it and it shows up not because you need it, but because you see that I can see that if I attract more money in my life, it's going to actually help me fulfill my highest values more. That's where you want to attract it. You're not using it to go, my life's going to be better if you're, you're just Saying my life is beautiful as it is, there's nothing missing now can I vibration align to attract more wealth in my life? Not because it's going to be better, just because I think that that's the new form I want to experience now. It's not a desperation, I'm, I'm chasing it. You just allow it to flow vibration aligned to it. And when you, when you, if you have a low value on money then one of the questions you can ask is how is attracting wealth actually going to serve my highest values? In your case, how is attracting more wealth and money form going to help me with my intimacy value or with my family dynamic or with me helping surfing more people? And when you can make enough associations of, of that you can actually raise your level of value for money and you start attracting more abundance that way. But you're not going to exchange your highest values for a low value and sustain very long because you're going to suffer in your physiology, your health is going to suffer. You're going to have more chaos, confusion and conflict as a feedback that's telling you you're not being congruent with yourself. Because when you're congruent with yourself and live in your values, there's nothing missing. You don't, there's nothing you need outside of you. You're living a fully abundant, fulfilling life. That's what we want. That's I think is the key to having wealth is loving what is as it is. There's nothing missing.

This is beautiful, man. I really love what you're sharing. And so for people who are enjoying this, like I want to learn more from this guy. Where can people find you? What? And then also if you'd like to share anything about the retreats that you do and anything at all so people can know more.

Yeah, I'll share my link with you. I've got a retreat coming. We have a retreat coming up next month. It's a three day renew and reset nervous system regulation retreat here in Puerto Vallarta. You know, we're going to be doing a lot of breath work. We're going to have some great workshops, we're going to do some hikes, we're going to be doing some tame a scow sweat lodge ceremonies, cacao ceremonies, some different nervous system regulation tools. So you can catch me on a new beginningscoaching.com and that's got all my information on there. I'll share that with you as well.

Yeah, yeah. And we'll put it below in the description of this episode.

To.

To make sure people can click on that and check it out.

Yeah. And I get a lot of emails from info Dr. Davetuck.com Again, so people reach out a lot and ask questions. So I'm always successful. I love answering questions and connecting to people. You know, I think you and I have similar sets of high values on connection and teaching and helping others be empowered. I think. I think we both kind of align that with that together. So I appreciate that mirror that we show each other, you know, how valuable that is. You know? You know, I know. I know for you. I imagine when you're teaching and serving and loving, you're energized. You know, after you do a great podcast, you're not exhausted, want to go to bed. I imagine you're like, oh, wow, that was energizing. Let's go. You know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, man. That's. That is the gift. That's the gift. You know, you're on.

You're on track. That's an indicator that you're on track doing what you love doing. When you're more energy at the end when you started, then you're on. Yeah.

Well, that's a beautiful North Star.

Exactly.

Each of us listening to be like, oh, yeah, Where. Where is it that when I'm done with this, I'm more energized than when I started. And I know that there's things in my life that I can absolutely say, oh, yeah, that one, that one, that one. And how do I populate my life with more and more of those? And what's behind those? What makes that energizing my values? Underneath is what you've been pointing to.

That's right. Yeah. And you want to increase your longevity and lifespan. Start spending every day doing what you love doing and living your values, and watch how your aging process slows down, and you'll have more longevity because you're doing what you love doing. Awesome.

Great. Thank you so much, Dave. And I would say until the next time, because I know we're not done. So there will be a part three.

I can't wait, man. I'm looking forward to it anytime. All right. Appreciate you.

Thank you, Dave.

Take care, buddy.