A short video by Dr. Aziz offering a single, practical strategy for people who avoid conflict: treat conflict as healthy and address issues promptly while they're small by initiating conversation with the two-word prompt “I noticed.” He explains that delaying makes feelings intensify and gives example phrasings (e.g., “I noticed you didn’t turn that in on Thursday”).
Here's the number one secret for handling conflict, especially if you're a nice person who tends to avoid conflict like the plague. First of all, you think that conflict is somehow really damaging or dangerous to the relationship. And the key mindset shift is to realize that conflict is actually healthy in relationships. It means that two humans are real and authentic with each other and exploring that there are going to be inevitable differences. And the secret to really handling it is to kill the monster while it's smaller. Don't speak up. You don't say anything. In the moment, it's going to get more intense inside of you and it's going to become harder to talk about. Especially if it was three weeks ago you did this thing. Instead, in the moment, bring it up. Using the magic phrase. That's these two words, which is, I noticed. Hey, I noticed that you didn't turn that thing in on Thursday like we agreed on. Hey, I noticed you're late to this thing. Hey, I noticed this. And then you start a conversation, just use those two magic words to get into it, and before you know it, you're going to get to the other side.
