Dr. Aziz answers a viewer (Antonio) who asks how to approach attractive women without being attached to a specific outcome (e.g., getting a phone number or date). He explains that fixation on a desired outcome activates a threat/anxiety response that undermines performance. He recommends shifting mindset to focus on bringing positive energy to the other person, adopting an abundance mindset, and practicing by having ~20 interactions where you deliberately do not ask for a number but simply make the person feel better (compliment, make them smile). The video closes with prompts to comment and subscribe.
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Hey, Dr. Aziz here, doing another Q and A segment. This one is great. It's about approaching hot girl. So let's answer that. If you are enjoying these and benefiting from these videos, subscribe now to watch more as they come out. And there's some fun stuff coming down the pike, including me going out and about in the world doing some crazy stuff. So this question is from Antonio. Antonio says, I have a special question for you. How can I start conversation and lead the conversation with a hot girl without attachment to outcome? When I start and lead conversation, I want a specific outcome. The number to set up a date. No other reason. Starting and leading conversation without attachment to specific outcome is so hard. I don't think just doing a lot more approach will free me from the attachment. Can you help me, Antonio? It's a great question and something I'm sure everyone relates to. You're right. A bunch more approaching probably won't free you of that attachment. I like that you see that it's an attachment that you need to let go of. Whenever we get fixated on a certain outcome, our mind does this threat system that gets activated, which is if the thing, the desired outcome that I want happens, then all will be well, I'll be safe and I'll be okay. If it doesn't happen, I'm fucked and I'm going to die. That's on some level our emotional reaction to a strong attachment. Whether it's getting a woman's number or a certain presentation going well, or a sale, or getting that job, or having this person enjoy talking to you, whatever it is, if I need to have this happen or else, then I'm going to start getting tense and anxious and nervous and it's going to actually repel the very thing that I want. I'm going to get in my own way, I'm going to fuck it up on some level and. And we can all relate to that. We all had that experience. So how do you get free Antonio? Well, part of your problem is the only reason I'm going to go talk to her is to set up a date. Makes sense, of course, right? You know, you're single, you want to date. Something like that. Of course you want that. There's nothing wrong with our desires or wanting these things. But that's kind of like I got to get something from you. That's your attitude when you're approaching her. I gotta get your number so I can get a date with you. And women, like all people, don't want stuff gotten from them. Have you ever Walked down the street and had a canvasser come and be like, hey, sign my petition. Want to sign this thing? Maybe you're bored or don't have a lot of going on that day so you'll talk to them, but usually you're like, get away from me. I don't have time for this shit. I'm on my way to the store. They're always camped out right in front of our supermarket in our neighborhood. You sign this thing, leave me alone. Do you want to take five seconds to save trees? No, I mean, just. You can't help but feel like a dick when you say that. Fuck the trees. Anyway, when people want to get something from us, we want to get away. So. And it's going to make you more anxious, so you need to shift that. What mindset can you have when you approach women that's going to not only serve you and make you feel more relaxed, but feel a lot better to them? And I'm asking you, Antonio, right now to think about that and everyone else watching to think about that. What is the optimal mindset to approach someone, someone you're attracted to? You want to connect with them, maybe you want to get a date with them, but what's the optimal mindset that's going to feel better and be much more effective? What do you think? Because whatever you come up with in your mind might be the answer you're looking for. You might be waiting. Okay, tell me the real answer. I don't know. There's probably like 50 answers. In fact, share them below in the comments. There's great answers. How do we. Let's all support each other in this way. But what do you think? Good. I want to get you start thinking to kind of trust in yourself. What I found works for me is to change my focus to how can I bring positive energy into this person's life? How can I bring positive energy into this person's life? You know, people are walking around, they're stressed out, they're bored, they're tired, they're worried. I gotta get my stuff and get to this home and make this dinner and bill problems and, oh, co worker problems. Ah, whatever. Maybe boyfriend problems. Maybe she's already got a boyfriend, so you're not gonna get her number anyway. But you can still bring some positive energy into her life. And that's not coming up and being like, hey, I'm gonna. Will you like me? Right? That's trying to get something. No, it's just like making her smile, making her laugh, leaving, having the interaction, having her Better off after you've interacted with her so she actually feels better, even if it's just a quick comment, hey, those are fantastic shoes. And then you walk away. Boom. In fact, you can actually try that. Maybe you should do that for the next. I don't know how often you're approaching women the next week, two weeks, depending on what rate you're doing this stuff. I'd say for the next, at least do this with 20 different women where you do not ask for their number. You have to hit your quota of 20, 20 interactions. And those interactions are just focused on bringing positive energy. Can you make her smile? Can you make her laugh? Can you get a sense that she's having a good time and feeling better after interacting with you? And then you leave, you don't ask for her number, and you're like, oh, my God, I'd burn 20 chances. Look, we got to get into an abundance mindset. There's an abundance. There's an unlimited amount of opportunities in every area of life, including dating, especially in dating and relationships. So do that 20 times. Even if it's just a short compliment, it's just a three second interaction. Hey, I like your shoes. They're awesome. All right, see you later. That's one, maybe even a little longer chat with you for a second, make her laugh and then leave. Right? Do that 20 times without asking. Get a feel for what that's like and that will start to feel good to you. Because I still do that now I'm married. I'm not looking to get a number, but I'll still say something. Make her smile and have a little fun interaction because it feels good, it brightens people day, brightens her day, brightens my day. And you can do that. And when you create that energy, man, you're gonna feel way more relaxed. Women are gonna love talking to you, and then you're gonna have a much better, higher success rate of getting numbers and having the dating life that you want. Awesome. So any other questions that people have, answer in the comments below. Put them in the comments below. Ask your questions, share your comments. Maybe you have other ideas for Antonio. Let's all help each other out. What a phenomenal opportunity in this age of YouTube and the Internets that we can like, seriously be supported by thousands or millions of people all over the world. It's fucking cool. So Share below. Subscribe to watch more of these videos and I will see you soon. Toy Speak again may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Talk soon.
